Chapter 38 – Ella

8:17pm, the same day

I sat down on Widemouth beach, smiling at the gentle sea as the tide had started to go out. I was sitting on my jacket in just a pair of shorts and a thin camisole shirt as Joe had gone to the small pub behind us to get the food. It was safe enough here to let me stay on the beach by myself, and even if something did happen Joe, and the car, was only a hundred meters away, and all across dry sand. I could make it back to the car in about fifteen or twenty seconds.

The sea had the same affect it always did on me; strangely calming. Almost like nothing would hurt me. I had always found the tranquillity of the waves calming and picturesque. But I could never live here, or by the beach though. I would be too calm, and if you're too calm all the time you can danger yourself to stupid moves. However, yearly holidays would just be supreme. I sucked my teeth slightly, thinking back to what Joe saw yesterday on the beach. Me, running around on the beach with a little girl. She called me Mummy, so she was my daughter. I could even see the similarities to me and Joe as well, but I don't think he could. So the little girl running around on the beach who tackled me into the waves was our daughter. Even though it wasn't certain, and Joe said there was a little chance of that event coming true it seemed to settle in my brain that I could go on one day – not now, too much going on to even comprehend discussing having a child – to have a child of my own made me incredibly happy.

It wouldn't be recent, though, if we did have a kid. The implant in my arm had another two years left on before it expired and I couldn't take it out. Maui wouldn't be overly happy if when the time came and we decided we wanted a kid as it makes the paperwork ten times trickier to fill in and the restrictions that came down was stupid. I could understand, it was best for the baby, but still the "no running over 400m" line killed me off every time. So no, the child wouldn't be around for quite a few years. Even then, I don't think I would have the talk that came with having a child. It seemed quite awkward even if you're madly in love and want that next step of a commitment. Let alone telling people – that seemed my worst nightmare. Telling people you basically had unprotected sex and got pregnant to have people stare at your body and touch your belly every time they see you for nine months seemed like literal Hell. I would probably be one of those people who just hide inside for who knows how long until the baby was born and let the kid do the announcing themselves.

I frowned at myself, completely unaware of the daydream I had managed to get myself into. I never knew where I stood with the whole parenthood thing – I loved looking after kids and was even told time after time I was good with them but I could hand them back to their rightful owners, like someone handing over a lost puppy to the delighted family. But how would I react when I couldn't give the baby back when it started crying and wouldn't stop. I could just give it to Joe. Joe with kids was an absolute beauty to watch. He is so good with kids.

Before we went down to Cornwall I had a few things I left at base – and so did the girls – so I said I'd go in and collect them all at a stupid time in the morning. I drove myself into base, using Michael's card to clock in and out of the base, before parking up. No one noticed it was me – I had some jogging bottoms on, a running jacket with the hood up covering my greasy, unshowered and matted hair and had even decked the look with sunglasses. I wasn't meant to be back here, but I only remembered the small bag I left in my locker with some personal belongings the day of the interview and it was unfair to wake Michael up at half four to run in to get them for me. I was more than capable of doing it myself. As I walked across the floor at base, I noticed someone sitting on one of the tables- not the stool the actual table – with a baby. It took a moment more staring to realise it was Joe, feeding one of the twins. Shit – he would definitely recognise me. He's not stupid, and especially after the party. So I went to the wall behind him to creep around behind so he wouldn't see me. As I walked slowly, I could hear him talk to his niece in his arms, calming her down. I can't remember exactly what he was saying but it was so heartfelt that my ovaries practically dissolved right there and then. I quickly ran into the locker room, grabbing Crystal's vanity bag and my own tote bag, before throwing it over a shoulder and making my way out again. When I came back out, the baby was asleep in Joe's arms and he was gently singing to her. I literally was a walking puddle. I knew then his Soulfinder was lucky when they had kids and it took a while for it to click his Soulfinder was me. And at that moment in time, I was so stuck up my own ass thinking the correct idea was to leave him that I discarded the thought immediately. Now, I regretted every moment I didn't spend with him. If I told him when I first saw him, perhaps all of this could have been avoided.

'Chips and Pepsi, madam,' Joe joked, hitting my arm gently to get me to move up. I scooted down my jacket slightly so he could sit on it too as he handed me the polystyrene carton and the good old English fish and chip forks. I leant against his arm.

'Sorry for not telling you we're Soulfinder's earlier, Joe.' I mumbled, opening the carton so the steam was released. Joe had asked for salt but no vinegar – he already knew the way I liked my takeout chips.

'It's cool, you had your reasoning. All that matters is we're together now, yeah?' He replied and I nodded. 'I've never understood how you use these forks...'

'You stab and eat.' I demonstrated and he looked slightly bemused.

'Must be an American invention.'

'I haven't seen one of these in America in ages – they're British.'

'I dunno, I haven't really had fish and chips in years. I only once picked up one of these for art...' He trailed off, the last word of his sentence blowing away in the sea breeze.

'You did art?'

'Yeah, girly, I know.' He automatically defended himself.

'Nah, it's a universal subject which hasn't been defined to a gender. It's not girly, and it's definitely not gay. If it's what you enjoy and what you liked then you should have done it regardless of gender.' I explained.

'I bet your brothers loved you,' He joked back, elbowing me slightly.

'It's the way I see things, and the way I explained it to them when they said riding motorbikes to school was manly, and doing kick boxing and karate for eight years was for boys. I always got bullied for doing boy subjects, but I whipped peoples asses at engineering and IT, all whilst being in the schools' musical.' I explained and Joe nodded at me.

'You're musical?'

'Well, my family is. I never really liked singing, but I'm alright at a few instruments.'

'Few instruments?' He digged deeper, nudging my arms when I didn't eat the chips. If I wasn't careful he would start feeding them too me. I took a bite of the chip, the warmth filling me. God, these are good chips.

'Cello mainly. Ukulele, piano, guitar, violin. Drums. Whatever we had laying around the house I taught myself to play. Having insomnia is hard work, but having a soundproof bedroom with these types of instruments lying around was cool. Obviously I didn't have a piano and a drum kit in my room. I wasn't overly well behaved at school. I used to walk out of my lessons frequently. I was normally the only girl in the class and when you're the only girl in the "bad boy" family, you get quite a few misogynistic quotes thrown at you. Even the teachers find themselves telling you off for arguing whilst letting the "lads" get away with telling you to get back to the kitchen. I always used to storm out of lessons. Zed wasn't much better before he found Sky – whenever he got pissed off and left they used to call me out to chase after him. Most of the time when I left I found myself either in the library or down in music. I used to learn songs, never the actual keys or anything, just songs to calm me down.' I explained, pausing slightly as I realised I was just blabbering now.

'I used to do the same thing, I guess.' Joe continued, looking out at sea. 'In year ten and eleven, I used to be in a group of Lads. I've only ever had one good friend, Jason,' I nodded, knowing his name. 'and he was close with them so I tagged along. I hated it, my gift meant I could read all of their thoughts and it was painful. They never were taught to treat all genders with the same level of respect and they were so testosterone filled it was horrific. When I was stuck without Jason, they used to drive me insane. I hated it. So I used to bunk or leave lessons and go to the art room. I was close with the teachers and even the Principle was okay with me leaving if I got wound up to go into the arm room and paint or just do work. The Principle was a Savant as well, so I told him everything and he gave me special access and would just allow me to do my thing if it wasn't bad. I used art as a means to escape everything. It sounds bad, but I couldn't control my gift until I was at least eighteen,'

'I can't control my gifts now.' I butted in and he frowned at me. 'Well, I can do it when I want but if I'm just somewhere like getting a coffee with friends or something, I can just get really cold suddenly or if I'm at Maui and I can start using people's gifts and I never mean too. It's embarrassing but...'

'No one can really blame you though, you're such a powerful Savant,' Joe said, our sides touching. It was comforting.

'Still,'

'Stop putting yourself down, hun.' He said, looking over at me, his eyes a wonderful bright blue colour against his shirt. I guess he had those eyes that could change colour based on emotion or whatever he is wearing. I assumed he was happy by the way his eyes were shining. I just shrugged. I guess it was normal for me to put myself down.

'Why is it normal to put yourself down? I know it sounds cliché so don't pull out that card this time, but I don't see anything you need to put yourself down for. From the seconds I saw you in that interview room, you were absolutely beautiful. You took my breath away. I never wanted to look away, you were just... stunning. And then you were just so smart and intuitive, but kind and caring at the same time. You know, since then, I've never been able to forget you. The night at the party was one of the best days of my life because I just got to spend time with you. This evacuation, even though it's for a dark reason, has been brilliant because I've found you. You're everything to me and we've only known for, what, just over a day. But I can't imagine living a life without you. I don't think there's any reason for you to put yourself down.' Joe told me and I couldn't help but look down and blush. Even though deep down inside my brain it was hinting that he was just lying there was something deeply sincere about what he was saying.

'Joe?'

'Yeah?'

'This sounds really stupid, but I don't want this –' I gestured between us 'just to be a holiday thing, God listen to me changing my mind all the time,' I laughed hollowly, drawing my knees to my chest as I put down the empty chip carton next to me. Joe tutted slightly, putting his arm around my shoulder.

'Ella, you are adorable – you know that.' He simply said, kissing my forehead as I let him hug me. 'We'll make this work, okay? I know full well my family will love you.' He said and I smiled gently. 'Half of them already do,' He added. I had no idea how Jake would react when he found out. He was like my older brother to me, and we always had each other's back especially in the recent years.

'I dunno how my family will react,' I owned up.

'No?'

'Joe... you know the thing known as the "older brother talk", I think you're gunna have to sit through eight variations of that.' I simply said tracing a pattern on his thigh as he groaned.

'They're going to kill me, aren't they?'

'Er, debatable. I dunno – when the boys found their Soulfinder's it was all okay but I'm the only girl. They all wanted to punch my ex when he tried to take me home when he was thoroughly pissed and then tried to hit me,' I explained and Joe's reaction was immediate.

'He did what?'

'It was like two years ago –'

'He tried to hit you?'

'He was totally pissed, I could manage him myself, it's fine.'

'Ella, it's not fine, who is this bastard?' He snapped and I leaned back so both of us were lying down on the beach staring at the amber sky.

'You know, I'm not too sure if you're going to get the brotherly talk. You seem just as protective of me as they are,' I simply commented, yawning.

'Are you tired? Come on, we've finished our chips and the suns practically down, let's get you home,' He said, sitting up before taking my hand and pulling me up to sit with him. I never wanted this too end. It seemed like a small fragment of heaven I was living in.

But my gut dropped when I realised this could all be blown to pieces if we just let the bomb happen. How could we live knowing we did nothing to help the hundreds of innocent people who would die under our pretend ignorance? People wouldn't know we knew, but in the end we would. We would know that we just sat around making out or whatever when innocent families said their goodbyes to each other for the last time. Parents who would never see their kids again, brothers and sisters split up. Best friends who would never get to go on their dream holiday. I couldn't let it happen. But I couldn't drag Joe into this, either. If he got hurt I would just blame myself. I don't care if I get hurt or die, because what's my life worth compared to the hundreds of others? I couldn't let Joe get hurt.

By the time we got off the beach, I had my own plan which I knew Joe wouldn't be overly happy with (as he wasn't involved and wouldn't find out until I had left) but I had to do it sooner rather than later. I had to do it tonight.