Lilac wore a simple blue dress to her dinner with the Solo/Organa family. Hux told her that blue was a calming, welcoming colour, so she wore a similar shade of blue as a head scarf to keep attention from her largest scar. Her sleeves covered the other scars she was embarrassed of, and she continuously reminded herself not to roll them up as she picked at her salad.
Hux, seeming to be as much of a son to Leia and Han as Kylo, kept polite conversation with their hosts. He sat to Lilac's right, and his hand rested on her knee. His reassurance was very much appreciated.
Kylo, sitting to Lilac's left, had an arm over the back of her chair. His eyes were all but glued to her as they sat with his parents. The round table was set with just five plates and five goblets; it was the first time Lilac had been anywhere without any guards watching her.
The introduction had gone well enough; at least no one had thrown anything. Lilac was polite, but it was obvious that she was nervous. Scared, even, by the way her fingers shook as she delicately ate small amounts of what was in front of her. Her appetite was non-existent in the presence of such prominent figures (who were also her boyfriend's parents).
Everyone ate around conversation, though Lilac tried her best not to get too involved when anything serious came up. She wanted to have a nice dinner. She wanted to make a good impression.
"What's the plan?" Leia asked casually once her plate was bare. The others were close to being finished, but Lilac hadn't touched more than her vegetables. Even the guilt of wasting food couldn't force her to eat.
"Plan, mother?" Kylo asked, hoping his mother only meant after-dinner.
Leia pointed between the three younger folk, particularly at Lilac.
"Oh," Kylo straightened in his chair. His body was so close to Lilac's that they shared their warmth, and the fire that lit their cheeks as they flushed.
Hux took initiative, "The plan that Kylo and I have is to continue working our hardest to serve the Resistance as we are needed. Our relationship with Lilac will also continue to be a priority." Hux took a moment to mirror Lilac's soft smile. "Our wish is to make a home with her."
Han raised his glass, "Good plan."
Leia shot an annoyed look at her husband, "It is a good plan, absolutely, but it does not give me any confidence in any of your futures. Lilac, what would you do all day by yourself? We cannot knowingly let a rogue murderer out into the galaxy unsupervised."
Lilac looked down at her hands, clasping them together. "It's important work, General Organa. I've been...convinced that I didn't go about it the right way, but I still maintain the position that something had to be done. Something still has to be done."
"Agreed. Not by you." Leia snapped her fingers, drawing everyone's attention to her fully. "You have done your time, Lilac. Some of us can never leave this fight," Leia took her husband's hand, "but you have the chance. I insist you find meaningful work elsewhere."
"This is my fight. I'm making a name for myself as a freer of slaves everywhere. That's important to me. More important than anything!" Lilac looked between her two men. "Well, almost anything. A close second. Very close. If Kylo hadn't given me the chance to break free I wouldn't have any worth besides how obedient or fresh I am.
"All I want to do is give the same chance to others. To little girls like me who dreamed of a life far away from beatings and rape. To the boys who are told any man would be lucky to have so much casual sex—let alone be paid for it. It's fucking sick, General Organa. I won't stand for it. And I won't stand down unless I know something is being done."
Kylo's parents watched her silently, neither with any expression betraying their thoughts.
"Lilac is a very passionate woman," Hux beamed. His pride in her was boundless.
Kylo seconded, "She is, indeed." He looked to his parents with a calm mask. He and Hux had discussed what to do if Leia and Lilac started to argue—about anything—and the decision had been made to mostly stay out of their way. They had to learn to get along one way or another. Kylo wished a confrontation wouldn't be necessary.
Lilac, sensing the tenseness in the room, once again looked down at her hands. "General, I only mean to be honest with you. I love your son. I love Hux. But...Nothing will stop me from fighting for what I believe in. Love, freedom, anything. I won't stop. I can't." She pressed her hands to her chest, trying to express how deeply her emotions ran. "I know I can't keep doing what I did with Jona-"
Lilac stopped herself. She took a deep breath, allowing time for the room to settle.
"I know I was wrong to go about it the way I did. I was not wrong for doing something to help those people."
Han leaned over the table, "Lilac, you have our blessing concerning-" he waved his hand at the three youngsters, "-this. The rest of it is more complicated."
Leia kept her eyes on Lilac. "Very complicated. IF you want to be honest with me, then I suppose I owe you the same courtesy. Would the rest of you leave the room?" She said it as a question, but there was no disagreeing with her.
Kylo and Hux each squeezed one of Lilac's hands before they left. They shared a careful, uncertain expression with Han as the guards walked out of the room with them.
Lilac tried looking anywhere but at Leia, but the general stayed silent until Lilac finally looked at her.
"Lilac..." Leia started, more softly than anything else she'd said that night. "Your future is in my hands. That is a very serious responsibility that I do not take lightly. We can speak plainly, can't we?"
Lilac nodded. Polite conversation was over. "I didn't make a very good first impression, did I?"
Leia shrugged, "If you didn't, I'll forgive it. It's not every day my son brings home a girl. Especially one so...passionate about societal affairs. It's been...years, now." There was a slight edge to the voice of the general that Lilac tried not to read into. "All I need to know is what to do with you."
Lilac hummed nervously, "I need to do something-"
"You've made that very clear, Lilac."
"Right," Lilac shifted in her seat. "If I can't be out in the battlefield, then I need to be where I can still make a difference. Where I can manage what's being done. Where I can help your organization come up with solutions-"
"Even my delivery boys have more experience than you." Leia took a swig of her wine.
"Experience?" Lilac guffawed. "What experience do I need, exactly? I can take whatever is thrown at me. I've proven that. I've had years of putting up with anything and everything one person could want to do to another. I can hold my own, and I can persuade secrets from any perverts. Slaves make the best spies, afterall." Lilac fumed, her fists balled in her lap.
"We don't need spies." Leia countered calmly.
"Then what do you need? I've done it all. I could walk into any building like I owned the place, and take control of a situation from my knees. I can make conversation with businessmen, senators, and bums alike. I know how to please them, how to piss them off." Lilac removed the head scarf and rolled up her sleeves, thrusting her wrist scars in the older woman's face. "This is what my fellows have to show for it. This is what makes them trust me. Our shared connection.
"What do you see, Leia Organa? Do you see a woman in pain? Or do you see what everyone else sees; a woman that's sick in the head with no one to blame but herself? All people seem to think is that a pretty young thing like me can't have anything to complain about. If I was hurt, I must have done it to myself, and I must have deserved it. How does someone with scars like these ask someone like you for help?
"I still feel every scar, General. These ones," Lilac clutched at her chest, "and the ones no one sees. The ones no one will ever see, and no one will ever care about. Out of sight, out of mind. Right?"
"What does this have to do with-"
"Want to know something sad?" Lilac continued, unperturbed. "Sometimes, when Kylo or Hux touch me, I want to scream. I want to wriggle out of this skin and hide somewhere far away. Sometimes I see them approaching me and all I can think about are those other men that approached me. The ones that wanted to do whatever they could with my body.
"Sometimes I can't be convinced that Kylo or Hux could ever love me. They tell me they do, and they prove it every day just by being by my side, but some days it's just impossible to believe.
"Other men have given me flowers. I've been told that I am loved and cherished and that I could have anything I ever wanted if I just complied. Most of those men—those sick people—believed that if they treated me well, I could give them a discount or even the free quickie now and then. When they found out that my prices weren't set that way-" Lilac's voice broke.
Leia, hurt filling her eyes, opened and closed her mouth several times.
"A slave like me won't trust a woman like you." Lilac said, her words chopped with anger. "I don't mean that I don't trust you, General—I do, because I trust your son—but anyone else from my position then will not." Lilac knew that any experience Leia Organa had been through was not the same as growing up a slave. They would never understand each other.
Leia sat silently, red burning her own cheeks.
Lilac wiped at her eyes, imagining tears that weren't there. "I love Hux. I love Kylo. Love does not erase my past. Nothing ever will. The nightmares remain. The fears of every kindness being fake? The knowledge that any day I could be stolen back for the market? That's what remains. That's what will always remain.
"I am not a hollow person, even when I feel empty. I am full of horror, and suffering, and anger, and I will not go another day doing nothing about that. I will fight until the day I die, whether it be tomorrow or fifty years from now. I will live, and I will survive, only while I know that there is more to be done. I owe nothing less than that."
"Who do you owe?" Leia asked quietly, her shaking hands reaching for the wine glass once again.
"Slaves everywhere. Friends, rivals, people I've never met that have experienced everything that I have. There are children, Leia," Lilac pleaded. "Children being whored out on street corners. Children learning the crack of a whip before they learn that they are supposed to have names. And those children grow up only if they are allowed. It could be anyone that decides it for them. Their owners, masters, clients, fellow workers. Their own lives are never in their own hands.
"Fuck!" Lilac shouted suddenly, pushing her chair back as she stood up. She held her hands to her head as she paced. "How much do I have to fucking say? How hard do I have to push to make people like you believe that any of us are worth saving? That we need to take action? They deserve their freedom, Leia."
Lilac stopped, planting her hands on the table. Her anger was boiling over, even as she looked to the soft eyes of the general. Lilac forced herself to continue through the heat of her rage, "They deserve to make their own fates. I would even say they deserve revenge, but that-" She shook her head, "I've been taught better. They can be taught better."
"How?" Leia asked simply.
Lilac threw her arms in the air. "I can't think of that right now. I know that I have it figured out, but I can't think of it! Kylo knows it, Hux knows it. We have plans. Plans need action!"
Leia stood then walked slowly towards Lilac. Lilac flinched, but allowed the older woman to gently lead her back to the table. Leia took the seat next to Lilac, where Hux had been sitting. They sat quietly, not looking at each other, while Lilac caught her breath. It only grew more difficult as Lilac had to stop herself from hyperventilating. She'd gotten so worked up that it was hard to think.
Leia grabbed Lilac's glass of water and gave it to her. Lilac drank deeply, taking the time to figure out her next words.
"Leia..." Lilac placed the glass gently on the table, though her hands were trembling.
Leia took the young girls hands in her own. "Lilac, listen to me. You have a point. Of course you do. We can't just-"
"Why not?" Lilac choked out. "I know I'm a mess, and that I'm broken, blablabla." She rolled her eyes. She'd heard it all before, from all sorts of people. And she knew that no one thought of crying as a good negotiation tactic. "That doesn't mean that my words are any less true. Something has to be done. If not by you, then you can be damn sure that I'll be doing something on my own. This is not a problem that can be handled in a few years. This is happening now, and it's not going to stop, ever, unless we start now and make it end."
Leia nodded slowly. "I know. There will always be darkness in the galaxy. The only way to see the light is to create it ourselves."
"Flowery words, General."
"I won't make any promises." Leia looked down, turning Lilac's arms to see the scars. "Other than the promise that if you take so much as a single step out of line, I will lock you in solitary for the rest of your sad existence."
Lilac tried to pull her arms back, but Leia held strong.
"You think you're worth something, Lilac, but that's all in your head. Who are you? You're just a slave that tried to fight back. Who could you be? You could be a great woman, with an army at your back. If you learn the rules, and play by them."
Lilac's eyes widened. "I'm not interested in an army-"
"But there is so much you can do with a bit of power."
"You're crazy-"
"No. I'm realistic. We don't understand each other. We won't understand each other after just one evening of yelling and blaming. The only way to make any real difference is to have a movement. Rise up, and have others fight for you."
Lilac's vision flashed back to the first few times she spoke with Kylo. He had been strong and angry, just like his mother was being. He was persuasive, and harsh. He made Lilac hate him, and he made her care about him. But Leia wasn't a hot guy that, instead of fucking her like he paid for, tried to save her from herself.
Leia continued, "If you die in the field, who will continue your work? Your ideas, your ambitions, will all die with you. You have to be the force that drives people to do better. That's the only way that something fixed STAYS fixed. Do you understand?"
"Do I have a choice?" Lilac spoke softly, anger draining out of her. "Will I ever have a choice?"
"You have lots of choices. What to eat for breakfast. What to say to Kylo about our conversation. Where you call home..." Leia trailed off.
A shiver of fear went through Lilac. Then, her tears took over. "If this is supposed to be motivating, you're doing it wrong. I've done the solitary thing before. I know what that does to my mind. And I swear on all the stars that if you ever threaten me again, I will kill you." Lilac huffed and puffed as Leia's thumbs dug into her scars. "I don't care. I kill you, and someone kills me. I will not let someone like you order me around. Never again. You hear me, General Organa? Never. Again."
Leia's harsh gaze narrowed.
Lilac pushed herself to her feet, using all of her strength to take her hands back. She spat at Leia, "Fuck you. Fuck your army. Fuck your sideline bullshit. I take action. I save lives, and I take them, with my own damn hands."
Lilac turned on her heel and strode out of the room. When the guards looked at her, she pointed into the room. "Just ask your boss what I'll do if you fucking follow me."
Kylo and Hux turned to look at her from down the hall. Han hurried past them, and past Lilac.
Lilac didn't stop. She kept her eyes pointed forwards and stepped through the hallway. Her hands grabbed for Kylo and Hux as she walked, and they let her lead them. Kylo was hesitant, but he chose to follow along.
The door to Kylo and Hux's room—a closet with some mattresses—closed gently. Lilac sat heavily in a corner, her head over her knees as she caught her breath. She realized her arms were showing off the scars—freshly bruised—and she pushed her sleeves down.
"What happened?" Hux sat next to her, a hand on her back rubbing soft circles. Kylo sat in front of them, saying nothing.
Lilac sniffled, "I think I fucked up? But I don't regret it. Your mom," She said to Kylo, "is a bitch."
Kylo didn't have a response. Whatever happened, he needed both sides. Yes, Leia Organa could be a bitch. She had to be, sometimes. Sometimes, it was for the right reasons. Sometimes there was more behind it.
"I started raving about slave life and about how hard it is and how I'll never stop fighting."
"As you always do," Hux smiled at her. He was still so proud of Lilac's passion and ambition. He was proud of her for finding so much strength in her beliefs.
"Yeah." Lilac reached out to Kylo. He didn't move, so she let her hand fall on his knee. "She threatened me, and then she tried to convince me that I could run an army of people that would do whatever I said."
"She what?" Kylo blanched. Shit, he thought, mother was scheming something.
"I'm happy for you." Lilac smiled weakly. "Having your mother and father back in your life. You keep saying that you're glad you made that decision. I won't take that away from you, Kylo. Or you, Hux." She glanced his way. "But there is no way in hell I will ever be in the same room as that woman again. What does she think? That I'll be her underling? I'm not taking orders-not from her or anyone else. You know that. I refuse to ever be like that."
"We know," Hux hugged her, warm and tight. "We know, Lilac."
"My mother is a bitch," Kylo agreed.
Hux and Lilac looked at him, neither sure how to react.
Kylo shook his head. "I won't say that there was a misunderstanding, but I need you to wait, Lilac. I will speak with my mother. You are not going back to taking orders. Even if you thought it was for the best, I wouldn't let you. We wouldn't let you," he gestured at Hux. "Your freedom is important to us, too. Remember that."
Lilac nodded, fresh, hot tears rolling down her cheeks. She had to laugh at herself, "I'm a fucking mess."
Kylo grinned, "Aren't we all?"
"Maybe you two are," Hux joked. He pulled Kylo in and the three of them held each other. Kylo and Hux pinched each other, for the sake of their old rivalry, but their feelings for Lilac overcame everything else. As it always did.
Tomorrow would be another day. Another awful, beautiful, lively, day. A day of freedom, and a day of love.
Lilac lay in the arms of the two men she loved, thanking the Universe for giving her a family to rely on. She had nightmares about fires and blood; she woke to snores and musk. If every day from then on was a disaster, Lilac reflected, she would be happy as long as she spent every night as she was.
Hux felt the same as he pulled her closer. Kylo concurred as he shifted closer, grabbing the blanket that they were supposed to be sharing.
/AN/
So, this is probably the end. I could keep going forever, but I think you get the point.
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