Hello, guys! I am so sorry to leave you hanging for so long!
Hopefully you will not be too disappointed by this one...
CHAPTER 38
Damn! Didn't the man say the Mark wouldn't hurt all the time?! Hermione despaired again silently as she looked herself over in the rusty mirror. Turning her back to it to see the dark letters etched into her skin, the tissue was all swollen and red where it touched the black tattoo. She did everything in her power to not make him angry with her so he would not feel the need to punish her for it any more; never talking or asking much - she knew he hated it, even back when she had been still at school - and never complaining about anything...
True enough, he had very different standards of what was painful and what was not. Perhaps this constant itching, stinging and pulling was normal and he'd gotten used to it to a point where he simply forgot about the mild pain being there.
Putting down the towel she had used to dry herself, she dressed in his old shirt and trousers again - she was NOT about to be forced to be grateful for anything he purchased for her specifically and she would not owe him any more than she already did with no way of knowing how to repay him - and went to the library, immersing into her daily routine as usual. The books always managed to make her forget; about the pain, about the situation, about the boys, about food, about Snape, about having only two days left before they would have to do it again...
Seemingly endless shelves of books lined every wall of the library; she would never have to worry about running out of reading material. He no doubt wanted to make sure she would not want him to borrow any more for her so he took care to stock this ruin of a house to the brim with tomes of every kind. It was also rather clear it was done only after he had acquired the building, as they were the only part of it that appeared clean and well-kept. There were more than enough to keep her busy for a year.
Selecting one about healing again - she had promised herself that she would learn more about that branch of magic as soon as possible - she got to reading and marking down the useful incantations on a separate sheet of parchment. If only there was a place to brew potions somewhere in here... The lack of a potions lab pointed to this house never being Snape's home too as she was sure he would fix himself a work space if he were ever to live there himself.
The man seem to like intruding on her though, ensuring there was never a day that she was left unsupervised. He was probably afraid she might burn the rickety structure down and make him buy a new prison for her. As if having the stone and the guarding Death Eaters to spy on her was not enough for him...
She glanced at the empty armchair he liked to sit on, reading. There were probably some books he had not managed to read before moving them here so he needed to catch up. Fortunately, he never stayed long, always finding an excuse to leave soon after she had noticed him. She rather hoped today would be no different.
But now about the Burn Healing Charms...
Obsero Vulnum, the wand movement swiping across the wound... Obsero Vulnum... Damn, where is that parchment?!
Letting her eyes roam over the room, she suddenly noticed the armchair was not empty any more.
Blast it! Snape! Just how exactly did the man manage to creep on her every time without her ever hearing him?!
It took only seconds for him to put the magazine down to survey her and ask the usual questions. As if he cared! He should rather say directly that he was only interested in what she had been up to when reading her diary had lost his interest - yes, she knew he had, although he returned it to her only a day later, leaving it lying on the desk in the kitchen as if nothing had happened. She had tied one of her hairs around it to see if he would open it and it was torn... The nosy jerk... It was very fortunate she never wrote anything that could be used against her in it.
"You should be eating more," came next, making her look at him. Now he dared to nag her about food again - he obviously liked his women to be a bit more chubby. Too bad for him; he would have to manage with what she had. She was not about to interrupt her reading just to get some fatty food and make him happier with her breasts.
"Yes, daddy," she answered, reminding him he was not her dad - who had admittedly always used the very same tone to tell her to eat all her vegetables at dinner - and he could not order her around over something like that.
Surprisingly, it seemed to work, making him rise from his chair and leave her alone with no further comment. He hopefully was not so thick as to misunderstand the hint when it was served clear to him...
He never came the next day and it made her both slightly nervous and relieved - did he forget to check on her? Or did he really get the clue and decide to leave her alone? She only hoped - and feared at the same time - he would remember tomorrow and come to do the deed. Skinny as she was, he could still close his eyes and think of his wife or girlfriend, right? He had never appeared to have trouble pretending before...
Eyeing the old clock on the cracked wall with worry, she contemplated sending a Patronus to him, hoping it would reach the man. It was half past eleven already; they had only 30 minutes until Sunday would end, taking her life with it if he had not been lying about that. It was Sunday too, exactly a week ago, when they were in the Rape Room together, although it seemed like an eternity now...
Hoping he WAS lying and not torturing her like that on purpose, making her beg for him to come, she raised her wand to cast the spell only to see it sizzle in the void. Not even the vapour appeared. Picking another memory that had always worked before, she tried it again. Nothing. Damn! Not the Patronus then!
Digging into her memory urgently for another means of distant communication, she heard the Floo ignite and hurried to the living room, hoping it was really Snape, preferably in a good mood this time...
Hell, he did NOT appear to be in a good mood; his expression was cold, unreadable and closed. He never even greeted her, making an attempt as he usually did, only pressed a vial into her hand.
"Drink it. It should keep the nausea at bay for some time," he told her, looking her over closely with those lifeless eyes of his.
"Nausea? What nausea?" she asked then, confused. Was he about to do something to her today that would make her feel like vomiting? Like that thing Crabbe did to the poor woman a week ago? He was probably envious of him getting that when he himself was not and he did not want her to puke all over him while she would be doing it.
"The one you are experiencing now, obviously! Unless you have decided to get rid of it without consulting with me, of course," he said, his voice colder still, puzzling her even more.
"Getting rid of what? I am not nauseous!" she reasoned with him, angry. Could he not speak clearly for once in his life? Could he simply not tell her what he wants from her to turn himself on, do the thing and leave her in peace?! Was she asking so much of him?!
"The baby, what else?!" he said, his voice getting louder too and making her stop.
"What baby?" she asked after a few seconds, perplexed. What was he talking about now?! The man really was not making any sense!
"The baby you are - or were - expecting!" he all but yelled at her, gesturing with his hands towards her belly. She glanced at it too and a new wave of panic hit her like a fist to her stomach. A baby? A BABY?! Did he cast some spell on her when she was not looking so he knew even before she did? No, it couldn't be... I just couldn't! Yes, her period was slightly delayed but it had to be due to the stress, surely! It had happened before!
To be honest, she never thought about the possibility of getting pregnant much; it just seemed too surreal, too unlikely. She was too young for that, under too much pressure and barely even started to live sexually - if one could call THAT a life. Many people were trying deliberately for years and still were not lucky enough to conceive. Especially the witches who never had many children in general - with the exception of Mrs Weasley of course - due to their magic which often got in the way and discerned their baby as an intruder in the body.
Of course, she imagined she would be a mother one day, caring tenderly for the small, cute being that would be half her and half the person she would love the most one day; yet it was Snape's baby they were talking about... Born from rape. The child of this unfeeling, cold bastard who would never ever love him or her as a father should...
Still staring dumbfoundedly at her belly, she just about forgot that Snape was still in the room with her, her mind too busy on what she had just discovered.
"It's too late to regret anything, Miss Granger," he told her then icily and she startled, returning her eyes back to his. Merlin, as if she ever had any choice in this! As if she got caught and bound to him voluntarily!
"There was hardly ever any alternative for me in this, was there?" she asked sarcastically, sneering at him.
"There always is one! You could have told me before doing it at the very least! I would have tried to help you, whatever you chose to do!"
"All the Contraception Potions and charms are forbidden and highly illegal as you well know; I highly doubt you would help me - you are only bragging now that it's too late!" she accused him, angry even as her Mark started to burn even more than usual. She was making him angry, yet she didn't really care at the moment.
"Everything is better than to actually kill the baby!" he shouted, making her cringe and grasp at her belly unconsciously. He might not like the baby but there is no way she would let him kill it! It was hers too!
"No one will kill the baby!" she yelled at him, defensive. She simply won't let him!
"You have just told me you did!" he accused and her Mark gave her a painful jolt, making her flinch.
"No, I didn't! I didn't even know I am expecting until you said so a few minutes ago!" she cried, still holding her stomach protectively.
Snape froze in place at that.
"It was you who told me, two days back!" he objected, not making any sense again. What?!
"What do you mean by that? I have never mentioned any baby to you, ever!" she reminded him loudly.
"No?! And what about calling me a 'daddy' out of a sudden?!" he yelled.
That's what he really meant?! He can't be serious!
"Merlin, that was a joke! A joke so you would leave me alone and not bother me about food all the time!" she screamed at him, breathing hard.
Everything went silent after that. Snape only stared at her bewilderedly.
"You were joking about being pregnant?" he asked then, dangerous sparks in his eyes.
"I wasn't! I never meant anything by that!" she defended herself indignantly even as her shoulder seared in pain. It wasn't her fault he had interpreted it in this way!
He then pulled out his wand - she never managed to touch hers before his was pointing at her - and waved it over her in a sweepy motion. After a second there was a flash of red light in front of her, shining bright for a moment before it disappeared. She swore she heard him mutter something that sounded like 'fuck!' under his breath.
"Go to the bedroom!" he ordered her then, coldly. She surveyed him, hating his tone. She would not be ordered around like a naughty child!
"I said go to the bedroom or I will make you! Now! We only have 15 minutes left for this!" he barked at her, pointing towards the door. Hermione glanced at the clock again. Damn! So he was probably NOT lying about that!
Forcing her legs to move, she entered the room. She nearly never went there as she spent most of her time in the library, sleeping there too when she felt like it. The bed was scaring her for a reason. Now the reason would gain a very specific form...
Unsure, she glanced back at him, striding after her and slamming the door shut, his anger still very palpable. This would hurt. In a very different way than her shoulder did!
"Lie on the bed!" he commanded then and she did, shaking slightly, hugging the dusty pillow to herself for comfort and not making any sound although she very much felt like crying. Then she flinched as her trousers were torn from her, revealing her butt. The belt hit the floor along with his pants and she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to make herself forget what it had always meant. What he was about to do. Just don't move, don't make it even worse for yourself...
The bed sagged and creaked as his weight was added on it and she felt him cast the spell on her, making her uncomfortably wet down there. Then he spread her legs, lifted her body to himself and wasted no time in pushing that big, hot thing into her, stretching her and filling her with himself, and she felt tears pour down her cheeks. Damn, how could she ever suppose this would get better over time? Or that he would try to be nicer to her when they were here? She was so stupid!
Forced to move along with him as he bumped his hips into her in a regular rhythm, she felt her body being invaded and thrust into forcibly, him panting audibly over her and her stomach turned at that - it was very fortunate she was unable to eat while she was so nervous, waiting for him. Waiting for THIS!
Biting into the pillow to stop herself from sobbing aloud, she embraced it even tighter. But then he grabbed her by the shoulder, that never stopped torturing her, and she couldn't help herself not to cry out. The sound was muffled against the cushion but she was quite sure he had heard it. It did not made him stop though; if anything, he only added to his pace, trying to reach as deep into her as he possibly could, his movements hard, quick and rough and never letting go of her shoulder, gripping it with force...
Then he stilled finally, groaning quietly, and she felt herself being stuffed with the hot slime that he had discharged from that thing of his as it still twitched inside of her.
She couldn't help but feel sorry that they had obviously managed to do it in time. She never wanted to go through this again. She never wanted him inside of her again. She would be much happier if it all simply ended now.
Oh, how she hated him! If only he had just left her alone!
A sob escaped her then and she felt him withdraw from her at last, pulling that slimy thing with him and out of her. She never looked around at him, never wanted to see him.
She heard him dress himself, but the door had not creaked yet. He was still with her in the room, the bastard, gloating obviously.
After several minutes, he broke the silence.
"I am sorry, Miss Granger, I-"
No, she wouldn't listen to that! He could keep his crap to himself!
"Go away!" she interrupted him, her head still burrowed in the pillow. He still did not move.
"Go away! I've had enough! You've done enough! I never want to see you again!" she all but cried at him, still hiding behind the cushion. She won't let him see her tears. Not again. He won't laugh at her for them!
Finally, she heard him exit the room and the fireplace flare into life, swallowing his form with no doubt, and she threw the pillow away, letting the tears flow unchecked, sobs wracking her whole body that she had been unable to move ever since he had joined his with it.
Merlin, HOW could she survive this 49 more times?!
Don't curse me, please - it will all come eventually, whatever you consider "it" to be!
Many big thanks to Pirocantha for helping with this - it's been already 20 chapters that she made into something much better!
And thanks to all of you who review; it's you who give me the strength and make me smile :-)