Chapter 38: Shovel Speeches

A/N:

This chapter takes place between 'Convos with Dead People' and 'Sleeper'.

Crazy mad thanks to a href=".

" zephyrRS /a for issuing a rec!! 'Tis appreciated!

"Hey!" Dawn greeted as she got home from her sleepover at Kit's house. "Where is everyone?"

"In here!" Buffy called from the kitchen.

Walking in, Dawn saw that Buffy, Anya, and Xander were all sitting around the island table eating lunch – take out pizza as usual.

"Mmm, yummy," she commented as she snatched a piece. "Where's Willow and Sirius?"

Anya rolled her eyes, her blond hair swishing over her shoulders. "Being disgustingly cute as always. Sirius can't seem to get used to the fact that it's early November and only sixty degrees outside so they're out there cuddling or whatnot."

Buffy snorted at Anya's bitter tone and raised an amused eyebrow. "Jealous much?"

Anya huffed and crossed her arms. "Yes! It's just not fair. I'm human again and can engage in sweaty, sexy fun but I can't find any. I mean, if it's about karma then maybe I could understand, seeing as how I destroyed the lives of men for a millennia, but Willow was Little Miss Naughty Pants too!"

Giving her a deadpanned look, Xander responded wryly, "But Ahn, you did get to have sex at least once since becoming human."

Plastering a smile on her face, she patted his arm. "Yes, yes. And you were very good with the sweaty fun times, but I thought we both agreed it was more of a 'one last time' type of deal."

Buffy and Dawn averted their eyes, finding random kitchen appliances very interesting.

"Well, yeah, we did," Xander acknowledged – although he didn't particularly sound happy about it. "I'm just saying, it's not like you haven't had any sex since then."

The back door opened, thankfully ending Anya and Xander's sex talk. Sirius and Willow stepped in laughing with their arms wrapped around each other. "Hey guys!" Willow called cheerfully.

"Hey," they chorused back.

"I'm about to meet up with Amy. I should be home in a couple hours."

"Will, you sure it'll be okay to hang out with her? I mean, she did screw you over last year," Buffy cautioned.

Willow shrugged, but looked determined. "I know, but she called me up a few days ago to apologize and everything. Apparently she did a lot of healing with the Campus Wiccans group and is trying to mend her old relationships."

"Yeah, but she did use to enjoy being the Wannabe Wicked Witch of the West Coast," Buffy pushed in a concerned tone.

Sighing, Willow weaved her fingers through Sirius' in an unconscious attempt to claim support. "Buff, I know what it's like to need to make amends. Amy deserves a second chance – just like how you guys gave me one."

"Okay, okay," Buffy surrendered with open arms. "Just being Worry Girl. You're right."

Kissing Sirius lightly, Willow said good-bye and walked out the door.

With a silly grin on his face, Sirius mentioned he was going to feed Buckbeak and went back outside.

"They really like each other, don't they?" Buffy wondered out loud.

"Yeah, have to say, didn't really think Willow would have gone for an older man – especially since two years ago she promised me that she was gay and would keep her mangy paws off Xander," Anya scowled.

"Plus, older guy type is more so Buffy's type," Xander joked with a laugh – one that died at the sight of Buffy's scorching glare.

"Demon magnet," she muttered, but her eyes sparkled with mirth.

"Well, I like Sirius. I think they fit pretty well together," Dawn opined.

"Yeah, so far he seems on the up and up as far as Hellmouth boyfriends go. Will told me they fought last week – after the creepy ghost thing – but they've talked it out since then," Buffy informed.

"Ooh, about what?" Dawn asked eagerly, the teenager hungry for gossip.

"Sirius was pretty pissed about being treated like a kid locked up here and Willow was angry that he tried to leave 'cause of the creepy ghost warning. But," Buffy shrugged, "I guess she explained further about how Oz had left her – for her and his own good – and why she was so upset, besides everything else."

"Bet he felt like a tool. Men," Anya snorted. "Always trying to run away when they get cryptic messages from people," she added pointedly.

Xander shifted uncomfortably in his seat, avoiding her eyes, and set his pizza down – suddenly not feeling hungry.

"Yeah, guess he felt pretty guilty," Buffy said hurriedly to distract the tension between the former couple. "And he and Willow made amends on the whole 'not bossing him around' thing and keeping him safe at home. Luckily, something must have worked because Sirius hasn't been as anxious to leave anymore. I think she knocked some sense into him."

"You know," Xander mused out loud, "they've been dating a month now and I don't think anyone's given Sirius a shovel speech yet."

Buffy's eyes narrowed in a predatory way. "You're right. We got so caught up with stuff we forget." She gave a toothy smile. "I think we need to fix that!"

The four of them leaned towards each other as Buffy began throwing out ideas.

"Hey Sirius! Hey Buckbeak!" Dawn called as she walked outside, just in time to see the hippogriff slurp down his lunch.

"Hey Dawn!" Sirius greeted cheerfully. "Have you read chapter ten of your Charms text yet?" When he had discovered her talent, Sirius had immediately sent a request to Harry to mail him his old textbooks. Their new postal system worked very well – Sirius would send Muggle mail to Amelia, the Devon Coven leader, who would then owl Harry and she would forward all messages from Harry. Took a bit of time – Muggles were rather slow – but it worked and kept the Ministry off his back.

"Sirius," she whined. "It's a Saturday and I have Monday until my next lesson!"

Smirking at her, he shook his head. Funny how she reminded him of what Sirius and James were like back at Hogwarts. It was a good thing they had Remus – and later Lily – to keep them on track. Too bad Moony wasn't here to help him with Dawn – Sirius was not very comfortable serving in the authority figure capacity.

"All right then. Want to feed Buckbeak?" he held out his wand.

Grinning, she took it from his hand. "Wingardium Leviosa," she incanted as she swished and flicked the wand at the next slab of meat. It floated precariously through the air and she had to concentrate to keep it from shooting into the sky. Sirius had told her that she would become a very powerful witch someday due to the amount of power she was already showcasing. Too bad that meant she had to work doubly hard to focus it.

As the meat hovered closer to Buckbeak's mouth the hippogriff snatched it out of the air – knowing all to well that Dawn's magic had a tendency to go haywire at any moment.

Dawn patted the hippogriff and murmured loving words to it. Seeing Sirius chuckle at her out of the corner of her eye, she turned towards him. "So Sirius, how are you and Willow doing?" she asked, not even bothering to be sneaky about her intentions.

"We're great, actually," he beamed. "Why do you ask?"

Continuing to pet Buckbeak, she gave him a blank stare. "Sirius, you're a pretty cool dude – except of course when you get all cranky during my lessons."

He held up a finger. "Dawn, don't you think I have a right to be cranky when you read too far ahead in your Transfiguration textbook and somehow managed to transfigure Spike into an actual railroad spike last week?"

Dawn snickered. "Aw, come one – that was awesome!"

Sirius gave in to a resounding bark of laughter. "All right, I'll give you that."

Remembering her purpose for speaking to Sirius, Dawn ceased her laughter and put her blank stare back in place. "Anyways, back to the matter at hand."

Sirius raised an inquisitive eyebrow. "Yes?"

Continuing in a serious voice, Dawn said, "When mom died; when Buffy died, Willow and Tara were like my parents during that time. Willow is very important to me and I've seen her go through a lot of bad things in the last year. So I just want to let you know that if you turn out to be just one more bad thing and hurt her, I'll hurt you. I'll take you up for a midnight ride on Buckbeak and just when we're high enough, I'll push you off and make you go splat against the pavement."

Throughout her speech Sirius' eyebrows continued to rise in surprise until they almost reached his hairline. He blinked at the teenage girl who had just threatened to murder him.

"Okay?"

He nodded. "Dawn, I would never hurt Willow," he promised.

"Good!" she said cheerfully as she gave Buckbeak one last pat on the cheek and walked away.

"Because I would hate to have to murder you and then get a new Wizarding teacher."

Still amused by Dawn's threat – deadly, but quite cute as well – Sirius walked into the kitchen. Anya glanced up at him and smiled as she poured some tequila into a blender that was filled with fruit juice and frozen strawberries

"I'm making margaritas, want any?" she offered nicely – almost too nicely.

Sirius wasn't one for margaritas – he was more of a firewhiskey kind of man – but he had heard Willow lauding Anya's excellent margaritas before. "Sure, thanks."

Anya smiled and pressed the power button on the blender. As it whirred to life Sirius noticed that she was still smiling at him in a way that made him feel suddenly very uneasy.

Once the mixture was finished blending she poured it into two glasses and set them down at the table. Her expression turned serious as she slid into the seat across from him.

"Thanks," he said as he took a tentative sip, wondering why the ex-demon was staring at him like that.

"Do you like it?" she asked.

"Yeah, very good. Lots of tequila," he evaluated.

Anya nodded. "That's good."

A silent moment passed as he took another sip.

"Sirius, you do realize that if you do anything at all to hurt Willow I will cut off your penis, stick it into a blender with some tequila, and make you drink a penis-rita. Okay?"

He choked on his drink at her words and had to struggle to swallow. "I completely understand," he said between coughs. "I will not hurt Willow," he promised for the second time.

"Good. Now drink up before it melts!"

Sirius shook his head and took a long gulp of the fiery liquid as he unconsciously rubbed his groin – just to double check.

After finishing his drink with Anya – who was luckily much less scary after her initial threat – Sirius walked into the living room to read a book that Willow had picked up for him titled 'Dark Wizards: Their Rise (And Fall) From Power'. He was still hoping to find something to stop Voldemort from resurrecting before Harry got attacked again.

He chuckled as he saw Xander bent over with a hammer in his hand. "Did Dawn or something evil break something again?" he asked.

Xander laughed and shook his head. "No, just putting a bookcase together for the Dawnster. With all her new magic books she ran out of room with her old one."

Selecting his book from the coffee table, Sirius sat down on the couch and observed Xander hammering a nail in. Prior to Sunnydale, Sirius knew nothing at all about tools. But since he had witnessed Xander rebuild various parts of the house a dozen times already, he was catching on. "If you like, I could just put that together with magic. It might save you some time," he offered helpfully.

Xander shrugged. "Naw, I like being Carpenter Man and Keeper of Tools. It's relaxing to build things. You ever build anything?"

Sirius laughed at the idea. "No, Wizards use magic for everything. My parents considered themselves too above manual labor and I never really needed to build anything. Seems bloody complicated, anyways," he gestured towards Xander's tool box.

"Complicated? Nah, it gets easy after a while – especially when you have assorted demons destroying property as often as they do around here. And it's much easier with the new tool box Willow got for me a couple weeks ago." Xander set the box on the coffee table and opened the lid. "See? Willow enchanted it so it holds every tool I need. Sort of like the manly version of Mary Poppins's bag."

"Hold on, I want to show you something," Xander added as his eyes lit up with a sudden idea.

Xander scrounged around in the tool box until he picked up a strange item that looked a bit like a futuristic gun. "See? This tool even holds my nail gun. Ever seen one of these before?"

"No," Sirius answered as he wondered where Xander was going with this.

"It's a nail gun and can shoot out six inch nails. Definitely one of the deadliest tools in my box. And you know what's great about this box that my best friend made for me? It keeps the gun charged so I can nail something at the drop of a hat."

"Willow is brilliant like that," Sirius said, feeling a bit nervous at the implied threat.

"Yeah, she is. I'm lucky that we've been friends for seventeen years of my life. She's the most important person in the world to me," Xander stated sagely.

"Yes, after Harry she's the most important person to me as well," Sirius acknowledged easily.

Xander smiled. "Good, I'm glad you get it. Because I have to admit, it's been great having you around, Sirius. After a while the overabundance of y-chromosomes can take their toll and you're the first male friend I've had around here since Oz, which has been nice – especially because you're a much better conversationalist."

"But," Xander said soberly as he held up the nail gun menacingly. "If you ever hurt Willow I will not hesitate to nail your dead body to the wall and cover you with an exquisite painting that no one will ever think to look behind. We cool?"

Sirius bit his lip and nodded. "We cool," he confirmed.

"Great! Hey, after I'm done with the bookcase, you wanna play some Mario Kart?" Xander asked eagerly, happy that the death threat was over with now.

"Only if you let me be Yoshi this time, I'm tired of you spitting those soddin' eggs at me," Sirius grumbled good-naturedly.

After an hour of video games, Xander ended up heading back to his house. Realizing he still had a while until Willow returned and since he was tired of reading, Sirius changed into his tracksuit to work out in the yard. When he was younger Sirius worked out a decent amount – the ladies did enjoy a good set of abs, after all – but he realized that his increased strength, stamina, and reflexes would help with his dueling as well. Someone could throw whatever curses they wanted at him, but if he could dodge it he'd be a lot better off.

Once outside he began doing a set of seventy-five sit-ups until his abs were burning good and proper. With a grunt, he stood up to move onto his next routine.

"Hey Sir," Buffy greeted him.

Glancing up he smiled at her. "Afternoon, Buffy."

"Working on the same regiment I helped you put together?"

"Yes, it's been working for me pretty good. I miss running though. Honestly, I doubt those wanker Unspeakables will be grabbing for me if I just take a run around the block."

Buffy nodded. "You know what? You're right. I was just about to go for a run. Want to go together?" She grinned devilishly. "I promise I'll not go all Slayer strength running on you."

"Sounds great!" Sirius beamed, eager to get out of the house.

Quickly they set off from the Summers house and began venturing deeper into Sunnydale. Eventually, Sirius realized they had run by five graveyards and they had barely even covered the whole town.

"What's with the sheer amount of graveyards?" he asked as Buffy led them down the path into one.

"Hellmouth," Buffy shrugged. "Home to dozens of churches and even more cemeteries. What's really funny is that a good number of these graves are empty, thanks to people rising as vampires."

"Huh, guess you're right. Never though of that," he panted. Sirius was getting in shape but he was not match at all for Slayer stamina.

"Oh yeah, just one of the fun little facts that go along with being a Slayer," she joked wryly. "But it comes in handy," she admitted.

"What comes in handy?" he asked in a confused tone.

She slowed down and finally stopped mid-way through the cemetery to give Sirius a moment to breath. His hands rested on his knees for a moment as he took in some deep breaths until he finally looked back up at her.

"The knowledge of all the empty graves. See, Sirius, you've started to become part of the Scooby gang and I like having you around," she said lightly. "You've finally given Xander a male friend because, let's face it, I'm not really into the fighting video games when my life is lived like one. And you're real good with Dawn, teaching her all the magics. As for Willow, she's changed a lot in the last two months – for the better – and I think that has a lot to do with you."

Sirius sighed as he felt his fourth threat of the day coming.

"But if you ever do anything to hurt Willow – because she is pretty sensitive in the love department – I will hunt you down and bury you alive in one of these abandoned graves where no one will be able to hear your screams." Her light green eyes pierced him and Sirius was suddenly reminded of the fact that Buffy Summers was a vampire slayer.

Holding up his hand as if he were making an oath, he swore, "I would never hurt Willow, Buffy. I promise. I care about her a lot."

She smiled and ruffled his hair – making a disgusted face as she realized how sweaty he was. "Ew," she muttered as she wiped her hand – it was so easy to forget how sweaty non-supernatural people could get while exercising. "Good," she added happily. "Glad to hear it."

Sirius chuckled and followed her as she began jogging again. It was really nice that Willow's friends loved her so much.

And at the same time, it was oh so very scary.

Sirius was preparing dinner when a smoking figure slammed the back door open. "Bloody hell that burns," the Brit grumbled. "Oh, hey there wizard man. Seen the missus of the house?"

"Evenin', Spike. Buffy just dropped Dawn off at Kit's house. Should be back soon. Have a seat."

Spike sat down and sniffed the air. "Something smells good. What are you cooking?"

"Going a bit all out tonight with some braised lamb and vegetables from recipes I found in a Wizarding cookbook," Sirius answered as he began cutting some asparagus.

"Ah, have a fight with your own missus?" Spike asked knowingly.

Sirius chuckled. "No, actually. But I did get four death threats from the others so I thought it couldn't hurt to suck up every once in a while.

"Death threats? From Buffy and her Super Friends?" Spike snorted derisively.

"Yeah. They all threatened me with various creative threats that they promised to carry out if I ever hurt Willow," he explained.

"Ah ha," Spike murmured in comprehension. "They gave you the good 'ol Shovel Speeches, eh? Tryin' to protect Red's honor, I 'spose."

"Shovel Speeches?" Sirius inquired in a puzzled tone.

"Yeah. Something Red started with that beyond boring Riley bloke, essentially telling the wanker that if hurt Buffy she'd beat him to death with a shovel. This lot isn't big on the vague disclaimers."

"No, they aren't," Sirius laughed.

"I wouldn't worry 'bout it, if I was you mate. They talk big, but never exactly follow through – otherwise that Riley fellow would be dead by now," Spike said in a reassuring tone.

"Oh, I'm not worried about it," Sirius shrugged.

"Good. Because at the end of the day, it's me you need to worry about. Red's an alright witch. Bestest friends with Buffy and a right little mom to Niblet. That alone means if Willow is ever hurting, two people I love will be hurting. And that means you'll be hurting," Spike glared. "If you hurt Red I'm liable to beat you, drain you dry, vamp you, beat you again, and then dust you just so I get the pleasure of killing you twice. Alright then?"

Sirius saw Spike's eyes flash yellow and realized the vampire was dead – literally, in fact – serious. "I understand. I won't hurt her," he vowed.

The front door opened and Sirius heard Willow's voice. "Mmm! What smells good?"

"Dinner," Sirius answered back, happiness bubbling inside him at hearing her voice.

She bounded into the kitchen with an excited expression and wrapped her arms around Sirius. "Hey baby," she said as she gave him a sweet kiss. "How was your day?"

Sirius chuckled and shook his head. "Very informative," he replied with a secretive smile as he brushed his lips against her forehead.

A/N:

Hey dearest readers! Got a question for you:

I have finished an upcoming chapter that features Sirius and Willow in some activities that will require a FR21 rating. Currently this story is rated FR18 and I am unsure if I should use that entire chapter here, or just use the FR18 snippets and feature the rest in an accompanying short. I've never written FR21 before but it turned out very well and I want to use it. Let me know if you have a preference to keep this story more kid-friendly with just lots of swearing, or if I should make this more Cinemax style and allow readers to access that bit in a separate story.

Also, hoped you enjoyed the threats and got some of the various clues hidden in this chapter…

Thanks for reading!