A/N: Ok so just a warning it gets a little vulgar… not that much just a teensy bit… but I would say it if placed in her situation which is why I wrote it haha.

After eating dinner we walked back into the living room and snuggled back onto the couch, Will telling us to take our time because he was going to bed. He walked around the couch and covered us up before kissing Rachel's head, bending over and kissing our three week old baby in my tummy and then placed a lingering kiss to my lips. Silently he retreated up the stairs.

"I don't know if we should read it all tonight, maybe we can finish tomorrow," I suggested as I ran my fingers through her hair soothingly seeing how exhausted she was.

She shook her head and opened the book to where we had left off.

You are never going to guess what! Right now, as I am writing this, I have my baby in my arms. No, I wasn't stupid enough to take my notebook to work; she is actually at my house! At around six thirty the lady who runs the place came by and asked if one of us would take her home. She said that her father's had called and there had been an emergency at work and they were going to be there for a very long time and that they would pick her up tomorrow, of course I jumped at the chance and soon was carrying my baby home, where she belongs. When we walked into my apartment she began to cry. I quickly discovered that she had a dirty diaper, a very dirty diaper. After that she began suckling and I fed her before laying her on the bed surrounded by pillows so I could get ready for bed. When I walked back over to her she was playing with her hands and I couldn't resist taking a picture, or a million. Then I proceeded to take a couple hundred more, some of her and some of both of us. When she began rubbing her eyes, I got up to write this so I wouldn't forget a second of it. Now I'm going to go snuggle into bed with my baby and sing her to sleep. Good night journal!

I turned away knowing the next entry by heart.

They took her! Those bastards took her again! They found out that I worked there today! I guess it's my own damn fault. I was walking back from feeding her, smiling giddily down at the bundle in my arms when I ran into a fuming Hiram and Leroy Berry. "And what in the hell do you think you're doing?" Leroy had shouted at me scaring Rachel, who cuddled further into me. I switched her to where she was lying vertically against my body so I could have a free hand if I needed one and she buried her face in my neck. I fought the urge to giggle as her breath tickled my neck. "Give us back our daughter!" he boomed but I made no move to hand over the girl who was now clinging to me as she whimpered and buried her hand in my hair. "Now Shelby!"

"She's my daughter too you know," I seethed not wanting to shout.

"You signed away those rights."

"Just because I was a stupid twenty year old, who might I remind you, you took advantage of, doesn't mean that I didn't carry her in my body for nine month. It doesn't mean that I don't miss her! It doesn't mean that my boobs don't swell up with milk anyway just for her. You know what? That's something only a mother can do!" I got a little too forceful and Rachel began to cry. I simply shifted her ear to over my heart and shushed her until she calmed down. "And that's another thing! She lived with my heartbeat in her ear for nine months. Mine not yours! My heartbeat soothes her! What about all of the other things that only a mother can do? Huh? Have you ever thought of that? What about telling her about why she has blood coming out of her vagina? Wanna explain that one dad? Or how about why when she sees a boy she gets all weak at the knees? How about when she asks you where babies come from? What about when she asks you about sex directly? She's going to have to learn from her friends at school isn't she? What about when she loses her virginity, huh? Oh I know she's only a baby and I don't necessarily want to talk about that either, but really! She needs a mommy! She needs me!" I clutched the sleeping baby to my chest. "She needs me," I traced a finger over her cheek, "and I need her."

"I'm sorry Shelby." he went to grab her but I turned away sharply.

"NO!" I screamed.

"Shelby," he whispered my name but then grew angry, "She's our baby, now give her to me."

"She's mine too dammit!" I yelled tears streaming down my face. Hiram came up behind me and grabbed me around the waist while Leroy pried her from my arms. "No!" I screamed trying futilely to get out of his grasp. "My baby!" all of the other teachers had come out of their rooms to see the commotion and looked on with pitying stares. "My baby!" Rachel screamed and reached (as good as a three month old can) out to me. "Mommy loves you baby!" I screamed praying that she would somehow remember, though I knew it was impossible. "Mommy loves you!" As soon as Leroy was out the door Hiram tightened his grip.

"Don't you dare come near our baby again!" he released me and I crumpled to the floor in a pile of tears. The tears still haven't stopped. I don't think they ever will.

"Mommy," she whispered as she cuddled further into me. "I had no idea." I gave her a sad smile and she flipped the page. The date on the page was nearly five years after the last entry.

I had muffins with moms with my baby today! Well she didn't know I was her mom but we did have a connection. I was subbing today and I had no idea that she was going to be in my class but she was. Then when all of the moms showed up I saw that she had no one, well of course she didn't. I went and sat next to her. "Hey sweetie," I stated brushing the hair that was acting like a curtain for her face as she hung her head, behind her ear.

"Hey." Her voice was so soft.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't have a mommy."

"You don't?" I had to pretend to not know of course.

"Nope."

"Well do you want me to be your honorary mommy for the day?"

"Would you?" she squealed and I laughed. The look of pure joy laced with hope took me by surprise.

"Of course! Who wouldn't want to be your mommy?"

Her bright smile fell and I wondered what I had said wrong. "My mommy," she sniffled hanging her head.

"Oh baby," I whispered pulling her into my arms. "I'm sure your mommy loves you." she cuddled into my chest and shook her head no.

"Dad and Daddy told me that she didn't want me and that's why she gave me away." Anger flared up within me, suddenly replaced by deep and utter heartbreak.

"Well, if I may say so, I think that they are wrong."

"How do you know?"

"Because I'm a woman, and I know that I would miss my baby. Rachie, you never know, something could have happened to make her stay away, ok? I don't think any mommy could stay away from their baby on purpose."

"I guess," she whispered and I held her as she finished crying and had one of the other moms watch the class as I went to help her clean up."

"Your mommy loves you very much, Rachel." I told her as we walked into the bathroom.

I love you so much baby…

A/N: so what do you think? Haha ok so I was thinking of doing two or three more chapters of the book. Should I? Or is it getting too boring? Please let me know!

Lizzy

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