Yes, this is actually happening. Two updates in a week. Let's not question it.

NOTE: If you read this and are like "What on Earth is Shawn talking about? It's been four years I don't remember this." I would direct you to chapter 18.

OooOooO

SHAWN

The first thing I was aware of when I finally woke up was a sensation like having my mouth stuffed full of cotton balls. And this isn't speculation. I know exactly what that feels like. One time last year Gus and I decided to do the Chubby Bunny challenge but we didn't have marshmallows (Cotton balls were used because they look like marshmallows. Obviously). Just to be clear, my mouth wasn't literally stuffed with cotton balls. It just felt like it because my face was swollen and my mouth was dry. Or something.

You know what, I'm not a doctor. Just trust me on this, okay?

The second thing I realized was that I was in a hospital. The whole "kidnapped by a violent psychopath" thing hadn't quite come back to me yet, so I remember being quite confused about this.

The third thing I noticed was that Jules was sitting in a chair next to me reading a book.

Okay, before I continue, let me just disclaim: yes, I am skipping ahead a bit. But it's been way too long since I've gotten to talk for a decent period of time, dammit. Don't worry; you're not missing anything important. Basically Jules, my dad, and Gus made a couple of trips to the hospital over the course of roundabout two days to angstily sit at my bedside. And Lassie's, I guess. But mostly mine.

We good?

Okay, moving on.

As I was saying, the third thing I noticed was Jules sitting next to me, reading.

My fourth realization was, well, everything that had happened. Ten seconds of blissful ignorance and I look at Jules and it's all over. All of the things that Mr. E had done to me came rushing back in an instant.

Now, I don't know if you remember this, but, as far as I was concerned, one of those things was killing Lassie and Jules. Which meant that I was looking at a dead person. Which meant that I was dead.

It made sense at the time.

I'm guessing my heart rate picked up at this point, because something caused Jules to suddenly tear her attention away from her book and look at me.

"Oh my…Shawn!" She put aside her book. Her eyes widened and she was just painfully beautiful to look at because I was the reason she died.

I wanted to talk to her—to apologize—but I opened my mouth and couldn't quite find it in myself to form words.

She was staring at me in awe, her hands hovering over my body like she was afraid she would break me if she touched me. Later I would learn that I had a chest tube stuck in between two of my ribs to help re-inflate my lung. It really freaked her out.

"Okay, just hold on. Let me get a doctor."

Jules turned to leave and I'm pretty sure my heart sped up again in panic.

Don't leave. Please don't leave. I was sure that if she left I'd never see her again.

Jules smiled at me over her shoulder. "It's okay, Shawn. The call button is right here. I'm not leaving."

It only took maybe three seconds for the doctor to come in, which led me to theorize that he spent his entire life just chilling right outside my door, waiting to be paged. I still think that, actually.

He came in, said some things, did some things. A stethoscope was involved. I think at one point he checked my pupils with a light? He gave me some water.

I really wasn't paying attention, though, because I was still too caught up with Juliet O'Hara standing right in front of me. Well, her and trying to figure out why I was still in a hospital if I was dead. I can't say I've put all that much thought into the afterlife (Carpe Diem, am I right?), but I guess I had always assumed that, after you die, your injuries just sort of magically disappear?

It just seems to me that, if people die and wake up in whatever afterlife there is with whatever injuries got them there, the hospitals are just going to be crazy busy all the time.

You know what, this doesn't even matter. I don't know why I'm still talking about this.

By the time I pulled myself out of my philosophical contemplation the doctor had gone. Jules resumed her former seat and sandwiched my right hand lightly between both of hers. She was staring at our joined hands like they were the most important things in the Universe.

Her mouth opened and closed. She swallowed. Blinked a few times. And oh man, I knew what was coming but there was nothing I could do about it.

"I'm so sorry, Shawn." Her voice was thick with the tears I couldn't see because of the angle of her face but I knew were there.

"Nnnhh," It was all I was able to manage, but hey. Progress.

"Yeah, I know. It's not my fault," I squeezed her hand in confirmation, "But I'm just…I'm sorry that this happened to you." She looked up at me and smiled a heartbreakingly sad smile. "This shouldn't have happened."

Man I needed to find it in myself to talk. I set off the bomb that killed her and she was apologizing to me?

I swallowed, readying myself to speak. The action sent pain lancing through my chest, which actually kind of pissed me off. If I'm dead why does everything still hurt?

I know I was really slow on the uptake, you guys, but I was so drugged up you don't even know.

"No," I gasped out, "I'm sorry."

Juliet looked at me quizzically, so I elaborated.

"I killed you," I explained. "I'm so sorry."

Now she looked at me like I was certifiably insane.

"Wait, what?"

Whatever Jules might tell you, I was absolutely not crying at this point. Did not happen.

"Shawn…" I could tell that Jules wanted offer more of a physical sign of her existence at this point, but she was afraid to touch anything other than my hand. Instead she settled for gripping my hand harder. "Oh, Shawn. I don't know what he told you, but I'm right here. I'm here, Shawn."

I started to shake my head but that unsettled my healing concussion. I settled for talking. It was getting easier, anyways.

"There was an explosion. I heard it." I told her.

Because it makes so much sense that Juliet would have forgotten about her own death. Just brilliant, Drugged-Shawn.

Her eyes widened in recognition. "Oh, Shawn…" Hesitating slightly, she lifted a hand to my cheek to wipe away the…sweat (definitely not tears)…that had gathered there. "There was an explosion but I'm fine. I'm alive. It was all part of his game."

I don't know how long she just sat there gripping my hand and stroking my cheek and muttering, "It's okay, I'm here" over and over. But at some point it sunk in and it was the greatest moment of my life. And this is with the moment I found out that they're making a Twin Peaks revival on the table.

What followed was pathetic and embarrassing but I trust that, having followed my entire story and knowing the circumstances, you won't judge me.

It was like I was overcome by thirty different emotions all at once. Pure joy and relief and shock and love (?) and hope…

Damning the consequences I shook away Juliet's hand and lifted my arm around her shoulder (My bed was inclined slightly and she was leaning over me but man it hurt). I pulled her to my chest (the side without the tube, of course) in what can only be described as the most awkward hug of all time.

Jules reciprocated with muted enthusiasm. Muted only because she realized how broken my body was even if I evidently didn't. She scooted her chair a bit further towards my head so that she could settle on my shoulder—one of the few relatively uninjured parts of my body. It must have been a horribly uncomfortable position for her, but if she minded she didn't say so.

"Thank God, Jules. I was so scared. I thought…"

I won't burden you with everything that was said during this time. It was a lot of nonsensical, emotional babbling.

But I definitely wasn't crying.

OooOooO

Okay, I'm sorry if you were really looking forward to Juliet sitting with unconscious Shawn scenes but I started writing it and I just couldn't handle the angst. I'm sorry. Actually I feel like this is pretty angsty as is. But it is from the Shawn POV which I think softens the blow some.

OH, and I really sincerely hope that no one was offended by the stuff about "the afterlife" in this chapter. It is not meant to even reference anything religious because I just don't even want to go there. I kept it as vague as possible. I actually considered taking it out just to be safe but I felt like that would just be ridiculous. Just know that it's not meant to be a religious commentary of any sort.

One chapter left! I think. Which is just…crazy. So what do you guys want to see happen? Let me know! I do have a plan but I absolutely will take into account what y'all say!

And I updated really quickly with a Shulesy chapter so I think that calls for a review? Maybe?