Chapter 36 - Moving On
As Leonard walked into Penny's bedroom the first shock he got was that it wasn't dark, there was a lamp on, and although it wasn't extremely bright, it did bathe the room in a soft light. The second surprise was that Penny was sitting up on the bed, her back against pillows propped against the headboard, and that she was alert, looking at him as soon as he stepped in. The third and biggest surprise was that after she saw him she immediately softly pleaded 'Leonard' making it more than obvious she wanted him to come to her, which he quickly did. No sooner getting on the bed with her when she addressed him again 'Leonard, please hold me.' That right away making Leonard reach out and take her into his arms, to hold her tight, instinctively starting to rub her back for comfort.
For Leonard it felt so good to have her in his arms, nothing else seemed important when she was with him, he closed his eyes wanting to just feel her warmth, the softness of her skin and listen to her breathing. They both sat like that for several minutes, in each other arms, quietly just holding each other, Leonard feeling Penny pulling herself as close as she could get to him. He somehow suddenly knew what she wanted and sat straight up, gently pulling her with him, and she did just what he expected, got into his lap. Leonard felt her mold her torso against his and nuzzle her head on his shoulder, squeezing him so tight it almost hurt, and as she settled into this new position on his lap, she said the first words since she asked him to 'hold her', "I love you Leonard."
"I love you too Penny." Leonard then took in a large breath of air, "Baby, I'm sorry about the apartment."
Penny just held tight to Leonard, at that moment she felt she could stay there forever in Leonard's arms, it made her feel safe and loved, she didn't need anything else in the world but him. It wasn't long before the comfort he was giving her started to relax her and she gently kissed Leonard's neck, now being held by him making her able to kiss him anytime she wanted. She was feeling better now and she shook her head on his shoulder, "You have nothing to be sorry about. I…..I just don't know how to feel about it, I haven't really thought about leaving here, since we got here, suddenly I just felt scared."
"Honey, we never have to go back to that apartment, I promise you, please don't worry." Leonard was trying to comfort her, he didn't want anything to upset her, especially anything that would cause her pain again.
Penny gave his neck another small kiss, she loved kissing him so much, ever since she first got to know him, when she would use any excuse to kiss him on the cheek. He was also her best friend and the person she could tell all her secrets too, even the ones that made her scared because he would always support her and she knew it. "I don't know how to explain it Leonard." she thought for a moment then started again, "It is like you have your bed and it is safe, warm and cozy, and no matter where else you sleep it is still not your bed." she stopped again to compose her thoughts. "I guess that is the way I feel here now, I feel safe here like it is my bed,
where nothing can hurt me. It is not so much the new apartment, it is leaving here that scares me." she got quiet again as she thought, "But I guess I know a major part of the reason I feel safe here, the main reason, is you being here with me."
It only took Leonard a second to decide, he would move heaven and earth for her, if he could, so his next words weren't even hard for him, "They have universities in Omaha I could work at, so we could stay here and live here if you want."
His words made Penny want to cry, he was ready to that for her and it immediately brought thoughts to her about them living there with their children. It was just as soon as those thoughts crossed her mind that she realized that she did want more children and those children she wanted with Leonard. The thought of being pregnant with her and Leonard's child sent a warm feeling through her whole body. She did want to move on like Jane told her, she wanted to move on with Leonard and she wanted to have more babies, she wanted to have a family with Leonard.
Penny sighed softly, "Honey, I have been feeling better about everything. It was just seeing that letter surprised me. I want to move on, get married and have children again, as long as it is with you." It seemed impossible but Penny seemed to pull herself closer to Leonard, she was feeling so much better that a little while ago, being in his arms.
Leonard couldn't help but smile at her words about wanting children with him, "Penny we don't have to hurry about anything, you know that, don't you." Leonard tried to make in easier on her.
Again he was ready to sacrifice for her and it made her now know they had to move back to California, because that was where their life and friends were at, it was THEIR home. Penny lifted her head off Leonard's shoulder and looked at him, the sincerity in his eyes almost making her want to cry, the way he looked at her, was like no other man had ever looked at her. She had to kiss him to keep from sobbing, so again she put all the emotion she felt into her kiss and when she finally broke that kiss, she knew what they had to do. "Honey, that apartment is our new home, it will be our first home together and I want to live there with you. It is scary in a way to leave here, but with you with me, I know it will be okay." she gently stroked the side of his face, the feeling of his skin calming her even more, as a small smile came to her lips, "Now that I really think about it, I guess I'm even a little excited about moving there."
"You sure Penny, I just want us to live someplace we can be happy….both of us." Leonard just wanted her to be happy.
Penny's smile got a little larger, he was leaving the final decision up to her and again she loved him for it, "I'm sure, it just caught me by surprise when I first thought about it, but I do want to go home after we are married and that apartment is our new home, so that is where I want to go." Penny then gave him a quick kiss on the lips to seal the deal.
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A couple days later Penny had her fourth session with the therapist, Jane immediately knowing that something had changed in Penny, her non descript expression she had worn on her face each of the previous three times, when she always arrived, was gone. Penny previously, through both body and facial expressions showed Jane how much she really didn't want to be there, however now Penny seemed alert and even comfortable as she came in. She sat down in the chair and immediately relaxed, instead of being on the edge like she was ready to leave, Jane actually thought Penny seemed like she was pleased to be there for once. It pleased Jane, but at the same time, as a therapist, made her curious, "How is everything going Penny?"
Penny looked at Jane, she was actually beginning to like her, she hadn't really pushed her and she never said she had to stop thinking about the baby and get over her loss. Jane reminded her of the other important people in her life, who cared about her and that was the main reason she wanted to go on with her life, especially with Leonard, who she loved. This is why Penny didn't hate coming there today, she was proud she was moving forward and she wanted to tell Jane she was getting married. "Really pretty good, Leonard and I scheduled our Wedding."
Jane nodded, writing on her pad to give her a second to think. Penny getting married could be a good sign she was getting better and going forward with her life. However, it could also mean she was making a mistake, reacting to the event she was now seeing Jane about, and maybe getting married for the wrong reasons. Jane also wondered about Penny's fiancé, she only knew about him through Penny's eyes and Penny painted a dazzling picture of this super nice guy who was always there for her and loved her deeply. But to be honest, after what Penny went through and how it impacted her, her perceptions could not be trusted right now. So Jane decided to do something different. "Penny I would like to change our session today. Would you mine if Leonard joined us?"
Penny was a little surprised at the request, but the thought of Leonard being there and holding her hand was very appealing to her. "Okay." she responded.
It was just about an hour later, that Jane wished both Penny and Leonard the best of luck on their upcoming wedding, accepting their invitation to attend. Leonard had been a refreshing surprise to the therapist, she could see that he really cared for Penny and that Penny, who did seem to depend on him some, was very much in love with him. Seeing them together also made Jane mentally pat herself on the back, Penny was definitely getting better, she was living her life again and moving on, and in Jane's profession, success stories were not a sure thing so she took every recovering patient's success with great pride.
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It was a couple days later that Bernadette looked at her husband after they ended the Skype call to Penny and Leonard, she felt really good at seeing her friends smile again. Bernadette was more than happy to help them out in their request, supervise the movers when they came to move the furniture from Penny's apartment to the new apartment, that her and Howard just found out about. She would also make sure Penny's bedroom furniture was set up in the guest room, so that the couple would have some place to sleep when they got home from their honeymoon and she agreed to go shopping with Penny to buy more furniture once they got back. However, the biggest thing Bernadette agreed to was being one of Penny's bride's maids for her and Leonard's wedding, of course with her husband who would be standing up with Leonard too.
"Howie, doesn't she seem so much better and they both look happy." Bernadette squealed, she couldn't help the smile that formed on her face.
Howard nodded, "Yeah they did. I'm glad for them, they both went through a lot, it is nice seeing them happy, again."
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The weeks that passed also resulted in some changes for Amy and Sheldon too, especially the first week, the week that Sheldon had to accept he wasn't going to be a father anymore. Sheldon slept with Amy every night that week, it had nothing to do with sex, it was about comfort of having another person close to him while he slept. Sheldon had long ago gotten over the fear of Amy giving him some horrible germs, her blood tests were all clear, they held hands without gloves with no bad effects, and there was also some saliva exchange in their kisses again with no bad effects. So sleeping with her was really not such a large step and the bottom line was it made him feel better and not alone, the emptiness he felt at the loss of fatherhood, slightly mitigated by Amy's close presence.
It was after that first week, when things were suppose to go back to the way they were before, the way things normally were before Penny lost the baby, that the change happened. Amy and Sheldon both laid awake in their own beds that night, neither able to sleep, both desiring the other's comforting presence in their bed, it had suddenly become their new norm even though they hadn't intended it to be. So it was Amy who made the first move, knocking on Sheldon's door, then invited in, and after her entering them just staring at each other for a couple moments, before Sheldon lifted his covers to invite her in. They both knew that was when in happened, no words or relationship agreement was needed, they would sleep together from now, it wasn't about sex, but it was still deeply intimate for both of them.
There were the other changes that happened too, like the day Amy and Sheldon watched Bernadette supervising the movers to clear out Penny's old apartment, a major change to the group dynamic that finally made Sheldon see he could not maintain the status quo. Even though Bernadette and Howard had take-out with Sheldon and Amy that night, because of Amy's invite, Sheldon couldn't fool himself anymore, everything had changed and there was no going back. So that night, while they ate, Sheldon just watched Howard and Bernadette, no matter how much he had previously denied it, he now knew the strongest friend a person could ever have was their mate. He had tried for so long to disprove that, make Leonard stay with him, but he soon lost him once Penny came along, Leonard had picked her over him to be with her forever, not him. It was like Howard now, always the self proclaimed playboy, he had given up it all to be with Bernadette forever, they were mates and permanent roommates who would never leave each other.
Those thoughts made Sheldon look at Amy as she talked to Bernadette, he knew didn't want to loose her, he enjoyed her presence so much and he wanted her to stay with him forever too. Sheldon also wasn't the type of person to delay when something had to be done or to wait when he really wanted something, so with no thoughts of romance blocking the pure logic of what he was going to do next, he just blurted out, "Amy would you marry me?"
The silence was so intense it almost screamed at Sheldon, as Amy turned to look at him wide eyed, pure shock on her face as her mouth moved but nothing came out. Bernadette and Howard just sat there, like they were suspended in time, their eyes bulged out and their mouths agape waiting for something to happen. The silence however continued and Sheldon now became confused, surely a 'YES' or 'NO' was all that was required, but his Amy seemed unable to speak. That confusion turned to fear as the silence went on, Sheldon now wondering if he did something wrong and the answer was 'NO', meaning he would spend his life alone, a thought that now terrified him.
Sheldon had no patience and with the fear that now was building in him, what patience he had was used up quickly, "Amy are you mad?"
Amy blinked and tried to catch her breath, her mind telling her she obviously heard him wrong. "No Sheldon I'm not mad, but….but could you repeat what you asked before?"
Sheldon relaxed at little, she wasn't mad, she just didn't hear him correctly, probably because of the mind numbing discussion she was having with Bernadette about micro organisms. So Sheldon just nodded, "I asked if you would marry me."
The silence took over the room again, but this time not for long. "Sheldon…..You want to marry me?"
Howard and Bernadette still sat there stunned, still waiting for something to happen so they could jump for joy or move over to comfort Amy. Bernadette was squeezing Howard's hand so hard that it was probably restricting his blood flow if he was in any state to notice. They were barely breathing, afraid to do anything to shatter the fragile scene in front of them, as they rested on a hair trigger, dying to respond to the outcome of what they were watching.
Amy's question suddenly made Sheldon realize that Howard and Bernadette were in the room watching and just as suddenly he knew what he was doing wrong as his incredible mind brought up both their proposal and the final proposal Leonard told him about he made to Penny. So Sheldon came off the couch to land on one knee in front of Amy, taking her hands in his as they began to shake, something Sheldon did not expect from her. "Amy will you marry me?"
Neither Sheldon, nor Amy heard Bernadette gasp, their eyes were now locked on each other, Amy's wet and shinny. Sheldon was hoping she would answer now because he was getting worried about her, her hands were shaking in his, her breathing getting more sporadic like she was hyperventilating and she looked like she was about to cry. It was even making him a little nervous, he had asked her three times already and still she hadn't answered, and he couldn't help wondering, was she not answering because she was going to say 'NO'.
The unanswered question, ate at Sheldon's brain, even though he instinctively knew he should not ask again, his compulsion for closure was too much for him to fight. "Amy will you marry me?"
The second request while still on bended knee, broke Amy from her trance and she realized she was not dreaming, she then started to nod, "Of Course, I love you Sheldon, of course I will marry you, YES!"
Bernadette exploded from the couch to hug Amy, Howard patting Sheldon on the back as he stood back up. Sheldon didn't even seem to notice Howard touching him as he watched Amy and Bernadette hug each other and cry, somehow even he knew his Amy was crying because she was happy. It made him smile slightly that he had made her so happy, it actually made him feel good deep inside to make her happy like this and as he continued to look at her, he also discovered a strong feeling developing in him, he was happy too.