Chapter 38
F for Forgiveness
The next day Rory and Jess went to Stars Hollow to visit William, and catch up with Luke and Lorelai too. They'd been blessed with a healthy, happy and seemingly quiet baby, "you're sure he's a Gilmore?" Jess asked after they'd been there for half an hour and still the baby had yet to make a sound. "Do you need me to explain the birds and the bees to you Jess? Then again, might be a bit late for that!" Lorelai teased, gesturing at Rory's blooming belly. "He clearly takes after his father," she continued, "and his cousin. We didn't call you monosyllabic boy for nothing you know. I'm still amazed you knew enough words to write an entire book." "Technically it's only a short novel. I did run out eventually." Rory's face lit up watching this exchange between her mother and Jess. Maybe there was hope for her grandmother yet.
They swapped stories over lunch, Lorelai and Luke's revolving around all things baby, Rory filling them in on the Friday night dinner disaster. Lorelai was sadly not surprised but assured them that the folder was a good sign, "remember pudding?" she asked Rory. "Yes I do but do you remember pudding? I don't recall things going too well after that myself." Rory was confused but let her mother explain, there was usually some logic to be found in her mother's random statements after all. "Well, yes, immediately after that things did get pretty ugly but then we had that big fight and suddenly it was like the streets after a massive storm and everything was washed clean and we started again." she clarified. "So, explain this then, was that the storm or was that the pudding before the storm because let me tell you, it was pretty ugly and if there's worse still to come I might need Luke to come round, help me baton down the hatches." Jess had been silently following the conversation up until this point, letting Rory take the lead in explaining what had happened with Emily. "Honestly Jess, I don't know. We might be in uncharted territory here." "Maybe I should see if Russell Crowe is available to help us steer through this one then," Jess mocked but Lorelai noticed the edge to his voice. Must've been some dinner, she thought to herself.
"Shall we tell them what we did yesterday?" Rory asked Jess, keen to change the subject. "I'm not so sure they want to hear about that," Jess teased, his momentary bad mood lifting as he watched the blush rise up his fiancés neck. "You know what I meant!" Rory kicked him under the table. Still laughing Jess ran his foot up the side of her leg in retaliation. "Would you like us to leave you two alone?" Lorelai asked, looking from one to the other as they bickered. "We planned the wedding yesterday," Rory explained. "You planned 'the' wedding?! You mean the entire thing? In one day?" Lorelai asked in amazement. "Well, we still have to do the actual work to make it all happen but yes, we made a plan. April 3rd, 2pm at the bridge. We were hoping we might be able to have a small reception at the diner afterwards Luke. We're only inviting a dozen people, we both want to keep it small." Rory continued to explain about the invitations, the cake, the licence and her own task of getting permission from Taylor to use the bridge and the seemingly impossible job of keeping the entire event a secret to prevent it turning into a town fiasco. "So, what do you think?" Rory finished and looked at her mother waiting for her approval. "Wow, you really have thought of everything! It all sounds, well, it all sounds so you!" she looked at them both. Yes a small, no fuss wedding was exactly right. She felt a little stab of disappointment at not getting to play a part in her daughter's big day but she would get to be there to witness it and that would be special enough. "There was one thing I wanted to ask you mum, but I know how busy you must be with William so I only want you to say yes if you really want to and if you think you can manage it because I will understand if you can't. I wondered if you might be able to make my dress for me?" With tears in her eyes Lorelai granted her daughter's only wish of her "nothing would make me happier."
With lunch over, Luke returned to the diner and the girls, having decided to watch "Muriel's Wedding", settled themselves in front of the television. "Um Rory, do you mind if I go out for a while? I won't be long, there's just something I need to do?" Jess asked as the movie began. "Sure, take as long as you need, we'll no doubt still be sitting right here 90 minutes from now anyway," Rory replied. "Is everything okay?" "I just need to go see Liz," Jess explained. Rory kissed him before letting him go, "Tell her I said hi."
Sesame Street was playing on a DVD in the background when Jess sat down at the kitchen table with Liz. "She seems a happy kid," Jess nodded toward the lounge where Doula was sitting, captivated by the colourful characters on the screen. "She sure is. She's getting a little old for that show but it was always her favourite so who am I to tell her she can't watch it right?" Jess just nodded in response, still trying to find the right words to say now that he had made it this far.
"Are you sure I can't get you anything? A cup of tea? A soda? There might be some in the back of the fridge, TJ likes to sneak them into the shopping cart every now and then. I tell you, life's never dull with him in it!" Liz was already placing the cold drink in front of Jess before he had any chance to respond. "I'm fine, honestly. Please will you just sit down. There's something I came here to say. Something I need to say. Please just sit down and let me say it." Liz did as he asked, taking her own seat at the table, waiting for her son to speak.
"First of all, I have some news to share but that's only part of why I'm here so let me finish before you go pouring the sparkling cider," he warned her, his tone light. "Rory and I are getting married." Liz jumped from her seat, running around the table to hug her boy, "oh Jess! Rory? Your Rory? After all these years. I saw it you know, when you came back here for my wedding, I saw it in your eyes when Lorelai was fixing my broken dress. You are the Luke to her Lorelai. You just had to get past the space time continuum like they did but look at you all now. You made it back to each other. My baby boy is getting married!" Liz ruffled his hair before returning to her seat with a huge grin on her face. When he'd recovered from the shock of hearing the words "space time continuum" coming out of his mother's mouth, Jess reminded her there was still more to share. "We're also expecting a baby, in May." "Oh wow! I had heard a rumour that Rory was pregnant but I didn't realise it was yours!" Liz began to put the pieces together. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner," Jess was sincere with his words, somehow he'd overlooked telling her and stupidly hadn't considered the Stars Hollow gossip mill might have beaten him to it. "So a family man hey Jess? I think it'll suit you. Look how well it's worked out for Luke! You really have a lot of him in you, you know. You're more like Luke than you're own father in a lot of ways," Liz assured him.
"Speaking of Jimmy, that's kinda the main reason I came here. The thing is, I've been carrying a pretty massive chip on my shoulder for about 20 years now, give or take. With this baby on the way I figured it was time I dealt with a few things, sins of the father and all that. I don't want to be like him. I've been seeing a counsellor for a couple of weeks now. It's brought up a lot of stuff I thought I'd buried. You and I, we haven't ever had a good relationship have we? Maybe when I was little but then too much changed too fast and everything got out of control. I couldn't protect you so I shut myself off, trying to protect myself. I've spent a lot of years blaming you for my less than ideal childhood. I hated you for sending me here, to this town, to Luke. What I've come to realise is that none of this is your fault. You didn't ask Jimmy to leave, he just did. You didn't ask for one shitty boyfriend after the other traipsing in and out of our lives, that too just happened. You were trapped in a cycle you couldn't get out of and I was too young to know how to help you. Your decision to send me here to Luke, that was the biggest gift anyone could've given me. I recognise that now. I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you."
Liz looked across at her son as she wiped tears from her face. She knew she'd screwed up in the past and there had been too many promises made and broken. She had her own regrets that she'd finally learnt to live with over the last few years. She was proud of all that she had now - her TJ and Doula and this house, even her own jewellery business - but she could never shake the burden of truth that she had let Jess down too many times to count. Hearing those words from his mouth, and the one unspoken word that hung between them in the air - forgiveness - this was the moment she'd been waiting for. If Jess could forgive her then maybe she could finally forgive herself.
Jess had said all he'd come to say and was ready to get back to Rory. He could hear Doula's show coming to an end and rose to leave as he heard the words "...brought to you by the letter F..." carrying through from the other room. "Huh, seems I picked the right day to visit," Jess noted. Liz walked around the table, pulling her son into a semi awkward embrace. "Maybe we can try out another F word too," Liz suggested. Jess raised a concerned eyebrow at her waiting for her to elaborate. "I realise you don't need your mum anymore, not that you ever really did, but I'd really like it if we could be friends." Jess hugged her this time, considering her words, "I think we might be able to manage that." He was about to step out the door when he remembered one last thing he'd forgotten to mention, "keep April 3rd free, Rory will send you an invite soon. I'd really like you to come to my wedding mum." Liz beamed at Jess, "I wouldn't miss it for the world!" This was a promise they both believed she would keep.