CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

Almost ten hours later I was finally out of the hospital, on my way home. My sisters and brothers were in the lobby with me, helping me out. Happy and Juice were with me as well and according to Juice, they were just going to make sure that I got home safely. I assumed that it was because Clay still thought something of foul play, but I was fine with it. Apparently Rodney will be taking me home and Rebecca and Rhea were going to be in the back while Rachelle and Roger would be in the other car with Juice and Happy following behind.

During the day the guys began to trickle out and my family came to trickle in. Sarah and Kiara came in and we talked for a little bit as well. My siblings said that later tonight they would be leaving to go home and that Kiara and Sarah would spend the night. Of which I was fine. Apparently they all just wanted to spend some time with me, their little/big sister.

The sister that they thought that they had to plan a funeral for.

I guess a small get together is better than a funeral for me.

I was signing the papers to my release as my nurse told me, "take it easy. I gave your sister the medication you should take. Twice a day, and it is better with food. I also gave you a prescription for pain medication if you feel that you need it. Like I said, take it easy. I wouldn't recommend that you drive anywhere until the end of the week. It's not that you can't but with your state and the medication, everyone has different reactions. Also, get plenty of rest."

I was signing the papers as she told me all of this information. I looked over at her and I gave her a small smile, handing my papers to the lady at the desk as I did so. I told her, "I got it doc. And if anything gets weird I'll come here."

She gave me a look, one that said that she didn't believe me, but she nodded. I gave her a nod and smile as well before I told her, "I'll see you hopefully not later doc."

That got a smirk. She nodded and said, "alright. Take care of yourself."

Yeah being in a motorcycle club I'll do my very best.

I looked over at Rachelle and she gave me a smile. My sisters had gone through my clothes to give me something to wear home. And, just to make me feel good I'm sure, the guys had gone through the things that the hospital took, such as some of the clothes I was wearing that didn't get cut. My tank top was gone, but thankfully they did not bring anything onto my prospect cut. So thankfully, I was given that back. Standing in the hospital, I was in black jeans and a black and grey striped t-shirt. I managed to place my hair in a small ponytail and the hospital was able to give me back my shoes.

I gave my sister and told her as I looked at everyone, "I think that I'm ready to go."

They all smiled and Happy looked at them and gruffed out in his normal voice that I got used to that still seemed to sound like cat claws on gravel to the others, "you go first, we'll follow you. After that, we have to head back to TM."

I nodded and so did they. Rhea asked me, "do you think that you forgot anything."

I shook my head, "no."

She nodded, "alright then! I…well I guess we go."

I don't know why it was so awkward for us to leave, but for whatever reason it was. I walked slower than I normally did with my sisters by my side out of the hospital. I saw that they pulled their cars up so that I wouldn't have to walk too far. I carefully got into the passenger seat of what I recognized as my brother's old blue car. I carefully got inside and looked over at the others as they went to the cars they would travel in to go to my place. I saw Rhea and Rebecca get into the car as well with Rodney going to the drivers seat while Roger and Rachelle went to her car. I watched Juice and Happy get on their bikes as well before starting them up.

I looked over at my brother as he began to drive out of the hospital parking lot, "hey, thanks for giving me a ride."

He looked over at me and gave me a smile. In the side-view mirrors I saw Rachelle follow us in her car and Happy and Juice soon followed her. I heard Rod answer, "you act as though it was a problem."

I looked over at him again and told him, "well…can't I just be grateful?"

He grinned, "yeah…look we're all just happy that you got out okay."

"With everything that happened, of course we came as soon as we could. I mean, well…" Rebecca was trying to find the right words, "Rowen we almost lost you. When we drove ourselves over, we didn't know if you would be dead or not when we arrived. But we came either way. You needed us…and in some weird way we needed you. We're family after all."

I didn't look at my little sister. I knew that the emotions that she had were real, that they were scared. And truth be told I'm glad that they were here still. I really was. My siblings always brought comfort when we were near each other. And in that situation, I needed them with me for strength.

Because maybe I was a bit scared about what happened too.

However, as much as I should have regarded her words with love and happiness, it did not make me feel any better. In fact, it made me feel worse and a tinge of anger found it's flare again in both my mind and my voice:

"Yeah, so is mom." I said, resentment in the voice. Family came for each other, of course. That made sense. So then why wasn't my mom here? Why wasn't the mom who held me when I was a child, read me stories, and was my shoulder to sleep on when I got to tired after a long day here with the rest of my family. Was she still worried too? Hell did she care? My siblings and two best friends and Sarah's family dropped everything to be with me while my mother hadn't even sent a message to get well.

The others were silent in the car and I knew they were thinking the same thing, except that they weren't angry with her, they were pitying me. If anything they may be mad at our mother too, but they more felt sorry for me that mom didn't love me anymore.

I sighed after a couple of seconds of the silence before I ran my hand over my face. I told them, "I'm sorry. I…I guess I'm just disappointed."

"Mom's been so busy, Row," Rhea tried to defend her, whether it was a lie she really believed in or not.

"I'm sure." I sighed. I put my hand down before I told them, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Rebecca said. I felt her move to place her hand on my shoulder. She was sitting behind me and now leaning over in the backseat to touch me. I looked back at her and I gave her a small smile. She gave me a weak one back.

"Thanks, Becca." I told her in a small voice.

She smiled a little bit brighter before she let go of my shoulder. I heard Rhea shuffle and move a bit in the back seat, as though she were uncomfortable. I was still looking straight into traffic. It was a Friday and even though Charming was small, there were still tourists that came around. We were going slower than normal and at first I liked how slow we were going. We weren't sitting there, but we were going at a good pace. A more peaceful pace.

Things were quiet for a couple of minutes as we moved smoothly, but slowly through the town to get to my house. I commented, more to myself than to myself, "why on earth are people in Charming? Like, we aren't that popular and touristy. I mean, people go through Charming to get to other places, but this is borderline ridiculous."

I was interrupted at the end by Rod saying something. I didn't hear him the first time, as I was on a one train thought of tourists at first before hearing his voice but not his words.

Looking over at him, I asked my younger brother: "what? Sorry I didn't hear you."

He looked nervous, nervous but angry. Or annoyed. I couldn't quite tell. But either way I could tell that he was nervous about something. He was gripping the wheel hard, his knuckles almost white. I scrunched up my face a bit and I asked him, "are you okay, Rod?"

He looked at me and gulped. I could see the fear in his eyes. Why was he so afraid? Did he see something on the road? Did…did I do anything? Did I look bad from the accident?

"Whoa, kid. You okay?" I asked him.

He gulped and nodded. Even though he wasn't that old, I could clearly see his adam's apple as though he was in his midlife crisis. Which I'm also surprised that he wasn't having right now. Something was going on in his brain and it made him nervous.

"Yeah…" he answered before he said, "I…I umm…"

For the next part, he did it as though he was ripping off a band-aid. But when I heard what he said, I would have preferred he kept it on instead of making a new wound, one that I was going to make while stabbing myself.

"I want to prospect for the Sons of Anarchy." Rodney told me.

The car was still. I didn't look at him for a couple of seconds, and truthfully I think that scared him. I didn't object right away, at first.

At. First.

I wondered if Rhea and Rebecca knew because I knew they sensed fear but not surprised. Did they know? Did they have an idea that Rodney was going to spring this one on me.

I looked over at him finally and blinked twice, "what?"

He looked over at me for a second to look at my face and read my reaction before he looked back at the road. He said, "I said that I wanted to join-."

I cut him off, my voice thick with anger that I'm sure would make Happy flinch.

"I fucking heard you, Rodney I was giving you a chance to correct what you said." I hissed at him before looking out at the road.

This time, my voice was lighter, still angry but lighter. I answered him simply:

"No."

Rodney looked over at me and I could see in the corner of my eye that he was annoyed, but I didn't care. I looked at my nails as I crossed my legs, trying to keep my anger held up so that I wouldn't end up in another crash. I could tell that my anger was radiating from me as though I were a furnace. I probably looked terrifying too. My voice angry but still sweet, looking at my finger nails and crossing my legs like a high classed office lady bored and ready to carry out an assassination.

"You don't get to decide—." I cut him off again.

"No." I answered again, this time, more defiance in my voice.

He shook his head, gripping the wheel hard again. I looked over at him, my body stance not changing. I looked at his hands and told him, "you're going to hurt the tenants in your hands."

"Shut up Rowen, I'm just…you can't stop me if I want to join." Rodney told me. He growled slightly and told me, "if not the Sons of Anarchy I'll join something else. I'll join…I'll join…"

"You're not joining shit that has anything to do with a gang or MC." I told him.

He looked over at me, anger making his eyeballs almost look as though they were going to pop out of his head. My expression of angry boredom didn't change. I could feel the nervousness that was coming out of the backseat from Rebecca and Rhea like the anger that was coming off of me.

"This isn't your choice. You can't stop me." Rodney told me.

"Wanna make a bet." I answered, my voice almost like a snarl.

He gripped the wheel harder, as though it was possible. I could recall moments in cartoons that I watched when I was a kid like Bugs Bunny where a person got so angry that he would make what he had in his hands crumble. I almost waited for the steering wheel to break in two in my brother's hands.

"You know what you are," my brother started, angry as hell now.

"What am I, Rodney spit it out." I answered at him, my voice level but you could still tell that I was angry.

"You're a fucking hypocrite, that's what you are!" he screamed, "you come over and tell me that a cult is bad, that I shouldn't get involved when here you are walking around with this M fucking C. You say that a cult is and and look at you. Don't act like you are so much better and so much more innocent. You might as well be a cult."

"They are not the same thing." I insisted.

"You're totally full of bull. You are bullshit-minded." he told me.

"Correction, I'm broadminded. Look how tolerant I am of your childish fit." I countered back to him.

I could tell he was getting annoyed. He was trying to say something but he knew that all he really want to do was yell at the top of his lungs in anger. I was never like that. I held it in and I stalked around, ready to throw a punch and I would go for a run. But Rodney and Rebecca were one in the same in that distinction.

He let out a long breath before saying, "you are full of shit. Absolute shit. You walk around thinking that you are better than us with that MC, like my friends were not different."

"The difference is that it's not a cult. That I still have free will, that I won't be a part of a mass suicide. That I'm not terrified of my leader. I can still contact my family." I answered him.

"Mass suicide no but guess what you're still doing things to get yourself killed." Rod said.

"And you want to be a part of it!" I asked him sourly before I looked out my window.

"You don't get to control me!" Rodney yelled at me.

"I will not let you get into this." I told him.

"You're not better than me," Rodney hissed.

I almost slapped him, "you think that me being with the Sons means that I'm better than you? You're the one that's full of it, Rodney. I don't want you mixed in this. You're the better one. You're the one that deserves better than getting mixed up in this!"

"You took me from my friends, the people who I cared about, who cared about me."

"They cared about your fucking paycheck, Rod. They cared about you as a number, as a follower. And one day you're going to see that and you're going to thank me."

"YOU DON'T GET IT!"

"I don't get that you want to be part of something worse than what you imagine. You think that we make rainbows?"

"I want to be a part of something."

"Then be a part of something, just not something illegal. Jesus Christ Rodney you wouldn't survive your prospecting years. You'd want out the first month!"

"You stop everything good. You stopped my friends. You stopped me from making them. You stopped…you stop everything. You are no good."

I looked over at him and shook my head. Rod wasn't a murderer. He wasn't cut out for this life. He would never make it. He wanted to be a part of a group. I got that. I understood that because we were in the same like that, but his type of group and mine are on opposite ends of the spectrum. He wanted a brotherhood like me, but I did illegal things, things that would kill my brother to do. Things that would make him hate himself.

I told him, trying to reason with him now, "Rod, you're only but you don't need something like this. You need—."

This time he interrupted me. In a bolt of anger he shouted, "you stopped dad. You stopped me from making a connection with dad! You-you took him away from us!"

I had enough.

"Stop the car." I ordered.

"Rowen." Rebecca tried to reason.

"Stop. The. CAR!" I ordered, my voice louder.

Still angry, he slammed on the breaks. Rachelle had to stop hers and I assumed that the guys had to do the same. I unlocked my seatbelt and opened the door and got out. I told him before I slammed the door, "talk to me again when you're done pretending you are five."

I slammed the door and I was sure that I would break it.I heard another door open and saw Rhea getting out. She tried to follow me, but I didn't stop. I looked at Happy as he had his legs on the road, stopped and looking at me as if to make sure that I was okay.

"Come on Rowen you know he didn't mean it!" she called after me.

I went straight to Happy. People were still honking horns at us. Rhea was already back in the car when she saw me go to my Brother and I could see her frown and hear her sigh in my mind. I heard the squeal of tires as my brother left to go on without me. I told Happy as he took off his helmet, "take me home."

He nodded once and he gave me his helmet. I got on the back of his bike before he reved up the engine again. People were already starting to pass us by now. I got onto the back of his bike as I strapped the helmet on my head. Juice reved up as well and Rachelle took that as a sign to go again. I put my feet up and wrapped my arms tightly around Happy. He moved after my sister on the way to my house.

I could feel that he was tense. He wanted to know what happen when he saw that I got out of the car like I did and that I had that look on my face. He knew something happened and he wanted to know what it was, if he needed to get more involved. And family was everything to Hap. I knew that. Sure Rodney was my brother but I wouldn't put it past Happy to do something to make his family feel better.

We drove behind Rachelle, Juice beside us and I could tell that he was looking at me to make sure that I was okay too, but he more focused on the road. I knew that he would ask but not push me like Happy would when we got to my place.

Once out of Charming I began to see my house in the distance. I saw that someone was getting out of a car before the car drove off. I guessed that it was Rod dropping off Rhea and Rebecca before leaving again. As I got closer I could make out their outlines and could see their brown hair. I could see something smaller bouncing around the yard and I could only guess that it was one of my dogs, but obviously not Buddy.

I saw Rachelle go into my driveway and park her jeep while Rhea and Rebecca were standing on the grass, looking worried and nervous. They had their arms wrapped around them not because they were mad, but because they were cold.

Happy pulled in after Rachelle and stopped his bike. Immediately as I got off of the motorcycle, Rhea and Rebecca went over to me. Rachelle moved out of her vehicle as well and began to go over to me to ask what happened too. I saw coming in that Sarah and Kiara were on the grass, playing with the dogs and snuggling with Buddy.

I took the helmet off and told my sisters as they came over, not even looking at them yet, "please go inside. I'm fine I'll be in there soon."

They looked at each other and they nodded slowly before I saw Roger get out and join my sisters as they went inside, getting Sarah and Kiara to go with them. I saw Buddy already making his way over to me, as if to make sure that I was still alive. I left them for a long time. My other dogs went running to me too and I kneeled down to give them extra pats as well. Juice was going off of his bike as well. Happy was already on his feet, looking at me and waiting to hear what I had to say but I could tell that he was still impatient.

I moved back up, still petting Molly with one hand as Buddy was leaning against my leg and rubbing his cheek against it. Juice had bounced his way over and he asked me, "you okay?"

I nodded, giving him a smile, "yeah, yeah. I'm fine. I just got in a fight with my brother."

Juice nodded and Happy looked over his shoulder at him and told him, "go back to TM. I'll be there soon."

Juice looked between us and said, "as long as you're okay."

I gave him a smile and brought my other hand over so that it would go over his head. He grinned his Juice grin that would make me smile and I told him, "I'm fine. I promise. But thank you, Juice. I'll go around TM tomorrow or something to see the guys again. Or come tomorrow and we can have a barbecue… I don't know we can just do something soon."

He nodded and gave me a smile before he bounced up before going back to his bike. Happy and I watched him ride off before I sighed and moved to walk back a bit, almost like a pace before I stopped beside Rachelle's jeep. My dog's followed and so did Happy. To try and calm myself, I patted Molly's head and switched to Buddy's every now and then.

Happy asked me, "what happened?"

I shook my head and sighed, leaning an elbow against the jeep, "Rod wants to join the MC and things got heated."

He crossed his arms, "how heated? You looked pretty damn upset. Still do."

I shook my head again before I put my face in my hands before I put them down and answered him, "heated. He said things in anger and I know he didn't mean them but it still hurt a bit."

"Want me to talk to him?"

"No." I answered immediately, "I don't know what's up with him completely. He's searching for a place to belong and I denied him the cult and now this. He got angry and upset. I know he didn't mean what he said but I just needed out of that car. And…maybe he's stressed about what has happened lately."

He shook his head, staying firm, "didn't need to take it out on you."

"He's a kid who's lonely as hell. That was me at one point too." I told him. Granted I took it better than he is but still.

He looked at me for a long time. I knew from his look that it would normally make other people cringe but I didn't feel anything. If anything, the gaze helped me. He was angry for me, not at me.

I sighed and pushed my hands down like a downwards fan, "it's fine. I just needed out of the car. He'll come back tomorrow or even tonight and we'll get over it. He didn't mean it and knowing Rod he already feels bad."

Happy looked at me for a couple of more seconds before he nodded. She shook his head and asked me, moving his arms over his chest, "you gonna let the kid join."

I shook his head and made a small chuckle, "No…no. I mean I know that he wants some type of group to be with, but this isn't for him. He wouldn't make it. And I'm scared that he will either end up killed or that he will try and leave and will get killed for that by doing it the wrong way."

Happy nodded and I sighed before looking up at the house. I moved to put some stray hairs from my ponytail behind my ear and I told him, "thanks for the ride. You do what you need. Tomorrow…I might hold something. I don't know. My family is doing something tonight but tomorrow I might head up to TM, see the guys again."

He nodded before he told me, "I'll tell Clay and Gemma you're coming over. Apparently Gemma wanted to so something."

"Surprise surprise," I grinned.

That sparked a smile as well, "I'm surprised she didn't plan something with your sisters."

I shrugged, "who knows, she still might do something. I'll talk with her tomorrow."

He nodded and then we stood there silently for a couple of minutes. Neither one of us said anything. I just stood there petting my dogs as the others were bouncing around my yard or with my family. He stood there, his arms crossed and looking at me. I could see that something was conflicting in his eyes.

Finally, I cleared my throat and I answered him, "I…I should go in. I might take a nap too or something. I'm still pretty tired."

He nodded and told me, "yeah…yeah I'll let you go. Call me if you need anything. I'll be at TM."

I nodded and gave him a small smile, "will do if I need it. Thanks, Hap."

He nodded and I gave him one last nod before I turned, ready to go in. I had a hand on Buddy's head to help guide him. I only took a step before I heard Hap's voice call out, "Rowen wait."

I felt him grab my arm as well. I turned on one leg, wondering what he could want.

I barely turned before he kissed me.

I was frozen, both by the fact that Happy Lowman was kissing me and by the feeling that I got from the kiss. It was short, but it was still a kiss. He held my am still while his other hand was on my shoulder.

The five seconds was over and then Happy pulled back, letting go of me as his arms dropped to his sides. I stared at him, shocked. He kissed me.

He actually kissed me.

He didn't say anything after. Happy just walked to his bike before getting on it. As he was putting on his helmet, he looked at me in the eyes. I was still standing still, going over what had happened between us.

Without a word or gesture to me, he moved out of my driveway and I watched him ride down the street and into Charming.