Chapter 36: Innocent Until Proven Guilty
They never spoke of it again, but what Fiyero had said about marrying her echoed in her mind day after day. He'd sounded sincere about it, and that worried her. She loved him dearly, but marriage was beyond anything she had considered for them. Marriage meant being a princess, being a wife, maybe one day a mother. She didn't know how to do any of those things, and no amount of teaching was going to help her get there.
But at the same time, it sounded tempting. He knew her, all of her. She'd never have to worry about telling anyone of her past, of teaching another man where not to touch her, of learning to trust someone else. She was safe with him, and she knew he'd never harm her. And sharing his bed for the rest of her life certainly wasn't anything worth complaining about. There had never been a time they'd been together that he hadn't brought her the most exquisite pleasure. She shuddered just thinking about that.
How could she be part of a family, though, if she didn't know her own? Fiyero hadn't told her he'd heard much of anything, and she was beginning of feel discouraged about finding anything out. It wasn't like there was even a solid starting point.
"Have you thought about what you might do when you found them?" Galinda asked her.
"I… I just want to know who they are. I don't need to meet them."
"You don't want to ask them why they gave you up, left you for dead? If I were you, I'd want answers. I'd demand them!"
"Galinda, what they put me through… maybe I'd have been better off dead." She hugged herself for a moment. "The streets weren't easy."
"I know that. You won't talk about it, but I realize it must've been awful. You must've been so hungry all the time, always on alert in case someone tried to steal the little you had. And it's your parents' fault you ended up there."
Was what Majik had done her parents' fault? Was it his? Was it hers? She wanted it to be simple. She wanted it to be his fault. "There's more than that, Galinda. I… I lived with older people, two men and a woman. One of the men… he did things to me, several things, and on multiple occasions. I don't want to blame that on people who merely gave birth to me and left me on the street. I want to blame him."
"Oh sweet Oz, Elphie, I never knew. Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I didn't think it was relevant. It still isn't. But if I blame my parents for everything that happened to me after I was abandoned, I'd have to blame them for that, Galinda. And I won't."
"Does Fiyero know?"
"He's the only one who knows. Well, now you do. He's known for a long time. But that's not what we're talking about."
"I'm sorry." Galinda said softly. "I was so cruel to you in the beginning. I barely spoke to you. I thought… I didn't want to damage my reputation by being friends with you. I had no idea you'd been through so much."
"Galinda, really, stop that. You've changed. So have I."
"No. I said and did a lot of cruel things when I first got here, Elphie. And I…" Tears welled in her eyes. She grabbed a kerchief and dabbed at them.
She couldn't sit silently anymore. "Galinda, what's going on?" Elphaba demanded. "Why… why are you so upset lately? You're not acting the same, and I know it's more than just losing your Ama." At least the subject would have changed from her.
"It is about my Ama, but… oh, Elphie, I'm a terrible person!" She sobbed.
Elphaba leapt off her bed and crouched next to her friend. "Galinda, don't say such things."
"I am. It's my fault!"
"What is?"
"Ama Clutch. When we first got here, I didn't want to be stuck in a room with a bunch of girls, so I made up a story. I told Madame Morrible that Ama Clutch could not handle that because she had episodes… episodes like the one she's been having for the past month. But it wasn't true. And then… now, now it is! I think I did it to her. I think I wished it upon her. Either it's karma or my sorcery was more powerful than I expected."
Elphaba stared at her for a moment, floored. This is what had been upsetting her so? "Galinda, there's no way you could do that. Doesn't everything require a spell?"
"Well, yes."
"And you never chanted one, did you?"
"Not exactly. But…"
"No. It's a terrible coincidence."
"Then why?"
"Because maybe she saw Dr. Dillamond's body. Maybe she fell at hit her head."
"I need to tell her I'm sorry, Elphie."
"You haven't gone to see her?"
"I couldn't. I felt awful."
"Then let's go now. I'll go with you. And you don't have to apologize for something you haven't done. But if it makes you feel better, Galinda, do what you need to." Elphaba got up and threw Galinda's purse towards her. She wasn't good at talking, but dragging Galinda to Ama Clutch was something she could do.
The blonde sniffled, but grabbed her bag. "That's a good idea."
They opened the door and Fiyero stood there, hand poised to knock. "Fae, I was just about to come see you…"
"We have to go." Elphaba pulled Galinda out the door.
"What's going on?" He followed.
"We need to see Ama Clutch."
"It's okay, Elphie. You can tell him."
As they walked, Elphaba reiterated in a low voice what Galinda had told her. Galinda ambled behind them slowly, as though she didn't want to go anymore. "So she thinks she somehow caused all this?"
Elphaba nodded. "It's," she glanced back at Galinda, "ridiculous, I know. But this might help her feel better."
"I can hear you, Elphie!" Galinda snapped.
"I'm sorry, Galinda."
They were all out of breath by the time they got to the infirmary. Elphaba didn't realize she'd been moving quite so fast. The urgency with which she'd moved suddenly faded, and she breathed normally again. The three of them went back to see Ama Clutch.
Elphaba stayed silent, waiting for Galinda to speak, but it was the woman who spoke first. "Nobles stranded ranging."
This random strand of words brought Galinda to tears. "Oh, Ama Clutch…"
Elphaba nudged her. "It'll be all right, Galinda. You can do this."
"I…"
Fiyero placed a hand on Elphaba's shoulder. "Should we leave her alone?" He murmured.
"Only if she asks." She turned back to her roommate. "Go ahead."
Galinda closed her eyes for a moment. "Ama Clutch, I'm sorry. What I did, it was wrong. I lied about you, and even if it didn't cause this, it was a terrible thing to do. Please forgive me."
"Child…" The woman rasped.
"Yes?" Galinda's eyes looked hopeful, and Elphaba almost grabbed her. It was probably just another random mumbling.
"The blood… the Goat… the blood. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock." At that, Ama Clutch sat straight up, eyes wide. "Blood. Tick. Tock."
"What in Oz?" Fiyero moved forward, brows furrowed.
A hand grabbed at Galinda's wrist, squeezing so tight Galinda squealed. "Tick. Tock."
Fiyero pushed Elphaba towards the door and pried Ama Clutch's hand from Galinda. "Let's go. Now." He ushered them both out. "That wasn't helpful at all, huh?" He asked as they began to walk back.
But Elphaba was shaken, too. "Actually, Fiyero, it was everything. I know what happened to Dr. Dillamond."