Happy Monday dearies.

Enjoy the chapter and whatnot

I don't own Naruto.

Third Person!

Neji frowned as he used his Byakugan to see inside the Akatsuki base.

"It looks like there's a large cavern." He stated. His eyes narrowed when he saw a person moving sporadically inside. However, they widened when he realized that person had no chakra and looked very familiar. "And… is -is that Alice?"

"Why? What is she doing?" Sakura asked.

Neji sighed as he realized what the teen was doing. "She's dancing…"

"Yeah, that's Alice." The leaf Shinobi all sighed in unison.

First Person Alice!

I was bound and determined to creep Neji out with my not-so-awesome dance moves. I knew it was around the time they would be showing up and I also knew he would be using his Byakugan to look around inside.

"Alice, what are you doing?" Kathryn asked, raising her eyebrow at me curiously.

"Dancing." I told her as I did the Macarena.

"…Why?" She wondered.

I smirked. "Neji is going to be looking around in here soon, and I want to creep him out."

She stared at me for a minute before joining my antics of dancing around the room.

"How did we get stuck with that?" Hidan asked, gesturing at us. "…Fucking weirdoes…"

"You love it Hidan!" I sang as I began the YMCA.

He opened his mouth to comment but stopped when a huge boom sounded around us.

"And here they are." I said with a smile, stopping my dance moves.

"It's getting nosy out there." Pein stated.

"Looks like we got ourselves some expected visitors." Kisame hissed.

I smirked. "Nice play on the phrase there, Kisa my dear."

"But which group is it now, un?" Deidara wondered. "The one that Kisame was stalling, or perhaps…"

"Both. It's both groups." Zetsu informed him boredly.

"So they all arrived at the same time. Interesting…" Kakuzu mused. He turned his attention to Gaara who was lying on the ground now. "But what a pity. They're too late."

"It seems one of them is also a host." Sasori added, obviously sensing Naruto's chakra.

"Bad Sasori." I stated. "Bad. We follow the plan. Or do you want to die?"

"Danna!" Kathryn stated, putting her hands on her hips. "You follow Alice's plan or so help me I will make you wish you'd never been born."

Hidan snickered. "Ouch."

"Scolded by your brat." Kisame chuckled.

Sasori rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

"Well? Shouldn't we get this fucking show on the road?" Hidan demanded after a silence enveloped us. "We've got bitches outside to deal with."

He is so impatient.

Almost like Sasori.

Okay not that bad, but close.

Sasori is really bad.

"We've got to set up for Alice's fucking plan too." Hidan added, gesturing at Kakuzu.

"He's right." Zetsu agreed.

"What about the intruders?" Kakuzu asked.

Kisame looked at him. "I wouldn't lose too much sleep over them. We don't even know if they can get in here."

"Don't underestimate them." Itachi warned. "You should know better Kisame."

Kisame laughed. "Well, they do have brute strength going for them I'll give them that."

"They can get in." I added with a cough.

"Sasori." Pein stated. "Deidara." He waited for them to look at him. "Take care of our new friends outside. But be sure to stick to the plan."

"I had a feeling you'd say that, un." Deidara nodded.

"Understood." Sasori growled.

"Everyone else is dismissed." Pein said.

Hidan looked at Kakuzu. "Let's go! We have shit to do."

"Right." Kakuzu grunted.

They disappeared with a fizzing sound.

"Well, I suppose we'll be leaving too." Kisame sighed. "We'll see you back at base. Be careful with Alice and Kathryn."

They exchanged a few other words before finally the others fizzed out and the statue poofed away, leaving Sasori, Deidara, Kathryn, and I alone.

Sasori and Deidara walked forward to wait for our quests, pushing me and Kathryn protectively behind them. I sighed and leaned against Sasori's form. He acknowledged me with a small glance and a head nod.

We waited in silence until a shout was heard and the rock crumbled.

"That would be Sakura." I stated. I counted nine seconds before pointing towards the entrance lazily. As soon as I did, four Shinobi appeared inside the cavern with us. "And there the others are too."

I smiled at the others as I straightened up from Sasori. "Just in time guys."

"You bastards!" Naruto snarled.

I sighed. "Dei, sitting on Gaara isn't helping the situation." The blond merely shrugged.

"Where the hell do you think you're sitting?" Naruto demanded.

"Well, I take it this kid is the host, un." Deidara asked, looking at me.

"Yep." I nodded. "But we have other things to worry about Dei."

"Gaara!" Naruto yelled.

I sighed and looked at the blond Konoha ninja. "Naruto, yelling at him will do you no good. Remember what I told you in the forest?"

Naruto ignored me and continued yelling at Gaara. "Get up already! What are you deaf?"

"Enough Naruto!" Kakashi barked, stopping Naruto in his tracks.

"Alice is right, and you know it too, un." Deidara smirked. "He's been dead for a while now, un." He then proceeded to tap Gaara's dead cheek. I saw Naruto slowly slipping.

"Get ready you two." I whispered. "Focus."

"Give Gaara back!" Naruto shouted. He charged towards us but was stopped by Kakashi.

Kakashi stared at us as he spoke to Naruto. "Cool it. You charge in without thinking and we're done for."

"Wisely said Kakashi." Sasori growled. "Thanks to Alice, we know exactly what to expect and do."

"You flatter me Sasori." I smirked. "But I still can't take you seriously with that hairdo."

Sasori looked at me. "I can't take you seriously in any situation."

"Nicely played my loveable puppet master." I laughed. "So? We ready?"

"It's a pity your plan makes us do things so inartistically, un." Deidara stated. "I wanted to display some of my art, un."

Sasori scoffed. "What? Those pyrotechnic techniques of yours aren't art. Art is a work of beauty. Captured and left for posterity. Art is eternal."

I smacked my forehead. "Oh Jashin, here they go."

"Eternal beauty? Are you kidding me, un?" Deidara scoffed. "Look Danna, don't get me wrong. As a fellow artist I respect your point of view, but true art is fleeting. Flash of beauty burning brightly and then vanishing in a heartbeat, un."

I shook my head and looked at the others. "There's no stopping them when they're in one of these arguments."

Kathryn giggled and hugged Deidara from behind. "They're so cute when they bicker like this."

"Exactly like an old married couple." I sighed.

"What did you say?" Sasori growled, looking at Deidara.

"I don't get it." Sakura stated. "What is with them?"

I shook my head. "Sweetie, you're better off not knowing. These two are a pain in the ass when they get like this."

"You love it." Kathryn smiled.

"Apparently brat, one of us doesn't understand what true art is." Sasori stated.

"And that would be you, Danna un." Deidara said smartly.

Sasori shook his head. "Nonsense! Eternal beauty is what constitutes real art!"

"Don't be absurd, Danna un." Deidara sighed. "True art only lasts a moment, un."

I looked at Kathryn. "Sasori forgets about his policy of hating making people wait whenever he gets into these moods."

Kathryn grinned. "But that's what makes Danna special." She eeped when she saw Naruto launch a giant shuriken at us. However, Sasori deflected it lazily with his tail.

"Are you trying to make me angry Brat?" Sasori asked, still focusing on Deidara. I smacked my forehead again.

"Hey easy Danna, un." Deidara stated. "No reason to get so touchy, yeah. Give me a break will ya? Geezal un."

"I don't have to remind you what happens when I get angry do I?" Sasori asked.

I smirked. "He turns green, somehow spawns purple shorts, grows about five feet in every direction and then goes on murderous rampages because he can't control his temper. Do not make him angry. You wouldn't like him when he's angry."

Kathryn laughed. "Danna is not the Hulk Alice!"

"Could have fooled me with that goofy line he just used." I scoffed.

"Why don't you explain it to me again Deidara?" Sasori snarled.

Deidara chuckled and stood. "Art is one thing and one thing only, un." He was quiet for a moment as he formed some clay in his hand, his free arm absently curling around Kathryn's waist as he did so. He tossed the clay bird up into the air. "The explosion itself, un!"

He made a hand sign and the bird came to life. Once it made a strange bird noise and landed, Deidara kissed Kathryn's cheek, and laughed at Sasori.

"It's not even in the same league as your disgusting puppet show, un." He laughed.

Sasori shot his tail at Deidara but stopped when he saw Kathryn's shocked face.

"Danna, don't hurt Dei." Kathryn whimpered, hugging Deidara.

Sasori frowned. "Move brat."

"Sasori, we need to focus." I stated. "You and Deidara had your argument and you can continue it later, but right now, we have people waiting for your attention."

Sasori glanced at me. "Right."

"Dei, Kat, you know the plan. See to it that you follow it through to the very letter." I told them, glancing at them. "Stay with Deidara Kathryn. I'll be with Sasori."

She nodded. "Okay."

"Situation number nineteen, plan Q." I told Sasori. A.K.A: Stall like shit until the appropriate time so I can push the last stage of the plan into action.

"Got it." He growled. He looked at me. "You should stay back.

I nodded. "Yeah. Hey Deidara, Kathryn, don't go too far okay?"

"We won't un." Deidara assured me. He wrapped his arm around Kathryn's waist and jumped onto the bird just as it picked up Gaara.

"Do not let him leave sight of the cavern Kathryn." I pressed.

"Okay." She said obediently.

I sighed. "Shall we Sasori?"

"Be sure that you stay out of the way. The others would kill me if something happened to you." Sasori told me, pushing me back with his tail until he was satisfied with my safe distance.

I sighed and rolled my eyes as Deidara left the cave with Gaara and Kathryn, luring Naruto and Kakashi, leaving Sakura and Chiyo with us.

Sasori had a mini stare down with his grandma before breaking the silence. "The way I heard it, you retired a long time ago…"

"I suddenly longed to see my grandson's face again." Chiyo said sweetly. "And the way that sweet little girl behind you put it, you've made some nice friends."

Sasori looked back at me. "I have a feeling that I'm going to want to kill you."

"Not at all Sasori my dear." I smirked. "I merely told her about our sarcastic comradeship. Nothing bad, I promise."

Sasori rolled his eyes before looking back at Sakura and Chiyo. A few seconds later, Sakura gulped loudly and her body seemed to freeze with fear.

I'm so glad at least someone other than Kathryn finds Sasori intimidating.

After dealing with me for so long, I thought he lost his morale.

But I've seen him as a helpless kitten.

How can he be scary?

Man, I miss the kitties.

They were so cute.

"Sakura, do not fear." Chiyo soothed as she stepped forward a few steps. "I am here with you. You just step back now dear." She reached into the sleeves of her clothes and withdrew a long line of kunai on chakra strings.

"Sasori, keep your eyes on those strings." I whispered.

"I remember." He assured me. He had memorized the episodes of his battle so he knew just as well as I did what she did with those strings.

She launched them at Sasori and he deflected them with his tail. "If you insist on interfering, I guess I have no choice." He ripped his now torn cloak off Hiruko, revealing his puppet body. "How would you and that little brat there like to be part of my collection, granny?"

Sakura gawked at Sasori's scorpion body.

"What is that thing?" She asked in disbelief.

I smiled. "I think we need some back ground music, eh Scorpion?"

"Shut up Alice." Sasori snarled. I just laughed.

"What you're looking at is not Sasori's real body." Chiyo stated.

Sakura glanced at her. "What is it?"

"It's merely a puppet." Chiyo told her.

I sighed. "It's an action figure! Or a doll. Take your pick."

"Alice!" Sasori snapped.

"Alright alright, I get it." I giggled. "I'll try and be quiet."

"If that's a puppet, where is his real body?" Sakura asked.

"Up your ass." I whispered.

Sasori just sighed.

"His real body is inside that one." Chiyo stated.

"That sounds dirty." I snickered quietly. I laughed when Sasori stabbed the floor of the cave in front of me to shut me up. "Sorry, you weren't supposed to hear that."

Sakura looked shocked. "Inside?"

Chiyo dipped her head slightly. "Puppet masters aren't very good at close combat."

"Could have fooled me." I muttered. "I still have bruises."

"Controlling their puppet in battle leaves them wide open to attack. In order to overcome this weakness, Sasori created this puppet." Chiyo explained. "It is both his armor and weapon."

"Sasori's specialty Hiruko." I finished. "The ugly ass puppet scorpion thing."

Sasori glared at me. "We do not need your commentary!" I sighed.

"You seem to know a lot about it, Lady Chiyo." Sakura commented.

Chiyo nodded. "I know everything about that puppet."

Sasori twitched the tail. "But do you know how I prepare a new specimen for my collection?"

I made a face. "I don't think they care, Sasori. It's kinda gross." I'd seen him working on a new one once. I was not pretty.

So disgusting…

Kathryn didn't go into his workshop for like a week.

"First I drain its blood." Sasori began.

"And so he's going to tell us anyways…" I sighed.

"Then I removed all the organs and wash it, inside and out to make it nice and clean. And then, after I preserved the body against decay, the final step is to fill it with hidden weapons." He informed us. I shuddered at the thought.

Fucking nasty puppet procedure…

"As Alice said, this one is called Hiruko." Sasori continued. "It's only one of the specimens in my collection. Once I've added you and the girl, Granny, I'll have collected exactly three hundred."

"Here it comes." I warned.

"This is my art." Sasori snarled.

Chiyo frowned. "You call it art do you?"

I winced. "Don't insult it, don't insult it. He'll get pissed."

"What do you mean?" Sakura asked, looking at Chiyo.

"Long ago, he was an esteemed as a master craftsman, admired for his countless extraordinary puppets in the sand." She told her. "But his true passion was for making puppets out of the living and adding them to his collection."

Sakura gasped on cue.

Predicable pink bitch.

Better not touch my puppet.

"He calls this monstrous conduct art." She finished. "That puppet, Hiruko was a Shinobi from the nearby village. Sasori turned him into that. A human puppet."

"A human puppet?" Sakura repeated.

"Do we have a parrot in the area?" I sighed.

"The same fate awaits you." Sasori growled as he brandished his tail. "You will soon become another of my works of art."

Chiyo and Sakura tensed for action. And I took this as my time to begin preparations for the final stages of the plan.

"Cover me Sasori, I'm going for it." I told him as I reached into my pocket.

He nodded. "I hear you."

I tuned out the other occupants of the cave as I withdrew my phone from my pocket. I backed up even further when Sasori nudged me with his tail as a warning. Half of my attention was on Sakura, Chiyo, and Sasori while the other half was working a mile a minute, going over the plan once more in detail as I acted it out.

With flying fingers, I typed in Kathryn's number to send a message.

"Hidan and/or Kakuzu, as far as I know everything is set on our side. Be ready and waiting for my call. I have to make sure Sasori and Deidara are completely ready before I call you. Is everything okay on your end?"

I put my phone away just as Sasori started launching those senbon and shit at our two enemies. I watched them dodge with moderate interest until my phone vibrated in my pocket.

"We're almost done bitch. We should be ready in the next fifteen minutes. Make sure those two fuckers are ready and try to keep the moving close to none or else it'll take more chakra and it'll be harder to fucking do. And make sure Dei-chan isn't on one of his damned birds. I ain't wasting my chakra."

I nodded to myself. "All I need to do now is get Deidara off his bird, talk to Sasori, and wait until the opportune moment."

Why do I get stuck doing all the hard work?

I don't really have anything nifty to talk about today...

Other than the fact that my friend Chad has a kitten that he named Trash. So all yesterday at his graduation party, I carried this kitten around on my shoulder going. "You Trash, Bre." It's an inside joke for the people at my school... Don't ask. We're all fucking weird.

Itachi's birthday is in four days including today. He shares his birthday with my cousin.

Fun Fact: Alice was tied for first in her class before she graduated a year early. Kathryn was fourth.

Answer: I really didn't think about this beforehand so here comes an improvised response. Itachi: Alice. Pein: Konan. Konan: Pein. Deidara: Kathryn. Sasori: a book of sarcastic quotes and other fun things. Kakuzu: money. Hidan: weapons/stuff to kill people with. Zetsu: a prison so he could eat everyone inside it. Tobi: A bouncy castle. Madara: all of the volumes and episodes to the show. Kisame: an aquarium/a shit load of movies.

QotC: Of all the symbols in the show/manga, which is your favorite. By symbols, I mean like the ANBU tattoo, Sasuke's curse mark, the Leaf Symbol etc...

Kind of a lame question, but I intend on getting some of those as tattoos. So:) My cousin's boyfriend has the leaf symbol as a tattoo on the back of his hand. It's awesome.

And I'd like to give Lia (Rengoku Akashi) credit for the 600th review. We are now over that number and I want you all to know that I love you, and you guys are the bestest people ever. You make me happy. So thank you very very much for review/sticking with this story so far. I honestly appreciate it.

I heart you all. Bye bye now. :)