Chapter 36
Out of the Ashes
It's late when we finally escape to our suite. After Alice's shopping trip, both Yanna and Felicia have enough supplies to fully decorate their own rooms. They were both upstairs, though Yanna had to be carried. She said it would be good incentive for her to learn to climb the steps. We spent a long time getting Yanna signed up for classes – which would be starting soon.
Between Joham and the aftermath of the war, she only has the equivalent of a high school education. She's looking forward to taking classes in psychology. She wants to dedicate herself to helping others get over the traumatic events of their lives.
Felicia will start second grade the week after Yanna. She's growing so fast, we thought it best to enroll her a year ahead of her calculated age. She already knows how to read and write, but with her being so new to English, we're afraid it might be difficult for her.
"Maybe this is a good thing. They won't be able to understand her favorite insults and profanity." At Alice's comment, Felicia flipped her off.
"They still understand sign language, bit..."
"Enough!" Jasper cut her off. "You will not call my wife those names! You are no longer a Volturi sewer rat, and you will behave as a proper young lady should, or I will personally introduce you to the woodshed. And just in case that's not in your vernacular, let me make myself clear. I will turn you over my knee and whup your behind until you cannot sit down." He didn't raise his voice, but his southern lilt came out so strong we all knew he meant every word.
I was waiting for her to make some sort of comment about how she might like the kinky stuff, but instead she stared at him with wide eyes. Her bottom lip trembled and two tears leaked from her eyes. She raced across the room and landed in his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck.
"I'm sorry! I'll be good, please don't send me away!" She buried her face against his chest as he held her. He looked at us in bewilderment, and patted her back.
"Hush darlin', no one's going to send you away."
Even with her face muffled against him, we could still hear her "I love you," which shocked us all. It was so quiet, when Yanna took my hand.
"I know how she feels." She looked from me to Carlisle. "I love you too. You've given us a place to belong, with a home and a family." She looked at each of us and smiled. "You cared about us when no one else did. You've forgiven us for our mistakes, and you care about our futures. I love this family." Her eyes glistened with tears, and they were wet on my cheeks when I hugged her. It was a precious moment, and it felt like the pieces of our new life were clicking into place.
It's much later, as Carlisle closes the door to our suite, he takes me in his arms and kisses me gently. "How does it feel to be home?"
"Anywhere you are is home to me. But this feels good. I should have some gray in my hair after all it took to get here." I smile up at him. "It's not the way I planned for my life to work out, but I'm happy."
He gazes at me, with a soft smile teasing his lips. "I'm happy too." He caresses my face with his gentle fingers. "You amaze me. No matter what's thrown at you, you rise to meet it."
"That's not true at all. You didn't see me when I thought I'd lost you." It hurts just to think about being without him.
He looks irritated for a moment. "Bella, I'm not your whole life, and I don't want to be." His face softens. "Your grief terrifies me. I never want to cause you pain like that, but it could happen. None of us have any real guarantee that we're here forever. I'll be honest, there's a part of me that hopes we're not. I hope to see my God some day."
"Up in Heaven with Esme?" I don't mean to say the words; I don't begrudge her. He winces.
"Bella, hasn't this day shown you anything?" He pulls me tight against him. "Love doesn't put those kinds of restrictions on us. The God I know and love wouldn't force me to choose who I love the most, so I could say goodbye to all the rest. Our circumstances may change, our lives go in different directions, and we sometimes lose people. But love always wins out. It's the one thing that stays constant – at least if it's real. All the changes in our family should show you that."
"You're right, I'm sorry." I just want him to hold me.
"It's not about being right." He sighs deeply. "I just want you to know that I love you. But if something were to ever happen to me, I don't want you to give up. I want you to go on living your life. And if someone else were to come along, I'd want you to open up and love them. Love is a gift darling, and we should never turn our backs on it because it's not exactly what we expected."
I kiss him. I want to keep on kissing him, but I need to tell him how I feel. "I understand – really I do. No one is more delighted by this surprising connection between us than I am." My eyes meet his. "But I need you to understand my side. You say love is a gift, and I believe you. But love doesn't come by itself. The first time it came with Edward... and maybe you're right and I was a bit too obsessed with him. But it was the very first time I'd ever felt it, and it was powerful!"
His eyes glance away at my declaration, and I run my fingers lovingly through his hair. "What I feel for you is no less powerful. I think it's how I'm wired. It's like I don't just fall in love, I put my whole heart and soul into his hands – and into your hands. Edward broke my heart the first time he left me. He didn't realize that the only real way he could truly protect me was to keep safe what I'd given him. When he died, I fell out of his hands and broke." I chew my lip.
"Carlisle, I know it's crazy to put so much of myself into someone else's hands. I know I'm too trusting, and I know it's a little childish to expect someone else to cherish me and hold me dear. But I hold you that close, and that dear. If I lost you, someone else would have to be... tenacious, loving, patient, kind, and determined to force my hands open, or I would never let you go – even if you were gone. You did that for me. To be honest, I wouldn't want someone who didn't love me enough to go that far."
"Bella... I just don't know if I'm worthy of that kind of devotion. I"m not human, but I make human mistakes. Haven't I made mistakes with you already? I'm guaranteed to screw up somewhere along the way. Baby I don't want the power to hurt you."
"I trust you." I feel the conviction of my words. "I know you won't hurt me."
"I already have. Bella, I hit you. I ignored your pain while I was trying to save Volterra by myself. I left you behind in Italy and flew home without an explanation. I kissed Colette, and I was crazy with jealousy that you kissed Aro. I made you watch my execution, and I forgot you. And while I was unavailable, you were almost raped. Maybe you shouldn't trust me."
"Do you love me?"
"Of course I do, but that's not the point."
"That's exactly the point. You love me, and you're not going to leave me. I trust that. I know we'll make mistakes. I know we'll argue and fuss at each other. But there's no one who loves you more than I do. Do you feel that way about me?"
He groans and pulls me tight against him. "I love you more than my own life." His words are softly murmured against my hair. "I don't just love you, I need you Bella. I crave you... I want to drown in you... don't ever let me go."
His words, his hands, his sweet sweet kisses, and the love I feel for him all conspire to take me to a place of raw, lustful, aching for him. The knock on our suite door makes me snarl low in my throat. I've decided to ignore it when he reluctantly pulls away.
Alice's eyes miss nothing. "Oops, I did it again, didn't I?"
"I thought you could see the future," I quipped.
"What is it Alice?" Carlisle is the picture of patience as he sits on the loveseat and points to one of the chairs for her to sit. Instead she paces – just like he does when he's upset.
"Jasper come in here, I'm not doing this alone." He steps into the room like a kid on the first day of school.
"I'm sorry for the interruption. But my wife didn't think this could wait, and I agree with her." He takes a seat beside her and their fingers lace together. I take the seat beside Carlisle, and feel his arm around me.
"It's about Felicia..." she blurts, then glances between Jasper and Carlisle. "I... we... " She sputters to a stop. I've never seen Alice speechless.
"We want to adopt her." Jasper's soft drawl cuts the silence. "We understand if you two want to raise her, but she's got about seven more years before she'll be mature. She needs parents, not just a family. We want her."
"She has parents. You know you can't legally adopt her," Carlisle patiently explains.
"We know that," Alice pipes up. "But we want her to be our child – in all the ways that matter." She looks at the both of us and Jasper kisses her hand. "I know you two made all the arrangements and got her out of Volterra, and if the money is an issue..."
"You know it's not." Carlisle cuts her off.
"I know. But we've spent the last couple weeks with her, and... I love that little brat!" Jasper snickers at her words. "I'm never going to be a mother of my own babies, and I really don't care about that. But I want this one. Sometimes in the mornings I find myself sitting by her bed, just waiting for her to wake up. She's irrepressible and unpredictable, and fun! She's like this little light that has exploded in my world, and I just love her to pieces."
"We don't want to take her away or anything like that," Jasper continues. "But we want to be her mother and father. We want her to stay with us. We want to take full responsibility for her – teach her right from wrong and everything else she needs to know."
"You sound like you've thought this through." Carlisle's voice is solemn as he looks from the two of them to me. "Bella, what do you think?"
"I like Felicia a lot. But it's been crazy the past couple weeks, and I haven't had the time to bond with her." I smile at Alice and Jasper. "She's been staying with you two. You're the ones who make sure she eats, brushes her teeth, takes a bath, and doesn't cuss anyone out. If you haven't run for the hills yet, who am I to stand in your way. But..." Three sets of eyes look my way.
"That little girl doesn't do anything she doesn't want to. She may have met her match in you two, but you can't just spring this on her as a done deal. If she's going to be a Whitlock instead of a Cullen, you better consult her on it first."
"Absolutely!" Alice bounces in her chair as if she's spring loaded and ready to pop. "Carlisle, will you back us?"
"On one condition." Her eyes widen and she leans forward. "I think you two will make great parents – but don't spoil the girl."
"We won't. Oh my god, Jasper – we're going to be parents!" She squeals and throws her arms around him excitedly. I don't think they could look any happier if they were expecting their own baby. "Um... we'll let you get back to whatever you were doing." They stand and she pulls him excitedly toward the door. "Let's go daddy!"
Alone again we sit and stare at each other. "I didn't see that one coming. Are you sure you're not disappointed that she won't be your daughter?" His question surprises me.
"I think I did see it coming, at least a little bit. Alice seems to have stepped right into mothering Felicia in a way I wouldn't have expected. I think they'll be really good for each other. I do feel a little sorry for Jasper though." I snuggle up against his side.
He holds me and kisses my cheek. "Why do you say that?" He sounds so concerned I have to smile.
"He's an empath now with two headstrong females to contend with on a regular basis."
Carlisle groans. "Do you think we made the right decision? We could have kept her – maybe adopted her ourselves."
"If she goes along with it, I think it's perfect. I know Alice would be better at keeping up with her than I would. And Jasper is so tender with her. They're definitely not kids anymore. We'll have to set up some boundaries, since I'm sure Felicia will get real good at getting her own way if we don't."
"You're pretty smart where kids are concerned." He kisses my lips
"I had a little bit of practice. I also remember how it was being the child of divorced parents. It would have been easy to play them against each other."
"I love you." His words stop my train of thought. "I want to make love to you..." He leans into me and kisses me with a hunger that takes my breath away. "Now!" We shed clothes on the way from the sitting room to our private bedroom.
"Thank you Rosalie," I whisper as we tumble onto the bed, struggling to free one another from entangling clothes. I hear fabric tear; the signal that we've passed needy and are on the way to desperate. His body covers mine and his lips possess my mouth. Neither of us are completely naked, but I don't care as I feel him slide hard need against my sensitive skin. I gasp and spread myself for him, and he claims me hard and fast.
I cry out as he drives into me – owning me. I love the way we crash together, as the bed cushions and recoils to his every thrust. Love this man! I gasp and whimper as he pushes me to the precipice of bliss and keeps me there just feeling the way our bodies move together and thrill to one another.
"I want to hear you baby, I love your voice when we make love." His eyes meet mine and his voice is deep and throaty. Then he leans in close to me and whispers in my ear. "Do you like it when I fuck you?"
"Oh my god –yes!" I can't believe that one word falling from his chivalrous lips, can set me off like it does. I feel like I've enticed him to cross a barrier he never would have without me. "Don't stop , please don't stop – I love what you do to me!" I allow myself lose control of the volume of my voice. He rewards me with his wonderful hip movements, which drive me crazy. "Carlisle please... it feels so good!"
He has so easily mastered me, keeping me just on the edge of release as he thoroughly indulges my body. I praise him with my words and the sounds I make I love the way he looks at me, in awe and wonder, with his mouth open and his eyes fixed on me. I could lose myself in his eyes, if I wasn't already lost in his fabulous body.
He shifts, pressing his hard body against mine as he moves his hips alone in a frenzied pace that rubs against my most sensitive spot. I gasp and scream as my body finds it's fulfillment. He kisses me, and holds me tight as another surge takes me. I feel like one raw nerve, and he continues to tease me, stroke me, and make me cry out and push against him.
His restraint is making me wild. I want to feel him – see him when he can finally take no more. When it happens, he cries out like I've never heard before. Raw, guttural, inarticulate satisfaction tears from his throat. I watch his neck stiffen as he freezes for just a moment, completely overcome. He carries me with him, once again making me gasp and cry out.
I wrap myself around him to hold him as close as possible, just savoring the sweet connection. I feel his breath against my neck, his chest pressed against mine, his arms around me, and the slackening bridge between us.
"I love you," we both murmur together, then he laughs softly. "I think you're a bad influence on me. I never used to use profanity. My mother would have washed my mouth out with lye soap, and my father would have beaten me."
"It's not profanity when you say it." I kiss his ear.
"Just what is it then?" His voice is soft and playful.
"Endearing." I have to laugh when he pulls back to gaze at me, with a look of curiosity on his precious face.
"How so?"
I pull his face to mine and kiss his lips. With my legs still around him, I give a gentle hip thrust, and he moans. "It shows you understand me. I love your gentleness. But I also love that you don't hold back with me. You give me everything, even if it's new and unfamiliar to you. I love that – I want that."
"I really love that about you Bella. You're so unrestrained." He kisses me. "Esme was so...oh I'm sorry. I keep forgetting there are certain times when I shouldn't share."
"It's okay. I want you to share." What I don't want is his movement, and the way he pulls away from me. He collapses onto his back, and then pulls me atop his chest.
"I love looking at you... you're so pretty." I laugh in embarrassment. "I mean you're beautiful." He holds me close and kisses me. He looks at me for long moments, as his hands travel over my back. "I had no idea it could be this good." His face looks so serious. "I mean I never even thought that making love could be more than just loving and gentle." He laughs self-consciously. "I thought sex and lovemaking were two separate things." He looks thoughtful.
"I used to think that what I did while I was human was merely sex. It was fornication for the sake of physical pleasure. I never felt any connection to the women I bedded. It was all about physical gratification."
"It sounds like fun. I think I'm jealous." I smile down at him teasingly.
"No, it wasn't... I mean it was fun. But it was empty. It was nothing you should feel jealous about. It was merely something to do. I would have called it by that word. I never knew it could mean anything more, until you showed me..."
"I like challenging your old-fashioned notions."
"That's what I'm trying to say. I am old-fashioned. But you're giving me a new take on life I never expected." He grins. "I never would have been so noisy before." His smile falters. "Esme was always so quiet. I mean we can't hide from vampire hearing, but she tried. Even on the island she was quiet, and I learned not to talk or make noise myself. I think it went back to the time she spent married to her abusive husband." He looks thoughtful. "It's funny that I never felt I could talk to her about it."
"I'm not afraid to talk about making love. You're really good at it." I chew my lip as I look down on his disbelieving face. I run my fingers through his hair. "I mean really good."
"How would you know? You've only had one other partner."
"Hmm, maybe you're right. But I know how you make me feel... mmm... you're so good. Sometimes I just feel like I'm going to scream."
"That' good?" His fingers play over my body, waking up all my senses and making them crazy. "Maybe I'll have to see if I can make you scream."
He can.
I greet the dawn spent and naked in his arms. I feel almost guilty we made love all night long. I have such a sense of belonging with him, and as we climb into the shower together, I'm amazed again that it's him. He's the same man I thought of as a father-in-law for all those years. And now he's my lover and husband.
He's the one sliding soapy hands over me, and making me gasp. I can't get enough of his beautiful face as we kiss. It's his body I crave as he lifts me and impales me in the steady hot stream of the shower. I love this man. "Carlisle!" I cry out as we become one all over again.
The sun is fully risen and the morning is underway when we finally dress for the day. I try not to look his way, as I pull out comfortable clothes to wear today. Again I'm grateful to Rosalie for moving our clothes into our new room. It seems odd going about such a normal task with him in the room with me.
I finally look at him. We're both in our underwear, and it's as if he can feel my gaze, and he turns my way. I smile. It's one of those moments where human Bella would have blushed. As much as we've shared of each other physically, we have yet to do the morning routine together. It's real, and somehow intimate. He comes to me slow and sexy, effortlessly making his white boxers and T-shirt look hot. He kisses me so gently, I just want to fling myself into his arms and cover him with kisses.
"It seems counterproductive to put clothes on that body." His lips travel to my ear. "I love you so much."
I back away from him with a smile. "Oh no you don't. I know that look."
"What look?" He grins mischievously.
"That look. The look that tells me you want to make love – again." I take a few more steps backward.
"You're the one who said you wanted to be naked forever. Have you changed your mind so soon my love?" He goes from predator to innocent little boy in the blink of an eye.
"You know..." I observe as I take two more retreating steps. "... it's a real good thing you decided never to feed from humans. I really don't think there's anyone who could resist that look."
"You seem to be doing a good job of it." He again fixes me with his wide-eyed golden gaze as he steps forward.
"I have already been satisfied and satiated more times than I can count. Don't we have a lot to do today?" I back into the bed and he pounces.
"We have a lot to do today, after breakfast." His words come with the rending of my bra and his mouth making a meal out of me. Even though we're next to a perfectly good bed, he takes me on the floor. I don't ever want to get used to the way he so easily bends my will to his. Even after making love all night and half the morning, I still need him. Even though we're on the floor, his gentleness is a perfect counterbalance, and we make love slowly, completely at ease with one another.
It's times like this I really wish he could read my mind. Not because he's missing something, but because I want to share the way he makes me feel. I try to tell him, but the words are just so inadequate.
"I love you," I sigh. He rests atop me after completely making me his, and pleasing me more than I can contain. "I love the way you make love with me." I sift my fingers through his hair, which still isn't quite dry. "I love looking at you when you're in me... you look like you're so overcome with every happy feeling you've ever had. It thrills me that I can make you feel that way." He kisses me, with his tongue teasing mine and exploring my mouth.
"I love the way you fill me." He makes me gasp with a grind of his hips against me. He's still filling me in the way I love after our release. "I love the way we fit together, and I love the way you respond to all the cues of my body. You know when to go hard and fast, and you can sense when I need slow and gentle."
"Shh Bella..." He kisses me softly – thoroughly. "... you're going to push me into 'one more time' if you're not careful. I can do this all day you know." I gasp at the small smile teasing his lips.
"I just want you to know how you make me feel." I pull him close and tuck my chin in the crook of his neck.
"I know how I make you feel. You've been very vocal, which I love. But we really do have to start the day." I wrap my legs around his waist to hold him to me just a bit longer.
"I love this part; just lying with you after all the intensity of lovemaking, pleasure, and... orgasms has passed. It's like we're one. I feel so complete like this." We kiss for a long while before he slides out of me and gets up.
"I love you, my beautiful girl." He slips back into his whites as I get up and dig in the dresser for another bra. "Don't wear that." He comes up behind me and his hands glide around me, cupping me. "I love touching you here. You don't need a bra; you're firm and perfect, and they're never going to sag. Go without …. just for today." His lips on my neck make me sigh. He's not asking for much, and I'll do anything for him. I find a top that won't expose me.
He wears his typical Carlisle uniform, and I stop to consider his clothes. "Don't you have anything more casual? I mean you're not at work, do you really need the tie?" He watches me as I loosen and remove the fabric swatch, which coordinates with his peach shirt. I unbutton the top two buttons, then un-tuck the shirt.
"Bella, if you're trying to undress me..." He grins.
"I'm not. I just think you could use a softer look – for when you're at home. I bet you'd look hot in jeans." His arms capture me and hold me tight.
"I bet you'd look hot out of your jeans." I giggle as he kisses me.
"That's far enough! We have things to do today." I wiggle free of his hands, which have slipped up the back of my shirt to caress my bare back.
"I'm not sure I'm used to this responsible Bella. I thought that was my job." He leans against the dresser with his ankles crossed looking so good.
"Well now that we're together, I guess we need to share." I smile as I impatiently brush the tangles from my hair. He's quick, and he comes up behind me to slide his hands under my shirt, again caressing my bra-less skin.
"I like sharing." His voice in my ear makes me catch my breath
"Carlisle please..." He trails kisses from my ear to my shoulder. The not so discreet knock on the door interrupts us, and stops what would surely be another 'one more time.'
"Come on you two, we're not going to wait around all day while you notch the bedpost!" Rosalie is back to her old blunt self it seems. We pull away from each other and I straighten my clothes before we open the door. She's standing in the hall with her arms crossed. "I thought we were going to have to turn the hose on you two!"
I gape at the idea. She grins and comes between us, putting an arm around each of us. "I think I owe you that much, after all the teasing I took when Emmett and I would... play."
I stop and meet her eyes. "It doesn't bother you to talk about him like that?"
"It used to, but not anymore. I'm really happy with Garrett. He understood all the mess I had to get over, because he had the same with Kate." She smiles and continues to lead us down the hall. "Besides, do you know how much Em would love being remembered for his insatiable sexual appetite?" She glances meaningfully at Carlisle.
"Did you just compare my sex drive to Emmett?" He looks surprised – and pleased.
"Didn't you even notice I bought you the quietest bed I could find – for all the good it did me." She rolls her eyes, then puts a finger to her lips. "Shh, we've been telling Felicia you've been in there playing games, like Twister and Charades.
"Somehow Blondie here thinks I'm stupid." Felicia faces us with her little fists on her hips. "I know the sound of sex when I hear it. But damn, I'm not old enough to have my own life-sized Ken doll, so the least you could do is keep it down so I can sleep and dream about the future!" I don't know whether to be shocked or laugh.
Jasper crosses the room and scoops up the little munchkin. "What did I tell you about your language, young lady?" She looks momentarily ashamed, then he playfully tugs on a pigtail with a smile. "Why don't you go play for a bit and let the adults talk?" He kisses her cheek, and she hugs him tight before he puts her down. She scampers off in the most childish way I've ever seen her behave. Rosalie follows after her.
Jasper faces us and meets our eyes. I can see the smile playing peek-a-boo with his face. "You two... I just don't know what to say. It's a good thing no one else is as sensitive to your amorous predilections as I am. My dear Alice thinks I was merely excited to be home and alone with her." He grins at Carlisle and punches his arm. "I guess she can teach an old dog new tricks."
I'm waiting for Carlisle to come up with something clever to put him in his place. Instead he just stands there with a secretive half-smile on his face and says nothing. Jasper looks as if he's waiting for some kind of come-back as well, but then he clears his throat awkwardly.
"We've all gathered in the den for a family meeting. We've got a lot of catching up to do, and plans to make." Jasper turns to go, and Carlisle stops him.
"We'll be there in just a few minutes, I've got something I want to show Bella." Without a word, he leads me to the front door. Once outside I follow him through the trees, as he heads toward the still unfinished garage. I wonder what he has in mind.
Inside the large structure he looks around at the nearly finished walls and the high roof. I see the smile is back. "What do you see when you look up?" He asks.
"A roof and support beams, why?" He nods and wanders past the cars already parked there.
"What if we put a ceiling in here, and then finished the space above it, maybe raise the roof a little more... we could turn it into a really nice suite... we'd have to add a bathroom... plumbing... stairs... maybe a deck. I think it could be really nice."
"Who do you want to have staying in the garage?" I'm wondering if maybe he's thinking about a separate apartment for one of the new additions to our family.
"Us." He catches me in the circle of his arms and kisses me. "I'm thinking about a suite for us. A place away from the house where we could be alone... and make love... and make noise. I don't want to make love to you in silence. But I don't want to have to explain myself to everyone else either." Even as the idea percolates in my mind, his hand slides under my top and caresses me.
"Carlisle please!" He grins as his teasing hand retreats.
"You're so responsive to me, and it's very hard to resist. I'm going to make love to you a lot Missus Cullen, so..." He looks up at the beams, and my eyes follow his.
"How about a garden tub in that bathroom – and a rain shower?" I smile. "I like to see you wet." He kisses me so fiercely he backs me against one of the cars. I don't want to let him go when he pulls away.
"Would you let me make love to you right now – with everyone waiting inside for us?" At my nod he groans. "You're not just spoiling me, you're ruining me. I love it!" He kisses me again, cradling my face in his palms. "I love you." In spite of the threat to make love, he leads me back inside.
I'm surprised to see we have company, and I leave Carlisle's side to rush over to him. Eleazar backs away from the expected hug, instead taking my hands in his.
"It's good to see you again, Bella. I'm sorry I didn't hug you, but I still have some healing to do." I look him over, and he looks fully healed to me. His face is still handsome, and his hands holding mine are strong and whole. His hair is gone, but for a short stubble covering his scalp. It's a brutal reminder that he was burned beyond recognition.
He smiles as he lets go of my hands to rub his scalp. "It's probably going to take a while for this to grow back." He shakes Carlisle's hand as he comes to stand beside me. They meet and regard each other eye to eye like old friends. "I hear that you and Senorita Bella are a couple now. I'm very happy for you both." He doesn't say it, but I almost feel his thoughts go to Esme and Edward. "I was so worried about her. I'm glad she found a good man to bring her out of mourning."
I'm struck by the whiteness of his smile, then it hits me – he's smiling! This isn't the face of a man who tried to kill himself not so long ago. Even as the thought hits me, I watch his gaze leave Carlisle and cross the room. His eyes fasten on Colette where she sits with Gemma, deep in conversation. My jaw drops. I don't need to have Edward's ability to see he's in love with her. Even as I watch, she looks up at us, and he turns away quickly.
She leaps up and runs to us. "Carlisle!" She wraps him in her arms and kisses both cheeks, even as he clutches my hand. "Bella." She nods a greeting to me, still with her arm around Carlilse, pressed against his side. I watch Eleazar's face wither as he turns away. She either doesn't know or doesn't care about his feelings!
She turns all her attention on Carlisle, and I have a strong urge to rip her hair out as she clearly ignores me. "We went to the house in Forks when Gemma began to have trouble. I knew you wouldn't mind." She beams up at him. "It was the perfect place for Eleazar to be so he wouldn't be in harms way. It's so lovely there."
"Esme made it beautiful." He extricates himself from her, and sits in one of the chairs. I hear her gasp as he pulls me down onto his lap, clearly staking his claim. "You're welcome to use the house anytime. It used to be too painful to think about living there again. But I've got a better outlook now." His arms circle my waist, and he kisses my neck. She just stares.
Her brows draw together. "It's true? You two are a couple? That is just so... odd. You have nothing in common... she can't give you..."
He cuts her off. "She gives me everything I want. Be happy for me Colette, I'm very much in love." She trembles as his words settle over her. I feel horrible at the sound of pain that leaves her as she turns to race from the room and the house. I almost get up to follow her, but Eleazar is behind her in an instant.
"Wow, that was uncomfortable." Alice comes over and perches on the arm of the chair. Her grin makes me wonder what she sees that the rest of us can't. "You do know we're gong to have to get a start on those wedding plans, right? I was thinking May, when everything's thawed out. I'd go for June, but that's just so cliché."
The rest of the afternoon goes into making plans for what we'll be doing now that we're all back from Volterra. Carlisle talks about either starting a private practice, or getting a position at the local hospital. Surprisingly Jasper endorses his private practice idea, as he really wants to become a practicing psychiatrist. They start making plans to open an office together. Alice doesn't mention what she'll be doing, but she holds Felicia on her lap in such a motherly way, it's clear she wants to take time away from school and any career choices to fully enjoy her one shot at motherhood.
Gemma speaks up in Italian and broken English, and we all listen. "I am sorry for my... actions yesterday. I was not myself." Nahuel sits beside her, holding her hand. "I have had a chance to talk to those I knew in Volterra." She shakes her head sadly. "Angelo helped me to remember. The memories are horrible and painful. But the others tell me I am strong. I remember being brave, and I remember being a hero. I will not let pain and Joham's evil define me. I will make my family proud." Nahuel and Huilen both hold her, and she holds little Karina.
"There is nothing for them in Romania. They stayed there because they were afraid of leaving. They want to come and visit us here. They will visit Volterra as well, and decide where they would like to make their home." She smiles. "I will get my daughter Carolina back." She looks momentarily confused. "She is Colette's half sister. We will have to decide how I can spend time with my son Christiano. His father loves him dearly and he's been with him all this time." She smiles and kisses Nahuel.
"We have discussed our plans, and we want to be here. We want a family not a coven, and this is a family. We want this to be our home. Nahuel and Huilen will go to college first, then in four years I will go. We want to contribute. We have grown attached to you all, and we want our children to have you as family."
"We would like that very much." Carlisle speaks for us all, and I see nods of agreement.
"I want to stay too." Yanna has been so quiet since we arrived. I'd wondered if she was having second thoughts, or if she was just overwhelmed with all the changes. She smiles at me and Carlisle. "I love you two. You're my new Mama and Papa – even though I'm too old to adopt. Colette is wrong; you have so much in common, and you belong together." She smiles brightly. "I will dance at your wedding!"
Rosalie speaks up. "We want to stay at least that long." She looks pointedly at Carlisle. "While we're all gushing... I have never told you how much I love you. You saved my life, and I gave you grief for it for so many years. I could have lost you in the war, and you never would have known how much I really appreciated the gift you've given me." She looks at Garrett sitting beside her. "It's time for me to stop behaving like a spoiled child. My new husband doesn't honor my childish behavior."
"I want a wife, not a teenage daughter or a mother." Garrett kisses her. "Isn't she adorable?" His smile is irrepressible. "I love this woman. If she wants to remain here as part of this family, I hope you will accept me too."
We all look up as the front door opens. Eleazar comes in looking somewhat embarrassed. He's holding Colette's hand, and he guides her along. She looks at the floor as they come in and sit down . He doesn't release her hand, as he pulls her down beside him. I notice a few leaves clinging to the back of her hair and shirt, and I hope they haven't fought.
"I want to thank you for letting me use the house in Forks." He's clearly talking to Carlisle. "I'm still not completely healed. Colette has healed the burns, but there are some weaknesses I believe will fade gradually." He looks at her, softly touching her cheek. "She's a marvel. I would have died without her, and I would have been happy to die." She doesn't look up. "I've never seen anyone as selfless as she is. I know how much I suffered. It is like the pain of our conversion made real in the flesh. I was an idiot to do what I did!"
He caresses her soft brown cheek. "She healed me. She took on every burn, every pain, and ever scar. Night and day she worked to mend me. When she took on too much I listened to her scream my screams of agony. Still she didn't quit. I told her to stop – that I wasn't worth it. She insisted I was, and promised that she would make me well.
"I had no choice but to allow her to minister to me. My legs were gone, and I couldn't even run away. She held me when I cried, and she soothed me when I mourned my losses. She felt my every pain, and when the memories poured out of me, she comforted me." He turns her face up to his and meets her eyes. "You are precious to me. I love you Colette. Would you break my heart with your futile devotion to Carlisle? You cannot possibly share the kind of love with him you gave to me." With his thumb he wipes away a tear sliding down her cheek.
We're all holding our breath, and she jumps up and runs to her room. I see the look of pain cross his face as he takes his turn looking at the floor. I look around our gathered group, wondering who will be the one to go after her. Gemma holds her baby tight, Huilen doesn't seem to be moved. I remember she's a bit afraid of Alice. Rosalie meets my eyes. She knows her better, but she nods my way.
"You go. She'll listen to you, even if she doesn't want to hear it." I sigh and get up. Carlisle pats my hand encouragingly. I walk down the hall, and I can hear her crying even before I open her door.
"Go away, I don't want you here!" I close the door behind me and take a seat on the edge of her bed.
"That seems to be the whole crux of your problem doesn't it? That I'm here and Carlisle wants me here." She's lying face down on her bed, and I hear her crying louder.
"I hate you! You don't deserve him!"
"I know." I acknowledge her accusation. "But I'm not going away. I love him, and we're happy together."
"He should be mine! He was promised to me!"
"Is that what this is all about? All this time and you're still trying to live out your father's plan. How can you see what you've seen and still want to follow his lead? He was a madman and a monster, and everything he touched he ruined! Everyone in that room has been hurt by him – everyone! That includes Carlisle. Your father is responsible for his wife's death. How can you even think to fulfill his promise with that knowledge?"
She turns over and sits up to glare at me. "He was my father! My life is supposed to go according to his plan. He promised me... he told me I would only have to suffer until after the war. He promised I would have a husband and a family of my own. He told me I could have other children!"
Her hand flies to her mouth as she realizes what she's said. Her eyes are enormous as they flood with tears. Her trembling turns to uncontrolled hiccuping sobs. I move to put my arm around her and she doesn't seem to notice.
"I wasn't supposed to tell! Never ever... oh my god!" She turns and clings to me as she cries. I try to sooth her, but I don't have a clue what she's talking about. She pulls away, and stares into space.
"My father raped me too." I hope I've misheard her whisper, but I know I haven't. "He made me pregnant two times. He wouldn't let me keep my babies. He told me if I didn't do everything he told me to do, he would kill them. They didn't come to Volterra with us, but he always told me he could give the orders and they would be killed. I always wondered if one of my older half sisters would do it. He could make anyone do anything. He couldn't charm me because I was his child, but I did everything he told me, because he had my babies.
"I healed the mothers when their bones were broken, and I watched them die during their delivery. I was in constant pain from so many injuries. I healed the first Volterra hybrids when they were torn apart. It hurt so much, and I almost lost them. It may have been kinder if I had, but I knew my own children were at risk. I healed the prisoners after he tortured them. I was the one who healed Yanna when he drank from her, or she would have died. I healed Gemma after the werewolf attacked her. I was supposed to save her baby... but what she gave birth to was an abomination. It was part wolf and part human. I let it die.
"I suffered at my father's hands. It was only when Carlisle came that I knew my suffering was over. It was like a sign from heaven that he was supposed to be mine! How could you take him from me?"
"I tried to tell you, we don't get to choose whom we love. I love Carlisle. I would do anything for him. I would move mountains to be with him. Do you really feel like that about him?"
She wipes her tears. "We would be good together – we're both healers..."
"Do you love him? Do you dream of holding him? Do you want to see his face every day for as long as you live? Would you do anything it takes to make him happy? Do you love him?"
"I could make him happy."
"Answer my question – do you love him?" She exasperates me, and I stand up to pace. "Never mind. You don't have to say it, I know you don't love him." I sit back down and meet her eyes. "Carlisle is a wonderful man. He's easy to like, since he's good, kind, funny, handsome, wise, compassionate, and sexy. I understand you might want that in your life. But none of that matters without love. I love him Colette. I won't let anyone take him away from me."
"I know." Her voice is small. "I will leave and go away."
"That's not necessary. Do you really think there's a price for you to stay here? Just because you're not his mate doesn't mean you have to leave."
"There's always a price." I've never heard her sound so cynical before. "There is no happiness without sacrifice. There is no peace without payment. If I had his babies, he would have to let me stay. I will go, and not bother you." She looks so sad and resigned.
"Wait a minute. That's not how this family works. We don't rescind a welcome once it's given. Just because you can't have Carlisle doesn't mean you lose your home and your life here."
"But I have no purpose."
"You don't need a purpose to have a place. Besides, you've been a valuable healer. Eleazar would have died without you." Even through her tears she smiles.
"He's a good man. I'm glad I could help." She looks at her hands.
"Tell me about him." She looks up at me and I can see her blush even through her brown skin.
"He... he's been so kind to me. He didn't want me to heal him when he found out I could feel his pain. He told me I was beautiful." She stares at her hands.
"How do you feel about him? He says he loves you." I watch her tears drip into her lap.
"He doesn't know the things I've done. I fornicated with my father and had his babies. How can he love me? His Carmen was a saint. He told me of all the good in her. I am not lovable. I am only useful. He is mistaken because I healed him, but it will pass."
"You didn't tell me how you feel about him."
"He kissed me..." Her eyes flick up to mine. "... before we came back. He held me tight and he kissed me for a long time. We were on the ground, kissing and touching, and I... I didn't want to stop." She looks suddenly guilty. "I kissed Carlisle the same way. But Ellie was different, and I really liked it." She looks back down at her hands. "I just wanted to keep kissing him. It made me forget everything I've done. But then we stopped and I remembered."
"Do you think you could love him?" Her eyes look so startled when they meet mine. "You've shared an awful lot. Most married people would have trouble staying together after going through what you've been through together. I've seen strong bonds form for less."
"I don't know!" She looks so upset. "I don't know if I can love anyone! Ellie is special, and he deserves someone better than me."
"Shouldn't I be the judge of that?" He leans in the doorway, and she stares at him with wide eyes. "You should know vampire hearing is pretty strong, and I've heard almost everything. Bella, do you mind giving us a little privacy?" Colette looks horrified as I get up to leave and he takes my place. I close the door behind me as I go back down the hall to Carlisle's waiting arms.
A/N: I had the chapter finished and ready to post, but the site wouldn't let me sign in - grrr! The same thing happened last week - stupid gremlins!
One more chapter to go. I mean it; I don't care if it takes me a hundred pages I'm finishing this! There were just a lot of loose ends to tie up with so many new characters. Maybe it's a flaw of mine that I want it all tied with a bow.