very short chapter – let's call it bite-sized, shall we?

I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us around?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town?
-Vitamin C, Graduation

Graduation comes faster than I'm expecting, and a part of that is Chris. He knows, he remembers what I've said and he does whatever he can to not talk about it. Or about leaving for university. And somehow, it works, because suddenly I'm putting on my graduation gown in a room that suddenly feels too small, and it's a surprise.

The last few weeks have been nice. I let Chris take my mind off everything except him when we're together. Now that we don't have to worry about homework and tests, we're free to spend every day at the treehouse until the sun starts to set and I'm forced to pull myself away from him and go home, where mom is acting like nothing happened in the last few months. Her smiles are genuine, and I don't think about leaving. Chris doesn't ask me about it again, and it's probably for the best, because even though I promised I would think about it, I haven't.

Everybody in town shows up to the event, just as they do every year. Mom has her hand placed firmly on my back, and she weaves us through the crowd, stopping to talk to people, and I let her talk for me without arguing. There's a pressure building behind my eyes and any moment I feel like I'm going to cry, and I can't exactly put my finger on why. Maybe it's because I've waited for this day for so long, counted down for years, and here it is, and I don't know what I'm going to do.

In the crowd of people, I manage to spot Chris, standing with Gordie and his parents, Chris' own parents nowhere to be seen. I'm not surprised.

He doesn't see me, and I look away before our eyes catch. I'd never be able to explain the smile to mom.

"We'll call you!" Judy or Joyce calls through the crowd as our families separate us. The others said the same, but I know it's not true. They won't call, and if they do, I won't answer. Our friendship was built out of necessity, and now that we won't be seeing each other every day, I can't imagine they'd want to stay in contact with me.

I haven't exactly been a good friend.

People are leaving for home, but mom is still talking to a group of ladies from her church group, and I stand and listen, smiling and nodding at the right times, saying the right things, so everything stays okay.

I want to go to the treehouse. I know Chris will be there. We didn't make plans for it, not tonight, but I know if I go, he'll be there. But mom won't let me leave. She won't stop talking, and apparently, we're going to the Palmers for dinner. Roy has long given up on me, but I can't find a way to leave. Mom is smiling and it's reaching her eyes, and I feel guilty for wanting to take that away.

I glance around at the people who are left. I recognize them of course, but none of them are Chris, or Gordie, or even Teddy or Vern. I don't spot the girls, and the feeling of being utterly alone hits me hard. I grip my gown tightly in my hand and struggle to keep the smile on my face.

I made it to graduation.

honestly, I felt this was important, but it didn't feel right at the end of the last chapter or the beginning of the next one