Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush (I wish)

Yeah, I expected most of those reviews! Please don't stop reading! We still have a bit to go...I discovered this is going to be the longest one i've written. Please keep reviewing and don't stop reading! There's still a plan for this!

In this chapter...Yeah...uh...part 2...

Chapter 38: Logan's POV

"Your baby boy is perfectly healthy," Dr. Martin said.

I had to smile at that.

"But Carlos…" Dr. Martin continued. "…Carlos didn't make it."

My smile dropped faster than immediately. I heard one of the girls start crying and I assumed it was Emma. My heart was dropping rather fast.

"What?" I asked hysterically.

"He went into shock and he didn't make it," Dr. Martin said. "Everything stopped…we did everything we could."

"Oh my god," James whispered.

The tears came faster than I realized and I guess I was falling because before I realized it I was in Kendall's arms. I couldn't control the flow, I couldn't believe a thing I had just heard. Kendall was just holding me, but I could feel his body vibrating, racks with sobs like mine.

Everyone had tears in our eyes. I was always worried about this, but I didn't think it would actually happen.

"I'm sorry," Dr. Martin looked close to tears himself.

He walked away, leaving us to our misery. For the longest time I couldn't even think and we all were there in silence besides the tears for a good hour. I was merely sniffling when Dr. Martin came back.

"Logan?" Dr. Martin called me.

I looked at him, eyes red and puffy.

"Would you like to see him?" he asked.

I stood up slowly, nodding.

"Kendall and James…come with me?" I asked.

Wow, I sounded like a drag queen, but I couldn't do this alone. They nodded and stood up, and the three of us made our way into the room. We walked up to the bed and looked at him. Tears immediately came back.

"Oh god," I cried.

Kendall and James hugged me, crying themselves.

"I can't live without him," I managed to get out.

"You have to," Kendall said. "We're all heartbroken and as hard as it's going to be, especially for the three of us, we have to continue on and we aren't going to forget about our brother, we're going to live for him."

I nodded, Kendall was right. I just stood there and looked at him. He looked peaceful…no more suffering, no more stress. Carlos did great things in his life, things I could never repay him for.

It made me sadder to think that I won't have my husband with me anymore. We had so many great times together and it was something I really didn't want to think about right now, but I couldn't help it.

I kissed his forehead.

"I love you Carlos," I whispered. "So much."

Kendall, James and I had a group hug as we watched the nurse zip the body bag over Carlos face…and then there were three.

***3 DAYS LATER***

I woke up once again in the middle of the night. Nothing was the same anymore, I couldn't even sleep through the night. I could hear Emma calling his name in the middle of the night, I can hear Evan's cries every night, and Ethan hasn't said more than two words in the past three days.

James cries every time he walks in the house and Kendall tries to be strong, but he broke down yesterday. We all miss Carlos so much and realizing that he's never coming back is tough. I heard baby cries and got up, going into his room.

I decided to name him Carlos Jr. or CJ for short as he's a reminder of the last gift Carlos gave to me. I love this little guy so much already and he's the only reason I've actually smiled over the past three days.

He makes me happy, but sad at the same time. He's a splitting image of Carlos and it's kind of unnerving to me. The only thing he has is my eyes. Carlos and I have the same eye color, but mines are a bit softer.

Our past Rushers aren't taking it well. When they said they would be rushers for life they were not kidding and I love that they've been here, sending me encouraging messages and all. I truly do still consider them like family.

Carlos' funeral was in the morning, but I couldn't sleep. I fed CJ and just held him in my arms until he fell back asleep. I basically laid in my bed awake until the morning. I went downstairs to make breakfast.

When the kids came down, they did not look good. All of their eyes were puffy and they look sleep deprived. I served their breakfast and thank god they ate. Seeing my children like this broke my heart even more. I was depressed but I was keeping myself busy so I don't get so down I can't get back up.

I sighed, I had to talk to them.

"Kids, I know this is hard, believe me I'm a wreck, but I don't want you guys to mope today. I'm going to look at this as a celebration of his life. He did so much and he deserves to get recognition for that," I said.

"I hate that kid," Evan said. "He took my pops from me."

"Now Evan, no one is to blame," Ethan said. "It was just a freak thing. He has it hard too, he has to grow up with one parent."

"But he won't miss him because he never knew him," Evan said.

"You don't hate CJ, you want to but you don't," Ethan said.

That was the most I had heard Ethan talk in a while honestly and when did he get so mature about things.

"I guess," Evan shrugged.

At least there was some interaction today.

"I was so mean to him for nothing," Emma said. "I treated him like dirt and not only did he find us and save our lives, but he died bringing another life into the world. I owed him a big apology."

Emma was crying.

"Oh sweetie," I hugged her. "Don't hold onto that. Carlos forgave you."

We finished breakfast and got ready for the funeral and the limo came and picked us up…yay, I'm ready for the long day ahead. We pulled up and there were thousands of fans at the grave yard. Family, friends, and fans alike were standing there we walked up to the front and took our seats.

I was happy that no one freaked out from us being there and tried to get attention and pictures and all…today wasn't about that at all. The casket was open in front of the podium and I really couldn't look.

I looked around seeing tons of signs for Carlos about how much we all loved him. I was hugged by so many people, like Gustavo, Kelly, Camille, Katie, Mama Knight, and a ton of my old friends from the Palmwoods and even some old old ones from Minnesota.

The funeral started. James sung a song for Carlos and it was actually really sweet, Kendall did the eulogy, and when it was time for words so many people went up, and then it was my turn to go last.

I got in front of the mic, thousands watching me and I sighed.

"Carlos was a loved friend and family member. He was my husband and as you can imagine, I'm actually a wreck right now. I never thought about what I would do if I had to live without him…I always thought it would be me first," I felt tears coming through…shit. "I've known him since I was four years old in preschool. He through a block at my head.

I laughed fondly at the memory.

"James was with him and Kendall broke up the fight that I got in with Carlos and in the blink of an eye they were my brothers and we did everything together. We grew up together, we played hockey together, we did Big Time Rush together…some of the best days of my life, and we even transitioned into parenthood together. I have to thank Kendall and James, it's just three of us now but we're holding each other up and we plan to live for Carlos, keeping his personality and spirit around," I said.

I wiped some of my tears.

"Carlos was the father of my children…the ones that were his and the ones that weren't. I'm sure I caused him a lot of trouble, but he never complained, in fact, he loved me even more. I didn't want today to be sad, I want it to be a celebration of someone who I believe impacted all of our lives in some way. From Kendall, James, and I to our kids, our friends, and even the rushers that were here. I want to ask all of you a favor, please keep the spirit of Los with you…it's the least we can do for him. Carlos Roberto Mitchell, I love you so much and I always will. Rest easy baby."

Review review review. I want to know what you guys are going to think is going to happen!

I changed my twitter name again lol. Follow me on twitter at Rusher_Dallas

Question: Who do you feel the worst for?

REVIEW IT UP!

Love you guys! Until Next time,

Rush on!