Chapter 38
Author Note: Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for all of the great reviews! I'm just so happy every time I get them! And AxisGirl, I understood your review in Polish once I translated it - so please feel free to keep writing your review in Polish if you prefer that! I hope you all enjoy the next chapter! :)
WARNING: Suicidal thoughts, tendencies in the first, underlined portion of this chapter. If you don't want to read that, just skip the first, underlined part and the rest of the chapter won't mention it again. It's just a flashback too, so don't worry about not understanding the rest of the chapter if you skip it.
Gabriel balanced himself on the balls of his feet, precariously leaning over the edge of the rooftop. A strange exaltation rushed through his form…that terrifying-yet-oddly-exhilarating sense of freefalling that one feels when balancing on the precipice of eternity.
He could either fall to his death or fly. He wasn't even certain he could fly in this strange dream world…none of his other powers were still his to wield here…and yet…yet, Peter hadn't been certain he could fly when he jumped, had he?
Gabriel closed his eyes, the wind rustling through his thick, unkempt hair. It was nightfall and the soft glow of the full moon's light drenched his dark features. He spread his arms out to either side of him…directing his gaze up towards the ethereal shine of the heavens.
He hated to admit it, but he was scared…his feet inches from propelling himself over the edge and hurtling down towards certain doom. Gabriel already knew what it felt like to sit on the edge of life and death…he had his fair share of suicidal thoughts…half-hearted, almost-attempts…although most were attempts at trying to feel alive rather than actually die, he supposed.
He was eighteen when he had locked the door to his room in his mother's broken-down Brooklyn apartment. He held a knife from the kitchen in his hand, it felt cold and metallic against his palm. His stomach did a sick summersault…part of him wanted to do it…to end this sick, macabre life that he was trapped in. But another part of him…the insipid little part that kept crying out that he was special…that he was still supposed to accomplish something…begged him to hang on...to hang on just a little bit longer.
He collapsed on the bed…his heart thudding in his chest. He felt a sick revulsion pushing its way up into his stomach, culminating achingly in his chest, and clogging up his throat. He couldn't take it anymore…the loneliness…the pain…the isolation…his mother was in one of her moods…berating him one moment, crying over how sweet and special he was the next.
Gabriel clenched his teeth together and placed the kitchen knife down by his side. He brought his hands up to cover his face. He could feel their perspiration, their trembling. He was such a coward. He was so useless…such a disgusting shell of everything a vibrant, young man should have been…
The hot tears were rushing down his cheeks before he could stop them. There was a pain percolating in his brain…in his chest…in his heart…in his lungs…that no one could ever understand. He gnashed his teeth, his cheeks heating under the strain to keep all of his emotions from rupturing forth in an unending river of heartache. His whole body shook with the pain…with the desperate need to escape…to escape…was there any way he could escape…?
Was someone coming to help him escape …or was this knife…this sharp, cold piece of metal…his only hope in his moment of desperation? His whole body shook as he let everything pour into those trembling hands.
"Be my good boy"…his mother had told him…"I need you to stay my good, sweet boy…"
Gabriel roared voicelessly, lurching upright, the bed creaking beneath him. He was always the good boy, damn it! For just once he wanted to break something…to scream…to shatter all of her snow globes on the floor and never once feel the urge to clean up all the glittering, messy shards of glass. He wanted to be a mess, damn it! To MAKE a mess. He looked around desperately at his damn room…it was spotless…not a thing out of place…his clothes were pressed and neat…nothing…nothing…NOTHING…could be messy on the outside, because inside of himself…everything was a swirling, chaotic mess.
He grabbed the knife…quickly this time, before he could change his mind…and pressed it warningly against his pale wrist. The hand that clutched the knife trembled out of control…he was gasping for air even as he never wanted to suck in another painful breath again. He tried to press the blade down…to make one, fantastic, awful, bloody mess…one damn statement that told her he wasn't her perfect, sweet little boy.
"Gabriel, you're so quiet." His mother admonished him at dinner that night. "I wish you'd open up to me more."
Gabriel glanced up at her, his mind moving faster than his lips ever could. He was thinking about his classes…how he had passed his calculus exam without ever cracking open the book. He was good at memorizing the things he heard, the things he experienced…he supposed that made him special. But his mother didn't care about calculus, and it probably would just remind her of how she could've married a mathematician and lived in some mansion on the East Coast…or some other such nonsense that only existed in her deluded fantasy world.
"Nothing really happened today." Gabriel murmured, thoughtfully.
"You never tell me anything anymore." His mother sighed, self-pitying. Then she narrowed her eyes, a darker thought passing through her. "You haven't met a girl have you? Not from your school? I—I don't like the girls that go to your school…"
"No, mother, I haven't met a girl." Gabriel hissed, bitterly. Not like he needed a reminder of that fact…he was eighteen, after all, and even more powerful than the bouts of shame that seemed to accompany his ever-present rage of hormones was the fact that…that he was just lonely. He wanted someone to hold…someone to tell him they loved him even though they didn't have to. Someone who actually chose to love him, despite the fact that they could just as easily choose not to…
"Just like your father…" His mother sighed, and now her caustic side was rearing its ugly head. "I see more and more of him in you every day…"
She knew just how to push his buttons. She knew how much he hated his father. She knew how much he secretly wanted to love his father. She said what she said because she knew Gabriel better than anyone else in the world. And inside his head Gabriel had just overturned the table and slapped her across the face. Inside of his head he was raging…screaming…breaking whatever he could get his hands on. But on the outside he merely placed his fork and knife down…his fingers only trembling slightly.
"I'm not like dad." Gabriel murmured, glancing up at her softly.
"Yes, you are." She snapped, bitterly. "More and more every day, I see it…one day you'll leave me and forget all about me too…forget all that I sacrificed for you..."
Gabriel closed his eyes, his rage threatening to consume him. He felt his lips part…the rage pleading with him to be let out this time…but instead he simply murmured, "I'm sorry, Mom. I had a good day. I passed my calculus test."
"You did?" She inquired, a sudden cheer passing over her. She brightened up, returning to cutting a piece of her meatloaf. "My smart boy…"
"It was easy." He shrugged, trying to return to his meal. But somehow he had lost his appetite. "May I—may I be excused?"
His mother's face fell again. "Why?"
He shrugged again, trying to keep the color from rising into his flushing cheeks. "I'm…I'm not really hungry…"
"You're mad at me." She insisted, her voice going back on edge.
"No, Mom…I'm not…"
"Yes, you are." She brought a worrying hand up to press against her forehead. "I can never say the right thing…"
"No, Mom, please…" His heart ached in his chest…he did love her, couldn't she see that? He loved her more than anything else in the world…but he needed to escape this feeling that he was walking on eggshells…that every sigh and quiet moment had to be explained to her less he throw her into some cataclysmic depression…
"Be my good boy." His mother pleaded, her eyes catching his in desperation. She looked right through him, burning him to the core. "I need you to stay my good, sweet boy."
He stared at her in growing hopelessness. He didn't want to be a good, sweet boy anymore. He wanted to make a mess. He desperately needed to make a mess…even if it was in his own blood.
Gabriel gritted his teeth together as he pressed the knife a little harder against his wrist. A small trickle of blood snaked down his clammy skim…blood was messy, messy was good…and he felt a small surge of life jolt through his senses. He knew he didn't have the guts to kill himself tonight…no matter how much he cursed himself out for not going through with it, he knew he needed to wait and see…he needed to wait and see if he was right about being special…
No. No that wasn't it…it went deeper than that… it cut deep into a part of himself that he didn't even know how to reach yet…no, he didn't want to die tonight because he still wanted...still needed to know if he could ever discover what love was…if he could ever find something that was beautiful and real...
"Are you trying to kill yourself?"
And Gabriel knew that voice. It was that unmistakable, frustrating, beautiful voice.
Gabriel turned his head, quickly. It was Peter. He felt his stomach drop, achingly...he hadn't spoken to Peter since last night…god, since their first messy, desperate kiss…and Gabriel hadn't exactly planned out what he would say the next time he saw Peter. Somehow, that didn't seem to matter in the moment...nothing seemed to matter but Peter and himself, he supposed.
Gabriel shrugged, trying to look brave and keep the tremor out of his voice, "Just the opposite, actually…trying to feel alive."
"Safer ways to do that." Peter shrugged, making his way towards the rooftop's edge. His words were light, but Gabriel could see the seriousness etched across the young man's features.
"Well, maybe…" Gabriel murmured, pushing himself a little closer to the edge…feeling his stomach drop and soar simultaneously. "Maybe I'm just trying to see if I can fly."
"I've tried that before too." Peter replied, raising an eyebrow. He spread his arms, self-mockingly. "And you know how that turned out."
Peter hesitated, glancing up at Gabriel and catching his gaze…beautiful, haunting hazel eyes blazing into dark, soulful brown…they held each other's gaze for just a moment too long again…neither man seeming to know how to break the spell that they had placed on the other.
But it was Peter who finally broke first, clearing his throat pointedly and glancing away with a hint of embarrassment. "I've—I've been looking for you." He admitted, softly. "I—I need to talk to you about some—something. About last night."
"I can't be with you…I can't love you…we were never meant to be…never meant to kiss…never meant to love…it was all just a wonderful, hopeless dream…."
"Hmmm…I don't know." Gabriel murmured, giving Peter a knowing, sad nod of his head. "I have a feeling that whatever you have to tell me will make me want to jump even more."
Peter looked back up at Gabriel, a low fire simmering in his eyes—brilliant oranges and greens burning like embers in the moonlight. He pursed his lips together, as if struggling to voice the words he needed to say. "Gabriel—I'm…I'm sorry—..."
Gabriel shook his head, hopelessly. He didn't want to hear anymore apologies. Not between himself and Peter. He only wanted forgiveness...healing. "Don't apologize. Not for kissing me. Never for that..." He shook his head, a hint of bitterness seeping into his broken voice. "Although I imagine it must've been quite horrible for you."
"Gabriel…please." Peter sighed…his voice still like a sigh on the breeze. He sounded so sad, so broken. It almost made Gabriel want to quit using biting sarcasm as a shield against appearing vulnerable. Almost. "Please don't do that."
"Don't do what?" Gabriel hissed, turning around to face Peter again. He caught Peter's gaze, unashamed for once in his life. "Don't shut you out? Don't push you away?" Gabriel felt one of his feet touch back down to earth…the memory of his youth was propelling him to be brave…to create some big, beautiful mess that, for once, was something good and worth creating. "Now who does that sound like?"
"I'm not…not pushing you away." Peter hissed, defensively; his eyes darting nervously towards Gabriel's approaching form. "But you and I need to remember…remember what we're supposed to be doing here…"
"But I do remember. We're supposed to be saving the world." Gabriel whispered, both feet now firmly back on the ground and slowly making their way towards the young man that stood before him. "After all, you need to save the world…you live for saving the world…"
Peter watched him approach, unblinkingly. His breathing grew shallower, his sturdy chest rising and falling in the looming shadows.
Gabriel stopped right in front of Peter…his eyes burning into the young man's. He quirked his head to the side, his words biting but firm…and needing to be said. "You hide from the world…by saving it."
Peter blinked rapidly, and Gabriel was taken aback to see fresh tears glimmering in Peter's dark eyes. Peter squared his shoulders, his hands falling down to clench at his sides.
Peter knew he was right...but Gabriel was surprised at how much he recognized that look on Peter's face as one he had seen in the mirror far too often.
"You're lonely." Gabriel whispered, darkly, reaching out a trembling hand…searching…searching for something to hold onto in the stillness of the night. "I know how lonely you are, Peter, but with me…with me you can feel…alive again."
Peter remained silent, but Gabriel could see a small tremor ripple through his form. Never before had Gabriel truly appreciated the beauty of Peter's body...strong shoulders, sturdy chest, a waist that slimmed down to beautiful hips and legs. Most amazing of all was how Peter's hair, dark like ocean waves at night, cascaded down his soft face. That hair...dark, thick, and slightly coarse to the touch...Gabriel never desired anything more in his life than to run his fingers through every tactile strand of Peter's hair.
"Your hair...looks beautiful in the moonlight." Gabriel breathed out, a soft smile painting his lips.
"I..." Peter whispered, but the words faltered and died on those perfectly imperfect lips. "Gabriel, I..."
"I wasn't trying to kill myself tonight." Gabriel admitted, softly, his voice barely breaking above a whisper. Peter's hair caught the moonlight just right, looking so soft and shiny...so ready to be mussed and tussled by a pair of loving hands. "I was trying to imagine what it must've been like for you...you didn't know for sure whether you could fly or not...but you were brave...and you took a—a leap of faith." Gabriel gave a soft, sad chuckle and shook his head, gently. "And I've never taken a leap of faith before in my entire life...not until tonight."
Peter's bright eyes slipped shut, a tremor running down his spine once more...as if imagining that Gabriel's proclamation would be shortly followed by the taller man crashing his lips down upon him. But no, that wasn't the way Gabriel wanted to do things anymore...he was done taking what he wanted by force. The power needed to be granted to him, or he no longer had any desire to consume it.
"Dance with me." Gabriel murmured, reaching his hand out, covering the rest of the distance between himself and the young man.
Peter's eyes fluttered open in shock, a bright pink blush beginning to dust his nose and cheeks. His eyes fluttered rapidly, his hand coming up to self-consciously push back the hair that had slipped into his eyes. "Wha—what?"
"Dance with me, Peter." Gabriel breathed out, and for the first time in his life he finally felt brave and desirable...the opposite of every self-loathing and hateful spite he had ever felt towards himself before. Peter did that to him...Peter made him feel loveable somehow.
Peter shook his head, taking a few uncertain steps backwards. "I...I don't dance." His eyes widened in sharp surprise as his back bumped up against the building's wall. He shook his head again for emphasis, his face flushed and his eyes downcast.
And suddenly everything made perfect sense to Gabriel. Peter didn't hate him...no, not anymore. Peter was...he was shy. And awkward...and slightly socially inept when it came to newfound love...just like...just like Gabriel. Oh...and was it possible to love Peter even more? Because that's what Gabriel felt right then in that moment...his heart swelling...stomach tumbling...lungs working harder to suck in even more inordinate amounts of air.
"I know...I'm scared too." Gabriel murmured, his hand still extended in an open invitation. "But—but sometimes something...something wonderful can be the scariest thing of all." He cocked his head to the side, smiling knowingly. "Like leaping off of a rooftop and hoping that you can fly."
Peter stared up at Gabriel, uncertainty and wonder all wrapped up in that intense, hawk-like gaze of his. He shook his head, slowly. "I fell that time, you know."
"I know." Gabriel smiled, his hand stretching forward...he was more than willing to meet Peter even more than halfway with this. "So maybe we'll fall...but maybe it won't..." Gabriel felt his voice catch in his throat. He had to push through the growing lump to say, "But maybe it won't be so bad in the end."
Because Gabriel loved Peter...god, he loved him with every burning fiber in his being...every synapse was scorched for Peter's love...calling for Peter's name...he loved him, he loved him, he loved him...and it was such a more brilliant desire than any hunger had ever been.
Peter's hand began to drift towards Gabriel's...before hesitating slightly. "I don't think you understand...I really don't dance."
"Neither do I." Gabriel shrugged, the smile growing at the corner of his lips even more pronounced now. "And...?"
Gabriel's stomach did a pleasant swoop when that elicited a rough laugh from Peter...he had made Peter laugh...god, that felt so good. Maybe this could be the beginning of something new and beautiful...if only Peter would take a leap of faith with him...
And just like that, Peter's hand fully extended to meet his...Gabriel's fingers closed around it...and it was warm...and safe...rough and calloused...but dexterous and comforting...
With a soft gasp from both of them, Gabriel pulled Peter towards him, their hands fully...warmly... locked together. Gabriel's other hand settled deftly on Peter's lower waist...not so brave as to rest on his hip just yet...as Peter's other hand tentatively...shyly...laid itself on Gabriel's shoulder.
"See?" Gabriel whispered, looking down at Peter, happily. "Not so bad, is it?"
"I still don't understand you at all." Peter murmured, breathlessly.
Gabriel began to sway their bodies back and forth; both of their forms drenched in the pale glow of the moon's silver light. Peter's eyes burned like embers dying in a warm fire, his hair catching every moonbeam with each gentle sway.
"And...what is it you don't understand about me?" Gabriel wondered, playfully. His hand bravely encircled Peter's waist a little tighter as they began to slowly circle the rooftop. "How I got to be so tall, dark, and handsome?"
Peter chuckled softly at Gabriel's words, before raising an eyebrow, curiously. "Why...why do you wanna be—be with me?"
Gabriel felt himself blush at the words...taken aback by Peter's forwardness. Peter was never one to hold back his feelings and thoughts, Gabriel supposed, but he hadn't rightly thought of an answer that didn't leave himself completely vulnerable to attack. He forced a tight smile, trying to fight off his sudden onslaught of shyness. "It's just you and me here, Peter. Who else was I gonna be with?"
He dropped his hand a little lower...touching Peter's hipbone ever so precariously. He felt his heart skip a beat, his eyes darting up towards Peter's for approval.
Peter laughed, a little self-consciously. "I figured as much."
Gabriel noticed the slight distance that entered the young man's eyes and his heart sank. He swallowed past the lump in his throat, his hand growing damp with perspiration in Peter's warm grasp. Still...he squeezed that hand tightly...hoping to pour all of the the truth and adoration that he held for Peter into that grasp that no words could ever properly convey. "Hey..." He insisted, a hint shyer than he had hoped. "Hey...I want to be with you because—because..." I love you.
"Yes...?" Peter whispered, his whole body radiantly soaked in the moon's bathing light. He practically...glowed. His hand trembled in Gabriel's...so warm, so safe.
"Because..." Gabriel hissed, his body drawing closer to Peter's with every shared breath. Because I love you...I love you...three of the simplest words in the world, and they were the hardest on earth to say. "Peter..."
And...god, his body always knew how to speak clearer than his lips ever did...because at that moment he leaned forward and pressed his lips into Peter's...full, warm, desperate, and hungry lips colliding together in a burst of passion.
Peter responded, lifting his head to meet Gabriel's mouth...and he was so beautifully needy, just like Gabriel...his mouth as warm and safe and as all-encompassing as his hands...and their mouths meshed together in growing elation...heartbeats thundering in their chests...breaths growing heavier and more belabored...arms encircling around each other for a tighter and firmer embrace. They drank in each other's passion; both mouths sinking into the other and moving together in a heated tandem.
They danced in silence...mouths periodically finding each other in moment's of tender need...briefly, yet passionately; lips touching only to retreat in silence once more. Their bodies would sway in unison in the growing, rising darkness...they only interrupted their hypnotic motions to press their lips together fleetingly and soak in each other's love.
It was almost torturous that every passionate embrace had to be so brief...but it was all that shy Peter and awkward Gabriel could manage at the moment. But still it was...it was enough. It was enough for right now...for this precious moment in time...for this hallowed dream...
Still...the dark, hush of the nighttime seemed to make both men braver. Because during one of their lingering, not-as-brief, stolen kisses...Gabriel found his hands working their way down towards the hem of Peter's shirt...desiring bare flesh...needing his hands to scorch across the untouched skin of the other.
Gabriel slowly rolled Peter's shirt up against the sinewy muscle of his stomach...his lips still gently working against Peter's. He soon reached the top of Peter's taut chest and needed to break away in order to continue. He caught Peter's eyes, his own breath hot and rough as it trembled past his lips in spurts.
Peter's eyes shone with a look that Gabriel had never seen before coming from the young man...dark...sensual...aroused...Peter slowly lifted his arms over his head, elongating his torso and allowing Gabriel to slip the shirt off completely unfettered.
Gabriel took a step back, Peter's shirt still tightly clutched in his trembling hands. He felt the heat rise to his face, his eyes trained on Peter's bare chest. God...he had always wished for this moment, but he didn't actually believe that he would really get this far.
Peter took a few steps forward. He had a dark, animalistic look in his eyes now that both scared and elated Gabriel at the same time. Peter reached down and took Gabriel's hands into his own, allowing the shirt to flutter noiselessly to the ground. Then...Peter tenderly raised both of Gabriel's hands to his soft, gentle lips and...Gabriel released a soft, muffled groan as Peter began to sensuously kiss each of Gabriel's knuckles, all the while his eyes intently focused on Gabriel's face. Peter's lips were so soft...warm...and his eyes spoke of untold desire and secrets that Gabriel wanted to slowly pull out from him one by one.
After Peter's lips had touched each of Gabriel's knuckles in turn, he slowly...slowly...guided Gabriel's hands down towards his chest. Gabriel hoped to God that Peter wouldn't feel the embarrassing tremble in his hands...his heart had leapt up into his throat and he hardly remembered how to breathe.
Peter's chest was warm and felt like fire to the touch...and Gabriel could feel all of the hidden strength lying just beneath the skin. Peter circled Gabriel's hand around the darkened flesh of his pectoral muscle...Peter gave a soft moan at the touch, and Gabriel felt his own stomach pang pleasurably in response.
Peter continued guiding Gabriel's touch down his taut stomach...over and around his slim hipbones...and lightly down the soft, light trail of darkened hair just beneath his navel. Gabriel's breath left him in hot spurts; his fingers trembled as a sharp pang of pleasure swooped through his stomach and settled somewhere lower. Gabriel couldn't take it anymore; his hands gently sliding out from under Peter's...he moved one down the front of Peter's pants. Peter released a loud, stilted moan...it had been a long time since someone had touched him so intimately, Gabriel supposed...his head thrust back to elongate his delicious neck; imperfectly perfect lips parted in ecstasy.
Gabriel felt his heart skip several beats, a warm churning beginning to percolate in his lower stomach. Gabriel pressed himself flesh against Peter's trembling body...stealing kisses at every rough interval...his hands greedily rushing over Peter's chest...and stomach...and always flitting somewhere lower just to hear Peter's desperate gasps and moans.
Gabriel sunk his mouth into Peter's...heart leaping out of his chest...as he felt the warmth of Peter's mouth rush into his own. He broke away from the kiss, trying desperately to go back down to attack Peter's unattended neck, but Peter raised a hand up to press softly against Gabriel's lips.
"I need..." He murmured, his eyes searching Gabriel's face with growing, yet still uncertain, adoration. "I need to—to know...know why."
"Why what?" Gabriel gasped out, his hand trembling as it roughly slid across the stubble of Peter's jaw line...his other hand rising up to tangle itself in Peter's dark locks.
"Why...this." Peter shook his head, still searching...searching for words that could never be spoken...waiting for the affirmation that couldn't come. "Why do you want me...?"
And Gabriel knew that Peter wanted to hear those three little words...after five years spent together...and only together...in this hellish nightmare, in this beautiful, sweet dream...Peter wanted to hear Gabriel say...to say that he loved him.
But how could Gabriel speak those words...those final, desperate, brave words? He was brave enough for holding Peter on this rooftop...when he knew he hadn't even the right to kiss Peter's feet. He was brave enough for kissing Peter now...for believing that he even deserved to kiss Peter...but he couldn't say the words...he couldn't finalize his desperation...his hopeless, hopeless, desperation for Peter's heart and unending promise to love him forever.
"Because..." Gabriel gasped out...his lips tasting Peter's skin...his stomach lurching in delight as he felt Peter's body tremble and squirm as Gabriel tenderly kissed and licked a tendon in Peter's neck. "Because..."
"Yes...?" Peter whispered, and this time he reached out to grab Gabriel's head and still it in his scorching hot hands...brought Gabriel's face up to his own. "Yes...?"
"Because I..." Gabriel pursed his lips together, the words faltering there as they always did. He gazed deep into Peter's eyes...all of his fears and trepidations burning in his throat...all of his dreams and aspirations shining in Peter's gorgeous, hazel gaze. "Peter, you are such a good man...and I'm...my god, Peter...I'm so broken...so broken...I don't know..."
"No." Peter insisted, those eyes burning into Gabriel's with a passionate, dark fire. He shook his head insistently, his lips mere inches from Gabriel's once more. "No, Gabriel...god, it's okay...it's okay, just please—please, I don't want to hurt you."
"Hurt me?" Gabriel gasped in shock. He shook his head, his heart slamming up against his chest. He felt every inch of Peter moving against his own form...his own hips pressing into Peter's sharp hipbones, his legs touching Peter's...their chests pressed together in a manner that allowed Gabriel to feel Peter's thundering heartbeat and cascading breathing. "How would you—how would you hurt me?"
"I care about you." Peter admitted, every word coming out hushed and belabored. He spoke with a sweet and earnest need to be heard. "I know that I care about you—but I don't know—I can't know—if I..."
Peter watched Gabriel intently with burning hazel eyes...an apology burning there as well...sorry that he couldn't say "I love you" but brave enough to admit it so that there would be no betrayal in the morning...and Gabriel faintly remembered that Peter didn't make love unless he knew for certain that he was in love.
"Shhh." Gabriel breathed out, watching Peter closely, still hyperaware of the young man's trembling hands that clung to either side of his head. "I know...I know you still don't know how you feel about me. I—I don't care...I know you feel enough. It's...it's enough."
And with those words, Peter's hands reached up to tangle into Gabriel's dark hair, pulling the taller man flesh against his heated form. Gabriel's hands also found Peter's beautiful, dark hair...their lips pressed together and both seemed to release relieved moans in tandem. Peter opened his mouth to deepen the kiss, Gabriel's mouth sinking deeper and deeper into Peter's, their bodies twisting and turning like a flame of a slowly smoldering candle.
With the moon as their only witness, Gabriel slowly released Peter's lips...kissing his nose, just for the experience...kissing the scratchy stubble of his chin...his neck...and pressing a heated kiss to Peter's jugular and relishing the vibrating groan that followed. Gabriel slowly and delightedly tasted the soft, warm skin of Peter's neck, feeling every shuddering breath that the young man fought to suck in. Gabriel's stomach was twisting into knots, something hot and needy beginning to stir in his lower regions as his pants began to tighten...there was no doubt that Peter would feel him in such a state, but perhaps Peter was nearly too far gone to care...
Peter was now panting roughly, his hands gripping tightly onto Gabriel's thick locks, his back arched and his neck lolling backwards. Gabriel could feel the beginnings of Peter's arousal dig into his thigh...Gabriel felt a wave of elation rush through his body...he fought off the sudden desire to move his hips and grind against Peter...to give into the sudden, urgent need to relieve some of the pressure that was building between two heated bodies.
Peter released a loud moan; it burst forth from his lips as Gabriel suckled on a particularly sensitive tendon in the young man's neck. The need to touch, to move, to thrust was growing more and more intense...and Gabriel suddenly felt a strong desire to pounce on Peter...and just take him now, Peter was so ready...Gabriel could tell.
However, Gabriel was surprised when instead he felt Peter squirm uncomfortably in his arms. Gabriel loosened his grip instantly, pulling away to search Peter's face carefully. "Everything...everything okay?"
Peter nodded, his face flushed and warm with arousal. He released his death-grip on Gabriel's hair and forced his hands to come down to lightly stroke at Gabriel's face, ever so gently. He was panting heavily, struggling to catch his breath. "Can we—can we dance again?"
Gabriel gave a small and uncertain nod. He hoped he hadn't scared Peter away...but he was glad and bolstered by the fact that Peter still wanted to maintain physical contact with him. "Of course, Peter."
Gabriel took several calming breaths, allowing his greedy, over-heated hand to instead settle back down on Peter's hip...at least the flesh remained uncovered now. He lifted his other hand to take Peter's once more...their hands merging together like two pieces to a complicated, but finally completed, puzzle. If only their bodies could merge as perfectly as their hands did...oh god, how badly did Gabriel wish to be safely and warmly encompassed inside of Peter's body right now...
"So now you like dancing?" Gabriel tried to tease, but his voice came out rough and strained instead. He slowly led Peter around the rooftop, their feet swaying ever so gently back and forth.
Peter simply nodded his head, his face still beautifully crimson and flushed. He looked so sweet and innocent...so unassuming...so deliciously perfect...
"God, I always thought you couldn't actually be this sweet..." Gabriel murmured, his heart still thundering against his ribcage, his arousal still unrelentingly tightening within his jeans. "It had to be an act...or at least just a little bit of one. But after five years together...you really are."
Peter blushed, softly shaking his head. He remained silent though, and he and Gabriel continued their midnight dance in a world where only the two of them would ever exist.
"Your hair looks so amazing in the moonlight..." Gabriel whispered, pressing the side of his face near the top of Peter's soft, thick hair. He took in a deep breath, slowly learning Peter's masculine scent. "Did...did I already tell you that?"
"Yes." Peter sighed, softly. He raised his head slightly to look up into Gabriel's dark eyes once more. "Yes, you did."
Gabriel pursed his lips together, gently. "You're so quiet. Why are you so quiet?" Gabriel shook his head, his hand gently squeezing around Peter's as they continued to sway back and forth in the all encompassing darkness. "Don't you trust me yet? After five years...after five years I thought that you'd see something real in me too."
Peter gave a soft, sad smile. "I do." He admitted, a sorrowful gentleness permeating his dark gaze. "I see something real in you...something earnest and endearing...and—and..."
"And what, Peter?" Gabriel murmured, their dance coming to a slow stop. Gabriel raised his hand off of Peter's hip and allowed it to gently...bravely...stroke against Peter's cheek, lightly. Do you love me, Peter? Do you love me even half as much as I love you?
Peter shook his head, slowly, his eyes glancing down for a moment in quiet contemplation. "And what if there's no way out of here?"
Gabriel hesitated, taken aback by the suddenness of Peter's question...but determined to give him a consoling answer nonetheless.
"Well, would that be so bad?" Gabriel wondered, softly. He swallowed heavily, pressing on bravely. "Especially after...tonight?"
Peter looked up at him, a gentle and soft pleading shining in his dark gaze...his eyes were a deep mocha in the glow of the moonlight...Gabriel was certain he could now recognize all of the colors that burned in Peter's expressive eyes.
Peter pressed his lips to Gabriel's ear...and Gabriel closed his eyes as a sudden and intense wave of emotions rippled down his chest and settled in his lower stomach. Peter whispered, softly...urgently, "I want you...I want you but I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I want you to make love to me, but I don't know if it's right. If it ever could be right...but I also don't know if what's right even matters anymore...not if we're trapped here...not if we're all that'll ever be real...ever again..."
Gabriel felt a heavy lump settle in his throat. He wrapped his arms tightly around Peter's body, his own form beginning to lightly tremble. He blinked away the sudden hot and heavy tears that stung at his eyes...Peter wanted Gabriel to make love to him. To make love...what beautiful words to use. What beautiful, sweet, amazing words...and Gabriel wanted to honor them just as they were spoken. He didn't want to take Peter...to have sex with Peter...to do anything other than make love to Peter.
Gabriel tenderly took Peter into his arms and began to slowly lower him down onto the rooftop, his guiding arms giving small tremors of anticipation. Gabriel backed Peter down onto the ground...Peter laying flat on his back as Gabriel fluidly crawled on top of him. Their hips were now pressed fleshed together, Gabriel's legs lying in-between Peter's, as Gabriel placed both of his quivering arms on either side of Peter's delicious body.
Gabriel dipped his head down to capture Peter's lips once more. Their mouths meshed together, Peter's arms coming up to tightly wrap around Gabriel's neck. Gabriel felt his stomach twist and turn pleasurably...he felt a tightening in his lower regions...his body beginning to squirm slightly at the slight flutters of pressure that were starting to churn within him.
Peter had said that he wanted Gabriel to make love to him...with this thought coursing through his veins like electricity, Gabriel felt brave enough to begin slowly gyrating his hips up against Peter's. The result was instantaneous...Peter's eyes went wide with shock; he threw his head back in ecstasy as heated moans burst forth from his lips.
"Oh, god, Gabriel..." Peter moaned, his hips rising up off of the rooftop to meet Gabriel's. They ground their bodies together...Gabriel felt Peter's arousal digging sharply into his thigh. He felt a wave of pleasure hit him every time their hips met...it shot up his arousal, cumulated in his stomach, before cascading up his heaving chest and ricocheting into his brain.
He couldn't believe that Peter was his in this very moment...that he could bring this kind of pleasure to Peter...that he could actually hold Peter in his arms, kiss him, caress him, press their overheated flesh together...make love to him...
Soon they were both panting heavily; dark moans breaking forth from their hurried, impassioned kisses. Gabriel gave a slow, circular swoop of his hips...delighted when Peter's whole body trembled, the young man's arms shooting out to his sides as his fingers tried desperately to dig into something that would ground him. Gabriel released a shaky sigh, his body slick with perspiration...his arousal throbbing and warm, desperate for some relief.
Gabriel bent down to kiss Peter's face, hurriedly. He reached one arm down and tried to unbuckle his belt...desperate to bury himself within Peter's body...sink into warm, needy flesh and finally be whole...one...completed.
Peter gave a soft moan, bringing his hands down to help Gabriel release himself from his constricting jeans. He gently batted away Gabriel's trembling hand, using deft and nimble fingers to unbuckle Gabriel's belt. Then he put his hands on the sides of Gabriel's jeans...hesitating...hesitating only slightly before slowly lowering them down Gabriel's hips.
Gabriel gave a sharp groan in relief as he wriggled his jeans down his long, lanky legs before finally kicking them off. He was only in his shirt and boxers now and the cool night's breeze added to all of the sensations that were rushing over him.
Gabriel dug his arousal roughly into Peter's stomach. He grunted, a warm wave of pleasure spreading throughout his trembling, heated form...coursing up through his fingertips and back down into his tightening, churning core.
"Are you okay, Peter...?" Gabriel hissed, pressing rushed kisses to Peter's face...Peter's damp forehead, his slick cheeks...Gabriel's hands lowered to find the button on Peter's jeans as well. "Do you like this...?"
Peter nodded, hurriedly, his hands coming up to grip onto the strong, coiled strength in Gabriel's shoulders. His face was flushed a bright red, his breathing spurting through his nose and mouth in desperate grunts and gasps.
"You look so handsome..." Gabriel whispered encouragingly, his hands unbuttoning Peter's jeans. He then slowly began to unzip Peter's pants...relishing the heat and warmth that emanated from Peter's arousal...as the zipper undid the final constraints. "So handsome..."
Gabriel pulled Peter's pants down his strong, sturdy legs. He took them off entirely, pulling Peter's socks and shoes with them. Peter remained only in his boxers now...only one layer of clothing now separating their yearning flesh.
And god...god, he loved Peter so much. His whole body was shaking...trembling...burning for Peter. He loved hearing Peter's pleasured cries...loved watching as Peter began to lose himself to the growing passion and excitement...
Gabriel began grinding his hips against Peter's again and this time...god...this time the jolt of pleasure felt like electricity shooting through them. Gabriel gave a choked moan, his jaw set and his teeth gritted together. Warm, concentrated pressure...building, burning, billowing...his arms shook...small spasms whispering within him. And Peter's reaction was beautiful too...his own hips coming up to thrust again Gabriel's...his mouth parted in a constant stream of loud, insistent moans... Gabriel never imagined Peter being such a loud, messy love maker but it seemed to fit somehow...his back arching up off the ground continuously as his eyes burned with an intense, animalistic drive.
"God, Gabriel, please..." Peter sputtered, capturing Gabriel's lips hurriedly. Gabriel swooped his hips once more, causing Peter to pour sensuous, heated moans into the corner of Gabriel's mouth. "Please...I need..."
And Peter's rough, gravelly voice was like a siren's song...spurning Gabriel on. Gabriel savagely grabbed Peter's arms and brought them down to his sides, pinning the young man to the ground. He felt Peter's sinewy form twist and squirm in growing anticipation, his hips trying to thrust up in order to relieve the near-unbearable pressure now.
Gabriel's heart pounded up against his ribcage. "What do you need, Peter? Tell—tell me..." Gabriel dipped his head down...lapping slowly, sensuously against the salty, damp skin of Peter's chest...feeling the strong, coiling muscles...the tight, taut form he had only been able to imagine previously.
"I—I don't..." Peter cried out, his hands scraping at the rooftop beneath him...his eyes wide with dark desire. He released a choked groan as Gabriel circled Peter's dark pectoral flesh with his tongue. "Mmmm...god, I can't..."
Gabriel ignored Peter's words...instead dragging his mouth down Peter's ribcage. He nibbled on them slightly, causing Peter to give an involuntary shudder, writhing helplessly on the ground in growing abandon. Gabriel could feel Peter's hot arousal straining against him, pressed firmly into his stomach.
And Gabriel felt as if he was slowly being consumed by a raging, dangerous fire. Desire, pleasure, all-encompassing love...Peter was like a super nova, pulling Gabriel into his cataclysmic eruption and urging them both to explode. Gabriel could hardly think straight anymore...every ounce of blood had drained from his body and pooled heavily into his arousal. All he knew was he needed to be buried inside of Peter...pushing...thrusting...climbing towards demanding completion.
"Mmmm...Gabriel—Gabriel..." Peter hissed, darkly...insistently. His whole body was giving involuntary tremors, his lips trembling slightly as he fought to speak through his haze. "Gabriel—slower...please, I need you to go slower..."
Gabriel once again pushed past Peter's words, bringing his lips around towards Peter's shuddering, burning stomach.
"Gabriel...!" Peter gasped more urgently this time. He struggled slightly against Gabriel's firm gasp around his arms. "Please...please slow—slow down..."
And now his words were too demanding and impossible to ignore. They grated against Gabriel's senses...whispering irritatingly against his ears. Slower? No, no, they needed to go faster...harder...messier. "Slow...slower, P-Peter?"
"I—I need this...this slow." Peter shook his head, his eyes still burning but also dark and glassy now too. He was staring straight up into the sky; the full, roundness of the moon reflecting in his gaze. "I need..."
Gabriel pursed his lips together, a growing frustration coursing through his veins. God, he was on fire, and he had been on fire for the past five years. And now...now in the moment when aching relief was finally in sight...when the cool waters of redemption were his to bathe in...now Peter wanted to slow down?
"What is wrong with you, Peter?" Gabriel snapped...a little too harshly, his somewhat distant brain admonished him. His arousal, however, was much more persuasive as it cried out for pressure, touch, friction...something to cool the flames that were torturously licking against every inch of his skin. "S—slower? It's been five...five years, isn't that slow enough?"
Peter blinked heavily, a bit taken aback by the sudden harshness of Gabriel's tone. His body stopped moving...his eyes still staring blankly up at the heavens.
Gabriel stared down at Peter in sudden shock, cursing himself in his head...god, what the hell was wrong with him anyhow? How could he talk to Peter like that during such a tender and intimate moment? After Peter had sacrificed so much for him...how could Gabriel still be so selfish? It was like the damn monster still lived within him...always clawing, always scratching, always jumping at a chance to get out again.
"Peter..." Gabriel sighed, his own body halting its desperate, frenzied motions. He tried to suck in a deep breath, the loss of movement between the two men felt unpleasantly jarring. "Peter," He tried again, this time making an effort to soften his voice. He tried to soften his eyes too...tried to act like a normal human being who actually experienced empathy for once. "Peter, I'm—I'm sorry. Is...is everything okay? Do you need...I can slow down..."
"No." Peter admitted, his eyes still locked upon some distant, faraway star...some other world that didn't even exist within their hellish prison...it was all just an illusion, after all. "No, he would hate me right now. He would hate me."
Gabriel's heart dropped like a stone right into his churning stomach. Nathan. Damn it, it always came back to Nathan. And maybe, Gabriel realized in one horrible and hopeless moment...maybe it always would. Maybe Nathan was the one wall that could never crumble...no matter how long and how desperately the two men tried to knock it down. Maybe it would always stand between them...imposing and isolating...the one wall that Gabriel had helped build brick by brick...his own selfish, monstrous actions destroying any hopes of a future with the only man he had ever loved.
"How could he ever hate you...?" Gabriel began helplessly, but the look that entered Peter's eyes caused him to fall into an uncertain silence. He dared not tell Peter the truth...that Nathan was quite incapable of hating Peter...Gabriel knew enough to understand that Peter would not find Gabriel's insight comforting on the subject.
"This is wrong." Peter gasped, tears stinging at his dark eyes. He finally forced himself to look back at Gabriel's face, his own still flushed and sweaty from their intensive foreplay. "I came here...I came here tonight to tell you—to tell you that we need to focus on saving the world. That we can't—we can't focus on anything else but that...the fact that people are gonna die unless we..."
"And what about you, Peter?" Gabriel demanded, bringing his hands up to cup Peter's face within them. He brushed one gentle hand through Peter's coarse hair...rubbing each tendril against his fingertips. "Who saves you?"
Peter fell silent, his eyes closing as he pressed his cheek roughly against Gabriel's large, warm hand. The young man gave a small shudder, as if his emotions were overwhelming him...spilling over him and threatening to drown him.
"You saved me." Gabriel whispered, placing a soft, unassuming kiss to Peter's forehead. He breathed in deeply, his nose still touching where his lips had just been. "You saved me even though I was completely undeserving of your mercy. Now allow me to save you, Peter. We both know the real reason why you came here tonight. We need...we need this. You need this."
And Gabriel now knew that he had to be a completely unselfish lover tonight...this was not about his pleasure...his completion...his redemption. No...tonight was all about Peter. Tonight was about healing Peter...bringing Peter comfort and ecstasy...providing Peter an emotional outlet...allowing Peter a chance to be saved for once.
Gabriel needed to be unselfish tonight...because the monster was still alive within him...always waiting for an opportunity to pounce again. He had to put Peter's needs before his own...or else the monster would take a night that was supposed to be beautiful and sacred and destroy it...turning it into something that would be marred with regret in the morning's light.
"Let me save you, Peter." Gabriel murmured softly into Peter's ear. He kissed the lobe, worrying it gently between his teeth...delighting in the slight intake of breath that he heard emanate from Peter. "I'll save you slowly...gently...there's no rush..."
Gabriel began to take his own shirt off, pulling at the fabric so that it came up over his sinewy back and over his head...allowing dark hair to spill out everywhere. He pulled the shirt down his long arms...allowing the dark hair that peppered them to whisper out as well. He watched...blushing slightly...at how intently Peter's eyes searched his newly revealed form. Peter seemed to take him in entirely...his tongue subconsciously coming out to wet his lips.
Gabriel balled his shirt up into a makeshift pillow of sorts. "Here..." He said, softly...leaning towards Peter's reclined form. "For your head...you'll be more comfortable."
Peter leaned his head forward so that Gabriel could place the balled up shirt behind it. He laid back down...a beautiful lop-sided smile breaking across his quivering lips. "Gabriel...that's so sweet..."
"Tonight is about you, Peter." Gabriel whispered, capturing Peter's lips with his own quickly. "You've hurt for so long now...and I want to be the one to heal you..."
And Gabriel knew that Peter trusted him to be gentle...to be slow...to love him completely and entirely body and soul. Gabriel hadn't said the words yet, but he wondered if Peter didn't already know...if Peter couldn't already sense how much love Gabriel held for the young man.
Gabriel dipped down and kissed Peter's lips once more...kissing his jugular...caressing the young man's chest with his lips...moving down towards his stomach. With every soft, gentle kiss, Gabriel could feel Peter's tense body begin to relax. He could feel the dark energy begin to seep out of Peter...replacing it only with Gabriel's brilliant, warm love. Gabriel kissed down Peter's taut, overheated stomach...his tongue darting out to trail down the hair just beneath Peter's navel. He reached the hem of Peter's boxers...and he knew that he had to be brave once more. He had never done this before...not with a man, anyway...and so he wasn't even sure he would know what to do. But he hoped it was slightly intuitive...his trembling hands bravely reaching out to grip onto the hem of Peter's boxer shorts. It was time...time to take a leap of faith.
Peter's eyes went wide and shot back up towards the stars as he felt the cool, night air whisper against his bared flesh. His fingers clawed against the granite of the rooftop...his stomach clenching in anticipation.
Gabriel guided the boxers down Peter's legs and quickly discarded them. He stared at the young man completely laid bare before him. Peter was perfect in this vulnerable state...his nakedness making him appear even more erotically innocent. He was beautiful. Beautiful in every way...nothing about him seemed flawed...because Gabriel loved him, body and soul.
"You're beautiful, Peter..." Gabriel murmured, his eyes taking in all of Peter with a billowing adoration. "So beautiful in the moonlight..."
Peter's arousal had died down during their previous conversation...and Gabriel was intent on remedying that. He reached out one shaking hand...quivering fingers...and wrapped them firmly around Peter's burning flesh. Peter bucked his hips up in appreciation, his breathing beginning to morph into urgent pants.
Gabriel sucked in a deep breath...his heart thudding out of control within his chest...and began to knead Peter's flesh within his hand. Peter released a loud, strangulated cry...his eyes squeezing shut as he now panted heavily in the night.
Gabriel felt the blood begin to enter Peter's arousal once more...god, it was so carnal, so sensual...and he grew slightly surer in his movements. He rubbed his fingers against the base...listening as Peter's heavy panting began to hitch with irregularity...before bringing his thumb up to skim around the tip.
"Oh...oh god..." Peter moaned, his eyes wide and bleary with pleasure. He writhed under Gabriel's touches...his back arching slightly. "Don't stop...don't stop..."
Don't stop...Gabriel didn't need to be told twice. Gabriel brought his hand back down to the base...trying to keep a steady rhythm. He listened to Peter's pleasured gasps for cues as to what felt good...and for the first time in his life he was listening...feeling...touching...learning what brought happiness and pleasure to others.
"Mmmmm...god..." Peter groaned, his stomach giving small leaps as Gabriel continued to massage his aching, quivering flesh. "Oh...Gabriel...Gabriel..."
Gabriel felt his own stomach do flips...his own breathing coming out belabored and irregular. He could see the growing tension paint Peter's handsome features...he was so happy that he could be the source of Peter's rapture...for too long he had been the source of pain and anguish. Never again, he promised himself...never again.
Gabriel continued to stroke Peter diligently...placing more pressure with his hand, his fingers massaging the throbbing, heated flesh dutifully. Gabriel watched in awe as Peter began to give involuntary, spastic jerks of his hips. He moaned in total abandon, one hand still digging into the ground and the other coming up to push into and grip onto his own falling hair. Gabriel could see small tremors beginning to ripple down his spine. Peter's legs were starting to shake on either side of Gabriel...his moans and pants were starting to pitch into sharper cries.
Gabriel knew that he was building Peter up to a shuddering completion...but he wasn't ready for that yet. No, he needed this night to last...he still needed to get to know Peter more intimately...he still needed to continue the healing process.
Gabriel slowed down his motions, instead bringing his thumb up to make gentle circles around the tip of Peter's straining arousal once more.
"Ah...ah..." Peter cried, his back arching up into the night...his silhouette dark and smoky in the moonlight. "Please...mmmm..."
Upon hearing Peter's cries, Gabriel felt his blood drain from him and settle warmly in his lower regions. His own arousal pressed roughly against his last layer of clothing. He took in several deep breaths, his face flushed and damp. He gazed down at Peter...Peter was almost completely gone. His whole body was shaking...his face was a bright red but the flush was also beginning to speckle down to his heaving chest.
Gabriel sucked in a deep breath through his nose, every inch of his body was tingling. It was time to be brave. He told himself, insistently. It was time to take a leap of faith. And if he couldn't tell Peter how much he loved him...well, damn it, after four long years of fighting and cursing Peter...after five long dream years of befriending and learning from Peter...and after nine long years of loving Peter...it was time to show Peter just how much he truly loved him.
Gabriel crouched down between Peter's legs. He steadied his hands on either side of Peter's inner thighs. Peter's legs trembled at the touch...still not fully coming down from the earlier climb. Gabriel took in a deep breath, his own core coiling and clenching. He glanced up at Peter once more...trying to tell him with the burning adoration in his eyes if nothing else. I love you, Peter...I love you and I always have.
"Peter..." Gabriel hissed, his voice coming out like a low, dark moan. He knew there was an animal in his eyes, but he hoped that Peter saw the newly saved man there as well. "Peter, I—"
"I know..." Peter whimpered, sweat trickling down the side of his face. He shivered, his heart still pounding loudly in his chest. "I know..."
"No, I want you. I always want you." Gabriel whispered, his voice grating past his teeth with desperate urgency. It wasn't the three little words he had meant to say...but still, they were something...they were still something very real. "Please, let me always make love to you. I know...I know you can't promise me anything if we get out of this place. But—but if we don't...if we don't...please. Please promise me that I can always make love to you. That we can be together...that the two of us can always be together...in here...just like this..."
Peter nodded, blinking heavily. His cheeks were dampened by both perspiration and the sudden wetness in his eyes, his whole body still giving involuntary jerks and tremors. "Yes...yes..."
And Gabriel felt a peace permeate him that he had never experienced before in his entire life. Not when he lived in both love and turmoil with his mother...not when he was isolated, living in his own empty, immaculate apartment...not when he met Chandra Suresh...and certainly never when he was Sylar. This was what real peace felt like...and it warmed him and filled him up like some orgasmic force all on its own.
Gabriel lowered his head again...his fingers trembling on either side of Peter's thighs. He placed a gentle, tender kiss to Peter's quivering arousal. Peter moaned and arched his back again, the sudden, erotic touch all too fleeting. He began to kiss down the throbbing flesh, his lips and tongue softly teasing and tasting the molten hot, burning skin. His whole body burned for Peter...his core tightening within him, all of his nerve endings set ablaze, his stomach giving small leaps and spasms.
His dark eyes rose to meet Peter's; his heavy eyebrows lowered with aroused intensity, his nose snorting and gasping air in rapid succession. He hoped Peter could see the earnestness...the goodness...burning in his gaze. Gabriel's lips parted with excitement, his own arousal still rubbing sharply against the cool granite of the rooftop.
"Ah! Oh, Gabriel..." Peter cried out, his chest rising and falling heavily. He blinked furiously, raising his bright hazel eyes to the moon and fighting to take in a deep breath. Gabriel knew that he could feel the light pressure of his lips acutely...as he dragged them slowly...tantalizingly...tortuously...up and down the length of the young man's arousal. "Oh, god...that feels so...so good..."
Gabriel pursed his lips together, Peter's moans and cries of adulation spurning him on. He had only dreamed about this in guilty secrecy...and now it was real. And now Peter was all his...his to hold, to love, to cherish, to caress...forever.
But no, that wasn't quite true, was it? Because they would get out of here. Because Gabriel had promised to help Peter escape from this lonely prison. Because although Gabriel might've deserved this unending sentence to a world of isolation and insanity, Peter certainly did not. And someday Peter's need for human touch and connection would simply turn to regret and resentment. Gabriel could not keep Peter locked up in his tortured mind forever...they would find a way out. And they would help everyone...they would be heroes together...they would save the world.
And Peter would never be his to keep in the real, waking world. Peter could only ever be Gabriel's in a mad, hopeless dream. And that was why Gabriel fought so hard for tonight...so that for just one night...one single, solitary night...a night that would never truly even exist...he could show Peter how much he loved him. He could heal Peter...comfort Peter...save Peter.
But still...still, it was enough to know that if they had never escaped...if this had truly been both men's reality for all eternity...that Peter would have loved him back.
And Gabriel would always have this one night to remember that.
Gabriel sank his mouth down onto Peter's overheated, inflamed arousal and fully encompassed it. Peter gave a spastic jerk...as if a sharp euphoria had shot up from his lower regions and cascaded in waves up his stomach and chest; peaking in his brain. His lips parted and a low and husky moan grated past his throat. His hands flew back to grab desperate fistfuls of his own hair; his back pitching forward as Gabriel's warm mouth continued to encapsulate the young man's aching, needy flesh.
Gabriel felt dizzy...his own eyes heavily-lidded and bleary. He was not nearly getting enough blood to his head or air in his lungs anymore. He moved his full lips back and forth, his movements growing more sure and prominent with each stroke. There was a heavy pressure settling in his chest...it surged down into his lower stomach and peaked there. He made sure to keep his gaze on Peter. Peter had squeezed his eyes shut, his face fully flushed and damp, the rapture he was feeling billowing through his shuddering form.
"Ga—Gabriel..." He snorted, his hands moving away from himself and thrusting forward to tangle themselves hopelessly in Gabriel's thick, dark hair. Peter gripped onto the hair with desperate force; pushing Gabriel's head deeper as he moved his hips in succession with Gabriel's lips. "Oh...god, oh...don't—don't slow down..."
Gabriel smiled inwardly at Peter's sudden insistence that he not slow down. Good, it meant that Gabriel was doing something right. Gabriel released deep and rough grunts with every move forward he made. Shudders ran up and down the spine of his back, his nose snorted in desperate bursts of inhalation and released blistering exhales. He took in Peter deeply; his tongue moving in heavy strokes. He felt Peter's heated blood pulsate against the roughness of his tongue...his stomach tightening and tightening like a spring-loaded coil. His fingers trembled at Peter's now-shaking thighs. His mouth felt like fire, and he knew that Peter was alight with the flame that was constantly licking against his aching flesh.
"Oh...Gabriel..." Peter whimpered hoarsely, choking on the end of his words. Gabriel could feel that the gentle fluttering of fire that had been burning in Peter's lower stomach was now raging with throbbing spasms, his hips continuing to arch up again and again into Gabriel's awaiting mouth...Gabriel pursed his lips tightly around Peter to elicit another wild moan. Peter's hands continued to pull at Gabriel's thick hair, fingers clenched so tightly his knuckles began to turn white.
Gabriel's eyes were now tightly shut, only Peter's overhead moans and gasps giving him guidance. Gabriel's whole form was moving in rough motions; his mouth dipping down in deep, consuming thrusts. He could feel a light sheen of perspiration gathering on his forehead.
Peter was such a beautiful man. He was such a good and beautiful man. Gabriel was so happy that he could give Peter this ecstasy, this joy, this relief and comfort. God, he loved Peter...he loved Peter so much and being able to do this was almost more intense and pleasurable than anything he had ever experienced for himself.
Gabriel blinked his eyes open to glance up at Peter once more. Peter with writhing on the ground, his head lolling back deeply into Gabriel's shirt...and Gabriel was pleased to know that his scent was probably filling all of Peter's senses right now. Peter's body was nearly lost to the continuous crashing waves of fiery sensations rushing through his frame and Gabriel could feel the tightness in his lower regions that were begging for release. Peter was close...so very close to letting everything go and crashing over the edge.
Gabriel watched in wide-eyed wonder, his lips still tightening and suckling roughly against Peter's pulsating flesh, as Peter hang precariously on the edge...just as Gabriel had done earlier on the rooftop. His moans were unfiltered now, his eyes lolling back up into his head, his whole body shivering and quaking with unrelieved tension.
"I'm...oh, I'm..." Peter cried out, a spasm shooting through his frame. He was close...god, he was so close. It was exhilarating, and Gabriel felt a pleasured wave seep warmly throughout his body. His own pulse was racing but he just kept focused on drinking Peter in, taking him in and keeping him safe.
But instead of letting go, Peter gave a sharp shake of his head, a pained expression ripping through his bleary pleasure. Gabriel gave a small start in realization...Peter was fighting with himself internally again. He knew he was close...and that scared him too. Because maybe Peter wasn't sure he was ready to let go in front of Gabriel...to have Gabriel be the cause of his release...to allow himself to bathe in Gabriel's promise of salvation.
Peter was teetering on the edge...wanting to jump, but still so scared of the prospect of not being able to fly. Peter needed to take a leap of faith...but leaps of faith are scary. They are terrifying because they mean you might fall...you might dash your foot upon the stones below...you might get hurt...you might feel pain...you might get your heart broken.
But Gabriel knew how to guide Peter over the edge and into the sky...to catch him and keep him from falling. He knew so much under the vast, endless starry night sky...he understood everything under the envisioned, dreamed-up moon. It was as if his mind had been the enemy for so long, but he had finally unlocked its secrets. He had conquered this dark hell at last, and he was free to romp through it unfettered...and now, at last, he could bring Peter with him.
Gabriel reached up one trembling, slick hand and brushed it warmly against Peter's side. Peter glanced down at him through hazy, blurred vision. He blinked heavily at what was lightly touching him, determined to catch his attention.
He didn't stop his deep intake of Peter's arousal, sure to keep his steady rhythm...his demanding touch. But even so, he moved his hand towards Peter, palm facing upwards in a gentle invitation. Gabriel's heart skipped a beat in his tight, heaving chest and he was pretty certain that Peter's had done the same. The intent was clear...dance with me...hold me...encompass me...and you won't ever have to jump alone again.
Peter sucked in a deep breath; he moved to unclench one shaking fist from its tangled grip in Gabriel's hair. Hand still trembling...beautiful hazel eyes still intense and shining in the pale glow of the moonlight...Peter intertwined his hand within Gabriel's. Their fingers locked together and gripped each other with demanding and affectionate force. Their hands were like pieces to a puzzle that would never be complete unless they were together...their hands were warm and slippery but they clung to each other...they clung to each other and poured every ounce of love, caring, need, loneliness, anger, sorrow, darkness...every ounce of emotion they took out of themselves and poured into the other.
Gabriel quickly glanced up at Peter and Peter gave him a quivering, but sweet imperfectly perfect smile, his lips quirking to the side. He had first fallen in love with Peter's smile, hadn't he?
Gabriel felt pooling heat pang in his stomach as he began to move his warm and comforting mouth around Peter with a sense of rapid intensity. He felt the tremors against his lips...the spasms pushing against his mouth...the pulsating, throbbing, blood crying out for relief against his unrelenting, prodding, lapping tongue.
Peter's smile slipped away from his lips as another wave of intense pleasure washed over him. "Oh, god...my god, Gabriel..." He threw his head back and released another loud moan. His back arched once more; the feel of Gabriel's mouth all around him...deepening against him...causing sharp and continuous shots to rip through Peter's arousal, stomach, chest and mind. There was no holding back now...Peter was fast reaching the point of no return.
Every fiber of Gabriel's being was screaming. He was tired, he was impassioned, he was nearing exhaustion in his movements. His arousal was straining against his clothing...small tremors rippling up it and churning in his leaping, twisting stomach. He knew he couldn't stop now...he fought off any though of tiring, Peter's impassioned moans pushing him to the end too.
Their hands were so tightly clutching the other that both their knuckles began to burn white. Peter was loud and reckless in his growing abandon...and Gabriel loved that about him. He loved Peter even more...god, how could he always love Peter even more?
"Ah...ah!" Peter cried out, his voice coming out like a choked sob. His chest was flushed red and his legs were shaking wildly. "Oh...please...don't stop—please..." His back arched up off of the ground once...twice...three times...and Gabriel knew that a climbing wave of pleasure was rising up within him. "Gabriel...Gabriel..."
Gabriel felt his heart flutter wildly and erratically in his chest. The way Peter spoke his name...Gabriel...god, Gabriel had always hated his name but now...now he couldn't think of anything he would rather be called.
Gabriel tightened his lips around Peter and gave one last, deep intake. He gave one last, impassioned suckle...tasting Peter passionately, taking him in urgently...and Peter let go.
Peter's back arched up off the ground, his head thrown back and neck elongated, his lips bursting with a dark and desperate cry. Hot, white fire burned within his core as sharp spasms riveted through his body. He moaned and withered, his arousal giving rough, rhythmic convulsions...one of Peter's hands had fingers tightly hanging onto Gabriel's dark hair and the other had fingers demandingly squeezing Gabriel's warm hand.
Gabriel watched in amazement, continuing to ride through Peter's release with him, continuing to take him in as the shuddering trembles continued to rip through the young man's jerking frame. It was odd—but for all the abandoned beauty of the moment, Gabriel could only think of a poem written by Guilliame Apollinaire that he had read when he was a child.
"Come to the edge, he said.
We are afraid, they said.
Come to the edge, he said.
They came to the edge,
He pushed them and they flew."
For the life of him, Gabriel had never known what the hell that poem had meant. But now...now...yes, now at last he understood exactly what it meant. Now he understood...and now he and Peter flew together...the leap of faith had lead them to somewhere beautiful...somewhere healing...somewhere whole.
Peter's deep cries turned to impassioned pants and gasps. The spasms were cooling into pleasant shudders as Peter let out a breathy sigh of relief...an expression of pure rapture gracing his damp, shivering features. He lifted Gabriel's own trembling hand in his...both were now cool and wet with perspiration...and he kissed it repeatedly with tender, adoring lips.
"Gabriel...Gabriel..." Peter sighed, a warm peace seeming to penetrate his being. His lips touched Gabriel's strained knuckles again and again. "Oh, Gabriel..."
"Mmmm...Peter..." Gabriel murmured, his eyelids heavy and his breathing shallow. He straightened up and moved his body passionately against Peter's. He lifted his lips back up to capture the young man's...his mouth moving slowly against Peter's in deep, encompassing kisses. Peter kissed him back eagerly, his teeth nipping at the corners of Gabriel's mouth, his cheek pressing against Gabriel's nose and heated breath.
"Gabriel...oh, god, Gabriel..." Peter gasped, allowing his hand to drift lazily down the shivering length of Gabriel's warm, sweaty form. Gabriel felt his stomach give an anticipating leap as Peter's fingers skimmed promisingly along the hem of Gabriel's boxers...preparing to slip inside and give Gabriel warm, precious relief as well.
But Gabriel quickly moved his hand down to catch Peter's...to stop him from going any further. Although it took all his power to do so...he was heated and overly-stimulated now and it ached to deny himself cool, soothing completion too. But this wasn't about him...this wasn't his salvation...his redemption.
"Tonight was about you, Peter." Gabriel whispered, his voice filled with a deep and earnest murmur. "Tonight was all about comforting you."
Peter blinked quickly; quirking his head to one side at Gabriel's words. He rushed his fingers through damp, dark brown hair; it slipped slightly over the side of his face. Time fixing what Gabriel had destroyed. "Then let me comfort you..."
"No, no, I just want to hold you now." Gabriel whispered, giving Peter a warm smile. He leaned forward to capture Peter's lips gently once more. They shared another deep and impassioned kiss before Gabriel slowly pulled away. He pressed his cool, damp forehead flesh against Peter's. Together they took in deep, ragged breaths as if breathing with one set of lungs.
"Thank you, Peter." Gabriel murmured, placing a warm hand to Peter's chest...his fingers encircling slowly where Peter's heart laid. He felt the rhythmic beating for only a moment, its rapid thump slowing to a relaxed pace.
Gabriel gently curled up next to Peter, his head pressing into the makeshift pillow as his arms encircled tightly around Peter's sweaty, warm body. Peter laid his head against Gabriel's bare chest...his own arms and legs tangling around the taller man's form.
"You told me if there's no way out of here...that we can be together." Gabriel whispered, his lips feeling the tickle of the top of Peter's hair against them. "Do you remember saying that, Peter? Or had I already seduced you into saying anything at that point?"
Peter gave a rough, raspy chuckle. He placed his ear firmly against Gabriel's slowing heartbeat. "No...no, I remember." He admitted, softly...quietly. Maybe even a little sadly.
They laid in silence...the only sound the beating of their hearts and the shallow noise of their breathing. The moon glowed down upon them...it would be bright enough out that they should fear lying naked on a rooftop, for the probability that someone would see them in a city so vast. But they weren't afraid...they were the only two people in all of existence, after all. And so they lay there...unabashed in their nakedness...comforted in their silence.
"Gabriel, you were so sweet and amazing tonight." Peter admitted, softly, breaking the sacred hush of the night...his voice still holding a small and sad quality to it. As if already the dream was starting to fade and reality was once again settling in. "I almost wonder if I'm good for you...you're starting life anew and...and I'm probably the most confused, broken person in the world right now. I did come here tonight to be with you...because I couldn't stop thinking about that kiss. And maybe...maybe that was selfish of me."
"You aren't selfish, Peter." Gabriel insisted in surprise, his arms subconsciously wrapping around Peter even more securely...lest he slip through his fingers. "You're the most selfless, giving man I have ever met in my life."
"But I need to do right by you...and by him." Peter replied, pointedly. He sighed, burying his face deeper into Gabriel's chest. "I dunno...in here it doesn't seem to matter. Nothing seems to matter anymore. But out there...what happens out there...?"
And Gabriel could still hear the distance in Peter's voice...and he realized that Peter was too broken to heal in just one, beautiful, sacred night. Tonight was a mere moment of reprieve, true...but there was still Nathan. And maybe there always would be Nathan. Maybe one fatal decision in life can truly cut off all other future hopes...as if snipping an invisible thread.
"You know I'm sorry." Gabriel whispered helplessly, knowing already that the words no longer held any meaning when spoken to Peter. He was pretty sure that he had used up all of his 'sorrys' over a year ago. "You know that, but it'll never be enough, will it?"
"In here...it is." Peter sighed, sorrowfully. He looked up at Gabriel and strained to give him one quick, desperate kiss. Gabriel accepted it, gratefully, savoring the slight pressure of Peter's warm mouth. "In here it's enough."
"But not out there. And we are getting out of here." Gabriel admitted, a certain but forlorn quality finding its way into his tone. He looked up into the stars...stars that only existed inside the freedom of his imagination, he supposed. They were infinite in here, within the confines of his mind...but weren't they infinite out there too? Weren't they just as real on the other side of the Wall? "We are going to get out of here, aren't we?"
"I don't know anymore." Peter sighed, settling back down into Gabriel's makeshift pillow. "Maybe not."
They fell into deep, contemplative silence again. For a moment Gabriel wondered if he should leave...Peter seemed quite at war within himself again. Two sides battling it out...one side that trusted and cared about the new Gabriel...the other side that was forever tormented and enraged with the old Sylar. But hadn't he shown himself to be Gabriel now...especially after tonight? Gabriel squirmed uncertainly...wondering if leaving would seem abrupt or rude after all they had shared...but also wondering if Peter would prefer the solitude in order to think clearer. Peter would never ask him to leave, after all.
Eventually in the silence, Peter drifted off to sleep...his breathing slowing to gentle puffs...his eyes fluttering shut and his entire body growing slack. Peter sweetly cuddled into Gabriel's form...his mouth opening to emit a couple of snores...and somehow even that seemed adorable to Gabriel in the moment.
"I love you, Peter." Gabriel whispered into the dark, safety of the night. "I have always loved you. Ever since I first laid eyes on you, I loved you. And I love you even more now... with every new and surprising and beautiful thing that you do."
He still didn't know whether or not he should leave or stay...or if making either choice would end up cutting some invisible thread that for all his abilities to read the future he was never able to see or to understand. Maybe he fell asleep himself already, for in his mind's eye he was already heading down the empty, cobbled streets...Peter's form still lying naked and pure in the gentle shroud of the moon back up on that abandoned rooftop. He didn't know where he was heading in the moment; he only knew where he would eventually end up. He knew that he would eventually find himself at the Wall...outside of that isolating, stronghold of brick and mortar...because isn't that where all roads led to in the end?
There was only one thing that had transpired tonight that Gabriel was truly certain of. Gabriel had been real and so had Peter...and so was everything that they had shared within the hushed darkness of the night...the only two real, flesh-and-blood humans trapped in this empty, imaginary world.