A/N: So, yeah, it's been awhile, but guess what? 12 page update! I think that's a good enough one to start back with right? LOL! I didn't mean for it to get this long, it just kinda happened. Thankfully, I'm back to the plot of Running Back and should have this where I need it in another chapter. :D I hope you guys enjoy it!

Chapter 34

"Chris?" I managed to say. I felt my heart pick up a few beats in anxiety. I didn't expect to see him walk into my hospital room door. Chris's hands were shoved deep into his pants pockets and he shifted nervously. I couldn't bring myself to have a coherent thought.

"Jude, I…"

"What are you doing here Chris?" I asked, not wanting to be a lone with the other man. Chris sighed.

"I was hoping to apologize to you." Chris told me, his tone soft and shaky, as if he was afraid I wouldn't accept his apology.

I gaped at him, not sure what to say to that. He took advantage of me and he wanted me to forgive him?

"Ms. Harrison?" I stopped in the hallway just outside my sister's room. Her doctor was coming up behind me, glancing down at a chart before meeting my questioning gaze. I felt Kwest slide his arm around my waist and give me a squeeze of assurance. I was thankful for the gesture.

"Your sister is much stronger this morning. With no further complications, we should be able to release her in 48 hours."

"You're serious?!" I asked, feeling hope flood through me.

"I wouldn't get your hopes up for nothing, Ms. Harrison."

I felt a smile appear on my face. So wide, it almost hurt my cheeks, but I didn't care. I was happy. My sister was going to be ok.

He gave me another nod and excused himself and walked into a room just behind us.

I turned around and looked at Kwest who was smiling at me.

"She's going to be ok!" I told him and he laughed slightly. I know he heard it for himself, but I had to say it. I threw my arms around Kwest and pulled him close to me. His arms tightened around me and pulled me close.

"I told you Jude would be ok." He murmured into my ear and kissed the top of my head. The small gesture warmed me to my toes and I was so thankful he came with me. So thankful that Kwest took an interest in me.

I pulled back slightly and looked into his chocolate colored eyes.

"Kwest?"

"Yeah, Sadie?"

"Thank you," I told him, putting everything into those words. Kwest smiled at me. "Thank you for coming with me and being…you."

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." Kwest told me and I felt my heart melt at his words. Kwest bent his head down and I held my breath. He's going to kiss me, I thought, feeling excited at the prospect.

His soft lips touched mine and I felt it to my core. This is perfect, I thought, wrapping my arms around his neck and returning his kiss.

"I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I have to try, Jude." Chris told me, and I sighed. I didn't want to listen. I didn't want to forgive him. I didn't want to think about that night so many days ago. The thought made me want to throw up. God I almost had sex with the guy.

"Chris I…"

"Please, Jude?" He pleaded, his eyes begging me to give him a shot. I sighed. Tommy had that same look; that wounded puppy eyes that was enough to make any girl swoon and lose her resolve.

"I can't promise anything, Chris."

"I know, but…I have to try." He told me. I shrugged and didn't say anything else. I saw Chris sigh and he stepped further into the room, but kept enough of a distance away from me to keep me comfortable. I watched him carefully, waiting for a sign of…something. I don't know.

The cafeteria of the hospital was packed. It must have been that time of the day when they were super busy. I sighed and glanced over at the menu board, not at all thrilled at the idea of another day of hospital food.

I glanced down at my watch and frowned, an idea popping into my head. I turned around and left the cafeteria and dug my keys out of my pocket. I knew just thing to do; it was just a matter of bribing someone to let me sneak real food into Jude's room.

As I left the hospital and walked out to my car, I formulated my plan, pleased with my ideas and knowing Jude would love it.

"Kwest," I breathed out, feeling weak and dizzy from the soft kiss we shared.

"Sadie?"

"What are we doing?" I asked and he dropped his hands from around me and stepped back a bit, leaving me feeling cold without him.

"I don't"

"Not that I'm complaining," I said, smiling as I stepped closer to him again. Kwest smiled at me.

"Sadie, will you be my girlfriend?" He asked and I looked up into his eyes. He looked uncertain, like he wasn't sure if I would say yes, with a twinge of fear. I felt my heart soften considerably.

"Do you really have to ask?" I asked him, taking his hand in mine and intertwining our fingers.

"I know what I did to you isn't excusable." Chris stated, looking into my eyes.

"You took advantage of me." I stated and he sighed.

"I know."

"Why?" I asked, suddenly feeling compelled to know the answer.

"Simply put…jealousy." Chris told me and I scoffed. "Jude, Tommy's always had this great life and"

"That's no excuse Chris." I told him, feeling sick. "Tommy's life isn't perfect. He's had his share of pains."

Chris didn't say anything for a moment.

"Tommy didn't seem to realize what an amazing woman you are Jude." Chris told me and I felt my anger rise.

"Flattery will get you no where Chris."

"I know, but it's true." He told me, looking directly into my eyes since the first time he walked into the room. "I don't think he still fully realizes it."

"Tommy loves me."

"He doesn't know what love is."

"And you do?" I challenged, crossing my arms over my chest, my gaze daring him to continue.

"Sadie?"

"Yeah?"

"I really like you." He told me, his voice tentative and loving. I smiled back at Kwest.

"I really like you too." I told him and his smile widened.

I sighed and looked away from his gaze before I lost myself in his chocolate orbs.

"I need to see Jude," I reminded him and he nodded in understanding.

"When we get back home," Kwest told me, his voice serious. "I'm taking you out. Somewhere nice."

"I'd like that." He beamed and kissed me quickly. His hand took mine. "Let's go see that stubborn sister of yours." He said in a teasing tone. I laughed and walked with him down the hall.

Chris shifted his weight nervously and didn't answer my question.

"You had no right to take advantage of me like that. You had to have known I thought you were Tom."

"I didn't, at first."

"Excuse me?"

"Jude, I…I don't know. I thought"

"Chris, you're delusional." I told him, feeling sick. He actually thought that…I shuddered, not able to stop myself.

"I'm sorry Jude. It was wrong of me."

"Damn right it was." I snapped. He sighed.

"I'm trying, Jude."

"I'm not." I told him. "I can't forgive you for that." Chris's gaze dropped to the floor, not looking at me at all. "I will never be able to forgive you." I amended.

"Forgive him for what?" A voice said and I looked up in surprise. I didn't even hear Sadie and Kwest enter the room.

"Tom, what are you doing here?" Maryanne asked me. Maryanne owned a small diner in town and they served the best food anywhere in small-town Montana. She's a small, petite woman. How she managed to keep a near perfect figure was beyond me. She cooked everything and anything and had to have the metabolism of a speeding leopard; or the willpower of a Buddhist priest.

"Maryanne, I need a favor." I told her and she looked intrigued.

"What can I do for you?" She asked.

"It's for my…" I paused, not sure if I should say girlfriend.

"Your girl?" She asked, smiling knowingly at me.I returned the smile.

"Yeah, my girl."

"What the hell did you do this time Quincy?" Sadie demanded, stomping up to Chris and getting into his face. "If you hurt my sister again, I swear I'll-"

"Sadie…"

"Kwest, I know he's your friend, but"

"Sadie…"

"What?!" She snapped at me.

"That's Chris." I told my sister, feeling slightly amused by the situation. Sadie looked puzzled and looked back at Chris and then at me.

"Sadie, I presume," Chris said and added "I'm Christopher, Tom's brother."

"Twin." Kwest added, and Sadie's look was priceless. Her eyes widened in realization and even her mouth dropped into an "o" of surprise.

"Sorry, um…wait, what the hell did you do to my sister you"

"Sadie?"

"What Jude?!" Sadie snapped, taking her gaze off of Chris and looking back over at me.

"It's fine." I told her, not really meaning it and feeling touched by my older sister. Sadie glared at Chris.

"I'll kill you if you hurt her you bastard." Sadie spat, turning on her heel away from him and coming closer to me. I noticed a look of fearful surprise registering on Chris's features and the proud look on Kwest's. "How you feeling today, Jude?" Sadie asked me, changing the subject.

"Better," I told her, honestly. Though I was starting to feel tired from all the excitement, I was definitely better than I was before. I almost felt human again.

Sadie smoothed back my hair and fussed a bit. She leaned down and asked quietly "what did he do?"

"Don't worry about," I told her, with a sigh. "It's done and over with."

"But I want to kick his ass." She said, glaring at Chris.

"It's in the past." I told Sadie. Sadie sighed and Chris and Kwest were talking for a moment before Chris caught my gaze.

"I'll um…leave you to your family." He told me, and turned to leave the room and paused with his hand on the doorknob. "I really am sorry, Jude." Chris said and I didn't respond as he left the room.

Kwest looked over at Sadie and Me and followed Chris out of the room. Sadie sat down on the edge of the bed, a worried expression on her face.

"I'm fine, Sadie." I told her and she didn't look too convinced.

"Chris!" I called out, walking quickly to try and catch up with the other man. Something inside of me screamed something was wrong. That things were not ok between Chris and Jude. And I wanted to know what it was.

Chris turned and saw me coming after him. He stopped and let me catch up, but his body language screamed this was a reluctant act.

"What's going on?" I asked him, not bothering with pleasantries.

"What do you mean?" Chris asked and I gave him a long look. I wasn't an idiot. Jude wasn't comfortable with Chris in the room. She wasn't as ok with whatever happened between the two of them than she was letting Sadie in on.

"Don't pretend like I'm stupid, Chris."

"It's like Jude said man, it's in the past."

"Then why did you feel the need to apologize?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.

Personally, I hated Chris. He was a lot like Tom in some respects, but more…whiny? I think the word is. He always seemed like no one else had a care in the world and his life was shit. I didn't like that about him, but whatever. Everyone deals with life differently.

"Being polite." Chris offered and continued to walk down the hall. I sighed and followed him.

"Jude didn't seem too happy to see you."

"It's none of your business, Kwest." Chris spat.

"Jude's my friend," I countered. "And Sadie's my girlfriend."

"Good for you, Kwest." Chris snapped, and picked up his pace.

I sighed and let him go. Chris was stubborn. I wasn't going to get anything out of him that he didn't want to say. I turned around to head back to Sadie and Jude.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" I froze in my tracks.

On second thought…

"I didn't know Tommy had a twin." Sadie stated, looking down at me with sympathetic green eyes.

"I didn't know that either." I said with a shrug. Silence fell over us and I shifted uncomfortably, knowing what was going to come from Sadie's mouth.

"Jude, what's going on?" Sadie asked me, her voice and eyes full of concern.

"Nothing, Sadie, I'm fine." I muttered, not wanting to tell her about Chris.

"Jude, you know you can talk to me, right?"

"I know, Sadie, I know." I said, feeling bad that Sadie thought I couldn't talk to her. It wasn't that it's just…how do I tell my sister I thought I was about to sleep with her ex? It just didn't sit with me.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" I demanded. I stopped face-to-face with my brother, my eyes narrowed in anger. His cool gaze stared back at me and I wanted nothing more than to hit him then and there.

"I wanted to see if Jude was ok." Chris said, sounding sincere. I didn't let up. I didn't care if he had the purest intention or the order from the man upstairs, he wasn't getting near Jude if I could help it. I'd break his fingers, individually, if he laid one on her.

"You don't deserve that right." I spat and Chris winced.

"Tom, I know you're pissed, but"

"Oh, I'm past the point of pissed." I stated, not hiding the anger from my voice.

"Tom," I heard a calm voice say and that just annoyed me more.

"What?" I snapped, turning to see Kwest standing just to my left. When did Kwest get here? He wasn't standing there a second ago, was he?

"Just, let it go." Kwest said calmly. I narrowed my eyes further and turned my attention back to my brother. I felt sick just looking at him.

"You so much as think about Jude, I'll rip you so far apart not even a microscope will be able to pick you up, you get me?"

"Tom-"

"Tom, I wanted to come here to"

"You fucking apologize to me and I'll break your fucking neck." I snapped. Chris visibly balked.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I shrugged it roughly away.

"Tom, don't do this." Kwest said.

"You should listen to him, Tom." Chris said, and glanced just over my shoulder. "Lots of witnesses."

"It'll be worth it." I promised, oh yes it would be. I needed to see Chris broken and bloody to replace the image of him about to fuck the love of my life. That would be forever burned into my memory.

"What about Jude?" Kwest asked.

I growled low in my throat. I really wanted to continue what I started back at the house. I really wanted to hit him until he was begging. But Jude…I sighed.

"Forget the anger management training Tom?" Chris taunted and I continued to glare. Chris side-stepped me and left Kwest and me alone. I watched him go, restraining the urge to run after him and –

"What the hell was that about?" Kwest demanded. I unclenched my fists, painfully, and sighed.

"Sadie?"

"Yeah?"

"If I tell you, about what happened….don't hate me, ok?" I said, tentatively. Sadie pulled me into a hug.

"I couldn't ever really hate you." She told me, stroking my hair.

"You know about Celeste right?" I asked her and Sadie looked confused.

"Tommy's mom."

"Yeah, I heard." Sadie said, looking sympathetic. I sighed and started to tell the story.

I told her about Celeste's last couple of days, meeting Chris, and me and Tommy getting closer. I told her about how Tom ran off from the hospital, not to be heard from all day. I told her about how I stayed up, praying that he'd come home and when he walked into the door, I was so happy to see him ok that…things got out of hand. I told her, the short version, of ending up in the bedroom, shirtless, beneath him. About how I asked him to stop and that's when I realized who he was – when it was too late and Tommy walked in on us. I told her about how I ran outside in the snow after Tommy; about how we fought and made up. And how it ended up making me sick.

By the time I finished the story, I was crying and Sadie was comforting me.

"Jude, I'm so,"

"I hate him, Sadie." I said, my voice shaking as I talked through tears.

"You have a reason, Jude." Sadie said, smoothing my hair and trying to provide me with some comfort.

"And I know I shouldn't be so upset over this…I mean, it's not like he actually…you know, but…" I shook my head. "I still can't help but feel used and even though Tommy said he loves me, I can't keep thinking that he still hasn't gotten past it either."

"He's not mad at you, Jude, I'm sure of it."

"I know he's not mad…but I have to wonder, is he disappointed in me?" I asked, looking into Sadie's eyes. "I should have known the difference."

"Jude, I…" Sadie shook her head and pulled me back in for a hug. "If he loves you as much as I think he does, then there's no way he can blame you for this."

Sadie's words actually made me feel a bit better. Telling her took a weight off my chest and it also brought back reality. Tommy could barely look at me that night. He had been distant and closed off. And then I was here…I had to wonder, how would he react when we were back home. When we were away from the drama and the scare of my medical crisis, would he still love me? Would he still want to be with me?

"OK, spill it." Kwest demanded. I sighed.

"Kwest, I don't want to talk about it." I said, walking past him to go see Jude.

"Tom,"

"What?!" I snapped and spun around to face Kwest.

"You need to calm down man." Kwest told me and I shook my head. "You're radiating with anger and you know Jude is going to pick up on it." I sighed and clenched my jaw. "Look, let's walk a bit, ok? Burn off some energy." Kwest offered and I rolled my eyes in a 'whatever' gesture before following him down the hall.

We walked in silence for awhile and I seethed inwardly. I know I should have listened to Chris and at least considered an apology, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't listen to his excuses and attempt to forgive him. It was easier to be angry. It was easier than letting the betrayal sink in and pretending things were ok.

"You and Chris use to be close." Kwest said, tentatively.

"use to."

"What happened, man?" Kwest asked.

"I walked in on him about to fuck Jude." I stated and Kwest froze as I kept walking.

"What?!" Kwest yelled after me. I turned around and walked backward a couple steps until Kwest got his wits gathered and was able to catch up to me.

"You heard me."

"How the hell did that happen?" Kwest demanded and I shrugged. "Come on man, there had to be…" Kwest trailed off as realization hit him.

"You and Jude are closer than before…she though Chris was you." I felt my jaw clench as I remembered walking in on them that night. I remembered the look of horror in Jude's eyes. I remembered seeing Chris's hands going to the waist of her jeans to remove them. "When?"

"The night Mere died."

"Shit," Kwest said, shaking his head. "Man, I'm…"

"It's not your fault."

"Still…"

Silence stretched over us as we continued to walk. I tried to shove the memory to the back of my brain, but it was suddenly too hard to forget. It was too hard to remember the dead feeling I had when I saw them together. I remembered thinking that should be me.

But I owed it to Jude to forget it, to pretend it never happened. I had to forget those feelings and those images if I wished to continue my life with Jude. I knew it, but it was suddenly harder than I ever thought possible.