Hushed voices all around me when I woke Grace, Dr Pierce and that was definitely Fallons sniffle when she cried.
"We still don't know the extent of the damage" Dr Pierce told her "She may not pull through"
"Maybe he's right Fal, we can't keep her trapped by machines like this, it's not her." Apollo consoled my Sister
Fallon didn't speak though I could still feel her grip my hand oh how I wanted to squeeze her back tell her it was okay to let go, the only light I had had gone out he was half way across the world hating me.
"I'm not letting you do it" a new voice enters the conversation at first I think I've just made it up in my head it's only when he gets a reply from Fallon I realise its real
"I'm Sorry Brian it's not your decision to make, as a non-blood relative or spouse you have no legal say in my sister's end."
"Maggie should have been my wife and if you lot hadn't of forced her back home she could have been." Brian shouts at my sister my heart is breaking to hear his voice again I was so convinced I would die without hearing him again, I strain above the static to listen.
Apollo steps in to defend my sister "HEY you watch your mouth nobody forced SPARROW back home she came back and wanted to stay back here at home with her family"
"New York was her home fella! She loved it there and we loved having her there!" Brians voice is an anguished bark as he roars at my brother Apollos not backing down though he can bite back just as bad
"Well from what I heard she turned your proposal down before she even knew she was coming home!"
Brian takes in a gasp I hear him stand as the plastic chair slides across the floor Fallon is screaming as my brother and best friend reach for each other. I just want the shouting to end I hate myself for being the cause of all this negativity I think about drifting away into the darkness and dying right then and there just to make all the pain I'm causing them end, Until I hear a shout from the corner of the room.
"FOR FUCK SAKE" that's definitely Liam's voice who the hell else is in the room, obviously not Sal I think as McAllister tries to calm the men "Do yous think any of this is helping her! Brian whatever you might think this is Sparrows original home she did grow up here with people that loved her too and Fals right legally you have no say in what should happen but Fallon you should understand Quinn cares about her so deeply and is obviously finding this difficult as we all are" I lay stunned never in my short 23 years of living had I expected Liam to be the voice of reason in anything.
Fallon was quiet, Brian was quiet I was silently cheering Liam in my head for setting them both straight I lay wondering what that meant for me I couldn't really tell how I felt about the fact they were willing to pull the plug on me of course I wanted to see my family again and be with them but I just didn't have any spirit as Grace had said it I really didn't have any fight left in me.
Fallon finally spoke her voice cracked "We need him in to say goodbye then wont we?"
Him as in Loki? They weren't seriously going to bring Loki and Bartleby into the hospital where they?
"You know he won't come" Apollo told her "seeing her in this way would break him" that's my Loki I thought poor puppy must miss me.
My elder siblings left to go find Dr Pierce. As Grace stood beside me "Oh you poor little Flightless bird you'll be with your Mama soon If only you could just hold on, you need to find the light."
I wish I could tell her I have no light there is nothing to make me hold on it was just about time to give up.
"Are you coming Brian dear?" I hear Grace ask as she tiptoes towards the door
"I'm uh I'm actually gonna stay with her for a little minute" he takes a seat beside me placing his hand on mine "Oh Maggie why did you leave us? Did I not make you happy enough? I could have made you happy Maggie I could have been better"
My heart is breaking as I listen to him he thinks it's all his fault when he was one of the best things to happen to me I loved him so much I wanted to pull him close to me and just tell him I was too tired to fight on I had lived my life I had done so many things but my time was up now, I would of told him how amazing he is and how much he meant to so many of his fans and that he needs to seize this opportunity to do amazing things to always be kind and always live every single day with as much passion for life as I had done.
He strokes my hand "You'll never leave me Sparrow Thorne, from the moon to the bottom of the sea I'll never stop loving you and everything you were" He kisses the top of my head I feel his beard brush my skin he says nothing before leaving the room.
The room grew quiet after that my breathing grows slower with every second I could feel myself getting weak I just need to hear my family's voices once more but the darkness was taking over I'm not even sure I'll make it until they come back.
What I assume is a few hours later I hear the door open and slow footsteps shuffle in
This is it, the final goodbye.
I think back on my life all the low points, when Willow abandoned us to go sit on the beach all night and drown herself in whiskey , but I also think of the happy times before she turned to drink when she used to sit us around the fire at night and sing old songs of peace and love when she used to read her angel cards every day praying for a solution to the depression that was consuming her. I picture her as a beautiful angel in a yellow dress coming to free me of my cage she'll take me away and we'll be free together. I think on all the things I had achieved getting through university travelling the world meeting the love of my life and getting a second chance with him after I messed it up not everyone gets that, It was just as Fallon had said the night of Sals accident I have done a lot of things people would never do.
Fallon takes a seat beside me and I hear what sounds like Apollo climbing up onto a table I can imagine him in my head sitting cross-legged his dreads hanging behind him and tattoos that line his arms. I hear him pick up his guitar strumming softly a final song to send me off I think to myself. I can hear heavy breathing and silent sobbing there's a weight on my chest I don't want them to cry for me. Who's that to my left I want to believe its Grace come to say goodbye but I can't smell the Samsara perfume she covers herself in each day a familiar scent I've come to enjoy while being here
Fallon takes a deep breath and sniffles as Apollo ready's his guitar
"Thanks for the Joy that you've given me,
I want you to know I believe in your soul rhythm and rhyme and harmony,
you helped me along making me strong
oh give me the beat boys and free my soul
I want to get lost in your rock and roll and drift away."
She's stopped she tells Apollo she can't do it anymore she squeezes my hand and kisses me on the forehead I feel her warm tears fall on my face "I love you so much Sparrow I'll think of you always with every wave that crashes, breeze that blows and bird that sings I'll know it's you telling me you're there my baby girl you were always my baby girl and I loved you from the minute you were born I always felt you were my own daughter, look after Me and this little bean I'm carrying won't you? Sleep tight little one."
I feel Apollo wrap something around my limp wrist the string of sea glass is cold on my skin "sweet dreams little Buddy" it's the first time I've heard him cry I feel it ripping my heart in two the weight gets heavier I feel tired I think my siblings realise I don't have much time as the alarm bells sound on the monitor a hidden hand mutes them. They're leaving the room I want to fight but I just don't the spirit.
There's a sound again to my left it's like hugging and muffled sobbing then footsteps towards the door. Then… silence
This is it time to be free little bird.
The unknown figure to my left takes my hand, I'm not alone? Is it Grace getting ready to pull the plug? The static is growing louder a quick sniff and a deep breath reassures me this isn't a woman, "Sp…sparrow? Oh sweetie where have you gone" that voice.. Definitely not Brains too soft and too street to be Murrs it has to be him Sal! He hadn't left? I'm so confused I feel him squeeze my hand "I'm sorry I didn't come to see you I didn't want to see you like this you were so full of life please don't leave us… don't leave me you're too young for this there was so much you wanted to do and now… shit I don't even know if you can hear me but if you can your family need you and I need you, before you I couldn't even think of letting anyone into my life then you crashed right into it and I can't let you leave again this quickly" I hear a noise like paper unfolding "I uh wrote something for you, I thought of everything I've ever wanted to say and wrote it all down, I know you don't love me and I know it's wrong of me to love you but I just can't help it Maggie" he gives a nervous cough "Phew I know this is completely out of character for me but here it goes,
Where did you come from Sparrow Thorne?
What heaven did you leap from little bird?
How can I say your name without the sound of summer underneath my tongue?
Without acknowledging the levers who bent me in half
Bless them for bringing me to you
How can I say your name without also breathing the words my god I've found you.
How can I speak again with this mouth when it has found where it belongs?
When you touch me I am a bed of roses
I would build a house for you and fill it with seashells and happiness
I would paint sunsets on every wall so you can only see beautiful things.
If you would just come back to us.
Dear love I was halved the moment I lost Libby
But the other piece of me is inside of your mouth
And I was found whole again the moment you spoke to me.
he's stopped talking there's a silence in the room I think he's crying I'm crying inside if I was awake my tears would be flooding the room I just want to wrap my arms around him and tell him it's okay to let me go I feel him stroke my cheek it's warm and safe I can't tell if I'm dying or my hearts just breaking in two "you feel so cold" he says between sobs "I wish I had of told you how much I needed you I was going to until… as soon as I heard you screaming I came back but it was too late and AH FUCK" he's shouting now "why couldn't I have pulled you from that fucking water sooner!"
I don't think I've heard him properly did Sal save me from the water? But he hates water? Did he risk it to save me? suddenly I'm transported back to the water it feels so real like a nightmare the water is filling my nose again I can't breathe through the dark water I see a figure reaching out for me then its dark again the static is back again it feels like my ears will burst I can't even hear Sal talking to me anymore in the darkness there's a light coming towards me is this death? It must be because I feel so different it's time to accept death but I didn't say I wouldn't do it kicking and screaming this is it the light surrounds me now I'm screaming like a new-born baby the sound fills my ears and blocks out all the static I can hear it echoing since when did death have walls? And a ceiling and …. Sal?
He stares open mouthed I can see him clear as day. the screaming must have been enough to alert everyone outside the door the tears are streaming down my face as I see my brother and sisters faces everyone takes turns squeezing me I just don't quite have the energy to do it back I feel warm and safe. "Hey pretty lady" a familiar voice calls from the doorway probably the first time until just after his baby boy was born some years later I had ever seen Brian Quinn cry he's smiling his hair is a mess and he looks like he hasn't slept in weeks but he's there my beautiful Quinn just seeing him fills me with so much joy he comes to me wrapping his huge arms around me hushing me softly as I continue sobbing into his now tear stained t-shirt. It's only when Brian lets me go I see the hurt in Sal's eyes he knew and I still loved Q nothing could stop that. I reach my weak and heavy arms out and beckon Sal to me he smiles brightly as I pull him in and take in that embrace of my best friend I have missed so much I feel his stubble as he kisses my forehead tens of times I felt at home in his arms as both of us continue to cry like babies.
My Salvatore, My best friend, My saviour.