wow... this is the second to last chapter. hope you like it =)
Chapter 37
I don't know how much time passed before I finally dried my cheeks and tears, but it felt good to cry. I just wished I could stop crying on my own and have someone to cry with, or to comfort me. I knew Westley would, because he said I would always have his shoulders to cry on, but right now, after the disaster with Tristan, I didn't have the energy to do anything else. So I straightened my shoulders and held my head high and walked back to my room, thankfully encountering no one on my way there.
Anna wasn't in my room either, so it was just me with myself. I stripped my red dress off and pulled on some shorts and t-shirt, with a pair of comfortable socks and undid my bun, letting my long hair flow around my shoulders. Right now, I just wanted to be a little girl with no problems whatsoever. I laid down in my bed, hugging the biggest pillow I owned and, again, let the tears flow. I don't really know when I fell asleep, but Anna woke me up to get ready for dinner.
"No, Anna. I'm not going. Please have my dinner brought up here." I said, my back to her.
She sat on the bed next to me and smoothed my hair down, untangling them. "Oh, Rosaline. I hurt so much for you. I wish I could do something to ease your pain and give you a solution on a silver platter. But this is yours alone to find. I can't tell you who to love." I sighed, but her kind words went straight to my heart. I don't know what I would do with an indifferent maid. But Anna was more than a maid. She was what kept me going, even through the tough parts of life.
"Thank you, Anna. Did you have the chance to think about my offer to be my personal assistant? Because it's still on." I said, fiddling with a strand of hair.
"I have, yes." she softly said.
"And?" I turned around on my bed to face her.
"I'm sorry I'll have to pass the offer. I'm very happy serving you as your maid, and I don't think I have what it takes to survive the stress and pressure of an assistant all day long. I'm sorry." She looked at her hands in her lap.
"It's alright, Anna. Don't worry. Besides, I don't think I could get a better maid or friend than you." I took her hand in mine and smiled. "I just hope you won't decide to quit too soon. I'll need you for some time."
"Don't worry, My Lady. I have no plans of going anywhere."
"You don't? Don't you have a boyfriend or a fiancé or something?"
She blushed and smiled. "I do. But he's in the Palace, too, so there's no need to go anywhere."
"Aw, Anna. I'm really glad to here that! Who is he?" then I blushed, too. "No, you don't have to tell me. It's your private life, I'm sorry."
"I'm carrying a big secret of yours, you can carry mine, too." she smiled. "He's an officer, and he's in the King's personal guard."
My eyes widened. "Then I know him. His guards rotate but I know all of them. What's his name?"
"Riley Jacobs."
I gasped. "What? The one with the amazing green eyes?"
She giggled. "Yes. But what is it with you and eyes? Do you know everyone's eye colour?"
I chuckled. "Um, yeah. Some have obsessions over hands or noses – like mom – and I have an obsession for eyes. My favourites are the green ones. Any kind of green."
We both laughed.
"You know," I said to Anna. "Screw dinner. Why don't you have caramel ice cream brought up here with two spoons."
"Two, My Lady?"
"Yes, one for me, and one for you. Unless you have a date with Officer Jacob, of course." I wiggled my eyebrows.
"Oh, dear, no. He's on duty all night until tomorrow morning. I'll have some Ice-cream and a couple spoons brought up." she said smiling, and went away to get just that.
Under normal circumstances, I would have done this with my lovely sisters, but I didn't want to explain why, even if Rachel already knew. But anyway, Anna came back with our 'dinner', and we actually ate the whole thing, just the two of us, and read quotes from one of our favourite books. It was the best girls' night I had done in a long time. All these boys had prevented me from doing this kind of thing.
The next morning, my stomach made me understand that eating half a box of caramel ice-cream was not the best idea in the world. After he was done lecturing me, I pulled on a dress – a creamy colour 50's style dress with a large light blue satin ribbon at the waist – and some shoes after Anna had fixed my hair and make-up, and headed for the stairs. I straightened my shoulders and held my head high, because nothing was wrong, and I was totally fine. It was Thursday and I needed to decide the next day who I would marry and spend my life with. But I was totally fine. I started to feel dizzy and sat on the stairs, closed my eyes and focused on breathing in and out slowly. Actually, no, I was not fine. At all.
When the dizziness passed, I pulled myself together and went down to breakfast, as if nothing was wrong and I had been there with everyone the previous night.
Maggie was next to me, this time. "Rose," she whispered. "Are you okay?"
I smiled. "Yeah. I'm fine." she planted a kiss on my cheek and resumed eating.
I gazed over at the men's table, and noticed that they weren't as loud as usual. Tristan was furrowing his brow, probably thinking about what we had talked about; Kurt was talking silently with Westley – from what I understood, they became great friends during the Selection – and Nigel was listening to them silently. It sure changed from five weeks ago when there were twenty-five excited boys in the Palace. It was down to four, now, and tomorrow would be decisive.
I spent my morning in Father's office and summarized some documents for him. At least it helped me forget about what I still needed to do. And we also talked about my next visit.
"Oh, and Father?"
"Yes, Rose?" he lifted his eyes from his work.
"Tomorrow night I'll be choosing the One on the Report."
He lifted an eyebrow. "Already? Who's is going to be?" he asked me, putting his work on the table.
"It's going to be a surprise for everyone." Ha. It was even a surprise for me.
He frowned. "Don't do this too fast, Rose. You still have time."
I shrugged. "I know." But I didn't have the time. In five or six weeks, the Baby would be showing. So I needed to get married fast, so we could say it was a honeymoon Baby. It would show, real fast, true, but I could just say I'm bloated. But Doctor Armin would find out eventually. I sighed.
Lunch came around, narrowing the remaining time I had left to talk to Westley.
Tristan avoided me after lunch, quickly walking away to wherever he was going. Nigel seemed a bit preoccupied as well and went I-don't-know-where. Kurt and Westley headed to the Men's Parlour together and I didn't know how to get to Westley alone. I went to the Women's Room and chose a book, which I took with me. I walked up to the stairs between floors two and three, so I could hear when Westley would come to his room. I read a couple chapters but my mind couldn't concentrate, and I had to read each paragraph like two or three times before it actually printed itself in my mind. I closed the book and listened to the unsynchronized tick-tocks of the clocks resonating in the hall.
I closed my eyes, and I might have dozed off for a little while, because music jerked me up from my fitful sleep. I rubbed my eyes, careful not to smudge the make-up and walked down to the second floor. I realized the music was coming from Westley's room. This was the first time I actually heard him play. I waited a few minutes behind his door, unable to bring myself to interrupt him. But I had to, so I knocked, hoping he would here me above his music.
A few seconds later he opened, a grin on his face, and his violin and bow in one hand.
"Ah, darling. Come to listen to my music?" I nodded. "Finally." he said, and he closed the door; he invited me to sit on the small couch, and I obeyed.
"So, what do you want to hear?" he was really excited about this. How long had he been waiting for me to come?
"Anything. I just want to hear you play." I said with the happiest voice I had.
"Okay." He placed the bow on the strings and closed his eyes. He let his bow dance on his violin, as though it was the bow leading his arm and not the opposite. The music was enchanting, and I could easily forget all that was around me if I closed my eyes. It was like he was telling a poem but with music. The notes were sometimes fast, and sometimes slow. It triggered something in me, and I felt my throat tighten and the tears swell in my eyes.
I put a hand over my mouth and managed to smother the first sob. I cried silently, not wanting him to stop. But he didn't see me, because his eyes were still closed and he was too engrossed in his music. I was glad he didn't see me cry, though. But then, a sob came out, and I couldn't hold them in anymore.
He stopped playing at once and swiftly put his instrument back in its velvet case.
"Darling, what's wrong?" he said, sitting next to me and wrapping his arms around me. I clung to him, cuddled against his shirt. He held me tight and let me cry without saying or asking anything. Stupid pregnancy hormones. If I was my normal self, I wouldn't be crying all the time. But then again, I wouldn't be in this situation, and I wouldn't be in a rush to find my husband.
He drew small soothing circles on my back with one hand, while the other rested around me, like a safe haven. After who-knows-how-long, I finally calmed down, with only some sporadic sobs.
"Do you want to tell me what's going on, darling? Or do you want to stay here like this without saying anything and just cry?" he asked with a tender voice, kissing my hairline.
I sighed. It was now or never. I stayed exactly as I was, wrapped in his arms and clinging to him, and asked the fateful question. "Westley, would you consider adoption?"
I felt him smile in my hair. "Are you thinking about Lily, the little girl at the orphanage?"
A chuckle mixed with a sob came out of my throat. "Not necessarily, but why not?"
"Of course I would. I think adopting is very noble." He said, seeming to measure his words carefully.
"And would you still think it noble to adopt a child that is mine but not yours?" I asked softly, afraid of the question myself. But instead of freezing and backing away like Tristan did, he held me closer to him.
"Rose, who's the father of your baby?" he whispered, slightly rocking us back and forth.
His question took me aback, but I still managed to answer. "It's not one of the Selected." I replied, the very words burning my tongue. "But how do you know? You don't seem surprised..." this was starting to freak me out.
He sighed. "Please tell me it's not what I think it is. Look, I'm sorry. I read your papers on the flight back from Carolina. The folder was under my seat, and I didn't want to step on it, so I grabbed it. Some papers were sticking out of it and a few words caught my attention." I could hear the tears in his voice.
"What words?" I faced him, this time.
"Rape, Heir, Law. Among others." He locked eyes with me. "Please tell me it's not what I think it is, Rose. Is Prince Philippe the father?" he asked, barely above a whisper.
The words were stuck in my throat, so I just nodded, and closed my eyes, the tears I was trying to keep inside spilling down my cheeks. He hugged me close to him. "Darling, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry." He rocked me back and forth, crying with me, too. "I'm sorry you had to go through this."
Between sobs and tears, I managed to tell him what I had told Rachel: the whole story.
"You know," he said after I had finished talking. "I was actually wondering about it. I saw you several times holding your belly like a pregnant mother would do. And when you told me that Philippe had come to look for something but didn't find it, it took me some time, but I unconsciously put the pieces together. Maybe that's why I wasn't surprised when you told me."
I tried to breathe in and out, in order to calm down a bit.
"Rose," he said, looking at me straight in the eyes. "I don't have much to offer you. I have my music, my shoulders you can cry on, my arms to run to, and, of course, my shirts to paint."
We both chuckled. "I'm sorry about that." I said, still chuckling with tears, and wiping away the smudged make-up on his white shirt, but making it even worse.
"I love you, Rose. So, if you'll have me with the little I have to offer you, I want to be your husband and the father of your beautiful baby. I want to protect you in any way I can, and this is the first step." he cupped my face in his hands and rubbed my wet cheeks with his thumbs, smiling.
"I'm not whole anymore. Are you sure you still want me like this? I'm ruined goods."
He smiled and slightly shook his head, pulling me close to him in a hug. His lips were at my ear. "Darling, you're perfect. And you should know something else."
"What?" I asked him, backing away a little so I could see his green eyes.
"All of me loves all of you. Outside and inside." He gently placed his hand on my abdomen. "And there's enough love in my heart for you, your baby, and all the next ones we're going to have."
I have cried and half laughed, because it was like the fog had lifted over my heart: I could see now that it had always been Westley. His words healed my heart and I knew there would be love, there, for him. "So, you'll have me?" I asked, hopeful.
"Yes, darling. Yes, every single day of my life." he leaned in closer to me and rested his lips on mine, kissing me gently and tenderly, like I could break anytime. I wanted his kisses and his touch to never end. I was ready to have him as my husband. I grabbed his shirt and pulled it out of his pants, exploring his back underneath it. His muscles flexed as he moved his arms and wrapped me in his sweet embrace, kissing my face and neck, and shoulders. I wanted him, and only him. After some time like this that none of us wanted to end, we pulled away and smiled.
"I can't believe it took me this long to realize you were the one I loved." I said in his ear.
"Well, better late than never, right?" we both laughed.
"Yeah, better late than never." I repeated. I looked at the clock. "Oops, we're late for dinner."
He turned his head and looked at the time. "Yep. Are you hungry?"
"Not really, no." Well, yes, I was hungry of him right now.
"Good, neither am I. Come on." He pulled me up and swept me in his arms, and laid me on his bed, climbing over me and resting next to me. We were both face to face, our legs intertwined. He caressed my cheek, and my arm, going down to my waist and my hip. But he didn't go further.
He chuckled.
"What's funny?" I asked him, bopping his nose with my finger.
"It all started with a thunderstorm."
I smiled. "Really? Didn't it all start with the Selection?"
"Yeah, but I fell in love with you the moment you stepped in my room to check if I was alright. I saw then that you had the kindest most caring and generous heart a woman could carry, and it made me undeniably fall for you. I honestly didn't know what I would do with my life if you had sent me home."
"Well, now you're here, covering up an out-of-wedlock pregnancy. I don't think that was what you imagined, right?"
"No, it wasn't. But I'm glad to do it. Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah."
"What if he finds out you lied to him and asks for a paternity test: can you refuse it to him?"
"I don't know. But if he finds out, the worst that can happen is Word War Five."
He gulped and widened his eyes. "You're not serious."
"It's the worst scenario I could think of." I shook my head at the mere thought.
We talked like that for hours, not noticing the sky becoming darker and darker. I turned my back to him and he spooned behind me, protectively resting his hand on my abdomen, and we fell asleep like that, still all dressed up in our day clothes.
We both jerked from our sleep, early the next morning, when his door was almost banged down by a guard, none other than Officer Riley Jacobs.
"She's here, your Majesty." he said to Father looming behind him.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Okay, who found the Amazing Kiera Cass quote in this chapter? (I'm not sure if it's from the Elite or the One, though. I lended my books to a friend so I can't check^^)
One more chapter left... plus the surprise... wow, what an adventure, I almost don't want it to end ;-) You guys are so awesome