Thanks reviewers!

LoveAsh87 – Thank you, the baby will make their appearance in this chapter

bethers85, mutt009, middie4ever – Uh huh, yep of course it's Paula, I had to bring her back into the story somehow!

shayer – Ah ha I love the unexpected! Converses are the most comfortable shoes ever and they look so awesome, I have a mild obsession. Thanks, I am loving writing the romance

WillowOn3 – It's all good, thank for reviewing! They are kind of adorable aren't they?

Your Relentless Lover – Of course its Paula, but read on for more. I love Ashley and Spencer together too, its fun to write

grangergirl22 – Yeah Ashley is planning a future with her girl all right, thanks

uluvme – Yeah Paula had to come back at some point! Jules girl is very new which is why she hasn't been introduced earlier. Yeah I was considering making him gay, but decided on bi instead lol

imaferrari – Wow thank you! Especially thank you for reviewing given the touch screen difficulty

Usual disclaimer – SoN not mine

Fear Itself

Chapter Thirty-Eight – Bundle of Joy

Ashley's POV

I felt Spencer tense up beside me, her whole body set to flee if given the slightest provocation. Mr. C climbed to his feet ready to face off with the unexpected visitor. "Paula, what the hell are you doing here?" He asked coldly, his whole stance was one of resentment and pain. It was obvious that his wife had hurt him a great deal too.

Paula Carlin looked down at her feet and then back up at her estranged husband with an expression of regret and longing, before scanning her eyes over the rest of us. Her gaze lingered on Spencer who was snuggled closely against my side trying hard not to cry. I even felt her gaze in me for a moment, almost as if she was sizing me up.

Paula closed her blue eyes and swallowed audibly before turning her gaze back onto Mr. C and saying softly, "Kate's doctor is stuck in surgery, there was an emergency c-section, and so I am here to help get our grandchild into the world safely. That's all Arthur."

"Our grandchild? I think you forfeited all rights to this family when you hurt my daughter with your intolerance and judgement!" Mr. C snarled furiously. I had only ever seen him calm, hell even the day we went with Spencer to confront Tom Mr. C had stayed relatively calm, this new side of him was rather intimidating and made me ever more certain that I would not be willingly hurting his daughter anytime soon.

I felt Spencer bury herself deeper into my side until she literally could not get any closer to me. I held onto her and rubbed her arm soothingly, anything to give her some small measure of comfort. I could feel her body trembling violently and I hated that her mother could affected her like that. It was safe to say I was not a huge fan of Paula Carlin's.

Paula actually had the decency to look ashamed. She lowered her head, avoiding the steely gaze from her husband, and said softly, "I know all that. I know I made some huge, unforgiveable mistakes. Trust me Arthur no one is more aware of what I have done to this family than me. I just want to do my job here tonight and help that baby safely into the world. I promise there are no ulterior motives on my part. If you want me to leave once we know mother and baby are ok then I will. I promise."

I heard Spencer whimper slightly, it was so faint that no one else heard, and held her tighter. I could feel the first drip of her tears on my neck. Paula looked over at us again and then back at her husband. On Mr. C's reluctant nod she walked quickly into the delivery room where Glen and Kate had been taken on arrival at the hospital.

As soon as Paula had walked out of the waiting area Mr. C moved to squat down in front of Spencer, who was still snuggled into my body trembling slightly. He rested a gentle hand on her knee and said softly, "Are you ok Darling?"

Spencer shrugged and wiped impatiently at the tears on her face. She took a deep shuddering breath and murmured, "Not really, I wasn't expecting to see her today it's kind of throwing me a little bit. You know what this day isn't about me, it's about that tiny baby that is about to be born. No one, not Paula or anyone else is taking anything away from that."

Mr. C patted her knee and smiled kindly, proudly at her before climbing to his feet and retaking his seat. Clay wrapped an arm around Chelsea and I held Spencer close to me. I would hold her infinitely if that's what it took to make her feel safe and loved.

We all sat in silence for a while, just absorbing the shock if seeing the devil woman herself. Her cameo was not one we had expected, nor was it one we would have wanted. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall of the delivery room when Mama C walked in. I predicted that Glen had chucked a bitch-fit.

I felt Spencer sigh against the skin of my neck and leaned down to kiss her forehead, "Blue don't let her ruin this day for you. Don't let her have that kind of power over you. Today is a big day and, like you said, she can't take that away from you or any of us."

Spencer raised her eyes to meet mine and smiled tenderly before leaning in to place a chaste kiss on my lips. I smiled against her mouth and ran my hand through her long blonde hair. I was so lucky she was mine. I honestly don't think I will ever stop being surprised that this amazing woman chose to be with me. It seemed too good to ever be true that a damaged, train wreck like me could ever get the girl.

The next few hours were spent in tense silence. We tried to make small talk, but everyone inevitably fell silent again as the wait continued into the early hours of the morning.

Glen came out once or twice with updates, things were progressing, just more slowly then they would like. He did also admit that seeing his mother walk into the delivery room almost made him go into labour himself. That got a chuckle from the blonde goddess in my arms, which made me smile.

Spencer fell asleep about four hours into our vigil, her rose-bud lips slightly parted as she rested her cheek against my chest. I held her lovingly, smiling at the cute little purr that came out of her lips. On anyone else I would call it a snore, on Spencer it was too cute so I called it a purr. She was the cutest thing in the world.

Finally after an agonisingly long and excruciating wait Glen came out with the hugest smile on his face and tears of joy in his eyes. "It's a boy, I have a son!" He said in a choked up voice full of happiness, pride and a hint of exhaustion. The exhaustion was understandable it was after all seven in the morning and we had been at the hospital since about seven the night before.

Spencer, who had only just woken up, leaped up from her seat beside me and beat everyone else to Glen. She jumped into his arms and he spun her around a few times, both of them laughing and crying at the same time. I beamed and Mr. C slung an arm around my shoulders as he led me over to the siblings. It was nice how he was including me in their family moment. I loved that man.

Glen placed Spencer back on her feet and was quickly caught up in a hug from both Clay and Chelsea who was enthusiastically congratulating him. Spencer threw herself at Mr. C and I and we pulled her to us for a group hug. By this stage everyone was laughing and crying as much as Glen and Spencer.

After Clay and Chelsea released Glen, Mr. C stepped forward and clapped his oldest son on the shoulder affectionately, "I am so proud of you my boy! So very proud. You are going to make an excellent father." Glen beamed and pulled his father into a fierce hug. Spencer wrapped and arm around me and rested her head on my shoulder.

Once Glen let go of Mr. C he led us all into the delivery room to meet the latest addition to the Carlin brood. I noticed Paula Carlin was still in the room, tears visible on her cheeks as she pretended to check the chart. I honestly think she was stalling so that she could share this moment with her family. I almost felt badly for her, she looked so sad, but then I remembered everything she had subjected Spencer to over the years and any sympathy I may have felt disappeared very quickly.

Spencer stiffened noticeably when she saw her mother was still in the delivery room, but pointedly ignored her and dragged me over to the bed where Kate was propped up against a pile of pillows holding a tiny bundle wrapped in a soft white blanket. I heard Spencer let out a tiny, breathy "Oh wow," as she looked down at her nephew.

Kate smiled tiredly up at us all before turning her eyes back down to her new baby with a look so tender it felt like we were intruding. Glen moved to stand next to her bed, kissed her sweaty forehead and said softly, "Guys I want to introduce you to our son, James Spencer Carlin."

Spencer looked up at Glen with tears in her eyes and a radiant smile on her lips, "Really?" she asked softly.

Glen beamed, "Yeah James Spencer. When your sister has a dude's name you're kind of obligated to use it for your first born son," Everyone chuckled, including Spencer, and then Glen continued, "In all seriousness, you are the strongest, most incredible person me and Katie know and we want those same qualities for our son. We hope that he can display the same strength, kindness, compassion, talent and resilience that you have. And Spencer we would also like to ask you if you would be his god-mother?"

Kate and Glen both chuckled at the look of overwhelmed surprise on Spencer's face. I gave her hand a squeeze and beamed proudly at her. "Wow," Spencer breathed out, "I'd be absolutely honoured, thank you."

Glen pulled her closer and kissed her cheek. Kate tenderly held up her son for Spencer to take in her arms. Spencer held her god son like he was the most precious thing in the entire world. She cradled him against her chest and stared down at him in total awe. She stroked his little cheek with her finger and let the tears fall unchecked down her face. I don't think she has ever looked more beautiful that she did in that moment.

None of us were aware of Chelsea madly snapping photos, we were all too engrossed in the heart-warming sight of Spencer holding James. Spencer glanced up and caught my eyes, nodding her head to tell me to come closer.

I stepped up behind her and rested my chin on her shoulder so I could look down at the baby in her arms. I circled her waist with my arms and just held her. This was too perfect. James was beautiful. He had big, midnight blue eyes, long thick lashed and a head of mousy brown hair which I firmly believed would end up blonde. He was evidently a Carlin, he was going to be a stealer of hearts.

I heard the faint sound of a camera and smiled softly as I looked down at Baby James in my girl's arms. I had to remember to ask Chelsea for copies of these photos. Maybe one day Spencer and I would be in this position again, but with our own child.

It may seem like I am jumping the gun a tad, but I know without a shadow of doubt that Spencer Carlin is my forever. She is the woman I am meant to spend the rest of my life with. Of that I am certain. No one else will ever make me feel what she can with just a look or soft touch. Not to mention the fact that a baby Spencer would be beyond beautiful.

I faintly heard a strangled sob and looked up in time to see Paula walk quickly out of the room. Spencer raised her eyes to meet Arthur's and said softly, "Go tell her to come back in here Dad, she shouldn't have to miss out on this. Despite everything she deserves to be here for this moment."

Arthur smiled with pride at his youngest child and ran out the door, returning soon with an anxious looking Paula. I knew this by no means meant that Spencer had forgiven Paula for all the pain she'd caused, but she would never deprive the woman the chance to meet her grandson. As much as she would never admit it, Spencer hoped that one day they could all be a family again.

Spencer looked to Glen and Kate, who both nodded their approval, and then stepped up to her mother. She smiled faintly at the older blonde and gently handed James to his grandmother.

Paula raised her tear filled eyes to meet Spencer's and whispered, "Thank you." Spencer nodded and stepped back into my arms.

I held her from behind, giving her what support I could. I knew being this close to her mother was hard for her. It brought back memories of all the older blonde had subjected her to, it also brought back a flurry of happy memories from before things had changed for the worse between the two Carlin women.

Spencer sighed and leaned back into me, the gentle weight of her felt just right in my arms. I could hold her forever and planned to if she'd let me. After a few minutes Paula passed her first grandchild to Arthur who immediately started to tear up when his grand son looked up at him with innocent blue eyes, a shade of blue that I would now forever call 'Carlin Blue'. It was the shame shade shared between Glen, Spencer and Arthur. Paula's, while very blue, were much lighter than the blue of the others.

Once all the family members had held the baby we left so that Kate could rest. We said our goodbyes to everyone, except Paula who was hanging back near the door to Kate's room. Arthur, Clay and Chelsea all left. Spencer and I were going to get a cab back to her place after we went to take another loot at baby James in the nursery.

We started to walk towards where the nurse had taken James when Paula stepped forward hestitantly. She sighed and ran a hand through her messy blonde hair. She reached out towards Spencer, but seeing her flinch and move further into me she withdrew her hand. "I just wanted to thank you for letting me be there tonight. It was more than I deserve," the older blonde murmured.

"You're right, it was. The thing is though, I'm not going to keep you away from your family just because you hurt me. What I will say is if you ever hurt that baby the way you've hurt me then I will make it my mission in life to destroy you," Spencer said quietly, emotionlessly.

Paula swallowed and blinked back tears, "I am so sorry Spencer, so very sorry. I wish I could take it all back…"

"Well you can't Mom, you can't and now we both have to live with that. I love you, God if I didn't then none of it would have hurt as much as it did. The thing is I don't know if I can ever forgive you. You have the right to be in the lives of our family, but you have lost your right to be in mine. I'm sorry, we have to go," Spencer said in a voice husky with unshed tears.

I took her hand and led her away from her Mom, as soon as we rounded the corner and were out of sight I stopped and pulled her into my arms. She sighed tiredly and rested her head in the crook of my neck. "I just wish seeing her didn't hurt so damn much," Spencer murmured softly.

"I know this sounds clichéd, but it will get easier. She hurt you time and time again and you don't just magically get over that. Give yourself time," I whispered into her hair. Spencer nodded and pulled me tighter against her.

After a few minutes she stepped back and flashed me a weary smile. "Let's go see James and then we can go home and sleep," She suggested. I nodded and fixed her with a loving smile. We walked hand in hand along the hospital hall until we came to a stop in front of the nursery. We glanced in and both beamed at the sight of James sleeping peacefully in his crib.

"Wow, I can't believe that my dopey big brother actually fathered a child. This is all so surreal. God he is amazing though, and by he I mean James not Glen," Spencer said in a breathless voice with her eyes locked on her nephew.

"He is, and so are you," I murmured into her ear, smirking at the way her body visibly shivered as my breath caressed her skin. I snaked my arms around her waist and felt her lean back into my body so that my front was pressed firmly against her back.

"I can't wait to watch him grow up and see who he's going to become because I know he is going to be brilliant," Spencer said softly.

I chuckled and said, "Well with all that Carlin DNA how could he be anything less than spectacular?"

Spencer turned her head to place a loving kiss on my cheek, "You really say the most beautiful things sometimes."

I leaned in and kissed her lips chastely, "I mean every word."

"I know you do, which is just part of the reason why you are so damn incredible," Spencer paused and I saw her bite her lip nervously before she continued, "So have you ever thought about having children?"

I grinned and held her tighter, loving the way she covered my arms with hers and gripped my hands. I kissed her neck and whispered, "I have. One day it would be an honour to have a child with the woman I love."

Spencer turned to look at me and tilted her head in that adorable way I loved so much. She looped her arms around my neck and I rested my hands on her slender hips to keep her body against mine. Her lips quirked in a delicious little smile, "And by woman you love, who do you mean?"

I chuckled and kissed her lovingly, "Who do you think Blue?"

Her grin widened and she glanced up at my from under her eye lashes, "I don't know, some hot blonde maybe?" I nodded and kissed her adoringly.

We turned back to look at James, both chucking when he stretched his little fists skyward as he slept.

After a bit more baby watching we headed out of the hospital. The whole cab ride back to Pella and Spencer's place I couldn't help but think to myself, one day I am going to marry this woman and build a family, a life with her. There is nothing in this world I am surer of.