A/N. Hi guys! Alright, prepare... for the fluffiest... chapter... YET. I haven't written fluff in so long that I felt awkward typing it all down. But then I remembered how much I LOVE fluff and the rest just kind of flowed. I hope you guys enjoy :D

Chapter XXXVII

Tania nudged the door open with her hip, seeing as her hands were currently occupied with carrying two mugs of steaming hot coffee. The smell wafted through the air and she sighed in content. Heavenly. She'd hadn't been able to get as much of her fix as usual when she was on the BUS, seeing as Fitzsimmons drank tea. While Coulson was just as addicted to coffee as she was, his kind of beans were bland and cheap and not the kind Tania preferred.

This was her first good cup of coffee in a while and the fact that she was going to enjoy it with Steve would make it taste a billion times better. She hobbled carefully over to the nightstand and set the mugs down, humming over the sounds of running water coming from the bathroom. Steve, being the gentleman that he was, had insisted that she take the first shower. She'd argued for a bit, but she gave in when she realized that he still thought she would have a panic attack in there.

It was funny. She didn't think she would. Drowning still scared her, but nothing could be worse than losing Steve. Her fear of water seemed… ridiculous, to be honest. Everything just seemed… smaller. She found a different perspective, one where she realized that pushing the others away was only making her sanity worsen, not improve. One where she knew that physical pain and death were not the answers. One where she decided that she could be happy again – would be happy again.

She felt ten times lighter now. Graham was off doing what he believed was right, the Avengers were back together again, the city was safe, and so was Tania's relationship with Steve. She loved him more than she could fathom and she was not about to give that up because she was being selfish in wanting to run away. This isn't the life I always wanted, blah blah blah. She'd been so… whiny and wrong and she could no longer view life that way.

It felt good to be optimistic again. Life was good.

She crawled into the bed and fluffed up the pillows, placing them against the headboard before sitting with her back against them. She picked up her coffee and inhaled, humming in delight. Her stomach was still full from the dozen pizzas Tony had ordered for everyone to pig out on (after they'd all been checked out by Bruce). Viola had declined staying for dinner and headed off to find her team, but she'd assured Tania that she would come to the campfire.

Tania took her first sip and moaned. She'd missed this. Of course, this wasn't her favourite coffee ever. That was from their coffee shop down the street. Which had been demolished in the previous Hammer droid attack. Hopefully the owners would rebuild. Their coffee was always perfect.

The bathroom door opened and steam billowed from the doorway. Out stepped Steve, with a towel around his waist and sexy damp hair and oh, she'd missed this as well. He caught her staring and winked before making his way to the dresser in search for his boxers.

That tease!

"They're in the wash, dear," she informed him, sipping at her coffee innocently.

He turned to her, closing the drawer with his hip and leaning against the dresser, crossing his muscly arms. He raised an eyebrow. "All of them?"

She shrugged. "What can you do? You're lucky I do the laundry at all. I still haven't shown you how to use the machines."

"Pity," he teased, not sounding at all sorry for not learning earlier.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Watch yourself, Captain, or I won't give you any of your coffee."

He chuckled, standing up straight again. "Wouldn't want that." He began rifling through drawers again, searching for a pair of pants. He found a pair of sweats and quickly shrugged them on while Tania stared into the depths of her coffee. She kind of wanted to jump his bones, but there were some things they needed to talk about first.

"Steve?"

"Yeah?" He tossed the towel into the dirty hamper and made his way over to the nightstand, grabbing his coffee. He began to make his way around the bed to climb into his side.

"How are you feeling? You know, after…" She waved her bandaged hand around her temple vaguely. "Being mind controlled."

He set the mug on his own nightstand and sat down on the bed next to her, shuffling closer to wrap his arm around her shoulders. She sighed happily and snuggled into his side, careful not to spill her hot coffee all over them both. "To be honest," he started, "I just feel weird. And guilty. The only awful thing Loki made us do was fight you and I-" He paused, unsure of himself. "Tania, about that night at the lighthouse… I'm really sorry. I know that it wasn't me controlling my actions, but I still did it and if I could take it back, I would. I'm so sorry."

"You're forgiven," she replied easily.

He kissed the top of her head in thanks. "I feel guilty about hurting you and Clint and Rhodey and Peter, but I didn't do anything permanent and I didn't kill anyone and I was never hurt. Not to mention that I was with the other Avengers the whole time. Not that I was aware what was going on at any point. Yes, it's really creepy and odd, but… it's not… traumatizing, I guess. I don't know how the others feel, but for me personally, as long as it doesn't happen again, I think I'll be fine."

Tania nodded, sipping at her coffee once again. Steve was always willing to talk to her about his feelings and his emotions and his fears, whereas she had kept to herself, blocking him out and bottling everything up. She needed to take a page from Steve's book and be more open. She loved him for a reason and she needed to show him that by proving that she trusted him with her heart and everything in it. That included how she felt about things. "I'm glad you're not traumatized, Steve."

"Well, I haven't tried to sleep yet. The night's still young."

She chuckled. "True."

He leaned away from her to grab his own coffee, one arm still slung lazily around her shoulders. While he drank, she took a moment to just… be. To enjoy that she had Steve back and there was nothing to worry about and everything was just perfect. It wouldn't last forever; she knew that. So she would enjoy it while it lasted.

"You seem… different," Steve said, setting his coffee down again. "Better. I know that you guys explained to us what you were up to while were incapacitated, but did something… happen? Something you didn't tell the team?"

She bit her lip. Time to be open. Like a book, she encouraged herself. She loved books. "After losing Graham, I just… let myself fell apart. I think it had been a long time coming, though. Ever since Hydra… I've been pretending that I'm fine. And then he left and it was just… the final blow, you know? And then you guys were trying to help me and I appreciate what you were trying to do, but I didn't think it was possible to come back from what happened. I contemplated breaking up with you. Leaving. Abandoning all of you." She felt him tense beside her and guilt clamped over her heart for ever thinking like that. "But then you were taken from me and I just… I realized something.

"Being away from you guys isn't the answer. I could've just walked away and been done with all of this. I could start over. But… I stayed. I love you guys too much and I would be walking away because things got tough. When we got together, you warned me about your superhero life. How dangerous it could be and what I might be getting myself into. I don't think I fully understood the extent of what you meant. I was just too smitten to not date you."

A laugh rumbled from deep in his chest and he nuzzled his nose into her hair. "The feeling was mutual."

She smiled. "Well, I hope so. Anyway, I know now what you meant. And I'm not going anywhere. Leaving because the going got too tough… that's exactly what my parents did to Graham and me. When I was a teenager, I promised myself that I would never be like them. And yet there I was, considering running away. That was cowardly of me and it was wrong.

"But what could I bring to the table if I stayed? Not much. So I decided that I would train. More than in just self defense. I would make myself worthy of being on the team. I never wanted to be an Avenger, but according to you guys, I am one. I think a big part of why I felt like it would be so easy to leave is because I never felt worthy enough to be among you guys. You're all amazing people who save the world and I was just… some girl who sang mildly well."

Steve looked ready to argue that point, but she cut him off.

"Let me finish. Please. I didn't answer your proposal right away because I wasn't sure yet what I wanted for myself. I know now that all I want… all I could ever want… is to be happy. You make me happy, Steve. You make me the happiest girl in the whole world and rejecting your proposal would be the dumbest thing I have ever done. I'm sorry I kept you in suspense for so long."

"It only felt like a couple days to me," he joked.

She rolled her eyes at him. "Anyway, when I was fighting Justine, it hit me that what I was really afraid of… was that I would be corrupted. I killed Schmidt and that, more than anything else, more than the torture, more than the sense of hopelessness, more than seeing you shot every single day… it haunted me. It floated around my head like a constant reminder that I was a murderer and that if I could kill once, I could do it again. I didn't want to be a killer. I never wanted a violent life or anything similar. I just wanted to be happy.

"Now I see that I can't be happy without some violence thrown in the mix because I'm dating Captain America and danger follows you wherever you go. And I'm okay with that. Because now that I know what I'm afraid of, I can prevent it. You can help me prevent it to. And this feeling of horror I get when I use violence… I need it. If I don't have it, that means that I'm accepting violence as a tolerable thing and as long as I feel guilty and horrified by what I'm doing, that means I'll be okay. It's a reassurance.

"I struggled on that rooftop whether or not to kill Justine to set you guys free. In the end, I asked myself what you would do in my place. The answer was simple. You would never kill an innocent. No matter what. So I chose not to kill her. It nearly got me killed, but it all worked out in the end. I can live with myself now, knowing that you're alive because I killed and that I will never actively try to do it again.

"I've still got issues. I'll still have nightmares and I'll still doubt myself every once in a while. But that's what I have you for. And whenever you remember the ice or the war or Bucky, I'll be here for you. That's you have me for. I'm sorry I haven't been there for you in a while, but I promise that from now on, I will work towards getting better. I will tell you about my nightmares and I will let you in when I need help. I love you, Steve. To the ends of the Earth and beyond. To the ends of Yggrasil's branches and to the end of space and back. I will continue to love you until the end of time. Until… until the end of the line," she whispered.

She felt Steve suck in a breath and then they were kissing. She gripped her mug tightly in both hands, doing her best not to move it else she spill some. Steve shifted and the sheets rustled and then he had her face in both hands. He was so gentle and his lips were so soft and he was bare chested, but that damn coffee was in the way…

She sighed and pulled away slowly. "Hang on." She moved the mug from her lap to the nightstand and then turned back to him. He was closer than she anticipated and she bonked noses with him. The mood changed. She burst out laughing and pecked him on the lips. His own laughter joined hers and she just relished this time together. "I want a long engagement, you know," she said when she calmed down.

He tilted his head, lacing their fingers together without looking. "Yeah? Why's that?" His eyes were so piercing and beautiful. She could stare into them all day.

"I was in a dark place, Steve," she confessed. "I don't want to be anywhere near there when we get married. That's gonna take some time."

The biggest grin possessed his face and he beamed.

She laughed at him. "What?"

"You said 'when'."

"So?"

"'When' we get married." He wrapped his arms around her once more and pulled her to him. "We're getting married."

She giggled. "I can hardly believe it myself. The sad part is that I have no one to call and gush over this with."

"You and the girls gushed over it during dinner. Pepper seemed particularly excited once she stopped freaking out about having been brainwashed"

"I know, but I mean someone who wasn't there for the actual engagement."

"You can rub it in at work. You're engaged to Captain America. How does that make you feel?"

She slapped his stomach playfully, only feeling rock hard abs. Damn. She would never get tired of those. "I could ask you the same thing, you know. You're engaged to Sonata. I can see the headline now. Captain America Proposes to Sonata in Their Coffee Shop."

"I don't think they know about our coffee shop."

"Be quiet. You get the picture."

"I do." He slipped out of her grasp and swung his legs toward the ground.

"Where are you going?"

"To get you something." He exited the bedroom and padded into the living room. She decided to drink more coffee while she waited, listening hard. She heard something that sounded like clinking glass and then footsteps. Steve reappeared in the doorway holding a velvet ring box.

Tania's hand flew to her mouth and she put the coffee down again, leaning forward. She'd forgotten about the ring. How could she have forgotten about the ring?

Steve smiled nervously at her, which was ridiculous since he had nothing to be nervous about. She'd already said yes. He knelt at side of the bed and she crawled over to meet him, letting her feet touch the floor before him. He held up the ring case and opened it facing her.

The ring stole her breath straight from her lungs. It was silver and encrusted with jewels all the way around. The jewels were made up of diamonds and sapphires in an alternating pattern that circled the entire ring. It was absolutely gorgeous.

"I know that the traditional ring usually has a big diamond in the center, but I know that you twist your rings when nervous so I thought… maybe a diamond wasn't the best idea." He seemed to be second guessing himself. "And I know that teal is your favourite colour and I know that you don't like things plain and boring so I thought I'd get some colour…" He blushed a deep pink.

Tania was so incredibly touched. Yes, sapphires were cheaper and yes, big diamonds meant mucho bucks, but she didn't care about that. She cared about how much thought Steve put into his choice and how he knew her well enough to know her nervous tics. She cared about how he knew her favourite colour and would prefer that to a plain, run of the mill, expensive diamond ring. She cared about how he was still nervous about giving this to her, when she knew that he knew that she'd love it.

"Steve… it's the most beautiful ring I have ever seen. I adore it."

He relaxed immediately. "Well great. How am I gonna top this one? Guess I should get a less impressive one…"

"Just give me the ring," she demanded, giggling.

"Wait," he said seriously, removing the ring from the case. He set the box on the nightstand held the ring out to her. "There's an engraving."

Heart pounding, Tania gently took the ring from him and tilted it to look inside. There were four symbols: a music note, a shield (his), a mug of coffee, and a heart. She couldn't wipe the smile off her face even if she wanted to. "This is too perfect," she breathed, twisting it this way and that, admiring it from all sides in all types of lighting.

Steve flattened his palm. "May I?"

She nodded, her throat clogged with all the love she felt for him. Her heart radiated warmth that spread from to the furthest parts of her body. She wiggled her toes in anticipation, beaming at full capacity. She laid the ring in his hand.

He gently took her left hand in his and slid the engagement ring onto her finger. It felt… right. Like it was meant to be there all along. She hadn't realized how bare her hands had felt until now. She held up her hand, admiring the ring once again.

"I was thinking…" he breathed, lowering his leg so that both knees rested on the carpet. "Maybe we should… get away for a little while. Just the two of us."

She tore her gaze from the ring to stare at him. "You mean… like a pre-wedding honeymoon?"

He quirked his lips to the side. "Not exactly… more like… being in a space only meant for you and me. Being here, living in the Tower with the Avengers, it's amazing. But I only moved here because I had nowhere else to go. Now I have you."

"You want to… move out?"

He bit his cheek. "Maybe. I'm just… toying with the idea."

"So… you wanna go on a trial run?"

He nodded. "Something like that, yes."

She hummed, interlocking both of their hands and swinging them back and forth idly. "How will the other Avengers feel about that?"

"I don't know," he replied honestly, "but they don't really matter when it comes to us, do they?"

"I suppose not. Did you have a place in mind?"

"No. But… I think we should leave New York."

She blinked in surprise. "But what if the Avengers need us?"

"Then we'll come back. But like I said, this isn't about them. This is about us. I think it would do us some good to get away for a bit. Not like a vacation, but… just…"

"A break?" She provided.

He nodded.

She stared down at their hands as she played with them, moving them around and around. He remained quiet and patient, knelt before her. Tania wasn't sure what to feel. Elated? Shocked? Excited? Disappointed? Scared? This was new territory. But she could see why Steve wanted this. In fact, now that he'd said it, she could feel herself starting to want it too.

She slid her hands up his arms, shoulders, and neck to reach his head, where she began carding through his hair. He let out a small sigh and leaned forward, bracing himself on her knees. She gently massaged his scalp, knowing from experience that he melted whenever she did that. Sure enough, she felt his muscles relax and he moaned.

She shivered at the sound. She leaned in, her lips hovering a hairsbreadth from his ear. "I like that idea," she whispered, sliding one hand down his back between his shoulder blades. He squeezed her knees out of reflex, shifting as close to her as possible. She smirked. "But I may need a little convincing."

He sounded out of breath when he responded. "How much?"

She chuckled, her breath tickling his ear. "A whole night's worth."

In one swift move, he scooped her into his arms and deposited her on the bed. "Whatever you want."

"I want you, Captain. I missed you. More than you can imagine."

"I don't have to imagine," he said between kisses planted along her neck. "I miss you every moment we're not together. I didn't even have to be conscious to know that I missed you." Her shirt was riding up and he was making wonderful use of that opportunity.

Her breath hitched. "Steve… Steve, I want to marry you. I want it more than I've ever wanted anything in my entire life."

He paused, hot breath gathering at her collarbone. "Mrs. Tania Rogers."

The smile that stretched her cheeks was pure, instinctive reflex. "Mrs. Tania Rogers," she repeated. "I love that. I love you."

He crawled up higher and planted a burning kiss to her lips, the embers of their love glowing orange so brightly that they blinded them both, urgin them to close their eyes. Steve slid his hand along her skin and she gasped and broke the kiss.

"I love you too," he whispered and dove back in.

A/N. At least one more chapter, guys. Hang in there. It's almost over! xO