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-Missy

"Mom, it's not a date." I said, for what seemed to be the millionth time. I didn't know why she wouldn't understand, we were just going to the movies.

Mom kept briskly brushing my hair, "I may not have been out on a date for a while, but I know when a boy asks a girl out to the movies, it's a date."

I sighed and gave up, regretting why I had even told my mother in the first place. All I had said was that we were going to the movies in the afternoon, and she had taken it as an invitation to play dress up on me. Mom had insisted on picking out my clothes, which sadly included a dress. Dresses never looked right on me; no matter how pretty they were, I always ended up looking awkward. It was almost six o'clock by now, and I was itching to get out.

"There, now you look like a girl." mom said beaming at me. "Don't you like it?"

I looked into the mirror and struggled to hide my mortification. She made sure that I looked every bit feminine, makeup, nicely brushed, hair, clip on earrings- everything. I felt ridiculous, but for my mother's sake, I smiled and said, "I look really pretty."

She patted my head, "Well you are my daughter. Now put on some shoes, I'll drive you to the theater."

I had anticipated walking to the drive in, but since mother had already concluded on driving me, I knew there was no use in fighting. I went into the living room to get my plain, black shoes. Thomas was taking his nap, so I was extra careful on being quiet to not wake him. Mother claimed since she'd only be gone for a few minutes, taking him with us wouldn't be necessary (I didn't even bother objecting, there'd be no way I could convince her). Since everything was small and tightly compressed in the motel room, maneuvering through the rooms was a challenge. Times like these make me regret never fully appreciating my home...

Or my dad.

I hadn't seen him in weeks, and the worst part was the fact I hadn't said goodbye to him. I had just ran away, not giving my father a second thought. But now I knew all about Michael and him being stepbrothers, it made me feel guilty. My dad had tried everything to protect me from Michael, even to the point of not telling me he was my uncle. Of course he had a good reason, he knew what trouble Michael could cause to a person.

"Come on Alex! Even though the phrase 'fashionably late' might work on your case today, doesn't give you a reason to use it." mom said, holding the door open.

I swiftly put on my shoes, trying to push my guilt aside. I had bigger problems to worry about. I was always concerned about other people and trying to please them, but today, the problem was me. Even as I got into my mom's beat down car, my mind was racing with questions. Was I really going on a date with Soda? Or was it just as friends? What were his exact words? Date? No, I think he said 'trip to the movies... Oh, why did I agree?

"Nervous, huh?" my mom asked as she steered the wheel.

I looked up at her, "What do you mean?"

She gave me a knowing look, "The expression on your face. You look like someone's playing tug-o-war with your arms."

"More like my heart..." I whispered. Mom looked at me surprised, and then smiled softly like she knew something I didn't. "Mom... how did you know you were in love with daddy?"

Her eyes darkened with pain and a bitter smile formed on her lips. "How did I know? Well let's just say you don't know- it's all emotion. Imagine all the colors in the world exploding on a canvas, forming a color that cannot be expressed into words- that's how I knew."

I gave her a confused look. "I don't think I could relate to that..."

She laughed, "Of course you couldn't. Well Alex, all I know is I had dated other men before your father, and all of them bore me. And then came your father. Never in my life has a man infuriated me so much to the point I wished he'd just die."

My expression shifted to absolute fear; I'm pretty sure my mother is confusing infatuation with infuriation. I'm positive if I loved someone, I wouldn't want them dead.

"He occupied my every thought- most of those thoughts involved things that weren't legal. When I saw him, my heart would beat in fury- oh, I hated him. That's what I thought, until I read a book... The main character didn't want to love this man and filled her mind with any misfortune on him. But one day, something bad did happen to him and he died. She should've been happy, right? Her wish came true. But she couldn't stop crying and wouldn't eat... it got so bad, she fell sick, and died herself. But not before realizing how much she loved him."

"So that's how you knew," I whispered, "you used the book to compare her feelings with yours."

My mom smiled, "Exactly. You should've seen my face when I found out I loved him. I didn't want to see him, my speech got all jumbled up, I tried everything to avoid him... but love always wins."

I sat in the seat looking straight ahead, trying to digest what she had just said. I wasn't even sure why I had asked her in the first place. But now she had told me, I think I was more confused than in the beginning. Mother kept driving, and I stared out the window as the trees blurred before my eyes.

"Think of it like this, Alex: true love is a feeling you had never felt before."

"So dad made you feel angry?" I asked.

She laughed, "Sort of; but I've felt anger many times before. The feeling your father gave me was... energy. I had never felt more alive, than I did when I was with your father. So think about that when you're around him. Stop and ask yourself, 'how does he make me feel'."

I nodded as the car stopped in front of the Nightly Double, "Thanks mom, I really appreciate everything you do for me."

She smiled at me as I waved at her and got out of the car. I watched her drive away, leaving me alone as cars bustled in the drive-in. The sky was still light and I wondered if Soda was already inside waiting for me. To keep myself from getting nervous, I played the with the hem of my dress (technically my mom's...). It was too loose for me, but I was grateful it wasn't pink or yellow- two colors that didn't really look good on me.

"Hey Alex," someone said.

I turned around and smiled, "Hi Soda, how are you?"

Sodapop smiled in front of me and was wearing plain jeans and a shirt. He looked like he had taken time to get ready because his hair was shiny and he didn't appear to have any oil from working on cars. I wondered if I should've done more to look more feminine.

"Good, you look nice."

I smiled at him, "Thank you," I hope he wasn't just saying that to make me feel better, but Sodapop wouldn't do that.

After he said that, there was a long silence. I didn't know what to say and racked my brain for a topic. I wasn't sure if he was interested in science or reading, and I knew nothing about cars... So I ended up playing with the hem of my dress again and looking down at the ground awkwardly. I just didn't know what to say.

"So... should we go in?" he asked. I nodded, eager to leave the silence.

We walked side by side into the Nightly Double. There was a twenty five cent entry fee, which Sodapop graciously paid for. For a Friday night, it wasn't too full, so we found seats easily. The movie hadn't begun yet, and Soda went to go get snacks which gave me time to think of things to say.

I never had to think of things to say to Soda before. It usually came naturally, but not this time... What did we used to talk about? I couldn't remember a single one of our past conversations, it was like my mind had gone blank.

"Here Alex," Soda said when he returned, handing me a drink. I whispered thank you, and right on cue, the movie started, saving me from anymore silences.

The movie was a comedy, not my favorite genre for movies, but it made the atmosphere between Soda and I relax. At some parts of the movie, Soda would crack jokes about certain scenes which would make me laugh. At one point, I remembered the memory of going to the movies with Ponyboy, Johnny, Jeanette, and Sabrina. I recalled Sabrina throwing popcorn at us and Ponyboy, Johnny, and I struggling not to leave. The whole incident made me burst out laughing at a part of the movie that wasn't funny. My outburst earned me an amused look from Soda and to hide my embarrassment, I sipped some of my Coke.

/-/-/-/

"You actually like math?" Soda as me, as we walked down the dimly lit street.

"Yes, all the thinking and equations make it a challenge." I explained.

After the movie ended, Soda had taken me to Dairy Queens for dinner. He ordered me a burger and fries, but he seemed to have forgotten I was a vegetarian... So I only ate the fries, but it was still a nice gesture. Plus, he was kind enough to buy it for me. Once "dinner" was over, he suggested we walked around a bit, something we both agreed to.

"I never liked math, it only got harder." Soda said.

I nodded in agreement. "It takes a lot of practice, but once you know it, it gets really fun."

Sodapop looked thoughtful for a second. "Hmm, do you think you could help me out then? Maybe I'll like it more with you there."

"Sure, no problem! I've been tutoring for years." I answered, missing the meaning behind his statement.

Somehow, after I said that, I found my hand suddenly in Soda's hand. I wasn't sure how to react, so my body tensed up. Were things escalating too fast, or was I just too slow? Should I keep holding his hand or let go? What was he thinking? All those questions went through my mind as I watched Soda smile from the corner of my eyes. His smiled brought something to my mind: mom's words.

"So think about that when you're around him. Stop and ask yourself, 'how does he make me feel'."

How did he make me feel? I thought about it as we walked, our hands still linked. When I was with Soda, I felt really happy and special. It was like I knew the fun and laughs would never end with him. But that wasn't the case tonight. On our sort-of "date", I felt awkward and forced. Nothing more, nothing less. So what did that mean?

"Soda..." I whispered, "how do you feel when you're around me?" I asked.

He was so surprised by my question, he stopped mid stride. I guess he wasn't expecting me to ask him that question. Soda smiled down at me and said, "You make me happy, Alex, why do you ask?"

I took in what he just said... Happy. Thank goodness; we felt the same way. I turned to face him and smiled, "Happy... I make you happy, you make me happy. Riley makes me happy. Books make me happy."

Soda looked at me puzzled, "What do you mean, Alex?"

I sighed knowing I'd feel guilty about this forever. "We can get happiness from many different place. But love is limited." Soda didn't answer, so I continued, "Tell me Soda, when you were with Sandy, how did you feel?"

"Wait, is this about Sandy? We bro-"

"No, it's not about her. It's about you."

Soda stared at me with confused eyes, "She made me feel like nothing could hurt me. She made things better when my parents died..."

I smiled, "So she gave you strength?"

Sodapop nodded, "Yeah...Alex, what does Sandy have to do with this?"

I sighed again, "I don't think we should be...' more' than friends."

Soda looked surprised for a second, as what I had just said sunk in. But that was quickly replaced with hurt, like he'd never been rejected before, "But... why?"

His tone made me feel nothing but guilt. I had hurt him once before by lying about my identity, but now I was just being selfish... The worst part was I didn't even have a good reason.

"Soda, you've been my dream since I was little. " I said, smiling sadly at him, "The prince in all my fairytales. I thought that's what I wanted- a prince, but I realized that having you as a friend makes me more happy, and I think you feel the same way."

We didn't say anything for a few minutes. Soda just looked down at the pavement as we stood there, the guilt eating me alive. Who was I to reject him? He could have any girl in Tulsa and I was acting so ungrateful. Did I really do the right thing this time?

The next thing I knew, Soda was slowly drawing his hand away from mine. I looked up and saw him smiling at me. The smile was genuine and I knew he wasn't mad.

"You're right, Alex..."

I exhaled a breath I didn't know I was holding in. I knew he wouldn't be angry at me, that wasn't like Soda. But I hope he wasn't hurt, I really did like him as a friend, but it would be wrong of me to lie about my feelings just to not hurt his.

"So we'll still be friends?" I asked cautiously.

Soda nodded, "Of course, Alex."

I smiled at him and noticed the feeling of happiness replacing any awkwardness. As friends, we were both happy, and I was glad we were still friends. I still felt a hint of guilt, but no regrets.

"You know, it's still not that late. I think Steve and the others might be at the DX, want to go there?" Soda asked.

I nodded, "I'd like that."

I may not understand love, but I will always understand the value of good friends.

/-/-/-/

"Hi Johnny," I said as we walked into the DX station. Johnny and Dally were both at the counter talking to Steve. I didn't spot Two-Bit, so I figured he was somewhere else with Ponyboy.

"Hi Alex," Johnny said smiling at me. Ever since Johnny found out I was a girl, he'd gotten shyer around me. But since I wasn't all that outgoing either, it wasn't too bad. The guilt still lingered in my mind, but I tried pushing it aside.

"Hi Dallas," I greeted. Dally and I were never friends, but he acknowledged me with a brisk nod. Sure we weren't going to be hanging out on a weekly basis anytime soon, but at least we had made some progress.

Soda went off to talk to Steve, and I didn't bother greeting him. Dally and I had a better chance of being acquaintances than Steve and I did. Steve just didn't like me, but at the hospital he had apologized- but we weren't still friends. I didn't mind too much considering we had never been close.

"Johnny, do you know where Ponyboy is?" I asked.

"He went to the get something in the back." Johnny replied.

I nodded and stood listening in on Soda and Steve's conversation about cars. I didn't understand what they were talking about, but Soda didn't seem upset about me, so it calmed me. Dally smoked a cigarette, not saying anything and Johnny asked a few questions to Soda and Steve. Since I didn't know anything about cars, I just stood there.

"Hey Alex, how was the movie?" someone asked. I didn't have to look to know whose voice it was.

"Hi Ponyboy, it was good." I said, smiling at him. Ponyboy looked a little tired and I wondered if it was because of our late night expedition yesterday.

Pony nodded and smiled, "Cool, you can tell me about it, but first, I forgot to tell you something yesterday. Michael's trial starts on Wednesday."

I stiffened, "It does...?" I had honestly started forgetting all about Michael, but it looks like he'd never disappear. I thought the trial wouldn't begin for a while, but he's been in jail for nearly a month now.

"Yeah, but the good news is tomorrow the county jail opens at seven. So if you still want to visit him... we could go." Ponyboy said.

I bit my lip nervously. I still had a few questions for Michael, but would he even tell me anything? I still felt that he needed mental help, because if he went to jail, he'd be out in a few years and could always come back for revenge...

"I'm not sure..." I whispered, just in case someone was listening to us, "What do you think?"

Ponyboy smiled, "Well, we came this far, why stop now?"

My mouth spread to a wide grin. "You're right, we should go." Ponyboy was the only one who'd encourage me with everything. He always was there when I needed him-

"So think about that when you're around him. Stop and ask yourself, 'how does he make me feel'"

I didn't know why mom's words came suddenly to mind. Mom had given it to me for Soda, not Ponyboy. But I listened to them anyways.

Right before Ponyboy had came, I felt guilty for what I had said to Soda. But the moment he had greeted me, that feeling all but disappeared. With Ponyboy, I felt elated and confident... But I also felt something I had been wanting to feel my whole life.

Freedom

around Ponyboy, I didn't have to dress according to my mother's standard or be Einstein for my father. I didn't have to be anything but me. When I looked at Ponyboy again, I no longer saw him as my friend.

He was much more.

"Alex, did you know there's a vegetarian restaurant about an hour away. One day we could go there if you want. Also, I like your dress, I'm guessing your mom made- Alex, are you okay? You're getting all red."

I blinked my eyes and shook my head in confusion. Mom hadn't told me that for Soda. She had told me for Ponyboy. Under Ponyboy's gaze, I felt myself blush in nervousness and my stomach twist, how did I not see this before?

"Uh, I think I'm um, fever getting- uh, I mean I'm getting fever- a fever. I should head home- I mean, to the motel. Good night... well it's not really, n-night. I should leave now." I said, stumbling on every word.

Ponyboy looked at me with a concerned look, "Are you sure you're okay? I could walk with-"

"No!" I exclaimed, making everyone look at me, "I'm fine, really. See you tomorrow at seven." I said, abruptly turning around and running into Dallas. He gave me an annoyed look, but upon seeing my face he snickered like he knew something.

I mumbled an apology to him and dashed out of DX station. The only thing that was going on through my head as I ran was not him.

/-/-/-/

I sat down on the couch in my mom's pajamas as I waited for her to turn on the water with the phone only a few feet from me. The moment I had gotten home, I told my mom that everything had gone fine and skipped over all the details (especially at the DX). I only wanted to talk to one person, but I couldn't do it with my mom around. Until the coast was clear, I sat, memorizing the number.

When the water finally turned on, I hopped to the phone and quickly dialed the numbers. It started ringing and I spun my fingers around the cord, praying someone would answer, despite the late hour.

"Hello?" a tired voice said.

I recognized the soft tone, "Jeanette! It's me, Alex. I'm sorry to be calling you so late, but I needed to ask you a question."

"Alex? Oh sure, what is it?" she yawned. I hesitated, playing with the cord again, not sure why I even called her.

"Alex, are you still there?" Jeanette asked.

I took a deep breath, "I need some advice..."

A little more romance, since the next few chapter will focus a lot on the mystery aspect! Hope you enjoyed:)

***DO NOT FLAME, CHILDREN. ARSON IS ILLEGAL. ***