Special Thanks to: KitStardale, kelli.n.c, TooEasilyDistracted, Fluehatraya, CrazyRedmanelion, IzzyBelleDot, TheDuskTerror, BrokenKestral, CarnelianWing, Fir3danc3r, TeenTitansFanForever02, and Human (your reviews on Chapters 1, 5, and 12). Thank you so, very much for your kindness and encouragement!

Welcome to all new readers, followers, and favouriters!

Dedication: To kelli.n.c. I agree: the ending surprised me, too. Here is that conversation you were hoping for.

Chapter 36: Fear and Control

It wasn't even subtle. Pidge noticed as soon as she walked into the kitchen one afternoon after tinkering in her hangar. She wore her headband to keep her hair out of her face, as well as to help her overcome her own misgivings about the Olkari gem. The little stone was cool and calm against her skin, inactive. When she walked into the kitchen, Hunk and Keith, who were both sat at the island, froze in smiling at her. Their bodies went rigid, their eyes darting to the headband, to her face and then away.

Pidge noticed instantly, for she had been that afraid before, and so she spun on her heal and walked right back out without saying anything.

My Paladin-Pidge, your heart is troubled, said Green, her voice a purr of comfort.

All of me is troubled, Pidge replied as she halted in the hallway and leaned her head back against the wall. Neither Hunk nor Keith followed, and she wasn't sure if she was grateful for that.

If those two were this afraid, then odds were high that Lance was, too, possibly even Shiro. It hurt. She knew how much her fear of the gem had hurt the Team, and she had no idea how to make it right. By the stars, it had taken her months of training sessions and she still wasn't over it. Granted, she didn't think she'd ever get over what happened with the tyr'kai, but at least she wouldn't live in terror anymore.

Team Voltron fears the Olkari gem, Green observed.

They have a good reason. It's not their fault.

No, it isn't, she agreed. But like your fear, it cannot continue.

Pidge sighed heavily, scowling. They don't use it, she said. How can I make them not afraid? I want to help them, Green, but I don't know how.

Green suggests seeking the counsel of Support Commander. He helped you, my Heart. He can help the others.

Coran. Of course. She'd been meaning to speak with him anyway. She had questions about the gem, namely its side-effects. She didn't think blindness and deafness were common occurrences, but it never hurt to ask. She would ask.

Thanks, Green, she said as she pushed off the wall and headed for the Bridge. She smiled when her Lion purred at her.

-:-:-:-

Coran was on the Bridge, as she hoped he would be, but so were Allura and Shiro. Allura she didn't mind because she had helped train her with the gem, but Shiro? Just like with Hunk and Keith, he stiffened when he saw her, though he did his best to hide it.

"Ah, Number Five!" Coran greeted her with a grin. "Come in, come in. You're wearing the headband, I see."

"Yeah," Pidge mumbled. "It...it's about time I get used to it again."

Allura smiled at her, laying a hand on her shoulder. "I'm proud of you, Pidge. You've come so far and you're doing a wonderful job of it."

"Thanks, Allura. Um, Coran, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Of course, you can," he said kindly. "Would you like privacy?"

"Uh," Pidge hesitated. "We don't have to," she said, just as Shiro said, "I'll go."

Her heart ached in her chest. She didn't want him to go. He was her leader, the Head of Voltron. He needed to be a part of this conversation. She needed his support. But she couldn't voice it. She hated how scared he was and how he was running away from her. But she would never voice it because she didn't want to force him deeper into his fear.

Shiro barely made two steps before he stopped and slowly turned back around. His hands trembled slightly and his face was pale, but his eyes were confused as he said, "Pidge, would you like me to stay?"

She sent a wordless query to Green. Her Lion had voiced her 'heart-thoughts' to the Pride before, and the Lions had received and relayed them to their Paladins. Had she done it again?

No, my Paladin-Pidge, was the calm reply. Our Paladins are strong in their bond with each other and are only getting stronger. Your hearts call to one another in times of need.

Oh. Well, all right then.

"Pidge?" Shiro was closer now, his eyes earnest as he searched her face. "I can stay if you want me to."

"I don't want you to be afraid," she said. "What can I do to help you not be afraid?"

Take it off. The statement was voiceless yet it was undoubtedly Shiro's voice. Not in her ears, not even in her brain where her Lion purred and rumbled at her, but in her heart. The words constricted her chest, making it hard to breathe; Shiro was so afraid, but like her, he wouldn't hurt her.

"Okay," she said, answering the request. Slowly, she removed the headband and stuffed it into her jacket pocket.

Shiro stared at her, as did Allura and Coran. "Heart-thoughts?" Shiro asked at last.

"Heart-thoughts," Pidge confirmed.

Allura gasped in amazement, her gaze dancing between them. "You're hearing each other! This is incredible!"

"A discussion for a later time," interrupted Coran. "Come, let us sit."

They sat on Allura's platform in a loose circle. Before Pidge could open her mouth to begin, however, the doors swished open, admitting Keith, Lance and Hunk.

"Hey," Lance said with a half-hearted grin and wave. "Heard there was a Team meeting going down with only half the Team."

"Join us," Allura encouraged after a quick glance at Pidge. "We've barely started."

After a bit of shuffling and scooting over, everyone had a place in their circle.

"So what's this about?" Hunk ventured.

Pidge pulled the headband out of her pocket and ignored the four bodies that stiffened around her. "I have a few questions," she said.

Coran nodded, knowing it was him being addressed. "Go on."

"I'm...I'm pretty sure that dizziness is a common symptom of using the gem, right?"

"Yes. That's correct. Although, it does ease considerably as you become stronger in its use." He frowned suddenly and asked, "Are you experiencing other symptoms?"

"Yes." Her hands worried the cloth as she said, "While I was healing Keith, I lost my vision entirely."

"You what?" gasped Lance while everyone else looked stricken.

"I also became slightly deaf. Well, more like half deaf. Everything sounded like I was underwater. I could barely stand - I couldn't stand. The gem knew there was still danger and kept me on my feet."

"My, my," Coran said as he pulled his moustache. "That is serious." Everyone else stared at her with horror. "Anything else?"

Pidge looked down. "Um, does hearing the gem count?"

No one moved. Even Coran was still.

Then, after a long moment, Allura said slowly, her eyes wide, "It...speaks...to you."

"Kind of. I mean, it's not like we're having in-depth conversations or anything. Its vocabulary is pretty limited."

"What has it said to you?" asked Coran, his eyes troubled.

"Danger and...protect. It also kind of...nudges me when something or someone is getting closer. When you told me about the mine, that day in Green's hangar, it told me you were coming. I knew you were there before you knocked on the door."

"Incredible."

"And kind of scary," Pidge pointed out. "I've already got a Pride and a Team in my head. I don't need this."

"Then don't use it," Lance said abruptly. He didn't look at her when he said it, but his tone was undeniable.

"I have to!" she shot back. "We wouldn't have gotten the ornlitium without it. Keith would have died!"

Silence fell and then Keith said quietly, "Thanks again for that."

She smiled at him. "I couldn't have done it without the gem. It told me what to do."

"You could have reduced him to molecules," Hunk said, his voice weak and shaky.

"No," she replied with shake of her head. "No, I couldn't have. Because the gem is beginning to recognise who is my friend and who isn't. It... Back there...in the mine...most of that wasn't me."

"It's controlling you." The horrified whisper was Allura's.

"It's channelling power through me of its own accord," Pidge corrected. "There is no control. It's not me and it's not the gem. It just...is."

"It's like a river." Shiro's contemplative voice startled them all, but he barely noticed. "The gem is the water and you're the banks."

"Then how is the water flowing?" wondered Allura.

"Gravity. Need." The answer was so obvious now and Pidge wanted to kick herself. So obvious! "Need pulls the power along and...based on what the gem is learning from me, it's guided."

"That actually makes a lot of sense," said Coran. "It explains why, even when you were at your most vulnerable, the gem didn't hurt your teammates. It targeted only the tyr'kai, and that was when you had barely used it. It knew, even then."

"It knows. It learns. You make it sound like this rock is sentient," Lance grumbled.

"The Olkari do not require these stones to use their abilities," said Coran. "The gems enable others to connect to the universe in ways the Olkari can do at birth. What the gems actually are, I do not know, nor do I know how they are made. It is likely that what enables the connection between wearer and universe has some form of cognisance or, indeed, sentience."

Everyone looked down at the unobtrusive headband sitting in Pidge's hands in her lap, and through the cloth, she felt its cool inactivity. She tucked the headband back into her pocket, and though no one relaxed, everyone was a little less tense as soon as it was out of sight.

"I don't know what to do," she said at last. "It's useful - an asset - and I'm not really afraid of it anymore. I'm afraid for me. I don't... I can't be a liability in the field if I use it."

"You're not a liability, Pidge," Keith said.

"I didn't even hear him come up behind me," she protested.

"Hear who?" Allura asked gently.

"Him. The Galran soldier or captain or whatever. I never saw him. Didn't hear him until he had grabbed me. It's still so fuzzy." She rubbed her forehead and eyes with her palms' heels. "I can't do that on missions. I almost got us all killed - or at least captured."

"Pidge," Shiro began.

"I almost got us killed, Shiro," she repeated.

"No." He reached over and took both her hands, pulling them away from her face. "Pidge, listen to me. You wanted me here because there were things I needed to hear and because I am your leader. As your leader, I need you to listen to me now." He paused, making sure he had her attention, and then he continued. "What happened was not your fault. You were focussed elsewhere - you were helping Keith - and so it was our job to protect you both. That solider got past me. That's on me."

"You did everything you could," said Pidge, but he smiled wryly at her.

"And how would you know that if you couldn't see?" he asked gently.

"I know you. You always do your best to protect us. I don't have to see it all the time to know it's true."

"She's got you there, Shiro," Keith put in with a tiny smile.

Shiro cast him a withering look, prompting a chuckle from the group. "Regardless," he said, turning back to her, "you are not at fault for this."

"But I'm still a liability," said Pidge.

"Yes." The gentle confirmation was a knife to her soul, but she forbade herself to cry. "But we can work on it You've been working on it. Pidge, we've all gone through so much, and I'm so proud of all of us, of how far we've come as a Team. We can figure this out. We'll find a way. Together. We'll all help."

Pidge looked around at the others, gauging their expressions. Lance, Keith and Hunk all nodded, smiling and willing. They would help her. They would overcome their fear by helping her. Allura and Coran looked confident and hopeful.

She returned to Shiro and nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat, and Shiro tugged her close, pulling her into a hug. He rested his chin on her head.

Thank you, she thought.

There were no words in his reply, but his arms tightened around her and it felt like Black, her infinite night sky enveloping her. All five Paladins heard their Lions purr.

-:-

Thank you for reading! Please leave a review.

VERY IMPORTANT Author's Note: I'm not sure how many of you know, but I've put up a poll on my profile (and on tumblr if you follow me there). The gist of it is that I am letting you decide what I'm going to write the next chapter about. I'm bringing Matt in, but I'm not sure if I just want to re-write the canon reunion from Green's perspective, or if I want to come up with an entirely knew scenario. I'm letting you choose (because I literally can't)! Either leave a comment in your review, vote in the poll on my bio page, or PM me directly. I am so undecided, you guys! Let me know what you'd like to see, and if I get a decent response, I'll make a little announcement on tumblr and my bio before I post the next chapter. Thank you in advance!

Also! Today is Comic Con and, yes, I have made nice the formatting of and printed off 'Switched'! (Times New Roman, size 12 and 38,480 words apparently equate to 90 pages - who knew? Good thing my printer does double-sided printing.) I will let you all know how it goes on both of my tumblr blogs 'theredscreech' and '153-centimeters-of-sass'.