I followed Nick to the front door, after we decided to give us a try, despite the fall-out. He still meant a lot to me, and I wanted to give us a try, I really did. I stopped at the front door and surprised Nick by gently leaning my lips up to his.
I kissed him once gently, and pulled away again; leaving him smile in response to my kiss. ''Wow.'' He commented happily.
I smiled back, knowing that I needed to tell him that I still wanted to take it slow. ''Uh huh, but if we go back out with each other then I want us to take it slow, okay?'' I asked him to make sure that he understood.
He nodded and leaned his face down to kiss me once more before he disappeared through the door, promising to text me in the morning. I turned back round to see the two people that I didn't want to see.
Rob and Rachael was standing in the hallway, and I could tell by Rob's face that he had seen it all. He was watching me in shock for a moment, before he shook his head and angrily threw the little, blue, jewelry box that he had been holding onto the floor.
''What's that?'' I asked Rachael confused. She huffed in response at me angrily, and shook her head. I watched her confused, still wondering why he had actually had a jewelry box in his hands for.
''That was your welcome home present that Rob had brought you ready for Saturday. He was about to apologize for his behavior tonight and beg you to forgive him, until you took that loser back.'' She spelled it out for me, making me shocked.
''I don't think that Rob will want to bother buying you anything else now, do you?'' She asked me sarcastically. She huffed at me as she walked out into the garden to try and find Rob. I gasped in shock.
I leant down ad picked the little box carefully in my hands, and opened the box up gently in my hands. Inside was a golden, heart necklace with silver stones running in the middle of the heart, where the heart split into two.
On one side, it said; Twilight and on the other side, it said: Buds. Our name for each other, I remembered.
I fell to the stairs in shock, and let the tears surface again because I had been so heartless and cruel to him, and he hadn't done anything wrong, it seemed. He had actually brought me this; the nicest gift that I could have received from anyone.
Tasha walked out of the living room then and saw me crying. She sighed, and sat down next to me on the side of the stairs. ''Present didn't go well then?'' she asked me knowingly, putting her arms around me.
I shook my head, showing her the present. ''I know, I saw the present myself. In fact, I helped him engrave it for you.'' She admitted, making me feel even worse, if that was even possible. I tried to stop crying.
''I didn't mean to hurt him. I was just jealous!'' I admitted finally, throwing my head forcefully into my hands. I cried into my hand uncontrollably, knowing that it was far too late to change anything.
So, we couldn't be together, but I still wanted to be his friend, his twilight bud. Like that was going to happen after how I had treated him tonight. I didn't blame him for hating me; I was beyond cruel.
''I know that, but Rob doesn't, does he?'' She asked me, because it was true. ''And how do you think Rob feels when you accuse him of acting like that? Rob would never cheat on you.'' She told me.
I nodded, knowing that she was right but also knowing that it was too late to change things. Rob didn't want to know me anymore, that much was clear. And I was still mad with him with how he had acted in the kitchen
Yes, I maybe just a little immature, but I was younger than him. I was twenty two, and he was twenty eight, and he acted like an immature child when it came to arguments…still, I couldn't deny feeling guilty.
''Shall I go and speak to him then? Because right now, I don't think I can see another way in which he will forgive me. Can you think of something better?'' I asked her frantically. It was good to know that she was still my friend, and it meant a lot to me, but…well, so did Rob. His friendship meant a hell of a lot to me and I was desperate to cling onto him in any way shape or form.
Because, the truth was; that was all I could do to hold onto him. He meant the world to me, and I knew that it was likely that he was never going to forgive me for this. I groaned, and threw my head into my hands again; crying heavier now.
''Charlie, Charlie, listen.'' Tasha asked me gently. I sighed and listened to hear what she had to say. I sobbed into my hands louder, not able to face her yet, because of the guilt. I deserved everything after how much I had changed.
''Just give Rob some space, and talk to him tomorrow. He'll be more understanding tomorrow.'' She told me, because she was right, after all. It would be better if I spoke to him later rather than sooner.
I knew that it would take him much longer than a day to calm back down again though, especially with the way I had treated him tonight. I didn't actually blame him if he never forgave me, after how due I had been to him.
''Okay.'' I forced myself to agree, sighing heavily as I forced myself to stop crying. She rubbed my back gently, trying to get me to feel better. It didn't much work, not after all the pain I had caused; especially to Rob.
''Go and get some good sleep, and I'll talk to Rachael in the morning, before you do. I'll give her some time to calm down first.'' Tasha explained, frowning as she thought about how pissed Rachael would be, morning or night.
''Thanks.'' I mumbled sourly, trying to sound as grateful as I could, because I was grateful; it was just that I didn't see things getting any better for me now, not with the way I had treated Rob, taking Nick back, and now due to the fact that Rachael hated me too.
I walked upstairs and fell into bed, crying myself to sleep about the change in me. I was shocked at how mean I could be, especially to the one person that had meant a lot to me; Rob, the one person that had meant the world to me before today and who I had promised to choose over Nick. And now look at me.
I had turned into a total bitch in one day.
***
I woke up feeling absolutely terrible, and not just terrible when you had a hangover terrible, but terrible as in you know that you've been really mean, a total bitch and don't deserve a chance kinda way.
It was too early when I woke up; it was nine am, and I wasn't going to work this morning. Even if I had been due in, I wouldn't have been going into work today, no matter what. I couldn't face anybody after my behavior last night.
I twisted and turned uncomfortably in my bed, trying to go back to sleep just so that I wouldn't have to go downstairs and face the aftermath of this morning. I was a coward as-well as a total, fucking bitch.
And then I heard Rob and Rachael's voice.
''Well don't worry, because if she says anything to you, there will be trouble. She still has me to face yet.'' I heard Rachael say, which automatically made me want to cry. I automatically wanted to run to England and get away from my behavior, but that was the easy route out.
If I was any friend, I would go downstairs now and face them head on, and apologize for my behavior. But I was too much of a coward to do that. I had to admit it because it was true; I was a complete waste of time.
''Rachael, I don't want any trouble.'' I heard Rob reply, sounding really awkward about it. Rachael huffed in response.
''Oh don't you worry, there wont be…as long as she keeps away from me.'' She spelled it out for him. I pressed my face into my pillow, covering it over my face and crying into it. I didn't want them to hear me crying.
As soon as they were gone, I released the pillow from my face and breathed in a deep, needed gasp of oxygen. I carried on crying then, trying to be as quiet as I could as each sob tore my body apart.
I held onto either side of my body and let each sob catch violently convulse my body movements. I would never get over this, not for as long as I lived. This was all my fault, in the way that I had treated Rob. I didn't deserve any respect for what I had done, and I knew deep down that nobody would ever forgive me again, for this.
''Charlie?'' I gasped in shock and automatically stopped crying as I watched Kellan walk into my bedroom unsure after knocking on my door. ''I'll go and get Tasha.'' He promised me gently, walking back out of my bedroom again quickly.
''No wait please, I just want to…'' I stopped though, because as I looked up, he was already gone. ''I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I just wanted to apologize.'' I admitted in between fresh new waves of tears.
I couldn't keep the noise down now though, because it felt as though I was in actual pain. My heart was killing me, or at least that's what it felt like. It felt like pure, sheer heartache and the more that I let the tears surface, the more it hurt.
''Charlie, come on.'' I was pulled up and into Tasha's arms, where I still cried. ''Stop it now.'' She told me, rubbing my back as I cried and cried and cried. But I couldn't…this was all my fault, and no matter what I did; nothing would be the same again.
''I don't even know what's wrong with me…my heart…it really hurts. Its stupid, isn't it?'' I asked her, because I knew that it was true.
''Do you want me to get Rob for you? So you can talk to him about it? Would that make you stop crying?'' She asked me, sounding panicked and as soon as she had said that, I shook my head; desperate for her not to get Rob.
He wouldn't want to talk to me, not after the way that I had treated him, and I didn't blame him. How could you, after the way that I had treated him?
''Please…just stay here with me for a minute, and then I'll be fine. I promise you.'' I promised her, trying so hard to stop myself from crying but failing again.
''Okay.'' She agreed, rubbing my back gently as I cried again. I didn't know what I wanted, which made me feel even worse. I wanted Rob…but I didn't know in what way any more. I wasn't too sure whether I wanted him as just a friend, or as a lover, but I knew that I wanted him here with me.
I had never actually hated myself more than I did in that moment, because despite the fact that I had Nick, I desperately wanted to make it up to Rob again.
***