"Why?"
Such an innocent question, yet Fili felt very cautious of it. "... because mum said so, that's why."
"Why?"
Fili raised an eyebrow. Kili stared pleasantly back at him, smiling happily. It was only a question. Only a question.
"Because she wants the table to be cleared up for lunch."
"Why?"
Fili felt annoyance creeping up on him.
"Because we can't eat lunch when there's all this mess on the table!"
"Why?"
"Because there's not enough room for the plates!"
"Why?"
"Because your silly little project is taking up the whole table!"
"Why?"
"Goodness, Kee!" Fili groaned, yet continued to answer the questions. "Because you put it there?"
"Why?"
"Good question!" He roared.
"Fili! Lower your voice!" Dis walked in, carrying a steaming hot plate of bread rolls and a slab of cheese. "Boys, why didn't you clear the table? I thought I asked you to!"
"I tried telling him, but he-" Fili stopped, waiting for Kili to interrupt. Unusually, the dwarfling remained silent. Now? Of all times? "He wouldn't stop asking me why!"
"Why what?"
"Everything!"
"Calm down, Fee. Kili- is this true?" Dis turned to her youngest, who looked up at her plainly.
"Why?"
"Because I'd like to know."
"Why?"
"Ah. I see what you mean." Dis turned to Fili. "Ignore your brother."
Lunch passed with minimal talking, as every sentence uttered was questioned relentlessly by Kili.
"This bread's lovely, mum!" Fili said.
"Why?" Asked Kili. Fili looked at Dis, who raised her eyebrows slightly to tell him to ignore his brother.
"I baked it this morning." Dis helped herself to another slice.
"Why?"
It was obvious that Kili's incessant pestering was getting to her slightly.
"Oh- and did I mention that Uncle Thorin's coming over later? Just for some afternoon tea."
"Why?"
"He's your Uncle Kee- and when he's here, I want none of your silly questions."
"Why?"
"I am this close to sending you to your room." Dis indicated a small amount with her fingers.
"Why?"
"Go. Now." Dis pointed to the door. Kili looked genuinely shocked.
"Why?" He asked, indignantly.
"You're not coming out until you stop your game. It's rather annoying."
Kili pouted, and put his plate on the bench. He waddled over to his room, arms crossed and shoulders hunched. It was rather comical, really- the only reason he was objecting so strongly to being sent to his room was to put on a show.
"I hope he's stopped his little shenanigans by the time Uncle gets here!" Fili chuckled.
"Oh- he will have stopped." Dis picked up her plate. "You're going to make sure of that."
"Me? Why me?"
"He'll listen to you, Fee. Just make sure he stops by time afternoon tea."
"But-"
"Fili." Dis looked him straight in the eye, her brown eyes boring straight through him.
"Yes, mum."
"Good boy. Now go in there and make your brother shut up."
xxxxxxx
Before he entered, Fili devised some rules to keep him sane.
Don't use more words than necessary, or over-explain things.
Ignore everything he says.
Don't lose focus.
Above all, never actually answer his questions. Ever.
He exhaled, and knocked on the door, refraining from saying something like 'Can I come in?', which would condone more questions.
Silence from his brother.
Fili opened the door, knowing that there was nowhere else Kili could be. His brother was sitting on the floor, legs crossed and arms folded.
"I need to speak to you."
"Why?"
"Mum says you need to stop your silly game before Uncle gets here."
"Why?"
"It's annoying."
"Why?"
Fili froze. He had just inadvertently disobeyed rule 4- his most important rule. He shook it off, figuring that it was necessary for that to be explained to Kili.
"In short- please stop saying why."
"Why?"
Ignoring his question, Fili began pacing the room, avoiding the inquisitive gaze of his brother. "I have thought of a compromise."
"Why?"
"In order to get you to stop asking pointless questions, I think I should combat them with questions of my own."
"Why?"
Fili took a deep breath. "Why?"
Kili scowled. "Why?"
"Why?"
"Why?"
Fili was already sick of it, but stuck to it in the name of progress. "Why?"
It was obvious that Kili could sense his brother's annoyance. "Why?" He asked smugly.
"Okay, maybe this was the wrong approach."
"Why?"
"Because I'm not- wait no!" Fili yelled with annoyance. Kili smirked. "You're very annoying."
"Why?"
"You know why."
"Why?"
"That's not even a proper response."
"Why?"
"I've given up talking to you. You know that, right?" Fili wasn't even sure what he was doing any more.
"Why?"
"Kili, I will cut your nose off and feed it to a bird if you ask me that once more."
"Why?" Kili asked incredulously. It was evident that he was not only continuing his game, but genuinely confused.
"That's it!" Fili lunged at his brother, who darted out of the way. "Kee!"
"WHY?" Kili yelled at the top of his lungs, and jumped onto the bed.
"WHY NOT?" Fili yelled back, and jumped after him.
"WHY?" Kili screamed again, and leapt from his bed to Fili's.
"WHY NOT?" Fili declared, following his brother.
"WHY?" Kili hopped off the bed and scampered around the floor.
"WHY NOT?" Fili followed him, reaching out to catch his brother.
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Dis was sitting in the kitchen, sipping her mug of water and listening to her sons. Muffled cries of "Why?" and "Why not?" were wafting up the hallway.
"Why?" Kili yelled. Dis sipped her water slowly.
"Why not?" Fili responded. Dis sighed. Fili had succumbed to the temptation of joining Kili's game.
Someone knocked on the door just as Kili screeched "Why?" at the top of his lungs. Dis got up and answered.
"Dis!" Thorin smiled.
"Thorin!" Dis smiled, yet more wearily.
"WHY NOT?" Fili yelled.
"Is everything okay back there?" Thorin looked past Dis and down the hall at the closed bedroom door.
"Kili's playing the 'why' game."
"Ah."
"Tea?" Dis asked as Kili yelled "WHY?"
"I'd love some."
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Kili was a ball of energy, but even he had to slow down after a while. Fili had the unfair advantage of longer legs, and was gradually catching up to his brother.
At long last, Fili leapt one final leap and landed on his brother, with a cry of "Why not?"
"Why?" Kili yelped dramatically as he was tackled to the floor.
"Okay. I got you, and you can't escape." Fili said smugly. He had perfected the art of positioning himself in a way that Kili couldn't escape. It basically involved him using all of his weight on his brother's legs, and using his arms to pin down his torso.
"Why?"
"Because I said so. Now- you have to stop asking why."
"Why?"
"Because, Kee." Fili rolled his eyes. "It's annoying."
"Why?" Kili asked, laughter bubbling to his voice.
Fili grinned, and shrugged. "Why not?"
The two brothers laughed for a while, inexplicably bonding over stupid questions.
"But seriously."
"Why?"
"Thorin's going to be here any minute, and-"
"I'm here." Thorin was in the doorway, smiling at his nephews. "I hear you're being troublesome, Kili?"
"Why?"
"So that's why you pinned him down?" Thorin asked Fili, who nodded. "Well, I think you should get off him." Fili did so. "Right- Kili, look me in the eyes."
"Why?"
"Trust me."
Surprisingly, Kili obeyed.
"Do you love me?"
"Why?"
"I want a yes or no answer. Do you love me?"
Fili saw his Uncle's plan in action as Kili's cheeky smile dissolved into a look of worry.
Of course Kili loved Thorin. He admired him more than anything. It was obvious that Kili was yearning to say 'Yes!', but the rules of his game dictated he couldn't.
"W...why?"
"If you say why again, I'm going to assume it's a no." Thorin feigned hurt.
"Fine! I love you, Uncle!" Kili threw himself into a hug, which Thorin accepted gratefully.
"Does this mean you're done with the 'whys'?"
"Yeah."
"Excellent."
"Good job, Uncle!" Fili smiled too, and joined the hug.
"I have an idea!" Kili exclaimed, and whispered into Fili's ear, who giggled and whispered to Thorin.
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"You took your time! Do you have anything to say, Kili?"
"Yes- I'm sorry I was so annoying." Kili smiled sweetly.
"Brilliant. Good job, Thorin. Would you like a biscuit?"
Thorin glanced at Fili, who nodded.
"Why?"
"Pardon me?" Dis turned to her brother.
Thorin smirked again. "Why?"
"THORIN!"
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Hey guys!
Yet again thanks for reading another chapter.
I really enjoy getting suggestions in the review section- and yes, I think I'll follow user Paddfoot the Dog's idea and make dream fics for Thorin and Dis.
I don't know. I have other ideas too, but they need a bit of work.
Anyways- thanks yet again for reading, and have a wonderful day!
- The Potterhead from Middle Earth