And then the reviews began!

Keldeo The Critic- Nine in the Afternoon by Glory For Sleep

(Keldeo's point of view of course)

Hi there. I am really confused and freaked out right now. You see, I slept on this fanfic, figuratively of course, and I realized that I'm starting to not just like it, but love it. Seriously, this fanfic is getting really good.

Okay, so Arceus and Mew have cleaned everything up, and Arceus is also getting confused and freaked out due to the identity crisis he's having.

He had acted childish, tolerant, and easy-going; any of the traits that matched the personality of a being who didn't have a care in the world and always stuck important responsibilities at the bottom of their priority lists. He had broken the one main rule associated with theomorphic individuals, which involved elegant postures and stoic behaviors – things that made an arch entity an arch entity; life-builders who wrote Destiny and Fate and configured the universe from when it was still a monad atom waiting to surge its possibilities across the vast, empty, black space that it had been placed in.

But…no…

Instead, his recent acts had disgraced such an occupation, contradicting his earlier statements created back when he was so dedicated to living up to the praises given to him by mortal beings that his life seemed to be based entirely on a book of laws made especially for the Legendaries – like the Gods' remake of the Twelve Tables.

However, as he stared at his reflection, even cocking his head slightly to admire the way his gold eyes looked brighter now, as if having been liberated from something, the God Pokemon's face fell into a contemplating one. He had never felt this way before; he had never once hesitated to scold himself after following through on an immature act such as dancing to music and being a target in a pie fight. For some reason, he found himself incapable to do so – thinking over his recent behavior, muttering lecturing insults to himself, and then reminding his confused head on how it would never happen again, because acts as those just done by his very hooves were oxymoronic to be done by the leader of the Legendary council. His job required him to be serious; there was no room in his schedule for laughter or games – mistakes and regrets; stuff that could drive his consistency of a sovereign aegis to fall back behind track. His stress was only part of it and therefore a simple grain of salt jabbed into the wound of divinity he would have to cope with.

So why was he now having second thoughts? Why, for once, back during his out-of-character dance session with Mew and the childish acts that followed, he did not scold himself for giving into the catlike being's requests? Why wasn't he regretting doing such things? Why did the reminder that he was a god and gods were supposed to be dedicated to work and only work and all the stuff that came with it fail to flash through his mind? Why did he…not care? Why did he…not worry? Why did he…

…feel so free?

(Keldeo blinked and smacked his forehead)

Wow, I'm actually invested in Arceus right now! I actually care about him! Is it because we're diving into his inner psyche? Is it because he's starting to change a bit? Or maybe it's because we're taking a break from all the chaos. We're taking a step back and taking a good look at all of this to see what it really means.

Well, break is over. Mew's hungry!

"You just vomited all over my hooves a while ago, Mew."

"Yeah…I know," she replied bashfully, rubbing the back of her head, a light tint of red crossing the skin beneath her pink facial fur. "But…it's just that…" She grinned again. "…all that pie we just cleaned up…it's made me hungry."

Arceus wanted to roll his eyes at how amazingly fast Mew recovered from a stomach upchuck, but held it in as he decided to emit the most obvious conclusion to Mew's predicament: "Then go find something to nourish your hunger with."

Mew placed her paw to her chin, adding a thoughtful look to her eyes, then stating, "That's just it…" She returned her gaze to him, her tone light with curiosity. "I don't know what to eat…"

Arceus arched an eyebrow, though kept an unimpressed look among his gaze as he closed his eyes to let out another deep sigh.

"Can you cook me something?"

His eyes shot open, his tone and expression reflecting confoundedness. "What?"

You know, Arceus. After all you went through today, boiling a pot of ramen doesn't seem that bad.

"Please, Arceus!" Mew pleaded, placing her paws together in a begging manner as she floated closer to his face, kneeling before his widened gaze. She allowed her eyes to grow bigger than they normally were with misfortune,

Oh! We're in Littlest Pet Shop territory again!

and Arceus had to step back before she started to worship him like a hopeless case turning to religion for a solution. However, even then she continued to stare at him with a puppy-dog look – that look in which he failed horribly when it came to ignoring it. He found his breath getting hitched in his throat as he took another step back, Mew only proceeding to follow and grow closer, and though he wanted to smile at how adorable her countenance appeared right now, the mere horror behind the request she was hoping he, of all beings, would fulfill was overtaking his mind and driving him to gasp out any alternative in existence that would help him evade in contributing to…cooking.

Because he had the cooking skills of a twig.

(Keldeo face hooves)

So this super amazing powerful Pokemon who's supposed to know everything can't cook? Really?

Well, apparently Rayquaza ate everything in the kitchen, so Arceus has no choice.

"Please, Arceus!" Mew suddenly gasped, lunging forward again to beg. "I mean, you're God, right? You can do anything! Please feed me; I'm starvin'!"

No he's not God! The fact that he can't cook confirms that! I mean, if Jesus turned water into good wine, I'm pretty sure that means He's a good cook. Imagine Arceus trying that.

Arceus looked down at the barrel of water. He lifted a hoof and tapped the barrel three times-

KABOOOOOM!

Yeah. . .definitely not God. You know, I love how the author shows us how Arceus is absolutely not divine. I like that a lot. No sarcasm whatsoever, that's and added plus to me.

But wait, can't Arceus just make a sandwich or cereal?

Arceus allowed his eyes to wander over his surroundings, wondering how he was going to do this without making the world explode and killing thousands of puppies in the process. Then again, when he thought about it, maybe he could just fix her a bowl of cereal or something simple that didn't require flammable surfaces to prepare, and in result make this part of his life a whole lot easier-

Again we're on the same wavelength! This is starting to get weird.

"I want spaghetti."

…oy.

(Keldeo shrugged)

Okay, that's not that bad. He can boil water, can't he?

Arceus turned his head to Mew, who was now grinning, rocking in her seat as if jumpy and impatient to taste whatever the great ruler of the gods managed to conjure in the form of angel hair noodles, marinara sauce, and large meatballs that rivaled oversized jawbreakers. He couldn't even begin to imagine what horrors lie ahead, but he knew he couldn't say no to her request, and he also knew that there was no getting out of this without pulling through on his word of cooking material nourishment; so he was screwed no matter which pill he swallowed.

You know, I think I just realized the exact genre of this fanifc. Mock-heroic. Like the Nun's Priest Tale from Canterbury Tales by Chaucer. Something as mundane as cooking is made into a big deal. That's pretty clever.

Of course, just for the sake of it, he asked, "Mew, can't you suggest something that's within my power to conjure?"

"Speak Pokemon."

Uh, that's wan;t hard to understand. Even I could do better than that, watch!

Arceus: "Mew, is it in probable possible ability for you to petition a culinary creation that I could compile and conjure for you to devour for your gastronomical enjoyment?"

Mew: . . . . . . . . . . .SAVE ME WORD GIRL!

Arceus growled at her joke, but nonetheless heeded her words and spoke in a more understandable format. "Can't you eat something that's not so…tedious…to make?"

Mew cocked her head at his words. "Why? What's wrong with spaghetti?"

Yeah, what is wrong with it? It doesn't sound that hard.

So, Arceus is in Entei's kitchen. Yeah, remember, Entei likes to , after getting the pot ready, Arceus opens a cabinet.

Arceus only had a second to squeak in surprise as a sea of ingredients and spices rained down on him, enshrouding him and causing him to flail backward to where he fell over, the cupboard's contents now hiding him away behind a pile of pepper, paprika, garlic powder, and all the other seasonings Entei had somehow crammed into one place. He coughed as he poked his head out of the pile, hacking out a handheld canister of chives that had lodged itself underneath his tongue.

Yeah, like we didn't see this coming.

It was silent after that, though Mew's laughter suddenly broke free from her mouth, and therefore Arceus could only glare at the catlike Legendary as she attempted to muffle her cachinnation with her paws.

"Do you need some help?" Mew managed to choke out between her giggles, floating over as she fixed the floors in the cupboard and began to place the spices back in their rightful places. Arceus grunted and then rose, seasonings falling from him like droplets of water as if he had just gotten out of a pool.

"This is why I don't cook," he muttered, his tone somewhat snarlish. "I don't have fingers." He raised his front hooves as if to display them. "I'm minus fingers."

That's not excuse, Arceus! Mr and Mrs. Cake get along just fine at Sugarcube Corner!

So Arceus is cooking the meat sauce and-

He hummed, grabbing the salt, then walking over and tapping some lightly into the sauce.

That is, until the lid to the canister fell off and into the pot.

WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Arceus froze as the yellow top to the salt canister popped off and dived into the meat sauce, bringing with it cupfuls of salt due to the fact there was no longer a barricade to hold it all back. The God Pokemon squeaked, snapping his head backward to avoid adding more, but only wound up tripping over his own hooves and falling flat-face onto the tiled flooring.

Meanwhile, Mew broke out into laughter…again.

Ha-ha-ha! He just ruined my dinner with all that salt! Ha-ha-ha!

"In Alpha and Omega's name," the qilinlike being cursed. He raised his face from the ground, slowly returning to his feet, hoping that all of this would be worth it in the end. He glared at Mew, who only continued to laugh, though she soon stopped her cachinnation when she suddenly heard a popping sound, turning her attention to the pot cooking the meat sauce, in which the flame underneath had been turned all the way up by accident for when Arceus had flailed his hooves in the midst of tripping and spilling salt all over the place.

She allowed an expression of anxiousness to show across her face. "Um…Arceus?"

Arceus ignored her, figuring her words to be just another tease thrown his way. Because of this, he neglected her warning tone as he tended to the salt sprawled across the floor.

"Arceus?"

"Not now, Mew," he hissed, eyes narrowed.

"But…Arceus?"

"Not. Now."

"But…but-"

"What?"

"HIT THE DECK!"

And, Arceus, turning around to face the cooking pot since Mew had motioned at it, had no time to dodge himself.

The contents inside exploded, splattering red, gory meat sauce all over the kitchen, and all over Arceus.

(Keldeo thought for a moment)

Let's see, in one day, Arceus has been covered in vomit, pies, and now meat sauce. It's like I'm watching an episode of Super Sloppy Double Dare on Nick. Fun fact: Mark Summers had OCD!

"So…erm…red looks good on you?"

Arceus only glared at Mew as she floated before him, eyes examining his meat sauce-covered figure before shifting to examine the crimson room, meat bits sliding down the walls, red splotches of mashed tomatoes dripping from the ceiling. The cooking meat sauce had exploded from the strong amplification of heat, and possibly a chemical reaction caused by Arceus' added spices and a strong amount of salt, which sounded idiotic but strangely made sense to the mind of the alpha Pokemon, because he was God; he could do anything.

Uh, no. That was idiotic. And you clearly are not God if you A: Can't predict that a pot of sauce is gonna boil over, and B: CAN'T COOK TO SAVE YOUR LIFE!

When one looked closely, a tint of pink could be seen meshed in with his usual color, and such a thing only made Arceus want to roar, kill, and send an asteroid hurtling towards a city for the sake of the satisfying destruction…

…okay, now he was really starting to lose it.

"Hey, least you got pink fur like me!" Mew laughed in exaggerated joy, moving closer to examine the God Pokemon's pinkish hue.

Now he's referencing the pink Celestia toy! What's with all the weird cartoon references? Are they all coincidences? Or maybe I've just been watching too many cartoons?

She put on a warm smile as she floated towards Arceus' depressed face, his eyes only rising to meets hers, and that's when she hugged him gently, snuggling her snout into his. He blushed, showing surprise, but soon smiled, feeling relieved as he closed his eyes in relaxation and returned the loving embrace, glad that he was able to make her happy regardless of the outcome of his attempt to cook spaghetti. "Thank you, Arceus…" she cooed before pulling away, meeting his warm gaze that vanquished any anger that had been haunting his countenance.

Blushing slightly, she reverted her eyes away from his, now transfixing them onto the ground, rubbing the back of her head in a bashful manner. However, her eyebrows soon rose when she examined the meat sauce that covered the floor – as well as everything else – and, blinking a few times before shrugging, she slowly reached her paw forward, scooped up some of the sauce, and licked it.

Her face lit up.

"This is the best meat sauce I've ever tasted!" she squealed, reaching down for more. Arceus' eyes widened in shock at her statements, while she only brought up another pawful of the sauce, smearing some on his lips so he would have to taste it himself. Grunting slightly in disbelief, he did just that, and soon found his own eyebrows rising in realization that she was right.

It was good.

So. . .exploding apparently makes sauce taste better?

(Keldeo shrugged)

Aw, what the heck! You could drop a chocolate fudge cake and it would still taste good. But wait, Arceus can cook? What, did he just never try cooking? Well, I guess anyone can cook! Wait, now the author's referencing Ratatouille! What's up with this fanfic?

However, even then he couldn't help but frown. "Mew, you do know that we need to clean up this mess, right?"

Mew looked at him with wide eyes and a mouthful of meat sauce, slowly gulping it down as she lowered her eyes to the ground. "Yeah," she then replied, sounding as if she was loathing such an idea, and Arceus only hummed.

And then he smiled.

He reached for the banister in the sink that held the clean and therefore still-edible noodles inside (its sink entrapment had saved it from getting hit with anything), and walked over to grab two plates from the china cabinet across the kitchen, then placing them both on the counter to where Mew could gaze at them with bewilderment, soon smiling herself when his following words came out with a soft laugh:

"Then we can at least do so the right way."

That's right! They eat the sauce off the walls!

. . .well, okay, to be fair, the walls were clean, and they actually scrape the sauce off and put it on the pasta, so I guess it's not as gross as it sounds. But don't try this at home, kids!

Well, it's 9 at night, like the chapter title says, and it's time for bed.

"Um, Arceus?"

The God Pokemon turned to her, his expression emotionless as thoughts brought him to display a distant look. "Yes, Mew?"

"Can I…um…?"

"What?"

"…stay with you for the night?"

Arceus' face fell…again.

"I don't know if Mewtwo and Deoxys are doing do it!" Mew hesitated, bringing her paws to her face to amplify the horror of it all.

Oh yeah. . .that plot point.

And you know, I'm not sure why that got me so angry when I first read it. Maybe it was because Mew and Deoxys weren't married? But they aren't humans, so maybe they don't need to? I'm not sure if it was just because Mew saw it, but. . .Gah, skip it!

So, Arceus lets Mew stay at the Hall. But he's overlooking something.

"Why are you following me?"

"I'm sleeping with you, remember?"

Arceus grimaced, his expression displaying slight confoundedness. She wanted to sleep in the same room as him? If she was hyper the way she was when she was awake, he didn't want to know what her dreams tended to do to her sleeping figure. "Mew, I said you could sleep in the Hall of Legends; not with me exactly."

"But sleeping by myself is boring!" Mew moaned, her disappointed tone lingering, and Arceus shuddered at the sound as if it was his kryptonite. "Please, Arceus!" she then begged, placing her paws together, and the God Pokemon felt his muscles tense up in response as she began her infamous, irresistible puppy-dog plead.

This is crossing the line! his conscious roared into his face. Just. Say. No.

"Pretty please, Arceus!"

It's not a hard word to say; it's only one syllable – so get your tongue moving and say it!

"I'll promise I'll be quiet!"

What is wrong with you? Why can't you say no? What is wrong with your mind that it can't comprehend the glorious wonders that tend to come with the valor to say no?

"Please, Arceus! I don't wanna sleep alone!"

You're disgracing the status of a god. Just say no!

"Arceus…?"

Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. I'm your conscious – the little voice inside your head that tells you when something's not right. You're supposed to listen to me, so listen to me!

"I really don't want to sleep alone…"

Why are you giving into her cuteness? You're stronger than this!

"Please…"

Arceus finally gave in. "Okay. Okay!" he snapped.

…You pansy.

Mew squealed in delight. "Thank you Arceus! You're the coolest Pokemon in the world!"

Arceus only grunted, then turning around to lead the way to the back dormitories, hoping all in the while that Mew would keep her word about not being trouble.

Was there ever any doubt he'd say no?

"I can't go to sleep without a story," she explained, smile big. "Deoxys always tells me stories about her and her brother before I go to bed. Surely you have epic tales, right?"

Well this should be interesting. I mean, come on! Arceus must have seen everything in the world! He's gotta have a good story!

Arceus frowned, wondering where to begin, and how he would go on from there. Why couldn't he just say no to her? Why couldn't he listen to his conscious? "Uh…once upon a time…" he began, eyes scanning the room as if to help think of a story plot. "…there was a forest…of Pokemon…"

His catlike observer leaned forward, face full of exaggerated anticipation, and so he continued with a faint gulp.

"This forest was…uh…a happy forest…and the Pokemon who lived in it…were happy too…"

Wow, he sucked at this.

(Keldeo chuckled)

Wow. Okay, he sounds like Jeff Goldblum on one of his better days.

The uh - uh forest, FOR-est, was -uh- happy and full OF PokeMON- Pokemon who uh were happy- hapPY!

Clearing his throat, as if trying to sound professional, he continued. "This forest was peaceful and a great home for all the Pokemon – not only because of its heavenly habitats and contagious hospitality – but also because it was guarded by a…uh…a caring Pokemon.

"This caring Pokemon was nice, and he always listened to the other Pokemon that resided in the forest, serving as their help for when they were in need or were experiencing a tough time in which only guidance could help them escape." He paused, thinking over recent events, and hummed slightly, as if finally getting the hang of it. "However, despite that he was a great leader, his daily job as such a caring guardian made his life…hectic…and stressful. And though he cared enough for the inhabitants of the forest to deal with such matters, he sometimes wished there was something out there that could make him smile for once."

Mew listened inquisitively, eyes bright with curiosity.

"He honestly thought sometimes that even with being surrounded by happy Pokemon," Arceus continued, not noticing that his eyes had dimmed, his tone soft and slightly saddened as if what he was saying was personal, "he would never be happy; he would never be at ease." The God Pokemon's eyes brightened. "But, that's when she came."

Mew cocked her head. "Who? Who came?"

Arceus smiled. "A young Pokemon," he answered, calescence radiating from his eyes. "She was childish and outgoing, envious for fun and for others to be happy. When she saw the guardian Pokemon saddened with loneliness, she came over and spent time with him.

"After that, they spent more and more days together, playing, having fun, just being best friends, and you know what happened?" He looked down at Mew.

She slowly shook her head.

"He felt happy; he felt at ease; he felt…" Arceus' eyes glistened. "…free."

Mew grinned, happy for the two fictional characters. However, she soon yawned, feeling tired, and as she watched Arceus finish his tale, she smiled softly, coming closer as recent events reran themselves through her head as well.

"And, being allies for the rest of their years, the guardian and happy carefree Pokemon lived happily ever after."

(Keldeo sniffed and rubbed at his eyes)

W-what? I'm not crying!

Arceus hummed in approval, warm smile still present. Of course, when he heard a small snore and felt the warmth of another touch his side, he turned his head and looked downward to see Mew curled up beside him, her long tail wrapped around her folded form like felines tended to do when sleeping. Her expression was peaceful, showing satisfaction, and Arceus chuckled slightly in amusement.

Mew had taught him something – that even archly beings had the right to be happy, and seriousness didn't have to have consistency. There was room in anyone's schedule for fun; for life; for relaxation, and he was grateful that Mew had managed to show him that through her carefree attitude. He felt like he had been let go from the imaginary shackles that had drove him to maintain a life of imperturbableness, allowing access to the beauteous world he had once thought he would never have time to fully enjoy.

She had freed him.

And it wasn't long before a soft snoring emitting from him signified that he had fallen asleep.

-ooo-

A few hours into the night, Mew slowly shifted, opening one glowing eye to gaze at Arceus as he slept beside her, his face showing no conflict and instead pure satisfaction. She wanted to smile and hug him; wake him up and thank him for all the things he had done for her – but held it in as she instead rose slowly, making sure not to nudge him awake as she escaped from his affectionate hold and floated quietly towards the shadow-drenched door.

Then, gazing at him lovingly one last time, she put on a determined face, nodded to herself, agreeing with her plan, and headed out the door and away from the Hall of Legends into the sleeping night.

Wait, where is Mew going? Huh. I guess we'll find out next chapter.

Okay last chapter! Chapter 6: Nirvana. . .wait, what? Hmmm, I guess after this long path, Arceus has found peace and purity? Huh! That actually fits! Okay, so the next morning, Arceus is, as Mike Wazowski would put it:

Mike: . . .that slab that's hanging over the bed!

Snores emitted from Arceus' hanging jaw as he lay sprawled out across his bed in a very ungodly position. His hooves were in the air as he rested on his back, drool dribbling down from his opened lips as he smacked them together every now and then in the midst of dreaming, rolling to his side – only to go back to his prior position a split second after. He pawed at the air, mumbling out incoherent gurgles that sounded like a repeat of the archly rules all Legendaries needed to follow, and with the sole fact that they were sprouting from his lips in a drunken manner as he slept like an exhausted partier, not even the thought itself could take him seriously. He usually never slept like this, as even in his dormancy he would have to keep one eye open and his thoughts in motion in order to hold, in reach, the problems he would be forced to sustain the following morning.

However, now he had no such things to worry about; thus, he gave into his tiredness altogether and let his fatigued body do what it wanted without having to maintain a consistent posture of serious elegance.

And whether or not this was a good thing, the amusing sight itself was a reward all on its own.

You got that right.

And what is Arceus dreaming about?

"Mew…" he cooed, sighing in relief at the sight of her moon-sized eyes and even larger grin. His hooves lowered from his head, folding in against his side as if he was embracing something, and the mere memory of Mew's plushlike pink fur inspired affection to deluge his chest and make his heart flutter around like a dopey teenager in love. His smile grew soft, his head burying itself into the pillow, his dream shape-shifting the cushion into Mew's cuddly body, which was why he gently caressed the headrest with his furry cheek. He let out another sigh of geniality, blushing slightly in the midst of it, rolling over one last time-

He fell off the bed.

WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAHHH!

And I want to address something. I don't think the romance tag fits. Their relationship seems more like father and daughter to me. The only romance in this story is, well, right here! And it's not really Arceus feeling romantic. It's the author saying this scene is romantic. Personally, I interpret it as a father dreaming about the daughter he just adopted the other day.

So, Arceus wakes up, and sees the Mew is no where to be found.

Mew was gone.

He didn't know why he felt so sad at the conclusion that he and Mew's day together was over; he would be able to see Mew every day if he wanted to, as they were Legendaries who coexisted with all the others. However, the fact that their deal as official 'best buddies' had ended was enough to depress him anyway. When she first got there at the start of the previous day, pleading for a place to stay while Mewtwo and Deoxys were doing whatever they were accused of doing, the following hours had been pure chaos. To Arceus, he had never felt more stressed out in his life, and having to watch and occupy Mew helped such a manner in no way shape or form. To Mew, she had seen the situation as a gateway to fun, ruining any chances Arceus had of maintaining sanity with her ideas of amusement and types of sugary alimentary that later provoked disgorged materials to cover the disgusted God Pokemon's hooves.

While Mew spent the day being boisterous, Arceus spent it wishing he wasn't the creator of the universe.

However, towards the end of the day, Mew had somehow made him see that life wasn't just work and stress; it was also fun and enjoyable. He had been blinded to such a concept due to the peer pressure of living up to the godly being everybody always expected him to be, and Mew had showed him that even Legendaries didn't have to be serious twenty-four-and-seven. He had believed that there was never any time for personal relaxation and the Legendaries who said otherwise were immature beings who didn't take their work seriously. Now, though, his views on the world had changed in one day – and all because of Mew; the Pokemon whom he had once deemed childish when she was really only living life to the fullest, not allowing her responsibilities to run her days like a cancer-inflicted human condemned to bed.

Like he was.

Yeah, yeah, he misses her already. Alright, lets skip to where she comes back!

Needless to say, Arceus had to calm himself down before he put on a childish grin and lunged forward to hug the said pink-furred being as she floated before him. "Mew!" he breathed, brightness returning to his eyes and posture – though once he realized how hyper he sounded, he let out a coarse cough to cover it up and quickly regained his proud composure. Just because he was happy to see her didn't mean he had to act like an idiot. "Mew," he repeated, keeping his tone firm this time, "where did you go?" He couldn't help but frown. "When I woke up, you weren't here…"

Mew raised her eyes from the tiled ground, meeting his gold gaze. He pulled back slightly at the tiredness that drowned her orbs with red, scrawny lines. Even her floating seemed frail, her long tail hanging limply as she kept her paws behind her back.

Despite that he was thrilled that she had returned, Arceus displayed worry for her state, stepping forward slightly, trying to determine why she seemed so…

…tired.

"Mew?" he murmured. "Are you okay-?"

Right before he could finish his question, Mew pulled her hands out from behind her back, revealing a yellow package in which its paper wrappings were tied together with a scarlet ribbon. Arceus arched an eyebrow as the catlike Legendary, without a sound, lowered herself to the ground and placed the presentlike object in front of him – like a peace offering between two tribe chieftains. "Here," she stated as she returned to floating, rubbing lingering tiredness from her eyes. Her tone was still happy and carefree, though it sounded dimmed as well.

Arceus switched his eyes between the package and Mew, wondering what this was all about.

"I just wanted to thank you for everything you did for me," Mew explained, eyes brightening slightly in both affection and gratefulness. "You watched out for me for when I needed help, so I owe you." She yawned, appearing so fatigued Arceus' own eyelids grew heavy. "I spent all night searching for stray money on the streets of cities so I could buy this for you. I would've had Jirachi wish it for me, but I felt that with the whole candy incident…I needed to get this on my own." She let out a sigh, meeting his eyes. "And I put the money on the store's counter before I left with the gift, Scout's Honor," she announced, raising one paw and putting the other over her heart.

Wow. . . so she did learn her lesson! But what did she buy him? You know what, I want you to guess what it is. With everything and when I say everything, I mean the one thing, we've learned about Arceus in this fanfic, what do you think she got him?

(The Jeopardy song played through one time)

And the answer is:

-o- May's Anatomy -o-

Seasons 1 – 4

His breathing stopped.

"I thought that with how I ruined your chances of seeing the new episode yesterday," Mew quickly explained, appearing nervous as Arceus stared at the DVD case in his hooves with stunned eyes, "I could get you all of the seasons that were currently out on DVD. That way, maybe you could watch it until the new season comes out…"

That's right! A DVD box set of his soap operas! One problem though, how much change would it take to buy this?

Oh my gosh there's a 20 foot pile of pennies on my counter!

But I won't be mean. And you know, this gift seems to make this whole fanfic, even Mew's stealing of the candy, feel A LOT better. I guess it shows that Mew wants to make things right and show her sincere appreciation. This is the happy, playful, but well meaning Mew I want to see.

And Arceus, reacts accordingly.

When he suddenly lunged forward, Mew squeaked, throwing her arms up over her face.

However, she stopped shivering when she felt his warm hooves snatch her tiny figure and pull her forward until her face met the soft fur that covered his chest.

He was…hugging her?

Indeed, that's what he was doing, and he ducked his head until his mouth was right by her ear – so close she could sense the shaky joy that served as his tone. "Thank you, Mew," he whispered. "Thank you for everything."

Mew blinked, her mind still comprehending what had just happened. Of course, when it all sorted itself out before her, she smiled in relief, burying her head against his warm, plushlike fur. Usually she would've pulled away by now, shooting him a childish grin and emitting brags to go with it. This time, though, she did no such thing, instead enjoying the feeling of his silky fur cushioning her body as they tightened their embrace, her paws coming forward to hold him even closer – if that was possible anymore. They stayed like that for the next few minutes, making no sounds or movements as they relished in each other's warmth.

Suddenly, the doors into the conference room burst open yet again, and Mew and Arceus pulled away from each other almost instantly as the other Legendaries of the council poured into the area like liberated water from a broken dam.

Oh come on! What's so important that you have to interrupt this cute scene?!

Deciding to finally solve this once and for all, Arceus stepped forward, Mew trying to hide herself behind him as he approached Mewtwo and Deoxys.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot.

(Keldeo leaned in intently)

Alright, time for some answers!

"Mewtwo," Arceus repeated, keeping his tone straightforward and without emotion, "did you and Deoxys fornicate at any time during the day prior to this one?"

For a split second, Mewtwo's eyes nearly bulged out of his head, and Deoxys blushed heavily. "W-what?"

"But I saw you!" Mew suddenly spoke up, floating in-between Arceus and Mewtwo, her expression of fright replaced with one of defense. "You two were on top of each other and your arms and legs and stuff were all tangled up…and stuff." She snorted, crossing her paws over her chest.

"Yesterday, when Deoxys and I returned to our cave after realizing that Team Rocket was still dormant," Mewtwo explained, his voice dragging with slight embarrassment, "I assisted we relax and spend the rest of the day off. However…" He glared at Deoxys. "Deoxys suggested that we do something…'fun'" – he made the quotation symbol with his fingers – "which she believed involved a game of-"

"Twister!" Deoxys suddenly cut in, laughing in the midst of it.

"Yes," Mewtwo sighed with impatience – and an eye roll. "Twister. Deoxys said she wouldn't let me read until I played a round with her." He grunted. "How she was able to get me involved in that inferior human source of entertainment was beyond me; I suppose I was simply maintaining more generosity than normal that day."

Mew poked her head up. "Twister?" she repeated, blinking at the thought, and her eyes brightened in realization. "Oh, so that's what that white mat with colorful spots on it was…"

Silence, then:

"…Whoopsie."

(Keldeo froze as still as a statue, his mouth slightly open. He stood like this for a while, then he suddenly exploded in laughter. He fell onto his back and kicked his legs as he laughed. He rolled around a bit, and eventually composed himself enough to get back up)

Whew! I mean. . .wow. . .that was incredible. . .really! And how does the NON-OMNISCIENT Arceus react to this revelation?

Arceus was towering over her, a look of pure furiousness drenching his countenance as his stiff hooves pinned her to the tiled floor on all sides, granting no escape. She shivered underneath his demonic glare, hearing his ragged breathing that could beat an angered Tauros'. She backed up against the ground, but could make no further movements as Arceus ducked his head and revealed gritted teeth, snarls rising from the back of his throat, giving him a semblance of cannibalism that contradicted his usual nature of collectiveness. "Mew…" he began, his tone a coarse hiss. She gulped again, fearing the worst as she sealed her eyes shut and Arceus continued:

"…Even Legendaries make mistakes."

Mew felt her expression of fear fall into one of bewilderment, having expected a death threat to emit from Arceus' lips. She opened her eyes to look at his face, blinking upon realizing that he was now smiling, his gold eyes deep with warmth and understanding – any sense of homicide he had had was completely gone without a trace.

It was silent and uneventful between them for the next few seconds, though once Mew finally comprehended what was going on, she grinned big and laughed with Arceus when the qilinlike Pokemon stepped off and allowed her to rise. Following this, she floated forward and hugged his face, another chuckle emitting from his lips as he nuzzled the embrace into a tighter one.

"Thank you, Arceus," she cooed against his fur, and he chuckled.

"Don't worry about it."

Man, was it relaxing to finally be able to say such a thing.

Eventually, Arceus shifted slightly when he heard a soft snoring, his eyes fluttering open in puzzlement as he pulled away to glance at Mew.

"You know what?" he began, closing his eyes in delight. "Take the day off – all of you. This morning meeting has been cancelled."

(Keldeo smiled broadly)

Yes, Arceus has finally learned not to be so uptight!

And now it's time for a few closing jokes!

. . .which I will not spoil! Go read them for yourself!

So, that was Nine in the Afternoon! WOW! I'm at a loss for words.

At first, I felt that Mew was a spoiled brat who could get out of punishments and existed only to torture Arceus. But as I read, my opinion changed.

This review reminds me of my Breaking the Chains review. The story got better when I reached the second half. But with a major difference. Okay, no disrespect to AuraWielder, but while I still feel the first half of Breaking the Chains was. . .not fun to read, when I go back and reread the first half of Nine in the Afternoon, it's actually better than when I first read it! I mean it, many of my gripes and criticisms for Chapter 1, 2, and 3 of this story didn't seem to hold up to me anymore. The story made more sense, I cared more about Arceus, I even started liking Mew! The presence of technology didn't even bother me anymore.

Why is that? Why did my feelings towards this fanfic change after I read the whole thing?

. . . .

. . . .

(Keldeo's eyes slowly began to open wider. There was a twinkle of realization in them. Keldeo's mouth opened slightly, and he closed it. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Then, he spoke)

Maybe. . . Arceus wasn't the only one to learn a lesson from Mew here. Maybe. . .I. . .the reader. . .learned something as well. Maybe, it's not so important to have everything in a fanfic match up with cannon. Maybe, you shouldn't get angry when the fanfic's characterization doesn't match your head cannon. If the Hall of Legends has technology, that's okay. If it has a XBOX 360, that's okay. And sometimes fanfic authors will have wacky things happen in their stories. Some die hard fans will get angry that they're beloved characters are going through ridiculous situations. . .but maybe that's just the point of Fan Fiction. To see how characters we've grown to know and love go through things from epic adventures, to wild escapades, and even their day to day lives.

Maybe. . .the best kind of critic is not one who gets angry over every little thing, but one who can crack jokes as he reads, while poking fun at parts he disagrees with and praising the parts he likes. Maybe the key word isn't tolerance. Maybe the key is going with the flow, making the best of it, and facing it with a smile.

Maybe, entertaining critics don't scream in pain and act like they're undergoing torture when faced with a piece of material that they don't like or is just plain poor. Maybe, it's best to not be stuffy, pessimistic, cynical, angry, grumpy, or even overly serious. Maybe, the best way. . .is to posses the optimism that is. . .Mew. . .

(Keldeo took a moment to breath in and out through his nose. Then, he smiled)

Imperator Justinian. . . I want to thank you for recommending this Fanfic to me. I know this is gonna sound kinda corny, but I believe you've changed the way I review, the way I look at things. Sure, Glory For Sleep wrote this story, but I would've never found it if it hadn't been for you. I guess I owe you both a thank you.

Well, I guess there's hope for me after all! I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I just reviewed a Pokemon Fan Fiction!

THE END

Performed by Keldeo of the Swords of Justice

Credits

Portal 2

Ratatouille

Word Gril

PBS

Spongebob Squarepants

Nickelodeon

Dragnet

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

The Hub

Hasbro

Star Trek: The Next Generation

Nostalgia Critic- Bebe's Kids the Game

Cloverfield

Special Thanks to DragonNiro for Keldeo's use of the word "Biscuits."

The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.

(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)