Chapter 38 :

Planning the future :

Later that night, after having dinner at Amanda's favorite italian restaurant, the two women went home and made love for a couple of hours before finally collapsing, both completely out of breath.

"That was..., you still have some moves I didn't know about." Olivia panted, her chest rising up and down as she tried to catch her breath.

"And you've seen nothing yet, I have enough moves to keep you interested for at least a few more years." Amanda was lying in fetal position, her head on Oliva's bare chest, her fingers roaming between her breasts.

"I hope so, I tend to get bored very fast when who ever I'm sleeping with doesn't get creative." Oliva smiled, biting her bottom, not knowing if Amanda would take this little joke seriously.

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean? Will you leave me if sex starts to become more vanilla?" Shocked, Amanda suddenly raised her head, poked Liv's belly and climbed on top of her.

"Hey, that hurt! I'm kidding okay? You know sex is not what matters to me and besides, how can you get bored when you're as in love as I am with you?" Placing her hands on Amanda's back to pull her into her embrace, Olivia started to battle her eye lashes, smiling through grinned teeth, hoping her natural adorableness would get her out of this situation.

"Right... since you bought us a house, so I might just let you get away with it, just this once." Shaking her head, Amanda leaned over and pressed her lips against Liv's. Feeling Olivia's fingers roaming on her naked back was enough to ignite every last bit of energy she had in her and the simple act of kissing her had the ability of arousing her to a point she never suspected was possible.

"Speaking of which, did you suspect anything?"

"Well, your behaviour was pretty unusual these past two weeks, you were nervous, distant, not to mention you disappeared on me several times so I suspected that you had something big planned to celebrate our anniversary. I just never thought you were buying us a house. Actually, I thought you were gonna propose." For the past couple of weeks, Amanda had beat her nails, wondering what kind of surprised Olivia was planning and this ultimate proof of love and commitment was more than she could have asked for.

"Are you disappointed that I didn't?" Truth be told Olivia and Amanda had never talked about marriage or even buying a house together but when Liv drove by the brownstone, she immediately knew that it was the right moment to take that step and never even once considered that getting married first might be preferable.

"Actually no. I'm not one of those women who needs a ring as a proof of love and commitment. I know you love me, I can feel it in my entire body every time we kiss and I don't need any deeper commitment."

"Is it because you grew up thinking that you might never have the right to get married?" Now that was something Olivia never had to face. She grew up feeling completely straight, knowing she would be able to get married and have children if she ever wanted to and didn't fall in love with another woman until years after New York had legalized gay marriage and she could not imagine how hard it must have been for older generations to spend an entire life feeling like a second class citizen.

"Yes, I mean, I always hoped that someday we would have equal rights but when you're gay in a country that doesn't offer them yet, you learn to find other way to commit and to wrap your head around the idea that you don't need to sign a piece of paper or a ring on it for that?" Truth be told, Amanda was grateful that gay marriage was not legal when she was dated Lisa because she could not imagine the kind of manipulative games her ex girlfriend would have been capable of playing, making it that much harder to leave her.

"I understand but thankfully, we now have the right to adopt or to get married, at least in our state, but I think I'm with you on this. I love you, I know you love me and right now, I don't need to wear a ring on my finger or put one on yours to know that we're committed to each other. On the other hand, being married might prove useful when we decide to have children." Olivia was almost 44 years old now and had given up on the idea of having a "standard" relationship a long time ago and had learned to appreciate and enjoy her current situation.

"What do you mean?" Children, that was a subject they had talked about a few times but this felt different and Amanda had a feeling that Olivia was more ready to have a child than she thought or than she was herself.

"Well, if we decided to have you carry our child, us being married would give me automatic parental rights on the child and save me the trouble of having to adopt him or her."

"Oh right, damn it looks like you've thought this through." Covering herself with the bed sheets, Amanda quickly sat up on Olivia, her face was incredibly pale and she was shaking.

"Not really, I just learned a few things on the job, but don't worry, I'm not saying that I want us to have children right away. That's a decision that needs to be carefully considered and we have all the time in the word for that okay?" Seeing the panic on her girlfriend's face, Olivia sat up as well and reached out to pull her into her arms.

"But you would want me to carry the child, as opposed to adopting?" Pushing Liv away, Amanda quickly bounced of the brunette's lap and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Well, not that I would mind carrying the child but you're much younger than me, so it would be much safer this way, but if you're opposed to carrying, we can adopt. It's really not a problem." Olivia had given up the idea of carrying a child a long time ago and had even given up on having a child when she was denied the right to adopt, so whether they decided that Amanda would carry their future children or that adoption was the best option for them didn't make any difference.

"Yes, but I know you always pictured yourself taking care of me during the pregnancy, escorting me to every doctor's appointment and seeing the baby grow up inside me, feeling it kick and eventually be to be the one to cut the cord and the first to hold it?" There was no doubt in Amanda's mind this is was the way Olivia had envisioned starting a family and the simple thought of not being able to give her that had been tearing her appart ever since they had started dating.

"Yes, I would like that, but adopting is also a terrific experience, like I said, it's something that needs to be discussed when we're both ready to take that step, okay?" Sitting next to her girlfriend, Olivia could see the tears streaming down Amanda's cheeks and feel her entire body shaking and she could only imagine what could bother her so much.

" I...there's something I need to tell you but you're not gonna like it." And there it was, the moment Amanda had feared for the past year. There was no escaping this conversation and sadly, all she could do was pray that Olivia wouldn't reject her or be mad at her for holding that information for so long.

"You know you can tell me anything Amanda, what ever it is, I can handle it and I promise you that nothing could ever make me love you less okay?" Truth was, Olivia had already figured things out and while most people would have been offended by Amanda's choice to keep that information for herself, the brunette knew better than anyone that such a secret often came with terrible insecurities and fears of being rejected, of seeing the person you love look at you and treat you differently and she could only hope that Amanda knew her well enough to trust her and confide in her.

Hi guys, I'm glad that you enjoyed last chapter and that you weren't disappointed that Liv didn't propose. I think this chapter explains why neither of them feels the need to get married.

What do you think Amanda is gonna tell Oliva?What can be so terrible that she felt compelled to hide it up until now?

I'm sure most of you already have a theory but I think I might end up surprising you once again with an interesting(and positive) twist.

Thanks for the support guys!