Writing on the Wall
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Shepard and Garrus talk after the Citadel attack. Shepard/Garrus, one-sided Shepard/Kaidan, mid-ME3.
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Disclaimer: This author in no way profits from the writing of this story. All characters, dialogue, or other referenced material from the Mass Effect trilogy belongs to Bioware.
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Shepard was exhausted from her long and trying day, filled with danger, death, and difficult decisions. She wanted to go up to her cabin to be alone for a while, but Traynor had mentioned something about Chakwas wanting to see her.
So she stepped into the elevator, slumping against the wall as the doors closed in front of her. For some people, a day like this would be considered one of the worst days of their life, but Shepard had experienced far more than her fair share of "worst" days.
Only one friend had died this day.
She composed herself as the elevator doors opened, revealing Garrus's silhouette against the Normandy's memorial wall. As she stepped up beside him, she read through the list of names she had already memorized, as well as the new one. Thane Krios. Her heart ached. Even though he had already been dying, it seemed far too soon.
Garrus turned to her as she came up beside him. "Hell of a day. Udina loses his mind, the Citadel almost falls… and you almost had to put down a friend."
"And Thane," Shepard added quietly.
"And Thane," he agreed with a sigh.
He eyed her, trying to gauge her state of mind. "If it had come down to it… could you have pulled the trigger on Kaidan?"
Shepard sighed. She had just revisited this with Kaidan himself, and she wasn't sure she wanted to again. "I don't know, Garrus. We've already lost so many," she said softly, gazing at the names in front of her. "We start killing our friends, and war turns into murder."
Garrus put an arm around her. "But it doesn't always give us the easy way out, does it?"
Shepard's silence was her response. It wasn't in her to take the easy way out. Sometimes she wished it was. She was just so tired.
Garrus spoke up again. "At least Kaidan didn't have to join Ash."
Shepard nodded, quiet for a moment before speaking up again. "Kaidan asked to come with us, on the Normandy."
Garrus glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. "By the way you phrased that, I take it you told him no?"
"Admiral Hackett offered him a position. I told him to take it," she said by way of response.
"It would have been nice to work with Kaidan again," Garrus stated, running a talon over Ashley's name on the wall.
Shepard looked at him in disbelief. "You can't mean that, not with our history," she responded, deadpan.
Garrus looked at her and shrugged. "Life is too short to hold grudges, Shepard. And if you wanted him back, you would have done it."
Shepard contemplated his response. He was right, of course, but it wasn't that simple.
Garrus turned to her. "If you don't mind me asking… why did you turn him away?"
Shepard sighed, turning her eyes to the wall again. "He… needed a push," she said vaguely, but she was certain Garrus understood her meaning.
She let out a sigh as she moved to go. Kaidan wasn't dead, but it was still one more goodbye. One more person to let go of when there was so little left to hold to already. Shepard was certain she had made the right decision, but it hurt just the same.
As she walked away, Garrus still stared at the wall of names, just a fraction of the people lost to the terrible war.
And it wasn't over yet.
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