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Chapter 35; All in The Past

"What picture?"

Ezio swallowed and considered shaking his head and playing dumb, but there was a hurt, maybe even dangerous light in Altair's eyes. "T-the ones you had in that book on your…"

His eyes widened and the color drained away from his face.

"I-I'm sorry. They were laying there when I came over—I didn't know."

Altair swallowed, it looked very difficult, and he slouched further into his chair, rubbing at his eyes. "It's alright."

"You're angry."

He inhaled deeply; "Yeah."

Ezio wondered if he shouldn't leave quickly, but decided sudden movements, or running away may just make him more angry. Might make Altair want to hurt him.

"I'll get over it though… Just—" His voice dropped to a low whisper through what sounded like a sore throat; "I don't like showing those photos to anyone, because of… certain things." He peered out between his fingers and noticed the wary, close to panic look on Ezio's face. "Just because I'm angry, doesn't mean I'm gonna hurt you."

He didn't look convinced.

Altair watched him for a long while. "I hide those pictures because it hurts to look at them and if Malik knew they were there he'd take them. He's even more sensitive than I am about it." He scoffed and rubbed his head; "Who can blame him after what I did…"

Ezio's brows pulled together; "What do you mean?"

Altair glanced over his shoulder, making sure he could still hear Desmond and Shaun fighting. Shaun was growling and Desmond was telling him repeatedly in a muffled voice; 'You're cheating! You're cheating you limey bastard! GET OFF MY HEAD!'

Altair rubbed his brow wearily; "Malik and I were friends in school, his li— his little brother Kadar liked to hang out with us a lot. He was always tryin' to impress us, me especially. He wanted to be 'big and tough' and make Malik proud. We made him do really dumb shit sometimes. We climbed the big tree in my dad's back yard once and stranded him. He cried and begged us to help him down but we just laughed at him… so he got mad and jumped out like a lemming and landed on us. He had a concussion, Malik and I had broken ribs. We kinda gave him some respect after that… When Malik and I enlisted he did too…"

He hadn't uncovered his eyes yet and Ezio wondered if he was OK under there.

"Malik has always been kind of a snoop, like I said, and somehow he got in good with a few of the higher-ups, got the three of us in the same squad when we were deployed. We thought it was going to be just like when we were kids playing war in the backyard… Malik didn't care about my preferences, so it was safe for me to be Out with them. It was really a relief. I didn't feel so choked anymore." He chuckled, a rather heartbreaking sound. "I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when it happened, I mean the kid made me in my mother's skirt look straight, the way he kept fussing with his hair and taking duckface pictures of himself in his prescription sunglasses… those things were fucking hideous." He smiled distantly for a few minutes then dropped his hand and gestured to his face; "Kadar was born with low pigment in his eyes, made'em sensitive as hell, he couldn't be in much sunlight without sunglasses or something shading them. I don't know how he passed the physical, and considering the guy who gave it to us was hitting on me the whole time, I really don't want to know how he passed… He beat up this idiot who stole his glasses one day. I mean really just beat the fear of God out of this guy, then came back to the room wearing them looking like Don Johnson or some shit—it must be genetic or something 'cause Malik's the same way. Whenever he gets into a fight and wins, afterward he wants sex and…" His lips compressed; "A week later we were on foot, and I saw this guy from the corner of my eye, toss something into a car and take off. So, instead of calling it out like I was supposed to, I broke formation and ran after him… the next thing I know there's an explosion and when I turn around—" His fingers twitched slightly and he gave a little shiver. "There was a hole in Kadar's chest I could have put my fist through, and he was screaming… And I found Malik's thumb like s-sticking in a wall thirty feet from him." His eyes were wide but distant and his right hand was twitching, like he was feeling for something that should have been in his pocket, or maybe on his thigh.

Ezio just sat there staring at him in shock.

"They took Malik out first, and I just stood there staring at Kadar and he was staring at me… His eyes were open." He shivered; "He looked scared, like he'd just realized the world was an ugly place and he was smack dab in the shittiest pile of fucked up there was… then his pupils just kinda' spread out… Like a flower opening up." His eyes were eerily wide and he had an expression on his face like maybe he was a little confused, mystified.

"Altair…"

He rubbed his face and leaned his elbows onto his desk. "I went a little crazy and started screamin' I threatened to shoot my commanding officer in the face when the medics tried to move him… the next thing I know they're slapping me with a discharge… seems they decided it would be best to use the worse offence of being openly gay rather than throw me in prison for threatening the CO… My dad found out and I made it home and onto the porch—he hit me, called me all sorts of names, threw me down the stairs and into the street and told me I was dead to him."

"How could he do that! He's your father! It shouldn't matter if you were adopted or not, he—"

"It's not uncommon, Ezio. I was lucky."

"Lucky?"

"Yeah. Two of my brothers still talked to me. Walker would look for me and make sure I had a good meal whenever he could find me. Chris would slip me some money every time he saw me. I knew kids, thirteen, fifteen, sixteen year-old kids, who had absolutely nothing and nobody. I was lucky… I lived for almost two years on the streets. I don't know if you know this, but the streets of Chicago are tough! I started carrying a knife just to make sure I wasn't mugged and gang raped for my shoes! Then one day Malik walked up to me. I was sick, hadn't had food that I hadn't fought rats for in a week… And I thought Malik was coming to kill me like he'd said he would do. It was kind of a relief, I thought if he killed me then maybe I'd be able to rest and I wouldn't feel so terrible, I wouldn't remember… But he didn't, he brought me here, before this place was any better than a tenement. We didn't talk for almost a month, just him barking orders at me and throwing insults. I took it and I thanked him for it. I felt like I deserved everything he hit me with… I helped him remodel the down stairs and this floor. Then one day he shoves a stack of papers at me and tells me to memorize them. He'd coaxed and twisted arms and god knows what, and managed to help me get my license. I took four months worth of cases. Small time shit, summons, tailing people, looking for lost pets, and then one day I'm helping Hadiya shop for groceries while Malik was at the VA and I see a few street cops chasing this kid with a stolen purse, so I clothesline him, knock him on his ass and pin him. A month later I'm sitting here talking to your father."

And suddenly the silence from the other room became oppressive.

Altair sighed, thankful for a way out of a conversation he feared would end with him depressed and feeling like a sack full of shit, and stood. Rubbing his face with his sleeves, and shuffled out the door.

Ezio hesitated, before he followed, feeling uneasy and shaky, trying to digest what Altair had told him. There were so many emotions clearly evident in what the PI had said, and Ezio knew the taste of each one. The fear, the sense of betrayal, the self-hatred… he knew it all.

That tightness and fluttering in his middle increased a little every minute longer he thought about it.

Out in the hall Ezio could hear faint murmuring, and by the time he and Altair reached the storage room door he could pick out the two distinct voices.

Shaun was laying on his back, looking like he'd been hit by a truck, clothes torn, his nose bloody, prodding gently at a reddened, bruising knot around his left eye. He was speaking and seemed to be in the middle of a story or an explanation of some kind; "—our father would knock us around when we were young. My shoulder had dislocated nine times before I was twelve. I can do it almost at will now…"

Desmond was laying perpendicular to him, his head on the Brit's stomach with his shirt hiked up gripping at a welt shaped like Shaun's foot on his ribs, rubbing his jaw. "My dad didn't cook… ever. If I didn't eat lunch at school I didn't eat. And if he had one of his girlfriends around I was expected to disappear. I ended up practically living on the couch in Altair's old room."

"So that's why you're always stuffing your face, and dressing up like him, eh?"

He hummed and after a moment of rubbing at his side; "How's your nose?"

"Bloody… How 'bout your teeth?"

"They'll be fine once they stop rattling."

Shaun grunted. "I'm sorry I kicked you in the face—"

"It's alright, it didn't even hurt."

"What are you on about! I you were crying!"

"No I wasn't." He snuffed.

"You're an idiot."

"You're an asshole."

Altair propped his shoulder on the doorframe and crossed his arms; "You're both nuts… Now, we've got work to do, are you gonna stop acting like lunatics?"

They turned in unison to look at him with unhappy eyes.

Altair scoffed. He saw a little bit of himself and Malik in them, and he just wanted to smack their heads together like eggs and tell them to get over themselves.

"You're a jerk, Altair… you gave him a knife! A KNIFE!"

"You disarmed him quick enough. I guess you are actually listening when I teach you shit." He waggled a finger at Shaun; "And where the fuck did you learn jujitsu!"

"I went to university in London when I was seventeen, was roomed with a bloke named Nils who taught it to kids… I did his Latin homework and he showed me a few things."

"Okay, you've got yourself a job."

Shaun blinked at him stupidly. "W-what?"

And Altair pointed at Ezio; "Teach him… And if you teach Malik's kids too I'll make it worth your while."

Ezio blanched.

Shaun raised his head; "Worth my while in what way?"

"Malik'd probably give you twenty bucks a kid a week, and I'll throw in fifty for Ezio and your own desk."

"Sold!"

Desmond whined and sat up gripping his ribs; "Hey, you never offered anything like that to me!"

"Because whenever you're around the girls you end up wearing a hat and nail polish… You're good with kids, Des, just not with instructing them." He waited until the two of them had climbed to their feet and were putting their shoes back on, Desmond limping slightly, and as they were heading back to the office, Ezio laid a hand on Altair's shoulder and stopped him.

"Why'd you do that?" He felt mortified, he wasn't defenseless. He wasn't weak, why did he DO that!

"I did it because it's not only a good way to defend yourself, but it's also good to build body strength." He prodded Ezio in the arm. "See if you can get Leo down here once a week. It'd do both of you good. Help build your confidence… And if someone should try to hurt you, you'll be able to stop them."

"What about Desmond? Shouldn't he learn too?"

"He knows karate. I paid for his lessons when he was thirteen… some kid was knocking him around."

"And you?"

Altair just chuckled under his breath and patted Ezio's shoulder.

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