When they got back to the apartment, Olivia poured Alex a glass of the lemonade she'd made the day before and made a conscious effort to be positive. "I'll bet you can't beat me at chess for the sixth time in a row."
Alex took a sip of the lemonade and looked up at Olivia, her eyes questioning.
Olivia smiled. "I bet I can beat you this time."
Alex froze and immediately began to tremble. She put down her drink and knelt at her mistress' feet, bowing her head and clasping her hands behind her back.
Tears filled Olivia's eyes when she realized what she'd done wrong. "I bet I can win this time," she hastily corrected herself. "Do you want to play?"
Alex pushed herself up onto shaking legs. She saw the tears welling in the detective's eyes and took a deep breath before brushing Olivia's tears away, trying to comfort Olivia as the detective had always done for her.
Olivia gave her a watery smile. "Thank you, baby," she said quietly, pulling Alex close and kissing the crown of her head.
Alex smiled into the crook of Olivia's neck. She'd made Olivia proud, and that made her feel good.
That night, it was Olivia's turn for nightmares. She dreamed of Alex, being raped in front of her, and there was nothing she could do to stop it.
Her sobbing woke Alex, and the blonde found Olivia in the midst of a particularly bad nightmare, mumbling, "No, not Alex. Don't hurt her. Take me instead. Don't touch her!"
Alex tried to do for Olivia what Olivia always did for her, comforting her in the only way she knew how. She caressed Olivia's cheek with the pad of her thumb and gently stroked her hair. She didn't say anything, but she didn't need to. When Olivia finally awoke, she gave Alex a watery smile and pulled her close, kissing her forehead.
"That's how much I love you," she whispered, holding Alex tightly. "And when you're in my arms, everything's okay."
Nothing more was said about Olivia returning to work. It didn't seem like a feasible option for her right now, and luckily, the captain was taking care of it. "We protect our own," he'd told her, and she was grateful.
Instead of getting better, despite or maybe because of the therapy, Alex seemed to be rapidly deteriorating. Dr. Olivet had told her this was to be expected, but it still hurt.
Alex woke up screaming nearly every night and wet the bed several times a week. When she awoke, she would cringe, terrified that Olivia was going to hit her. She would kneel beside the bed or bend over it, anticipating the blows, and when Olivia didn't hit her, she would go to the corner and stand there, sometimes for hours. Olivia had gotten rid of all her belts, their wire hangers, their wooden hairbrushes, their wooden spoons, anything else that Alex might perceive as a weapon, but it didn't seem to help. No matter how often Olivia assured Alex that she loved her and that she was safe, Alex didn't seem to believe it.
After a few weeks, Dr. Olivet started taking Alex further, further than she ever thought she'd be able to go. Dr. Olivet had explained this counting method to her, how she would need to send Alex into a flashback to help her cope with them, but Alex was still terrified. She trusted Dr. Olivet when she said it would help, but she didn't think she'd be able to do it. She wasn't strong enough.
She sat in the psychiatrist's office, trembling in fear as she waited for Dr. Olivet's instructions, but Dr. Olivet didn't dive right in. She clearly wanted Alex to get comfortable first. "So how did your week go?" she asked.
Alex lowered her eyes. I'm dirty.
"Why do you think that?"
I wet the bed.
"That happens sometimes, Alex. It's perfectly normal."
My Mistress says that, but she doesn't mean it.
"Alex, she's not your mistress. She's not above you. She's your girlfriend, and she loves you very, very much. You can just call her Olivia."
But she is better than me. I'm bad and she's so good to me, but she shouldn't be. I don't deserve her.
"She loves you, Alex, just because you're you. She loves you just the way you are, and she's going to help you."
Alex smiled a bit. She says I'm her princess.
"That's nice. She does love you, Alex. You're lucky to have her."
Alex nodded.
"So let's make a deal. From now on, you don't have to call her your mistress. You can just call her Olivia. That's what she'd want. Deal?"
Alex hesitated before nodding again.
Dr. Olivet smiled. "Good. Now we're going to try the counting method I told you about last week. I'm going to count to a hundred and you're going to remember something that your master did to you." She didn't like referring to the monster that had hurt Alex that way, but that was how Alex spoke of him, and so she would too. "When I get to ninety, I want you to start coming back to me. I'll remind you if you need me to. Are you ready?" When Alex nodded, she said, "Good. You don't need to look at me if you're not comfortable. I'm going to start. One . . . two. . . three . . ."
And Alex was transported back to months ago, when she lived in constant pain and terror.
Review if you want to know what happens in the next chapter!