A/N: Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, the 2008 TV series, belongs to BBC.

Thanks for all the favorites, follows and reviewers. And just as a quick reminder, reviews are always appreciated, = D

Only to clarify things, when there's someone saying something in italic with Merlin, it means it isn't a person.

Also, there's a reincarnation conversation with Sybarys and again I'll warn you: this is just a fiction, it doesn't aim to have any sort of religious doctrine or whatsoever, this work is fictional. It's not my intention to offend anyone's personal beliefs, so don't take this seriously.

Chapter 37

Camelot's Tavern (The Rising Sun)

Night

.

"Say your prayers, Merlin." Gwaine told him, attempting to assume a fighting instance, and staggering, while the chorus of "fight, fight, fight" filled the taverns walls. When he finally managed to stay slightly still on his two feet, he continued speaking:

"Today I'll smack some senses into that thick skull of yours, even if I have to beat you to a pulp!"

"Gwaine, I don't think you're able to hit even the wall and it's fixed to the ground. Just talk to him and solve this like an adult." Leon advised.

"No! He must taste my fists of justice!" And the roughish knight aimed a punch on Merlin, who only stepped back to dodge it, and Gwaine lost balance due to his own stage of drunkness, being prompted by his feet's impulse to take more steps while rotating his torso in the direction of the missed punch, ending up hitting his face against a table and falling to the ground. The crowd uttered a collective "ahhh" in disappointment.

"Gwaine! Are you alright?!" The warlock promptly stood by his friend's side, trying to help him get up.

"Noooo! I have to teach you a lesson! Stay still!" He answered, pulling his arm out of Merlin's grasp.

"Stop being childish! You aren't even able to give a straight punch right away!" Leon scolded him and added: "You have to talk, not behave like a five year-old!"

"Understood, mama bear!" Gwaine snorted and sniggered, finding this new nickname for Leon completely hilarious, probably because of his alcoholic shaped perceptions.

"Why did you want to kill Morgana? I mean, I have never met someone as impressive as her, like … EVER."

"I … it wasn't as if I necessarily wanted to kill her." Gwaine glared at him and Merlin ended up saying: "I was misguided into believe she would cause great harm to everything that I've known and love."

"What? This is ridiculous! She lifted magic's ban and you have magic! She treats the people more fairly than any other ruler this land has seen! I've never saw a monarch so worthy of being followed as her and yet you call her a threat?"

"Like I said, I was misguided into believe she would endanger everything I fought so hard for. And she actually has shown me some of her dark side before." He whispered the last part only for Gwaine to hear.

"I can't believe it!"

"Gwaine, this is not the place to discuss this. I'll answer all your questions, but please, let us go somewhere away from prying eyes." By then, Leon was on Gwaine's other side, helping his fellow knight back to his feet.

"Fine." Gwaine sputtered, letting his friends carry him back to the barracks.

Once they got there, Merlin explained his side of the story, to which Gwaine begrudgingly agree that he had a valid point, then took more ale and forgave with a wide smile plastered on his face – because apparently Gwaine's drunkenness caused him to have mood swings.

Queen's study

Morning of the following day

.

"Beltane is getting closer, Morgana. You are the Queen, you must perform the ritual with Emrys and restore Dagobeth's former glory." Morgause told her, both of them speaking to their respective crystals.

"This is nonsense! You have no proof that this will truly work! Only two persons can't possibly restore the fruitfulness of a sterile land!"

"The ritual will be only a part of it. We'll reunite a great number of those that have magic to amplify it."

"Oh, great! You want to assemble a whole audience to watch us! What more could I ever wish for?!" Morgana retorted with sarcasm.

"It's your duty and his to represent God and Goddess in Beltane's ritual." Morgause spoke in a calm tone, choosing to ignore her sister's previous remark.

"I never sign up for this, in fact when it comes to him I'm always getting dragged to senseless bullshit." Morgana ranted.

"Think of the good it'll bring to the land. You'll be able to receive more refugees and give them fields to plant. The Druids will replant forests there, life will return to the soil and with it magic will be allowed to roam free once again in that land. You'll be the ruler of four kingdoms at the same time, getting closer to be the ruler of a unified Alb –"

"Do you have any idea of what you ask of me?" Morgana interrupted her sister, frowning. Her voice wasn't angry this time, only hurt.

"Morgana, I know that there's a lot of bad blood between you two and that I share some of the blame for it –"

"Some?"

"Ok, a fair amount of the blame, and I'm truly sorry for that. Happy now?"

"No, not even close."

Disregarding her commentary, Morgause continued speaking:

"But you can't let your past paralyze you and turn you away from your destiny."

"Destiny isn't set in stone. You're lucky I don't blindly follow it or else you'd be with a pretty big scar in your face and feeling a crippling pain caused by one of Emrys' spells by this time of the year."

"Don't think that it wasn't Destiny that changed the course of your life. The future has many paths and for those possibilities to exist there was already a pre-ordained plans. Don't forget the part I played on it."

"I could never forget, dear sister. Helping me turn into the very monster I feared the most due to my bright and cheerful upbringing."

"I admit my mistake, sister. And I take no pride in it. All that I can say is that I'm sorry and that I hope that one day we can mend our relationship, that we can be as close as we used to."

"I can't forget nor forgive easily. It takes more than a few apologies to fix what was broken, if there's a way to repair it at all."

"I'm trying, Morgana. At least you can recognize that."

Before the seer queen could answer her sister, she heard someone knocking on the study's door. Glancing at another crystal, she saw that it was Gwen and Arthur, so she muttered an "enter" and dismissed Morgause as the couple entered the room.

"Oh, you were talking to Morgause. We can come at another time, Morgana, don't mind us." Gwen said, apologetic.

"Our conversation was already done, Gwen, and I requested you here, thanks for coming so quickly."

"Morgana." Her brother acknowledge her, to which she replied:

"Arthur."

"Already missing my brotherly love? Do you intent to spend all the following days by my side to feel safe, my lady?" He gave her an impish grin.

Morgana rolled her eyes and retorted:

"Only in your dreams. Even before I discovered my magic, I was never the one truly at danger when matters came to worst." She tilted her head and chuckled.

"That's not what I remember" He narrowed his eyes.

"Arthur, you have a selective memory, otherwise you wouldn't have believed in half of Merlin's explanation on how you saved the day while you were knocked out."

Gwen giggled and Arthur turned to her, saying:

"Even you, Guinevere!" He laughed too, content that he had effectively teased his sister for the day, and bent down to kiss his wife's cheek.

"Speaking of the devil, I need a favor. I want you to send Merlin on a quest." Morgana interrupted.

"Merlin? Why him? Isn't there someone more suitable for the job like, I don't know, your astonishing brother?." Arthur answered, puzzled by her request.

"Do I have another brother that I don't know of?."

"No, you're just too shortsighted to notice your amazing, brave–"

"Stop, stop, stop." She extended her palms to him and added: "If I let you, you won't shut up until next morning. It's related to magic and only Merlin or I can do it."

"Already assigning the crappy jobs to him, huh, Morgana? Are you retaliating for yesterday's cuddling session?"

"There was never a cuddling session." She said in an indifferent tone of voice.

"It wasn't what it seemed." This time Gwen teased.

"Even you, Gwen!" Morgana gasped over-theatrically and all of them laughed.

"No, but seriously, I need Merlin to take the Crystal of Neahtid to the Crystal Cave."

"And why don't you just summon him here and ask him directly?" Her friend and sister-in-law asked with her hands on her hips.

"I don't need to, I have my brother and best friend to do it for me."

"Are you avoiding Merlin?" Arthur inquired, bemused.

"That's exactly what she's trying to do." Gwen answered for Morgana, crossing her arms above her swollen belly.

"What? You say it as if I'm doing something bad."

"It doesn't suit you Morgana. You never run away from things, I mean, you never run away from Father's reproaches, nor from a fight. Why would you run from Merlin of all people? Wait, do you still have feeli–"

"This is my concern, Arthur, not yours." She replied with an icy tone that would send shivers to him when they were children – and until his late teen years, not that he'd ever admit it.

"You should be more honest with yourself, Morgana. Arthur is right. It doesn't suit you and not facing your problems won't solve a thing." Gwen said, half pleading.

"I have an enormous amount of problems at my hands right now, much more important ones. If you can't even help me with the simplest of requests, fine, I'll just ask another to do it in your stead."

"You're deliberately deviating this conversation, Morgana." Her friend objected.

She inhaled, visibly irritated, and was about to say something when she changed her mind and spoke instead:

"Look, right now I don't think I can deal with Merlin in a satisfactory manner, I mean, without causing a great amount of pain. I haven't forgiven him. I don't even know if I can. I'm still … bitter … about everything. I have no intentions of spending the rest of my life evading him, but right now I can't, I simply am not capable of doing rational other than emotional choices regarding him when he's right in front of me."

That seemed to convince the couple and Arthur spoke:

"Ok, I'll tell him."

"Please do take the Crystal with you."

Queen's study

Late Morning

.

Her green ornated dress fluttered with the wind and her motions as Morgana opened the door to Gwaine.

"My queen." He bowed, grinning widely at her.

"Have you been fighting?" She asked, noticing his bruised cheek.

"Oh! This?" He inquired, pointing his index finger to his injured face and added: "Nah, it was just a lovely night of drinking." He smiled again, and continued saying: "But I'm touched by your concern." And blinked at her.

Morgana rolled her eyes, moving her hand as she used her magic to close the door (but not lock it) and cast a spell to make the content of their conversation inaudible to anyone that was outside of the study.

"Gwaine, I need you to infiltrate in our enemy's rank. I've hear they have some sort of cult made of magic haters."

"Won't they know who I am? I mean, I followed you to battle and stood by your side a lot of times – less than what I liked to be, not that I'm complaining." He smiled wickedly at her, blinking again.

Morgana sighed and said:

"We're staging a fight. At any moment now Sefa will be bringing me tea. When she enters you'll just have to try to kiss me and I'll slap you – I'm afraid I'll really have to do it, so I'll hit your other cheek – and say horrible things to you that I don't mean. After that you'll resign as one of Camelot's knights and the story will effectively be spread by Sefa's gossip net."

"Do I get to actually kiss you?" Gwaine asked with hopeful eyes and excitement.

"Is that all that you want to ask? Aren't there more important things, I don't know, where to begin looking for that cult for starters?"

"There's nothing more important to me than this opportunity to kiss you." He said with resolution instead of his playful tone.

"Gwaine, cut it out. You won't kiss me and you should stop with your strange idea of courtship. It's really annoying sometimes."

"I'm serious. I want to be more than only your knight." He continued speaking with determination.

"Gwaine, this isn't the time to discuss this. Sefa will come here at any moment, can I count with you?"

"Always, my Queen." He answered locking his eyes on hers and added: "I'll wait for your answer for as long as you require to make up your mind."

She frowned, only know taking him seriously, but before she could tell him anything else, they heard someone knocking on the door and she told the person to enter.

Seeing his cue, Gwaine quickly bent down to seal their lips, which surprised Morgana and caught her off guard as she watched who went through the door.

Their lips touched and Gwaine held her face with both hands to make the kiss last longer.

Morgana pushed him away and slapped him (in the non-bruised cheek), hard. Lately she had been hitting males in the face with a certain currency. She could tell, from the corner of her eyes, that it wasn't Sefa and that was one of the main reasons to lash on Gwaine like that.

In fact, she could recognize his silhouette for years of unwilling practice. It was Merlin who entered the room, and she had half a mind to scold Arthur later for distracting her before, "forgetting" to take the Crystal of Neahtid and give it to Merlin, but she felt a pressure building on her stomach – much alike a fight or flee sensation – when looking at his shocked expression, while a self-defensive irritation kicked in, much similar to a spoilt child's annoyance when caught doing something that she shouldn't be doing. Exactly why she was feeling like that she didn't know how to explain to herself, it wasn't as if she meant anything to him.

"What are you doing here? Leave!" Morgana snarled at Merlin.

For a moment she thought he would do as he was told, judging by the broken face he was making, but then he puffed out his chest and said:

"I came to take the Crystal of Neahtid." And he swallowed, frowning.

At that moment Sefa finally appeared, while Morgana only pointed at the artifact and Merlin collected it with his head low, leaving the room as fast as he could.

By seeing his fleeing figure, Morgana felt the sudden impulse to follow him and explain the situation, but it was quite stupid. It wasn't as if they had anything going on, well, he certainly didn't love her, why she had to explain herself? So, instead, she turned her attention to Gwaine once again, making sure that Sefa was listening the whole argument, she yelled:

"Why did you kiss me?! Are you insane?!"

And after that she lashed her anger on the poor knight, he resigned and she banished him from Camelot.

Crystal Cave

Following day

Morning

.

The trip had been uneventful, a welcomed change for Merlin as this last month of his life had practically turned his world upside down. When he saw Gwaine kissing Morgana it was as if his blood had left great part of his body, and it was hard to breath. He felt this … hurt … that he couldn't quite explain, he didn't dare to think about it and what it meant. It was … painful … especially knowing, after her latest reactions, how she loathed him. It all only made him certain that destiny and such truly wasn't something self-fulfilling as their shared destiny was the farthest of coming true. They couldn't even stand in the same room for much time, much more have many pairs of magical babies! Maybe they weren't the ones in that prophecy, perhaps could be others.

It wasn't helping, not at all, but that moment kept replaying in his mind, as if to torture him further.

In truth, he only noticed he had reached his destination when he inadvertently kicked one of its rocks, causing him to shout and jump around holding his injured feet.

"Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" He yelled, using that moment to express his pain and frustration.

When the throbbing pain became bearable, he inhaled and entered the cave, straightening his blue neckerchief and red shirt.

"Taliesin!" The young warlock called, waiting for old man to magically appear, as he had done the in their last encounter.

"Emrys."

"I came here to ask you something. Can you fix the Crystal of Neahtid? It has been fogged somehow, we can't see a thing when we look at it."

"The problem isn't with the stone itself. Too many different destinies can happen now, when only one was truly settled before. The whole cave has been receiving a great surge of energy, that's what must have been affecting the crystal."

"How can it be fixed?"

"Perhaps … perhaps taking a different crystal everyday can be a temporarily solution, for a recently taken one will share most of the cave's original energy. But I'm afraid that to have a more stable crystal, it's necessary a more stable future."

"What do you mean?"

"That there's much uncertainty of what is to come."

In the woods

.

"O drakon, e male so ftengometta tesd'hup'anankes! Sybarys!"

Merlin calls her name to make sure he wouldn't summon someone else and waits. After half an hour, Sybarys descends into the clearing he was in, ruffling the trees' leaves with the wing caused by her wings flapping.

"Merlin." She greets and he smiles, seeing she had already healed most of her battle wounds.

"Sybarys, I need your help. I must reach Camelot really fast!"

"As you wish, Emrys."

"What? You won't lecture me that I shouldn't be abusing my powers as dragonlord?"

"You asked for me to take you, not demanded. And giving you a ride doesn't diminishes me as a being, nor makes me indignant, only my own mind can do it. Also, it's an elder's duty to assist a hatchling in any possible way."

"But Kilgarrah would always complain."

"He made his choices, Merlin, to see himself as above everyone else. What could truly shame me was to indulge in such selfishness that I'd threaten the happiness of my own kin."

"Hmmm, was it a common thing? Before, when you said dragons ruled the land alongside gods and other beings?"

"The ones misguided, choosing to exert their power over others than to exert their powers in balance with others, would frequently think that they were entitled to extirpate others' freewill and enslave whoever they could. As they were many, yes, it was a common thing."

"How long ago was that?"

"Sixty thousand years ago, when mankind had suffered a great loss and were forgot their true power."

"Wow, were you alive back then?"

"You mean in this shell?"

"Is there a difference?"

"Well, of course, Merlin. Life isn't only our physical existence, we're much more than this. Your soul is alive and it changes its skin every time you're reborn into this world. You were also here sixty thousand years ago, I've met you then."

"What?!" He laughed nervously.

"Your choices back then led you to this moment, Emrys. You chose your destiny and the temptations along this way."

"No, I didn't choose this fate. I hated it ever since I first set foot on Camelot. And Kilgarrah always told me that no one chooses their fates, no one can escape it, nor change it."

"And yet your destiny changed over and over again based on your choices and the choices of others."

Before Merlin could answer her, he heard someone calling:

"Emrys."

He turned his head and saw Morgana, with the same green gown she used the day he poisoned her. However, there she was different from how he remembered her that day. Her eyes were red, swollen, and there was a dark reddened stain on the fabric of her dress, between the start of her thighs.

He gapped, a lonely tear left his right eye as she came closer.

"What is happening, Merlin?" Sybarys asked, concerned with his interactions to seemly nothing.

"Morgana." He whispered, causing the Great Dragon to become confused, so she adjusted her sight and noticed the malicious energy connected to Merlin's mind and heart.

"It isn't real, young dragonlord. This is the product of a spell."

"I want to talk to you. Alone."

It was strange, he couldn't think clearly, he just wanted to do as he was told by her, so he roared a command, not even giving any thought that he was abusing his dragonlord's power:

"LEAVE!"

Being compelled to obey, Sybarys fought her hardest to remain by his side, calling his name, but was beaten up by the bonds that forced her to submit, setting flight shortly after.

"I came here to offer you a chance of redemption, Emrys. Only by doing this you can make amends for this." She touched the bloodstain on her dress and added "For spilling the blood of our children."

At Camelot

Dusk

.

Sybarys had landed a few minutes ago, telling Morgana, Arthur, Ruadan, Leon, Percival and Elyan about Merlin's enchantment.

"He isn't listening, he gave me a command to not interfere. I can't stop him!" The purple dragon elaborated.

"Then I'll go." Arthur said and added: "If there's someone that can stop that idiot, it's me."

"No, it's too dangerous. We don't know how this illusion has affected Merlin. He might use his magic against you. Also, he never listens to you anyway." Morgana countered.

"But we have to do something!" Arthur retorted.

"This has magical origins. It's highly probable that only you trying to convince him with words won't do. The spell must be broken." Sybarys spoke.

"Hmmm … are you suggesting …" The seer raised her eyebrows, inquiring the great creature, but not exactly finishing her own thought.

"That you must go after him. Your bond is strong enough to sever the spell's influence."

"It's either stop the chanters or break it by an act of true love" Sybarys spoke into Morgana's mind after talking to all of them.

"Do you think it's wise, Morgana? By what Sybarys told us, you were the illusion in his mind." Her brother asked.

"Which grants me even more reliability in the matter. I'll be directly confronting his minds' lies." She answered, pondering Sybarys' words. She knew the ways to break the enchantment and to one of them she wasn't particularly fond of.

"But this spell is also one that the casters must keep chanting, so finding who has cast it is crucial to end it." The seer added and then commanded:

"Ruadan, go with Arthur and the others to the Order. The casters can't be far. Search the crystals for them and once you've determined their locations, take a group with you and stop them."

"Wait, you're thinking of going alone to find Merlin?" The King inquired.

"Yes, Arthur. A joint effort with two different approaches has way more chance to succeed than if we all chase like madmen after him, don't you think?"

"You've got a point, but I'm worried about you. The two of you haven't been on the best terms lately."

"Don't worry, Arthur. I won't hurt your precious manservant – much." She replied, smirking and added:

"We don't have much time. I'll go and you all must find the sorcerers."

Then Morgana's eyes glowed golden and she disappeared shortly after.

At the woods

Evening

.

"Merlin!" Morgana called after him, noticing he was stumbling onwards, his back turned to her.

He tilted his head when she called and raised his hand while his eyes glowed with a golden hue. Suddenly, a tree branch caught her by the ankles, entangling in between her leg and pulling Morgana upwards. She hit her head against the tree's trunk during the abrupt movement, being knocked out.

In the meantime, Merlin sprinted towards his final destination.

...

She didn't know how much time had gone by since she lost consciousness, but one thing she knew for sure, she was pissed for being caught in such a silly trick. Morgana roared in frustration, using her magic to get back on the ground, and started running, following Merlin's tracks.

In front of a cliff

.

"I don't know about this, Morgana. What about our destiny? What about uniting Albion?"

The woman cupped his cheeks, caressing his face with her thumbs, and answered:

"If you don't do this, with me, I'll never forgive you. No one is irreplaceable, Emrys. Albion will come to pass either we're here or not."

"Morgana …"

She touched their foreheads and spoke:

"This is the only way. We can only be a whole family … complete … if we go after them, Merlin. That's the only way I can forgive you."

He crumbled to his knees, holding her hips and nestling his head against her stomach, and murmured:

"I know. I know."

She stroked his hair, gently, and he sobbed softly and said:

"I'm so sorry."

"Shhhh, it's ok. You're going to fix it, then everything will be alright. It won't hurt anymore, I promise you."

"Merlin!" Morgana yelled, out of breath as she rushed to where he was, facing him on his knees, clutching the air.

"They are here again, to stop us!" The woman in his arms spoke.

"I won't let them." He muttered, raising his hand to throw the intruder away.

This time, the seer effectively shielded herself with her magic, even though if was quite hard to do it, and cried out:

"Merlin! Stop! This is an illusion that you're seeing! It's not real!"

"This one is lying, Emrys. They just want to distract us, to enslave us to their foretold destinies."

"You're lying!" He yelled to the figure that deflected his magic.

"No, I'm not! Listen to me, you have to come back. Arthur and everybody else is worried sick about you."

"Maybe because they'll lose their favorite slave. Don't do this again, Emrys. You promised that you would never again put me in last place in your life. You promised.". The woman pleaded to him and he lifted his head to look deep into her entrancing green eyes.

"I'll keep my promise, I swear." He said and tilted his head to the trespasser, speaking:

"Leave, I won't go back. I'll do what is right and damn the consequences."

"Are you using my words against me, Merlin?"

"No, those are Morgana's words and you can't be her. She's by my side right now."

"What? There's no one physically by your side! I am Morgana!"

She stepped closer to him, trying to get more illuminated by the pale moonlight that wasn't completely engulfed by the trees' shadows. From where he stood she had a clear view of him and she guessed that the opposite wasn't true, so she created an orb of light next to her, to make him see her.

"That person isn't me. Whoever this is it's just an impostor trying to deceive you, Emrys. Don't listen to her, she wants to distract you!"

He rose from his kneeling position with a sad smile plastered on his face. His rational mind was frantically cracking the scenery constructed by the spell's illusion, pointing the contradictions like the fact that it was impossible for the blood in the woman's dress be of their children, or that one day she'd ever agree to waste her life on the likes of him. Yet, it was as if his heart demanded him to go on with it, this was the only possible solution to be exactly where he wanted to be. He gazed into the nearest woman's eyes before turning to the second Morgana and saying:

"It doesn't matter, not at all."

"What do you mea –"

"By doing this I choose my own destiny, I'll be reunited with those that I love and have lost. By doing this I'm truly free and that's what I wish."

"Don't be absurd! That's what you're going to do? Jump off this cliff and kill yourself won't make everything disappear –"

"No, but it'll make me and my pain go away." He said with resolution.

"This is not what you truly believe in! You're under a spell, Merlin! Those aren't your words, those aren't your wishes!"

"She is trying to distract you!"

"I know, I know." He spoke to both in a resigned tone and added: "Right now I can't fight it, this desire … it seems so right … it feels so right … this is the only way I can atone for my sins and find peace." He said in a broken voice, unshed tears filling his eyes, and finished: "There's no other way."

"I won't let you stop me. I've already shielded myself, so you can't force me with your magic." The warlock said in a calm tone and moved his feet, getting closer to the edge.

"Wait!" Morgana extended her hand to him, pleading. Her mind was running wild, he knew it was a spell and didn't even try to fight against it. She was getting desperate, it was clear that the others hadn't found and stopped the casters yet, so there was only one thing to do, it didn't matter that she had swallow her pride to do it, because he was more important than that.

He watched her expectantly, stray tears leaving his eyes as he did what he was told. She took a deep breath, also assembling the courage to tell him and damn it all, and spoke, vulnerability clear in her tone:

"Don't go somewhere I cannot follow." She breathed deeply again, adding: "Don't abandon me here with a hollow space instead of a heart."

She intently took a step closer to him and seeing that he didn't fuss about it, she continued speaking, trying to get closer:

"When you came to my room and asked me to have a family with you … and then I asked what you felt about me … I got mad because I wanted more than to fulfill a great prophecy with you … even after everything that we went through … I wanted … I want you to love me for who I am … not to be forced into it or as a duty … or even truly try and not be able to …"

She got closer still, without an abrupt reaction from him, so she continued:

"Because it would kill me slowly … having you by my side, but not having you wholly … not having your heart … while to me … I feel … I feel … that there's this … ache … that is only soothed when you're around … and it isn't even that you need to do something … you just have to be there to be enough … but when this first need is sated … and then another takes its place … I want to be able to touch you … feel the heat of your skin under my fingertips … and be allowed to show my affections … hoping that you … hoping that you would grace me with one of your brilliant smiles … one that makes me forget that there was ever any wrongness in the world … and I have this want to know, without any words said, that you feel the same way that I do."

Approaching him even more, Morgana continued to speak, getting closer to have him at arm's reach. What she was saying was affecting them both, she could hear his small sobs as her owns tears cascaded down her eyes, and she kept going:

"This emotion is like a maelstrom … I'm dragged to it … and I'm helpless … there's no other thing for me to do but to love you with every fiber of my being … with my entire soul … because I've tried, I've tried so hard to let this feeling go … to bury it deep into the ground … but it seems that every time I think I have gained enough distance … seeing you … what you do that it's slightly gentle or good to me in any sort of way… it drags me back to it … and I … I can't help but to be utterly in love with you."

"There's no room in my heart for this kind of love. You have to make things right first, you have to do justice, and only then I can begin to love again." The woman beside him said, the spell trying to keep hold of him, but at some point – that he couldn't precisely tell what – he had been freed from its influence. Even though he experienced an incommensurable amount of sadness just a few moments ago, he was feeling giddy with a sudden and unexpected glee for listening to her, he felt his chest getting warmer by each passing second in her presence. Merlin didn't know how to answer, words deserted him, the only thing he could do was call her name:

"Morgana … "

And by then she had used those moments of distraction in her favor and was close enough to pull him to her and she did, holding him desperately while quickly saying the spell to teleport them to safety.

A/N:

Me: "Tell him your true feelings or I'll kill him!" *Holds Merlin and points a pen to his neck*

Morgana: "NO!"

Me: "DO IT!"

Morgana: "NO! I'll use logic instead!"

Me: "It won't work! I'm the one writing this! Do as I say or he dies!"

Hey, folks, it only took 37 chapters and 122,559 words (I'm not counting the A/Ns in chapters in FFnet) to reach this point, yet there wasn't even a kiss! Anyway, it was an extensive monologue-confession with hints of accepting it, so I guess you'll have to wait for the next chapter, don't quit now!

Also, I must say that I've had planned on taking even more time getting there, like have Morgana rule alone for a year and such, but then got tired of it and made them come back sooner and the Mergana happen before planned too (imagine if it hadn't). I guess that changing my updating pace did make it longer.

I'm assuming most of you readers are Mergana and Arwen shippers, when did you first start shipping your OTP? I thought they were cute together on episode 1x08, ended watching the first season and some of the initial episodes of season 2 (and I must say that episode 2x03 put the nail in the coffin), quit the series I don't know exactly why and later on began rewatching it and the other seasons due to youtube videos and fanfiction. I knew the pairing would be tragic and I totally acted like Homer Simpson never learning that fire burns, hahahahahahaha. In truth, the drama in Mergana is really alluring. I have a soft spot for misguided/misunderstood characters and all the wasted potential and angst that comes from having that character paired with one of the main characters/heroes in the story.

Also I prefer Arwen over Gwencelot (is that it?) because in general Gwen makes Arthur be a better person (I don't know if it was the common effort paying off or something else, but he was less pratish in later seasons).

P.S.: as a side note, I'd indicate "The words" by Christina Perri as a theme to this chapter (for the Mergana moment, of course)