Chapter 37

CONSTANZE

On 26th July, Karl was sitting with me in the salon of the little apartment near the Baden Spa. I really needed the Spa to feel better. Every time I was pregnant my legs were aching so much that sometimes I could hardly got up on them and walk. I rested my tired and heavy legs on a little footstool even at that moment, and Karl was looking at my belly with growing interest.
- Is it a boy or a girl Mommy?
- I don't know, Karlchen. Only after babies are born, you can know if they are boys or girls.
- But God knows it now as well?
- He does, he creates boys or girls on purpose and he knows it even before they are born.
- Then why don't you ask him?
- One must not be so impatient, my little dear- I laughed. Karl had an interesting way of thinking things through, it always amused me. He stood up and walked to the window. looking out.
- Is Vienna far from here? - he asked softly.
- Not too much. - I sighed, knowing he missed his father. I missed him too, but Wolfie didn't come after us. Just as I expected deep down in my heart. I wasn't in the condition for traveling any more and I just thought we will go back to Vienna after the childbirth. I closed my eyes for a second, as I felt some sudden sharp pain. I bit my lips and squeezed the arms of the chair to make the pain at least bearable. I hoped it will get better, but it was only worse and at the end I cried out.
- Mommy! - Karl turned around and ran to me with a terrified expression on his face. - Mommy what is wrong? Mommy!
- Karlchen - I gasped- Please, my little dear... don't be scared.
My soft whispers still made Karl a bit of worried, but he wasn't in panic any more, thank Heaven. I took his little hand and talked to him comfortingly. - Mommy is feeling a bit of sick right now, but you must not be afraid. - I had to pause at this point to gasp for a bit, but as I held Karl's hand, he was a bit calmer. - Now you have to be a good and clever boy and run to the doctor to fetch him. Please tell him that Mommy is feeling sick and her belly hurts very much. You are a very clever boy, dear, you will do a great job.
Karl nodded and right after I released his hand, he ran out of the front door as fast as possible. Right at the moment as the door shut, I closed my eyes and everything went black.

KARL

I was scared that Mommy was seriously ill. I was only 6 years old and I did not know anything about Mom's condition. I sure had little siblings during those years, but I was always shut out of that room when the time came, so I did not know how it takes place. I only knew that Mom must have been in great pain every time as I could hear her cries in the other room. I was always terrified of those memories and I could only hope that this time I won't hear those cries. Running down the street I got a sudden idea of running home to Papa, just not to hear what is happening to Mom, but suddenly I could see her face, looking at me, asking for help and I knew Mom needed me. I was the only man in our house and I can't be a coward little boy any more. I will be a man and face my fears.
I banged my little fists against the doctor's door as hard as I could and I even kicked some. An angry maid let me in and told me if I am kicking the door again, I can say a prayer for my feet. I did not care about her, but run in the study, not even waiting for the answer if I am allowed in or not.
- Oh, little Mozart! - the doctor smiled at me, turning away from his book. - God, you are very red. Are you ill, my child?
- No... not me. - I gasped. - Mommy says she was in pain. Please come to us, and hurry. - I did not even wait for his answer, I turned around with that effort, and ran out of the door. Poor old doctor, looking back I did not make his job any easier. He had to run after me, but he was at least 70 years old at that time, and he could hardly follow me. But he did not complain and did not yell at me. He knew there must be some problem, me being that excited.
When we arrived, the doctor looked at Mom and told me everything will be all right, but I should go fetch the midwife.
I ran out again as fast as I could.

CONSTANZE

When I opened my eyes I was in bed and the midwife had just arrived.
- Just in time! - the midwife exclaimed looking at me - The head is almost out.
I was surprised that instead of the all pain I always felt during the other 5 childbirths, now I only felt some pain then passed out and my baby is nearly here? I have never had such an easy childbirth. The baby arrived so fast that I did not even have time to realize what was going on. It is hard to tell the time, but I would say it took only five minutes after the midwife came, the child cried out and she exclaimed happily:
- Frau Mozart, here is your little son!
Boy? Again? I smiled. It seems I can mostly give birth to boys.
- Let me see him. - I sighed happily but exhausted.
The midwife gave me my son and I looked at the tiny face, trying to guess who he looks like. He had my black eyes and surprisingly much black hair. He yawned as I held him and scratched his nose. I was all touched to see my newborn. He was such a sweetie.
- What is his name? - the doctor asked curiously. I don't even know how this silliness came to my mind but I replied without thinking:
- Franz Xaver. - As I realized that I have just named my newborn after the man I had secret nights with, and how mad Wolfie will be if I tell him this, I quickly added: - Franz Xaver Wolfgang.
- Very nice name. - he smiled. - I think if you can get up from bed tomorrow, he should be christened. Not that he looks ill, but one can never know.
- I agree, I will try to take him to church tomorrow. - I looked at the baby, not even really paying attention to what the doctor said, and as he realized I am not really in condition of talking more, he politely said good bye and assured us he is always here if wee need medical care.
Little Xaver fell sound asleep in my arms, like this I could have some calm alone time with the baby. Just now that my head started to clear out, I got the sudden fear of just giving birth to Süssmayr's baby. The child looked more like me than Wolfie. As I looked at him, he looked nothing like Wolfie at all. And looking at him more and more just made him look even less like Wolfie. What should I tell Wolfie when he looks at him? At least Karl has his father's nose, now that he is older, he looks a bit like his father. He still has some unfamiliar traits that nor his father nor I have, but if someone looks at Wolfie and Karl, they can tell that Karl is Wolfie's son. But Xaver looks nothing like Wolfie. I was searching in my memories desperately if I can find some very clear resemblance between Süssmayr and Xaver, but as I got in panic more and more, I was unable to think things through clearly.
I stroked the baby's ears in desperation and suddenly something caught my attention. Stroking the baby's left ear I noticed that the child's ears are different. There was a bone missing from his left ear - just like his father's. Wolfie was mad about this little physical deformity of his, so that's why his hair was long, or he covered his ear with a wig. No one but his closest family knew about his ear deformity. But this little physical mark on both him and Xaver saved my soul - it is Wolfie's son. I cried out from relief. My tears of relief dropped on the child's face and I smiled through my tears and kissed Xaver's forehead.
- Thank you, my Lord! Thank you for Wolfie's son.

ERIK

- Excuse me, Herr Destler, Herr Mozart is waiting for you in the salon. - my servant approached me when I arrived in my apartment. I was surprised to hear his name. I did not think he was even able to step outside of his home. He looked like a walking lunatic when I visited him for the last time in my Masked Messenger costume. God, this man sure takes time to kill. A I entered the salon, Mozart jumped up from my most comfortable armchair that was only for me, and ran to me with a hand shaking gesture just as I was the guest and he was the apartment's owner here.
- My Destler, you can't know how happy am I!
- Oh... umm... I am happy as well, to see you. - I muttered in disbelief. How can he be so happy suddenly?
- Imagine, you are a Godfather. - he slapped my back and smiled at me.
- Me?
- Yes. - he grinned like a fool and handed me a piece of paper. - Read this!
As I looked at the paper I got surprised. It looked like my handwriting: childish and unsure letters and very little space between words.

Dear Papa,

Imagine that Mommy gave birth to my baby brother yesterday! We would love if you could come here to see him. His name is Franz Xaver Wolfgang Mozart, and he is doing good. The doctor says he is all healthy. He cries a lot. Mommy says that if you could ask a friend of yours to be my brother's Godfather, the friend you trust the most, it would be great.

Wating for you with love,

Mama, Karl and little Xaver

P.S. Mommy says he looks a lot like you

So that's why he is so happy. And does he want me as the new kid's Godfather? I wanted to say no instantly, but I swallowed the "No" back just in time. Thinking it through, it will be good. I lost my only connection with Mozart and his family when I had to get rid of Lizl. It annoyed me as I did not even know if he was working on his Requiem properly. If I say yes, I will have the right to ask about the family on purpose of the boy. I nodded slowly then tried to force the most heartfelt smile on my face and I turned to Mozart:

- What a wonderful news, my Wolfganga! Of course, I am honored that you thought of me.
- Oh, thank you, Erik! - he slapped me on my back and jumped up and down excitedly, like an immature 8 year old. - You must come with me to Baden then, my wife is too weak yet to travel back to Vienna.
- I understand, of course, I will.
- Oh thank you, you are so good to me! - he looked at me on a bit of strange way after and I could not even imagine what did he want. He wants something just does not dare to ask...
- And is it all? - I asked, wanting him to at last spit it out.
- Oh... will you take me to Baden on your brougham, my dear Erik? I mean... I don't have one since I had to sell mine and...
- Of course, of course. - I nodded quickly. Anything I promise, just shut your face. I was not really in the mood for his presence, especially after I got so disappointed about the sudden change of my awesome plan. However... I still can help and ruin this little sickeningly sweet family reunion.

The next morning I was waiting for Mozart with my brougham in front of his home. He was running down to me, giggling like a lunatic.
- I can't wait to see my son at last! - he exclaimed, again slapping my back. If he won't stop this any soon, I will break his arm. I tried to smile like a good friend and let him to sit next to me in the couch.
- If you permit me, my Wolfgang - I said, smiling because I knew that my plan is going to work out - I brought a little something to celebrate the arrival of your youngest.
- Oh, Erik... - you should not have... - Mozart said, fighting back his tears, but he burst out a cheerful laughter right after - I have such a great friend...
- It's nothing - I smiled and showed him a bottle. - This is, my friend, is a special drink, I have traveled a bit in Europe, here and there, you see. It is a Hungarian drink, it's name is "pálinka"
- Oh, I have heard of it... is it like Liqour?
- Oh it is much better than Liqour... you should try it yourself.
Mozart took the bottle out of my head, and just as I expected, he started to drink it like wine, right out of the bottle without hesitation. Not exactly two slips later he coughed and blew like he was eating something very hot.
- Is there something wrong? - I asked worriedly, but in my mind I was laughing.
- Uhhhhh ... it is hot... like... if I swallowed coal...
- No worries, it is a little bit of strong, but you can make it better with this. - I handed him another little bottle and he drank all of it. Just as I imagined. He can be fooled too easily.

CONSTANZE

I don't think if I can get disappointed in Wolfie more than I did today. I expected him to be all excited about little Xaver, but he was acting scandalous. Even his friend, Herr Destler was surprised of how he acted. At first he did not recognize Karl. When he entered the room, I could see he was barely standing on his feet. Karl ran to greet him, but Wolfie just looked at him like the poor boy was a total stranger and after some uncomfortable pause, he exclaimed happily:
- What a cute boy, what's your name?
Everyone was looking at him as he was crazy, but I daresay he wasn't too far from that state. Karl just walked away sadly, he did not reply. He asked me softly if he could go visit his teacher to ask him to let him practice on the piano. I did not want him to suffer any more because of his father's awkward acting, so I said yes. It was painful to see how happy the boy looked that he was able to escape.
Xaver's christening was quiet. We decided not to take Wolfie. He was not in the condition of entering a church. Herr Destler was very understanding to me, he even offered his help whenever I needed it. I think indeed that Xaver got a good Godfather... better than his father actually!
When we arrived back in the apartment, Wolfie was asleep in my bed. I was disgusted to feel the scent of alcohol on him again. So it explains his behavior at least. I did not dare to think of the shame I will have to live and go on with after he finally goes back to Vienna. What people will say? What they will think of me that I can live with such a monster?

MOZART

I had enough of Stanze's constant coldness towards me, and her rudeness, so I returned to Vienna the next day. The child really looks like me, at least as I saw from that distance as Stanze did not even let me hold it for a second. She growled at me that I will drop him. Why would I? I don't even remember what have I done to make her so mad. I just went to see my son, but she did not let me. I guess she does not love me any more. Well, let her enjoy herself there, in Baden! I bet she even has a cavalier to entertain her. If this is the case, no one can accuse me and no one should say a bad word about me because what I am planning right now. I have enough of this half widow lifestyle. I am a man, with manly needs after all!
I wrote a letter to Catherina. I bet she will be pleased to meet me once in a while from now on. That is what both of us want deep down in our hearts, anyway... and I want it even deeper down, for sure.

CATHERINA

Upon getting Wolfgang's letter, I wasn't surprised at all. It has been months since I have heard of him, but it was his habit, anyway. He disappeared when everything seemed to be fine at home, or when he was busy composing, and when something was wrong, he wanted to meet. I did not judge him for this. Actually it was me who was the 3rd party at this marriage, and I was the one that should be judged, and I was ready to meet God once and suffer the consequences.
Nothing has really changed in my love relationships. Erik, after that one night, acted like nothing has happened between us at all, and I found it better not to talk about it either. It has happened, but we did not think things through, that's all. It was just a coincidence. I don't think he loved me, he just wanted to have me, to be sure that I am his. I was in time for our music lessons always and it was enough for him.
When Wolfgang and I met for the first time in summer 1791, he told me the truth. His wife does not seem to love him any more, maybe she has another man, and now, he thinks our relationship is not a sin any more. I thanked him for being honest, and I thought that we were sure one of a kind. He did not get love from his wife and I did not get love from Erik... so why should we not give love to each other?
That night was fantastic with him. I did not even remember it can e so good with him. I missed his caress, his kisses, his scent... I don't regret anything and just now I realized how much I missed him: my dear Wolfie!

20th September, 1791

ERIK

- Can you guess why I am here at your box? - Mozart asked cheerfully, jumping up from my armchair at box 5. I have to admit, sometimes Mozart was better at playing hide and seek and scaring the unaware than I was.
- I have no idea. . - I tried to be nice to him, but it was hard when he scared me so much. I hated when someone was in my private box, I felt myself so helpless.
- Imagine, my Opera is done, and the premier will be in 10 days.
- Oh? I did not hear that you are goiung to have a premier here! - I gasped of real surprise this time. How could he? I did not even heard, I must have been deaf...
- Oh no, no no, no... - he laughed on his stupid horse neigh - like laughter. - Not here. I am fed up with all the powder ass royal people, you know? I am going to have my premier in Theater auf der Wieden.
- Vaudeville? - I asked with a bit of irony in my voice. Really, is the little child prodigy going to have a vaudeville trash opera and he is even proud of it? I did a great job breaking his ego. Some years back he would have yelled the loudest if this shame was going to happen.
- Oh noooo. It is a masterpiece. Just you see, the royal asses have no taste, so I have a premier there. But it is not a vaudeville trash. You shall see. That's why I am here to invite you. Will you come to see my opera?
- Oh, how nice of you. Of course, I will. - I smiled at him and shook his hand.
I like opera after all... and after he will have this premier, maybe he should live up until next year. 1792 is a good year for a Requiem for Mozart to be published.