Chapter thirty-eight: Signal Fire
'In the confusion and the aftermath,
You are my signal fire.
The only resolution and the only joy,
Is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes.' Snow Patrol – Signal Fire
Ivy
"Harry Potter is dead."
Those four devastating words spoken in that sickening, goading voice echoed in my head as the world dimmed around me. Everything slid out of focus as I staggered under the weight I refused to bare. Slowly and automatically I reached out with a hand, the one that still held the Sorting Hat, to steady myself against a table, unable to make sense of anything around me as the room span and faded.
"Harry Potter is dead."
Bile rose in my throat and I gripped the hat and the table all the tighter, no, the denial staggered through my disjointed thoughts as I shook my head in disbelief. No, Harry couldn't be dead, it was a lie, it had to be, it was a trick, a ploy, it simply wasn't possible that he could be dead. The only way…the only way…oh no. My eyelids shuttered as a fresh wave of nausea rolled through me, rocking me to my core as riddled with guilt I felt as I would actually throw up. It's my fault. I forced myself to think the words even though my mind shrank away from them, unable to stand the idea. The only way Harry could possibly be dead was if he had gone to the forest to meet Voldemort, I had known that he wanted to, known that he was capable of doing it, and still I had left him unattended and vulnerable to his own heroic stupidity. Oh Merlin, if I'd have just stayed with him, I admonished, torturing myself with what I had done wrong, with the choices I had made that had led to this. If only I hadn't left him alone I would have been able to stop him, I would never have let him go on this suicide mission, then this wouldn't be happening, then everything would be fine…then Draco would have died. The thought tore at my ragged heart viciously, the organ in agony even over the mere possibility of Draco dying and my mind providing me with the horrific imagine of Draco, the person who inspired feelings in me that defied explanation, both good and bad ones, sliding dead to the floor of the seventh floor corridor, discarded by the Dementor. No, I physically cringed away from that thought, unable to stand even thinking of it. But Harry, my friend Harry, who had suffered through so much already, he was dead now and it was all my fault.
"You have lost half your fighters." Voldemort's voice cut through my inner torment, sparking rage from my despair like a match to a petrol fire, feeling a hatred the likes of which I had never felt before I looked up, my world going from blurry to crystal clear in an instant, from unfocused to zoomed in, all of my attention shooting in the direction of the door, my route out of here and to Voldemort. "My Death Eaters outnumber you and the Boy Who Lived is finished. There must be no more war. Anyone who continues to resist, man, woman or child, will be slaughtered, as will every member of their family. Come out of the castle, now, kneel before me, and you shall be spared."
"Like hell," I snarled, my vision flaring red as starting forwards, the Sorting Hat clenched tightly and almost forgotten in my hand, I charged towards the door.
"Ivy?" I heard Draco ask, his tone both panicked and exasperated, it seemed to imply he was going to try and stop me, which was something I wasn't about to let happen. Picking up speed I felt him start after me and his continued presence behind me as I burst through the door and tore down the staircase, and once more I drew strength from it.
"Your parents and children, your brothers and sisters will live, all will be forgiven, and you will join me in the new world we shall build together." Infuriated by Voldemort's false words, at the life he had so casually taken away from me, from all of us, I was so lost in my emotions and so thoughtless that it was a wonder I didn't fall down the stairs with the speed I took them at. Draco's shoes slapped once more on the stone behind me but I thought little of that, other than that for now he was here with me. After what had happened every ounce of my hatred was directed at that one evil being in the forest, leaving only my more alarming emotions for Draco.
Reaching the bottom of the stairs I didn't slow down in the slightest as I pivoted and ran down the decimated corridor, leaping over bits of rubble and skidding in the blood of my fellows as I rushed on with single minded determination. My skin was damp with sweat, my hair plastered to my head and my breathing laboured, my legs ached more than I would have thought possible, but still I didn't stop. How could I? As soon as I reached the staircases I used the banister to angle myself towards the steps and catapult me on, Draco still following closely behind me, his breathing just as heavy as my own.
"Ivy, please," he panted as we ran down the staircase, "think about what you're doing, it's what he wants, to get you out in the open so that he can get rid of you too!"
"He can try," I growled, only one thing in mind, making Voldemort pay for everything he had done, everything he had destroyed and all the good he had taken from the world.
"He will succeed!" Draco insisted as I sprinted across the landing and down the next set of stairs with him close at my heels, his warnings falling on deaf ears, Voldemort had killed my friend, and nothing else mattered, "You need to run, now!"
I snapped then, unable to take any more I stopped dead in my tracks and using the railing to steady myself, whirled to face Draco, my expression a mask of fury and anguish. "He killed Harry!" I all but screamed in my grief, and Draco stopped abruptly before me, his eyes widening before they narrowed again, something cold and distant in his icy blue gaze when I spoke again, he couldn't understand. "He killed Harry, my friend! The one bloody hope the Wizarding World had of survival, and it's all my fault! I could have stopped him," I told him, the last words coming out as a sob as tears finally pricked in my eyes and my anger waned, the sheer depth of my sorrow overwhelming it, "if I'd have been down there I could have stopped him I know I could. I'm not running, I didn't the last time you told me to and I'm certainly not now," I said conviction thick in my voice as well as tears, as I locked my gaze with Draco's, his expression thawing at the memory. "Voldemort is not getting away with what he's done." To me. To you. To Harry. To everyone. I added internally as I turned away from the boy I had once considered my friend and took off down the stairs again, my hair sticking to my damp cheeks as the cool morning breeze drifting up from the wrecked front doors and blew it back.
"You run if you want to, though it's long past the time you decided where you stand in this, with your master, or with us. But I can't." I said, my voice sounding tired even to my own ears. Not expecting anything other than for Draco to leave me then I raced all the faster, hating that I had to say those words but knowing that I was right, we couldn't go back into our purgatory, with him neither here nor there, I couldn't do that again. I couldn't stand here and watch him dither, even now after all he had done as a Death Eater last year, I'd had enough, and I wasn't like him, I couldn't run away when people needed me, or leave others to handle to consequences of my mistakes.
I carefully but hurriedly picked my way to the top of the Grand Staircase and speeding up once more raced downwards, below me I could see the last few Hogwartians making their slumped, reluctant way through the front doors and into the grounds. Feeling a thrill of anticipation and joy at the sight of them, afraid and glad of how close I was to seeing this with my own eyes, I bounded down as many stairs as I could at once in my desperation to reach them. Until a horrifying screamed echoed from outside. I stilled. I recognised the voice immediately, but my mind wouldn't understand it, of that person making such a sound, it didn't make sense to me. Professor McGonagall never screamed, never showed such emotion. And that understanding sent my heart plummeting, Merlin, what must be waiting for us outside. Leaping the last few stairs I slipped a little on the wreckage littering the Entrance Hall, the falling sensation of the trip nothing compared to the horror of McGonagall's scream, but regaining my balance I sprinted towards the front doors, beyond which the rose tinted glow of dawn was just alighting.
"No!"
"No, Harry!"
"Harry, HARRY!" my friends' heartbroken screams assaulted my ears, reaching me even over the sound of my heartbeat echoing there, as I raced through the doors. My feet and heart came to a screeching stop in that instant; my blood ran cold as looking over the war-torn heads of what remained of our fighters my worst fears were confirmed. I reached for the wall, quick as a flash grabbing hold of it keep myself upright, and feeling completely and utterly detached I could hardly feel the rough, cold stone beneath my palm, nothing but agony reached me in the choking bubble that entombed me.
There, surrounded by sneering, sniggering Death Eaters, overlooked by a triumphant and arrogant Voldemort and carried in the arms of a weeping Hagrid, was Harry. Dead. The cry that erupted from my lips was as fierce as it was heart retching, I felt as though the force of it was ragging the organ from my chest. Refusing to believe what I was seeing but unable to deny it, my knees buckled beneath me and pressing my hand to my lips I somehow managed to keep myself on my feet as I beheld the sight of my friend lying dead, his head lolling and limbs hanging. No! My mind protested in denial as I shook my head fiercely, it wasn't right, it couldn't be, this wasn't what I had seen! Harry wasn't supposed to die in the forest, I had seen him racing across the hall to kill Voldemort, I had seen him! "No!" the scream escaped, a natural reaction of my body, an action without conscious thought, and before I could so much as consider what I was about to do, I started forwards, knuckles turning white as I gripped my wand, determined that this monster didn't get away with what he had done.
I didn't get far. Frantic and reckless I wasn't aware of anything else around me, and consumed by my emotions I launched myself forwards but got no further than the edge of the step when something caught me. Hands, firm and steadying wrapped around my waist, pulling me to a stop joltingly before drawing me back against someone's chest, restraining me. "No!" I wailed as I fought against their hold, "It's not right! He can't be-!" I shrilled; squirming in my captors grip, even as fear for my life niggled at me as the thought that this might be a Death Eater crossed my mind, the impossibility of Harry's death still consumed me. "He can't – can't be dead!" I insisted somewhere between a sob and a snarl.
"You can forget it if you think I'm letting you join him," Draco's irate voice hissed in my ear, flooding me with a warmth that smoothed over my nerves but did nothing to banish my fury, my pain. Underneath that, beneath the rage and anguish, beneath how good it felt against his chest, a jolt of irritation shot through me as a petty, sarcastic part of me scoffed at the irony, I'd been here before, Draco holding me back as I tried to get to my friends. My life really was a downwards spiralling circle of the same shit.
"I won't, he will!" I bellowed with absolute conviction, but Draco's hold didn't loosen in the slightest, if anything he held me tighter.
"SILENCE!" Voldemort commanded, cutting off mine and everyone else's grief-stricken cries as a bang and flash of frozen blue light erupted from his wand tip to spread out over the crowd. My screams of disbelief and outrage were forced back down my throat as my tongue rolled backwards, and choking on the emotion I could no longer vocalise, I felt my rage begin to win out again and fought all the harder to break free of Draco.
"It is over! Set him down, Hagrid, at my feet where he belongs," Voldemort instructed and I shivered with a deep hatred, keeping my eyes fixed on the vile creature who had given the command as Hagrid gently lowered Harry to the ground, my anger bubbling away inside of me as Voldemort eyed my friend like the superior being he thought he was. Teeth clenched I lunged but Draco held me back, keeping me tight against the hard lines of his chest, and here like this, in his arms once more and broken as I felt, I wanted nothing more than to give in to the almost excruciating desire to turn around and melt into his embrace. To let myself take the comfort I knew that he could offer, but I could do that.
"You see?" Voldemort asked his resistant audience, "Harry Potter is dead! Do you understand now deluded ones? He was nothing, ever, but a boy who relied on others to sacrifice themselves for him!"
"He beat you!" Ron roared, breaking the curse that bound us all with the passion of his anger and causing me and several others to shout our consensus.
Seeing an opportunity as Voldemort glared furiously at his defiant victims, refusing to bow before him and submit without a fight, I redoubled my efforts to break free. "Let me go, Draco!" I yelled, a painful mixture of a demand and a plea, but still Draco didn't relinquish his hold.
Not about to give up I leant against Draco's arms, wrapped securely around me, and lifting my feet off the stair I gave him my full weight. Draco staggered, making a noise of pain, he couldn't hold me up and slipped forwards under the strain, however my feet crashed back to the step without his grip so much as slackening. Exasperated I blew my hair out of my face and turned to look over my shoulder at him for the first time since he had grabbed me, unprepared for what I would see. Draco's face, covered in soot and slick with sweat, bore no trace of fear or cowardice, not anymore; the only expression he wore was one of a determination that rivalled my own. My resolve wavered.
"I won't," Draco said with sincerity and a strange tenderness in his voice that had my mind reeling, hurt and confused as I was I didn't know what to make of this.
Transfixed on the confusing blond who held me I didn't hear the silence until Voldemort spoke again, "Yes Draco," he mocked, and realising that we were the only ones not back under the silencing curse I turned to look at him, my heart pounding with dread and hatred once more. "Let her go. She wants to face me, to avenge dear Potter, why, be fair and give the girl a chance."
While I seethed at the disgusting serpent's words and stood taller in defiance, Draco's arms around me became vice like, if he was strangely strong before he was immovable now, scowling over my head at his master Draco closed what little distance I had put between us and held me to his chest again. Every emotion I could put a name to temporarily vanished, in that instant there was nothing but the warm feel of his arms around my waist, the strong presence of his chest against my back, and a thousand perplexing emotions that blossomed at his touch. It all felt too good, and given everything, that was incredibly bad.
"Draco?" a female voice asked from across the crowds, snapping from my trance I looked out at the Death Eaters and spotted Narcissa Malfoy, not knowing she was even there until now. Eyeing her son with a look that was almost beseeching she took a step away from her husband, the rest of the Death Eaters and Voldemort, clearly confused by what was happening and seeming to be actually afraid of something. "Do as the Dark Lord says, let the Mudblood go."
Draco didn't do as she asked, in fact, he didn't do or say anything, didn't react in any way other than with a twitch that seemed to quiver through his entire body, like barely repressed rage or revulsion. Lucius Malfoy opened his mouth to speak then, wide eyed and stunned by his son's disobedience before his expression grew stern, however, Narcissa cut across him and taking yet another step towards her son, repeated, "Draco-?" her pleading words were lost though, as Voldemort, his expression tight and vicious, let loose another silencing charm that hit us like a slap to the face, silencing everyone anew and causing me to scowl at him all the harder.
"Enough!" He snapped, before directing his attention solely on Draco as he said. "A fool's choice, Draco, but I will deal with you later."
Standing taller I shifted in Draco's grip so that I was standing right in front of him, almost shielding him in a clear and silent message that I would fight Voldemort's attempts to make good on that threat. Through my hard and narrowed gaze I regarded the monster without an inch of fear, I could no longer summon up that emotion, I'd lost too much to this abomination today, and I was going to make well sure that I didn't lose Draco to him too. The serpentine monster gave me a mocking look before he turned his red gaze away from Draco and I and returned to his captives.
"…As I dealt with Harry Potter," he said, throwing out his voice to address all the seething Hogwartians Voldemort began pacing in front of Harry's discarded body and continued as though there had been no interruption. "Your champion was killed as he tried to sneak out of the castle grounds," Voldemort proclaimed, the disbelief and hatred his words continued to stoke had me straining against my restraints, though not Draco's hold, I fought against the curse that kept me silent and felt the spell wavering under the strength and mine and the others' combined suspicion. What a ridiculous petty lie, there wasn't a single soul here who would believe that on either side; Harry would never have even tried to run away from us. "Killed while trying to save himself-"
Furious I closed my eyes and grit my teeth as I tilted my head skywards, words couldn't describe the hatred I felt then, the contempt for the creature who wasn't satisfied just to kill Harry, but had to destroy his memory as well, there wasn't a word in the English language to aptly convey the sheer amount of loathing I felt. Trying to shake off Draco's restraining hold I went so far as to break his grip around my waist but made it no further than single step towards my target before Draco grabbed a hold of my arms and pulled me short.
"Lying bastard!" I tried to yell in my fury and frustration, but the curse kept me silent and Draco kept me back. I could feel the weight of several Death Eater's gazes upon me but with a snobbery that would have put even them to shame I ignored them as they laughed at me. The only ones amongst my spectators who didn't find my outburst amusing in the slightest were the Malfoys.
There was a commotion up at the front, a movement that had forced Voldemort to stop his tirade of falsehoods, but even from this height I couldn't see exactly what, there were too many heads between me and what was happening, until a figure stumbled from the crowds, wand drawn, and my heart stopped.
"And who is this?" Voldemort asked as the battered figure rightened its self and my determined efforts doubled, to the point where Draco's fingers began to dig painfully into my skin with the strength required to restrain me. Merlin Neville, no, I thought, unable to believe this and unwilling to stand here and permit another death, Neville had been through too much this year already.
Bellatrix laughed as she, already in an exceptionally perky mood, practically skipped forwards to say, "It is Neville Longbottom, my Lord!" Draco's hands on me trembled at the sound of her voice, and a curiosity glance over my shoulder revealed the depth of his scowl, "The boy who has been giving the Carrows so much trouble. The son of the Aurors, remember?"
"Ah, yes, I remember," Voldemort said, giving Neville an inspective once over, assessing him, "but you are a pure-blood, aren't you, my brave boy?"
"So what if I am?" Neville asked, his voice as defiant as his stance.
"You show spirit, and bravery, and you come from noble stock. You'll make a very valuable Death Eater. We need your kind, Neville Longbottom." Voldemort said, while his Death Eaters shot doubtful, mocking looks at Neville, standing before my brave friend like a king before his subject, full of his regal compliments.
"I'll join you when Hell freezes over," Neville bellowed, and I joined the roar of approval as he yelled, "Dumbledore's Army!"
"Very well," Voldemort said, his voice deathly quiet and his gaze sharp, his demeanour such that it sent chills through me even heated with rage as I was, this would not bode well for Neville, "If that is your choice, Longbottom we will revert to the original plan. On your head," Voldemort continued as his head snapped up to look at Draco and I, his gaze zeroing in on me with a look of malicious triumph, heart racing I didn't understand until the Sorting Hat, which I had completely forgotten I had been holding, was ripped from my grip only to shoot towards Voldemort. "Be it." He flashed me a sarcastic smile and I felt my heart plummet. Leaning back against Draco for support I could have throttled myself, I'd brought it to him.
"There will be no more sorting at Hogwarts school. There will be no more houses. The emblem, the shield and colours of my noble ancestor, Salazar Slytherin, will surface for everyone, wont they, Neville Longbottom?" A fearful premonition tricked through me like ice water, I didn't know how or why, but Voldemort having the hat was dangerous to Neville.
My premonition was proved correct when, able to do little more than bounce on the balls of my feet, tense and ready should anything happen, I watched as Voldemort placed the Sorting Hat on Neville's head with a flourish, before roughly ragging it down over his eyes. A flash of a flame flickered before my Inner Eye, horrified I acted on instinct and screamed, "No!" My cry prompted the others into action; the captured freedom fighters surged forwards at Neville's treatment, but the Death Eaters kept them back, both through the effort of the wands and brawn. "Let me go!" I shrilled again, trying to throw off Draco's hold, "he's going to…"
"Neville is now going to demonstrate what happens to anyone foolish enough to continue to oppose me." Voldemort said, his tone grand but sinister as eyes flashing he turned his gaze away from all of us back to the immobilised Neville.
"There's nothing you can do," Draco panted with effort, straining to pull me back, but I stepped back into his embrace willingly this time, when with not even a breath of hesitation Voldemort set the hat alight. Cries of outrage and fearful screams tore through the air but I couldn't utter so much as a gasp, I stood still, frozen in Draco's grip as I watched in wide-eyed horror while Neville's head was engulfed by flames. I felt my stomach be left behind then, as Voldemort finally pushed me over the edge.
Chaos broke out with that one horrendous act. The ground shook, great earth shuddering booms that sent all of us, Death Eater and Hogwartian alike, scrambling to keep our balance. Draco slacked his grip on me as, wobbling backwards, he tried to keep us both upright, and a part of me catalogue that action as Grawp thundered into view, rounding the side of the castle he spotted Hagrid and let out a bellow at the sight of him. The Death Eaters barely had the time to raise their hands to their ears against the sound before, with the twang of thousands of bow strings; arrows whooshed through the air to arc and rain down on them. I saw my chance in that instant and without a second's hesitation I took it, pushing down on Draco's arms with my own I broke free of his startled grip. Leaping the steps I saw the cowering Death Eaters break ranks, heard their screams as I plunged into the crowd of Hogwartians, racing for the front, where I knew my friends would be, where I knew Neville was. I could hear Draco shouting my name behind me, the sound of it niggled my heart with guilt at running away from him, but I soon pushed that aside, he might have been protecting me then but that didn't mean anything, the Slytherin still had all the reliability of the turncoat he was, and there were more important things than our feeling right then. However, clinging desperately to the ring and Hawthorn wand both, I tore through the throngs. My fellow fighters were making their way back to the castle; released from Voldemort's hold they sort safety from the centaurs' arrows and Grawp's stomping feet as the Death Eaters fled after them, abandoning their positions to save themselves. Stumbling across the uneven ground through a crowd of my terrified friends I searched for Ron and Hermione, needing their support, but unable to find them. Ignoring shouts for me to run and well-meaning hands, that tried to turn me around and pull me to safety, I carried on running, not slowing in the slightest when I saw Death Eaters intermingled with the others, they were too focused on staying alive to pay any attention to me. Or so it had seemed.
Author note: Right….I know that this chapter is terribly late, and yes, I do have plenty of excuses, work, starting uni, etc, but I'm not going to go on about them, as I doubt that you actually want to hear that. So, I can only hope that you guys accept my apology and enjoyed this chapter. It wasn't originally going to stop there, I have the next few pages written out, but I really couldn't wait any longer and hopefully this re-wets your appetites a bit (I'm much prouder of what I've wrote next).
Anonyms review replies:
Naii: Thank you so much for the review, I can only hope that this one was worth the wait too, goodness knows it took me long enough.
Monster: Thank you, such lovely comments! I'm glad to hear you liked the chapter and hope you enjoyed this one too.
Callie C: Thanks for the review! I really enjoyed reading your comments and did check out that video you suggested, it was brilliant, very funny and apropos. Hope this chapter continued the unfolding and that you enjoyed it.
My-anonymous-Spanish-reviewer: Gracias por la revisión