27 November 2013

Her phone rang and it brought her out of a deep sleep.

"Hello?" Her voice barely audible.

"You didn't call so I thought I'd check up on you."

She took a while to reply.

"Cristina?"

She opened her eyes again. "Yeah. Yeah , I'm here."

"Are you still asleep?"

"Kinda."

He laughed.

"Do you want me to call back?"

"No , no. Talk. I'm here." She sat up.

"Okay." She could hear him smile. "So , how is he?"

"He's doing good. Derek had to operate but he came out good. Woke up last night and he was Owen." She looked around , trying to decide if Meredith was still home.

"Do you know when you're getting back?"

She froze , uncertain. She hadn't really thought about it. "No , not yet."

"That's understandable. I mean , he just woke up."

She smiled at how understanding he was. "I hope you're in my bed."

"I am , actually. Shane wouldn't let me go home."

"Good."

He laughed. "I'm going to let you get back to sleep." He paused. "Don't be gone for too long , okay?"

"I won't."

"Talk to you soon."

"Of course."

It was quiet and then he hung up.

She looked at the phone and then threw it on the bed. "Mer?" She called out but there wasn't any answer.

She fell back against the pillows with a sigh and watched the sun come through the windows.

She knew she should get dressed soon if she wanted to go and see Owen for the day but her eyes wouldn't listen. Especially when Meredith's sheets felts so cool against her skin and the pillow cushioned her head so well.

\

As she made a corner , she saw Derek leave his room and called out to him.

He stopped and waited for her to reach him.

She watched him hand Owen's chart over to the nurse and then turn to her as she approached.

"How is he?" Was the first thing she asked.

"Much better than he was yesterday. We just changed his bandages and reapplied dressing on his wounds and so far , no infections , no internal bleeding and the craniotomy looks like it was successful as well."

She smiled and he smiled with her. "Thank you."

He clasped her on the shoulder. "No problem , Yang." He then turned around and made his way to whatever patient was next on his rounds.

She stepped inside Owen's room and found that he seemed to have fallen asleep again after Derek's check-up.

She walked over to the chair by the wall and pulled it over.

She knew she shouldn't but she took his hand in hers and her heart fluttered at the familiar warmth.

She ran her thumb over his skin and smiled when he opened his eyes.

"Hi." She said softly.

"Hi." His voice was gruff but his eyes were soft.

"How are you?"

He swallowed. "Better." She felt his grip on her hand tighten.

"Good."

"I still can't believe you're here."

"Well , I am." She smiled.

"You are."

They looked at one another for a long while. Saying things with their eyes that their mouths weren't allowed to. Not anymore.

She suddenly let go of his hand and stood up.

He knitted his brows as he watched her walk towards the door. "Where are you going?"

She didn't answer but instead , pulled the door shut , locked it and then pulled the curtain closed.

When she turned back around , he smiled at her , with his eyebrows still knitted and watched her walk over to the bed.

She kicked off her shoes , removed her jacket and got under the covers with him.

She brought her body as close to his as she possibly could and sighed at the feel of his skin against hers.

He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

She closed her eyes and focused on the sound of his breathing and his steady heart beat beneath her ear.

She brought her hand up to his cheek and raked her nails through his beard. "I missed you." Her voice barely audible.

"I missed you." His eyes fluttered shut as the familiar and long missed scent of her hair filled his senses.

She looked up at him , his blue eyes radiant as ever. Seeing them from behind a screen was a whole different experience than seeing them in person.

Her heart beat sped up when his hand found its way to the exposed skin of her back and started caressing the area.

"Don't ever do that again." She warned.

"Do what?"

"Come close to dying."

"I should demand the same thing from you."

"I'm serious."

"Me , too." He kissed the tip of her nose.

She placed her head on his chest again.

"I should go." He could hear the reluctance in her voice.

"Or you could stay."

"I can't."

"I know."

"Amelia will be here soon and this looks bad."

"It does."

"I don't want to go."

"I don't want you to go."

"But I should." She lifted her head.

He pushed a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "Okay."

She nodded. "Okay." She kissed his cheek. It was an innocent kiss but she might have lingered for too long.

She got down from the bed , pulled on her shoes and jacket and looked down at him. She really wanted to lay back down with him again and she could see he wanted that too.

"I'll see you later?"

"See you later." He smiled.

She walked over to the door , pulled open the curtain , unlocked the door and stepped outside.

She smiled at him one last time and left but as she rounded a corner , she bumped into Amelia.

"Oh , hey."

"Is he awake yet? I was here earlier and he was still asleep." Cristina noted the container of food in her hand and wondered why she hadn't thought of bringing Owen something to eat.

"He's awake." She nodded , a wave of guilt suddenly washed over her.

"Okay. Thanks. See you later." Amelia passed her.

"Yeah , sure." Cristina watched her disappear into Owen's room and felt as unreasonable jealousy crept it's way into her heart.

She shook it off and went to find Meredith and Alex. She needed some cheering up.

\

"So , you just left in the middle of the night?"

Alex and Cristina sat down at the table.

"Yeah."

"And what did your boyfriend say?"

"Could you not call him that? We're not twelve."

"Not call who what?" Meredith sat down.

"Cristina doesn't want me to call her boyfriend , her boyfriend."

Cristina stared at him.

"Don't enrage her , Alex. She's had a long week."

"A hard life."

Alex and Meredith nodded and hummed in agreement.

"Anyway ," Cristina reached over and stole a fry from Alex and he slapped her hand away but even though he didn't show it , he was happy that she did. He missed her stealing his food. "He called me this morning asking when I planned on going back and I didn't know what to say because honestly , I don't know when I'm going back home."

"Did you tell him this is your home?"

"Mer."

Meredith shrugged.

Alex's phone buzzed with a page and he checked it. "I gotta go." He pushed his tray to the middle of the table and Meredith and Cristina both immediately started chewing on his fries.

Meredith turned to Cristina. "What do you think about Amelia?"

"I don't think anything about Amelia. She's Owen's girlfriend and I'm his ex-wife and I just have to ... deal with the situation."

"So she's his girlfriend but Noah isn't your boyfriend?"

"God , I feel like I'm back in high school."

Meredith laughed.

"Hey , is Derek still your husband?"

Meredith's laugh faded. "I have to go." She stood up and walked away.

Cristina watched her retreating back. "Coward!"

\

Cristina was on her way to Owen's room again , even though she wasn't sure if it was such a good idea since what happened that morning.

She really couldn't control herself.

She had missed him so much and he was there and not behind a screen or a voice through a speaker. He was there.

Someone suddenly called out her name and grabbed her by the arm.

She turned around to find Alex with urgency in his eyes. "My kid ," he was out of breath. "With the aorta. He needs you. He's not going to make it. He needs you!"

Cristina nodded. "Okay. Let's go."

\

She brought the stethoscope to the little boys chest and listened.

She looked up at Alex and he could tell by the look in her eyes that it wasn't good. But he knew that already.

The four year old , with sadness in his eyes , reached for the stethoscope when she pulled away and she removed them from her ears and handed them to him.

He gave a brief smile at his new toy.

Cristina motioned for Alex to meet her in the corner.

"It's not looking good."

"You can do the surgery right? We have a printer , too. You can do it."

Cristina stared at him , her heart twisting at the desperation in his voice and eyes.

"Alex..."

"Just try."

"This procedure has only worked once before. Who knows if-"

"What difference does it make?" He cut her off. "He's not going to make it anyway. You have to try , Cristina. He's just a kid. He deserves a chance."

She sighed. "I hate peds." She looked over at the boy still playing with his toy and then looked at Alex. "Okay." She nodded. "I'll do it."

\

"Have you been to see him again?" Alex asked as he passed the grapes to her.

"I was about to before you pulled me aside and asked me to perform miracles."

The two of them were sharing a snack in an on-call room as they waited for the printer to finish its work.

Cristina pulled a grape from its stem and popped it in her mouth.

"Is he good?"

"He was good the last time I checked."

"And how are you holding up?" He asked nonchalantly.

She stilled and looked at him. It was the first time someone actually bothered to question how she was handling the whole thing and she suddenly found herself swallowing a lump in her throat.

"I'm... I'm good." She nodded.

"You don't have to be , you know." He shrugged. "It's okay to be affected by all of this."

"He's not mine to be affected by anymore."

"That's complete crap. You seriously believe that? You and Hunt ... You guys aren't some random couple who can just move on."

"And yet we did."

"Would you stop being so stubborn? Just admit that Amelia affects you. Admit that his accident affected you. Admit that your feelings for him still run deep. Deeper than just friendship. Deeper than a guy you just came to visit because he got hurt. For Gods sake , you flew across the world in the middle of the night for him." He paused. "Just admit your feelings because once you do , you can deal with them and then figure out where to go next."

Cristina looked at him. "When did you become so philosophical?"

"When you left , I had no one to insult anymore so I had to find a new hobby."

"So you became a relationship guru?"

"Yep."

Cristina laughed. She checked her watch. "do you mind if I go and see him? We still have a couple of hours to kill."

"Yeah , whatever. Do what you gotta do."

She tapped his cheek. "Thanks , asshole."

She placed the bowl of grapes onto the bed and then got up.

"Admit to your feelings." He called out as she left.

"Yeah , yeah."

\

As she approached the room , she saw Owen getting wheeled out.

Derek had urgency in his eyes , yelling orders at the nurses as they rushed pass Cristina with Owen's unconscious body.

"Derek , what happened?" Cristina ran up to him.

"He had a seizure and CT's revealed a brain hemorrhage. I have to go back in."

"You said he was fine."

"He was. You're a doctor , Cristina. You know these things happen."

She watched Derek walk pass her and chase after Owen's gurney.

"Yeah." She whispered.

\

As Cristina sat in the waiting room , she understood how all of her patients' families must've felt.

The not knowing.

The waiting.

It could drive you insane.

She looked over at Amelia.

She looked more than concerned. She really did care for Owen and Cristina thought that she deserved better.

She shouldn't be with someone who still had feelings for someone else.

She realized she was doing the same thing to Noah and she sighed.

Meredith appeared beside her and then sat down in the chair in between Cristina and Amelia.

She rubbed Amelia's arm comfortingly and then took Cristina's hand into hers.

"Derek's going to fix him." She said aloud. "He's going to be just fine."

Alex came from around the corner. "Yang! The printer just finished! Let's go!"

"She can't right now." Meredith spoke up.

"What? Why?"

"Owen went back into surgery."

Alex pulled back. "Oh."

Cristina moved to get up. "I should go. That kid needs me."

Meredith pulled her back down. "You can't do surgery like this , Cristina."

Alex sat down on the table in front of her. "Mer's , right. We can wait a while."

Cristina sighed and fell back against the chair.

She looked at Meredith. "Your husband better not fuck up."

/

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