Child

After a couple more days of anxiety, Aro got in his beloved black van and left early in the morning. It wasn't until after noon that we heard him in the garage (which now held more than fifteen first-class cars), and then coming upstairs. He came into the hall, cloak floating behind him as he walked fast and proud. There was the biggest smile on his face, one so loaded with pleasure and desire that it left no doubt as to what had caused it.

"My God," whispered Caius softly.

And Aro stood before us, happier than I had ever seen him, ever. All the tension of the past seven months was gone and he almost seemed again the man I knew and loved.

"Aro, what have you done?" asked Marcus, barely concealing his horror.

"Nothing, my brother, I swear."

He sat down in his big leather chair, looking relieved, and more rested than he'd been in months.

"Aro, please, I know you. What did you do to her?"

"Let's say… let's say that I know her now. Biblical sense."

No one knew quite what to say. Aro's expression was strange, pleased and proud, but also worried. He seemed to be rather lost in himself, in thought, in recent memories. He sighed, took out an object from his pocket, and examined it. White fabric, with a pattern of blue and pink little flowers.

"What is it?" I couldn't help asking.

"Her headband."

Caius turned around to look at him. "You took a souvenir from her?"

"Not exactly. I found it in my car. But I'm keeping it."

"You found it in your car?" repeated Caius. Aro was fond of taking little things from her room, but 'finding' something, and inside his van?

"Yes. It… it all happened there, and just I found the headband, when I got here. Must have slipped from her hair. She was wearing it today."

"You took her in your car? Just like that? What did you do with her after afterwards?"

"Well, I drove her home, of course. I couldn't bear the idea of simply letting her go, much less like that."

"What do you mean, like that?" intervened Marcus. "Is she too hurt?"

"No, I don't think so. But still, I didn't think it gentlemanly from me to just leave her on her own. I had to take her home and make sure she was fine." He sighed again. "Anyway. What's done is done. See you around."

Without another word, he left.

After a few hours, everything was still in tense calm. Aro had spent all afternoon alone in his study, reading, while his brothers and the guard carried on with everything despite the huge cloud that hung in the air. No one had dared interrupt him, but I knew him better than anyone else, and felt he needed someone. I sought an excuse to go to him, see that he was ok. Sometimes Heidi brought home more humans that we could deal with in one session, so we kept the blood for another occasion, the way one could keep a bottle of wine. We had refined the preservation system so it could stay fresh for around a week and could be reheated without losing flavour or nutritional properties. Luckily, we had some of this blood at the moment, so I prepared a jar to bring to my Master. 'If you're going to suffer, better suffer on a full stomach,' someone in my village used to say when he gave me bread after my father beat me.

I set a tray with everything necessary and headed for Aro's study. I knocked, and he let me in without asking. He was busy with a few books, and I did not want to interrupt him, so I put the jar of blood on the table, with the cup, as silently as I could.

"Thanks, Jane," he said without looking up. He looked fine, but I sensed his distress.

"Master?" I said, tentatively placing a hand on his shoulder. Soon, his hand was over mine, and he met my eyes. All of a sudden, he hugged me.

"Oh, Jane, Jane, Jane, I have done something terrible. And the worst part is that I can't even regret it. She's driving me crazy. Jane, you know me, you know I'm not like this. I'd never been like this, never done things like these. She does something to me that I cannot explain. She has bewitched me. I swear I didn't want to hurt her. I love her more than my own life. I went to talk to her, I asked her to marry me, I offered her the moon and the stars. And when she refused me, yet again, I couldn't control myself anymore. I suddenly craved her, and I wanted to make her see that she couldn't play like that with me, she can't just provoke me and then treat me like trash. I couldn't let her keep mocking me, could I?"

Aro paused. He gestured with his hands and tried to speak a few times, but found himself at a loss for words. Little by little, he put the story together.

"I couldn't help myself. I took her to the backseat of my car. I know, I know. And she fought me. She fought me like I never thought she would. I did know she didn't think much of me, I imagined that perhaps she disliked me. But that…Such a tiny thing, but so fierce. She hated me, even before this whole thing she hated me, and I never realized. I've hurt her terribly, and the worst is that I don't regret it. I can't feel any remorse, and that's much more monstrous than the thing itself."

"You enjoyed it, then?"

For a while he didn't speak. The answer pained him, that much I could see, but it did him good to talk about it. "Yes. Very much. In some perverse way it was really exciting to see her fight and try to defend herself and yet I was more powerful. There was nothing she could do. And she was so beautiful! So perfect! Soft, warm, sweet, she was pure and untouched. Christ, I would do it again! But I can't make her suffer, I can't. It hurts me to see her in pain because of me. Yet…"

Another pause. Finally I spoke. "And what will you do now?" I asked him. Three people mattered in your life: the first person you were intimate with, the person who transformed you, and the person who became your mate. That morning Aro had claimed Alice as a woman, and by becoming one of these three people had forged a link with her forever. Yet something in his eyes told me he wasn't satisfied with that. As always, he wanted more.

"I don't know. I honestly don't know." He got up and began pacing around the study like a caged lion. "I thought that once I'd taken her this urge would disappear, but… it doesn't. And not only that, I need her more now, now that I know what it feels like. She was completely mine for a moment, however brief, and I don't think I can live without that feeling anymore."

"But she… she won't be easy to convince, not after… after this."

"I have to make her see this isn't me! Jane, I'm not like this, I'm not like this, I'm not like this, you know it, Jane, you know me. God, I swear it!" he punched the wall. "What's happening to me? This influence… this power that she has over me, it will be my destruction. I see it coming, and I'm letting this happen."

Alice's headband was on the table. I picked it up; it was soft, cute, girlish. The scent was penetrating: jasmine, white lily, strawberry. It was her scent, something no perfume could match. Though sweet and young, it was very sensual.

"Strong, isn't it?" he said when he saw me with the thing. "My whole car smells of her. She's everywhere, and I'm afraid she's here to stay." I handed him the headband, and the way he held it, fist tense, knuckles and fingers clutching it to never let go, while his eyes travelled again to thoughts and memories that were no doubt about her, made me understand that, definitely, Alice was here to stay. I decided to give Aro some peace of mind now, and headed for the door. He didn't notice when I left.

I went to see my brother, who was talking with Caius in one of the 'living rooms' –spaces that each of the Trio kept for more private enjoyments, like reading, writing, or studying, little pleasures far away from official duties. Alec and I engaged in a game of chess at Caius' feet. The game prevented us from doing any actual thinking and Caius also found some amusement in watching and helping each of us in turn to win. A little after 10 pm Aro came out of his study, and shortly afterwards Marcus (who had vanished just before I took the blood to Aro) arrived as well.

"How is she, Marcus?" inquired Aro. "I know you went to see her, there's no point pretending. How is she?"

Marcus looked at his brother with a hint of exasperation. "Well, how do you expect her to be? She locked herself up in her room. She has been throwing up. I don't know if this is normal for humans, but when I arrived she was in the shower and spent at least an hour washing herself."

"Did you talk to her?"

"No, of course not. The last thing she wants is any reminder of you and what you did to her. I just watched her from outside her window. That child is broken. She's tense, and anxious. She hasn't eaten well, and, like I said, throws up what little she manages to ingest. She hasn't done much, she showered again a couple of times, then tried to sleep, but couldn't. When I left she was alternating between reading, rocking herself back and forth on her bed, and drinking as much coffee as she could possibly take."

"Has she talked to anyone?"

"No. Her parents just got home, and given the time it is they must have assumed she's asleep, so they haven't seen her. She did take out her cell phone once, but then shoved it under her bed."

"If she hasn't said anything, then she won't. Perhaps tomorrow, if someone notices and asks her, she'll say something, but I doubt it."

"She'll have problems with having her story believed, this has all been too bizarre," intervened Caius. "She will probably try to pretend nothing happened and to go on with her regular life."

No one was really sure of what would happen next, and an uncomfortable silence set around the room. Luckily for me, sunrise was close by now, and I wanted to go see it in the garden. It also provided a great excuse to get away from the madhouse that the castle had become. Alec went with me, and we sat together on a bench to watch the sun come up. It felt nice to not think about anything, to just empty our minds and watch the sunlight glitter off our skins. About an hour after sunrise, we heard steps behind us.

"Hey," a voice greeted us softly.

Chelsea. She came alone, and seemed to have good intentions. This was all so weird, she and I had been in bad terms for more than a hundred years, and awful terms for a hundred before those.

"Do you mind?" she looked at the empty spot beside me.

"Be my guest."

"I'll give you girls some privacy," said Alec. He got to his feet, kissed the top of my head, and left. Chelsea and I exchanged tentative looks. It had been so long…

"So… you've heard about Aro and Alice," she began.

"Yes. I was there when he told us."

"Of course you were. He's really done something this time, hasn't he?" Chelsea's attempts at small talk were failing miserably. It was evident that she was troubled, and confused.

"What is it?" I finally asked. "Just say it. That's why you're here, isn't it?"

She toyed with the hem of her robe before answering. "Yes. I just… I can't forgive him, Jane."

"Chelsea, don't say that. We owe him everything we are and have. Especially us." The nobodies, the lost girls, the little children to whom Aro had been a mentor and a father, a saviour and a guide. We would be dead if it hadn't been for him. He had given us a life, a name, a home, he had rebuilt us.

"I know, but… What he did was monstrous, it has no name. We both know what it's like, Jane, we've been there." She meant, of course, the attacks we had suffered as prisoners in our human life. The aggressions attempted on me had only been that, attempts, but Chelsea had gotten the real thing. I had no reply for her. Of course I knew. "And she's a child!" she continued. "She's just a child! For God's sake, how could he do that to a child?"

She was right, it had been a monstrous thing, but I couldn't bring myself to betray Aro by admitting it to Chelsea. "I'm no one to judge his actions. This will get sorted out, one way or the other."

"And in the meantime he'll have destroyed a girl's innocence with no reason and no going back." She stopped here, then made another comment. "I've never seen her, but I hear she's very beautiful."

"She is." Too goddamn beautiful for her own good, and everyone else's.

"Poor kid. Her beauty is, and will always be, her curse." Chelsea sighed, and, to my surprise, placed one of her hands on mine. "I missed you, Jane. I missed talking to you." What did she mean by that? We were friends once, was she now saying that we could rebuild that relationship? Was that even possible anymore? Tentatively, I smiled at her (or made a grimace somewhat resembling a smile, anyway), and she returned it. Then, again, she looked worried. "We'll have to wait and see what happens. Hopefully she still has a chance of a normal life."

We looked at each other, and we saw in each other's eyes what we were thinking: there wasn't a way for Alice's life to be normal again. All the events of these months, not just today's attack, had reshaped her and turned her into a different person. She certainly was no longer the fun, loving little girl we had met nine months ago. She had changed too much and too soon. Well, that would teach her. She had to toughen up to make it alive in this world. Maybe this wasn't the best way, but it would help her in the long run. She needed to grow up. After today, she was no longer a child.

Aro kept a discreet vigilance over Alice during the next few weeks. We managed to convince him that she needed some time, she needed to pull herself together, and she needed to do it on her own. He obviously couldn't talk to her directly, or even try to see her from afar, so once or twice a week he had someone go and check that she was fine. One of those times he sent my brother. When Alec returned, I sensed in his report something I'd already perceived in others', that he wasn't telling him the whole story. Yes, he was truthful and honest, but he was keeping the details to himself. When, later, I asked him about it, he finally told me everything.

"Jane, I'm no expert, but that girl is terribly damaged, she needs help desperately. She has never cried, or complained, she tries to carry on, but I'd never seen anyone more hurt. Did you know she has nightmares?"

"I'd heard something about it." Both Felix and Demetri had mentioned the nightmares in their reports when they watched Alice overnight. In both of them I had noticed the look that had worried me in Alec's eyes and that now made me ask him upfront.

"Well, I've seen it, and it's horrible. She tries everything she can not to fall asleep, but of course she eventually fails. She starts twitching in bed, and then whimpering. Then there's the talking, mumbling, and it sounds as if she's begging. It goes on, she curls in herself, like a baby, and continues imploring. Sometimes she even sobs. None of that wakes her up, though. It's a deep, deep sleep. When she does wake up, it's all of a sudden, and she has to turn the lights on, check everywhere in her room, and even open her window and look outside to calm down a bit and go back to sleep. It's hell for her. It's just so cruel!"

I heard in my brother's voice the same tone of indignation that I'd perceived in Chelsea that day in the garden. They both were furious at Aro for what he'd done to Alice, and it seemed to me that they were changing sides. This whole ordeal with Alice had brought an enormous wave of confusion in our household; only a few supported Aro without question. I was among them, for my ties to him were far too unbreakable, and even I had a tickle in my conscience. Others were even more uncertain. Should a conflict arise, where would their allegiances be? What if Alec's was different from mine? Where would then my own loyalty be? And what with Alice? What would happen between her and Aro? She would never take him willingly now, but Aro would not let her go, not anymore. She could not live with him, and he could not live without her. Who would win? Could there even be a winner, or were we all just losers, no matter the result?

She's sitting on a park bench, finishing a coffee. The weather is bitterly cold, but she seems unfazed by the wind and the dark sky. She likes winter, he remembers. Once she's finished with the coffee, she gets up and starts walking. When she sees him, for the first time she actually slows down, lets him catch up. He stands before her and she only moves slightly to avoid contact.

"Alice, darling, how lovely to see you again. How are you?" She says nothing. "I've been thinking about you, about that wonderful last time…" he comes closer, strokes her cheek with the back of his hand. As always, she steps back, but her manner has changed. She doesn't meet his eyes, her arms are wrapped around her torso, and unless he's much mistaken, there's a faint trembling of her body. When he touches her, he notices something else. "Oh, my, what is that?" he takes her by the chin and raises her head. She still won't look at him, but he can see that a side of her face is swollen, and so are her eyes. "You look like you haven't slept in a week. Have you been crying? And there's almost a bruise here. Has anyone hurt you?"

She nods slowly. "My parents. My father." Her voice is almost a whisper.

"And why?"

"Because… because…" she takes a breath that sounds like a sob. She closes her eyes, then opens them and they dig deep into his own. "Because I'm pregnant."