A/N: Hey, my little band of faithful readers. Sorry for the lack of spoiler. It's currently school holidays in Old Sydney Town, and my snots are stealing all my free time and making it hard to concentrate. Little buggers they are. Anywho, you might not like me over the next few chapters (this one included) but please keep the faith. I have promised you a happy ending and I will deliver!
Thanks as always to Kimmie45 and SammyHale. My two fave fandom peeps who keep me sane and hold my hand when I'm overwrought by my Achilles Heel. I am such a needy writer. I'm not sure if it shows, but I really am. A Doubting Debbie, seriously.
Okay, I'll shut up now. See you at the end.
xoxo

The Fallen

Chapter 37

During the last twenty-four hours I start to become aware of it; the spear's power is beginning to withdraw from me.

I felt it first after I healed Bella's body. When she kneed me she'd taken me down, and that's not something I have experienced in all my centuries of existing alongside humans—and I've taken numerous impacts to the groin. After, it had taken a lot longer to heal than it should have. I needed to sleep for the pain to fully subside, and I'm sleeping a lot more than I was when I'd first taken control of the spear.

The second was after I was forced to wipe a house keeping staff's memory. I had completely forgotten to take care of the state of the bathroom, and after returning from lunch, Bella and I walked in on one of the inn's maids standing amidst the chaos of shattered glass, blood, and stark white feathers with an expression of horror besetting her face. From her mind, she was suspecting some kind of satanic ritual had taken place, and when she'd turned around and locked her eyes with mine, anyone would have thought the ultimate beast himself was standing before her.

After removing the last half hour from her recollection and redirecting her thoughts, I sent her on her way, only to be immediately afflicted by a wave of lightheadedness that threatened to bring me to my knees. I physically wavered, alarming Bella so much, she'd immediately rushed toward me using her small frame to attempt to keep me on my feet.

She peered up at me, her eyes wide and ignited with fear, and her mouth open as her mind began to race with the infinite possibilities that would cause an angel to falter.

"Don't look so concerned, sweetheart. I'm fine. The spear's power over me is beginning to wane, that's all. I have to return it tomorrow," I answered her unspoken questions truthfully.

She visibly relaxed before once more the cogs in her brain began to turn.

"Edward, have..." she began, only to abandon it to lose herself within her own troubled musings. And despite the fact that I'd promised her repeatedly never to invade her thoughts without her permission, I did so without hesitation; only to immediately groan beneath my breath.

She was about to ask me whether I had ever removed her memories.

"What is it?" I asked her, if only to keep up the charade.

She shook it gently from her thoughts, and threw me a hastily put together smile. "Never mind."

She didn't want to know either way, and for that I was grateful.

. . .

I do my best to keep her distracted for the next several hours. We're intimate, again, and this time I make every effort to be as careful and gentle with her as possible. I'm beginning to fear I won't be able to heal her if I injure her again, and for that reason I'm not as eager to immerse myself in her body as I have been previously.

The bed is the only safest option; its thick pillow-top mattress and numerous coverings keep Bella well cushioned, while absorbing most of the impact as the energy erupts from me.

After, we sleep with Bella lying fully atop of me. The weight of her small, overtly warm body against my own keeps my thoughts blessedly tamed and grounded, while momentarily shielding me from the storm clouds I can feel steadily approaching.

By mid-afternoon we're both growing restless and claustrophobic. We've spent too many hours cooped up in our room. We decide to take a stroll through the inn's grounds and explore the surrounding woodlands.

It's late November and the landscape is awash with the colors of fall. With my arm wrapped securely around her, we walk around to the rear of the inn where a wedding is taking place in the gardens. I pause, and for several minutes, Bella and I watch the ceremony hidden to the side beneath the foliage of a huge Red Maple tree.

"You don't regret our wedding, do you?" I ask her apprehensively. In comparison to our small intimate union, the one before us is grand and lavish.

She smiles gently and shakes her head, curving her arm around my waist. "No, of course I don't. Who would I invite anyway? The only people I know are nuns."

"And angels," I reminded her, making the smile on her face broaden.

"There's several angels at this wedding," she discloses, her dark eyes carefully scanning the crowds. "Can you see them?"

"No," I admit, shaking my head. I can, but to see into their realm is no longer as effortless as it has been. It quickly drains me. "It's easier to see through your eyes."

"Look through my eyes," she offers, her smile this time turning playful.

"You're giving me permission?" I ask, arching a teasing brow. "You won't maim me this time?"

She nudges me, scoffing softly, and without needing further encouragement, I scan her mind; immediately seeing the scores of angelic beings in attendance. Through Bella's eyes they're distinguished from humans by the gold aura that permeates through their bodies of light. Some are winged and dressed in the uniformed tunic of their hierarchy, while others appear clothed as though they were another human guest.

"Hmm," I murmur as one turns directly to me and Bella and waves. I hesitate, recognizing him immediately. He's an archangel, charged with the legion of guardians of my former division.

Removing my hand stiffly from the front pocket of my jeans, I raise it in acknowledgement.

"Do you know him?" Bella asks, gazing up at me in surprise.

"Yeah. His name's Azreal. He's my old boss," I say lightly, and Bell finding equal amusement in it again nudges me.

"Who's the...leader of all the angels?" she asks me after a moment's pause, the curiosity in her voice making it soft.

I take a breath and exhale in a hum. "There's a lot of different divisions."

"What was your division?"

"Third Sphere Watchers," I mumble, breaking her gaze to scratch the back of my head.

She angles her body to me, and places her palm on my chest. "Who leads the Watchers of the Third Sphere?" She's genuinely curious to know; to know more about me.

"Raphael," I reply, my eyes—through Bella's—steeled to the ceremony before us, or more on the collection of deployed guardians.

"Do you know Raphael?"

"Yeah, I know him," I mutter, my voice seeped with more bitterness than I had intended.

Bella's breath quickly pushes through her nose in blatant amusement, drawing my attention from her mind.

"You sounded exactly the same when I asked you about Michael. Remember?" she reminds me, quirking a brow.

"Yeah," I concede with a sigh. "That's because they're fairly similar."

"They're not nice?" she prompts me.

I open my mouth, but stall, searching for the right words so she'll better understand. "You can't really judge them by human standards. They experience emotion differently. They don't really know how to empathize with humans, but their job isn't to sympathize, or even to understand. Their perspective is very black and white."

She nods, her eyes pulling back to the crowd. "I know," she muses softly. "They're very...honest. I'm unsure they understand tact."

"No, they won't tiptoe around your feelings, that's for damn sure," I mumble, only partially beneath my breath.

"Oh no..." Bella murmurs and there is an element of humor in her tone. "What did they do to you?"

"Raphael tore my wings off and then impaled me several times with Michael's sword," I openly disclose, my eyes trained on Azrael. He's heard me, and in response he smirks to himself.

I force him to materialize—expansive wings, white tunic, and brass armor on full display. For only a few seconds at least.

The after-effects are minimal. Only inflicting me with a moment or two of fatigue.

A sharp gasp erupts from Bella, and breaking my eyes from the beast, I glance down at her. She's horrified, but not from what I'd just forced upon the now scowling archangel. She hadn't even noticed "Why did he do that?"

Her reaction, not to mention Azrael's fuming expression, makes me smile. I can't help myself. "He was very, very angry at me."

Her brow knots and her expression becomes cynical. "Were you always a hell raiser?"

A completely humorless laugh bursts from me. "I guess you could say that," I agree, frowning and severing the link to the angels before us.

Bella doesn't respond; she only peers up at me, her eyes becoming deluged in that quiet unease of hers.

I pull her further against me, dropping my lips to the top of her head.

"Edward...?" she eventually asks me in a small voice, her voice partially muffled behind my t-shirt.

"Mmm?"

"What if you asked to be human?" she ventures.

I smile, scoffing softly past it. "I am human."

She whacks me in the chest in mild frustration. "No, I mean, fully human."

I raise my head, angling it so I can see her face. "Bella...I can never be fully human while my soul is a creation of the Angelic Host," I explain as gently as possible, because I know those aren't the words she wants to hear.

Her expression falls in disappointment. "But you eat, you sleep—"

"—I have wings," I point out in a light voice in an effort to sway her off the subject. It's not something I want her to entertain; there is absolutely nothing conducive about it.

She only huffs, removing her arm from around me to fold both of hers over her chest. She's sulking, and I understand her thought process without the need to read her mind. She doesn't want anything to change, but what she doesn't know is after tomorrow nothing will ever be the same again.

For the both of us.

"Hey, how would I take you flying if I didn't have any wings?" I remind her against her hair in an effort to placate her.

Her only response is a jaded sigh, and taking her hand, I lead her back to the main building of the inn. Back to our room.

. . .

It's just past two am, when Bella and I steal back to the rear of the gardens and head east into the woods that flank the perimeter of the inn's grounds.

For several miles I lead Bella into the woods, through dense underbrush and shrubbery, until I'm satisfied we're safely concealed from outside eyes. I'm no longer confident I'll have the power to wipe the mind of one human, let alone numerous, and take every measure to go unnoticed.

I carry Bella for the most part. Her eyes aren't as sharp as mine, and she isn't exactly the most dexterous human on the planet. I can't risk her falling and injuring herself.

The air is crisp and a chill hangs densely in the air filling Bella's lungs and condensing her breath. Winter is steadily approaching, and I made sure to cover her in several layers before we set out.

I hold her easily in my arms, as though she were no more than a kitten, and she keeps me close to her with a single arm wrapped around my shoulders. There is a light breeze that sweeps her long hair over my neck and arms, engulfing me in her sweet scent. She smells of the perfumed bath oils from our morning adventures. And she smells of me. My scent lingers from every inch of her flesh; from every pore.

I glance down discreetly at her as I carry her deeper and deeper into the forest. Through the stark shadows of the woods, the tempered glow of the crescent moon on her face makes her appear almost celestial. As if she were the heavenly being, and I were a beast of the night stealing her away to feast on her soul.

Even in the sparse moonlight above her beauty is undeniable, and that I can claim ownership of her heart, even for the briefest moment, will help me endure the inferno that awaits me.

She inclines her head to gaze up at me, and smiles. And by the grace of God, my heart breaks; reminding me again that I never deserved her, and the punishment I am about to receive for the crimes I have inflicted upon her is wholly and completely justified.

She only places her palm to my cheek, her smile growing gently in depth, but she doesn't speak. I want to tell her how much I love her, but I have never been able to find words adequate enough to describe what she means to me. 'I love you' is thrown around so frivolously after all; it would be a blasphemy to associate it with what I feel for her.

I reach a small clearing roughly twenty feet in diameter, and after placing Bella down in the center of it, I drag my t-shirt over my head, and—using my feet—pull off my shoes.

"Why are you taking your shoes off?" Bella asks curiously, only to jump in her skin as I unleash my wings.

She stumbles and falls against me, and steadying her, I break into a small smile. "I don't like wearing them when I fly."

Shaking off her shock, she flashes me a shrewd look. "You're going to give me heart failure."

My smile this time is inward before I draw her to me, turning her around so her back is pressed against my torso. "Okay, you have to trust me not to drop you, so no squirming."

"I trust you," she replies simply, squeezing herself further against me as I secure my arms firmly around her. Her heart is beginning to race.

"It's easy to say that now, but wait until we're hundreds of feet in the air," I murmur against her ear. Then fully opening and extending my wings, I slowly lift us up.

She gasps audibly, going rigid in my arms; her hands gripping my forearms until she's almost tearing off my skin.

"Bella—calm down. I'm not going higher until you take a breath." We're only fifty feet in the air, and already she's terrified.

"Ok-kay, just give me a minute," she stammers in a strangled voice.

I keep the distance static, moving my wings slowly back and forth as I concentrate on her breathing and the tempo of her heart against my chest. When she calms, I take us higher. Though, after every ascent she turns to stone and panics, and it takes me a good ten minutes to talk her down, but eventually we make it to five hundred feet.

From this height, the forest bed is easily discernible between the trees as the skyline spreads out before us, while all sound begins to fade off into the distance.

I take her to a thousand feet where city landscapes become visible on the horizon amidst thousands of twinkling lights. The wind is gustier at this altitude, and through the layers of her clothes Bella begins to tremble, but by this point, she is almost completely relaxed as her eyes pull in every direction.

"Edward," she breathes. "It's so beautiful. So peaceful..."

I can't say I've ever really paused to appreciate it. To me, flying has always been a means to an end, a mode of travel with my eyes always focused on my destination and never down below, but with Bella now, it's easy to witness the beauty of it. The beauty of most things that I have repeatedly taken for granted; much like I have my humanity. Humanity in general.

"Do you want to go higher?" I ask, my lips against her ear so she can hear me above the rush of the wind.

She nods eagerly, and curling my legs around hers to preserve her body heat, I take us higher. Her hair is whipping all around me, and the silkiness of it caressing against my face is indescribable. I can almost taste it in the air; taste the very scent of her on every breath of wind.

I stop at two thousand feet. The air is icy at this altitude, and as the temperature drops, the world below melts away into partitions of shadow while the stars overhead burn more vivid as they stretch to every point of the horizon.

And Bella is in awe.

Dropping my head, I rest my chin on her shoulder and curl my arms tighter around her. "What do you think?"

"It's amazing," she replies, her voice choked and barely audible.

"You're amazing."

She turns and kisses me impulsively and clumsily. Her lips are chilled, and her entire body is quivering, but her excitement, her vibrancy, is palpable.

"I will remember this moment for the rest of my life," she says in a whisper that almost gets carried away by the wind.

"Promise me you will," I utter against her ear, my voice a little too impassioned.

. . .

Instead of dropping down to the clearing in the woods, I fly directly back to the balcony off our room. Bella's unable to conceal how cold she is from me, and I've kept her out too long.

"What about your shoes?" she inquires, as I usher her through the French doors into our room.

"I'll buy more," I lie, pulling her to me and running my hands up and down her arms and over her shoulders in attempt to bring warmth back to her skin. "Do you want to have a shower?"

She shakes her head, cocooning herself against my chest. "No, let's just go to bed. You're enough to keep me warm."

That afternoon while we were out in the gardens, the maid cleaned our room, and our bed now sits before us freshly made with clean sheets and coverings.

Bella quickly undresses—her flesh covered in goosebumps—before grabbing one of my shirts from the chaise at the end of the bed and throwing it over her small frame. After pulling the quilted blankets back, I crawl in behind her beneath the soft flannel, and draw her into my arms; releasing my breath heavily against her windswept hair.

She's asleep in seconds.

I wait another hour before I make my move; holding her supple, unconscious body against me until she's toasty warm and succumbing to dreams.

To the far left of the room is a small mahogany desk accompanied by two armchairs and a coffee table. It's a collection of furniture Bella and I have virtually overlooked, but with a couple of hours until dawn, I quietly sit myself at the desk and pull a sheet of paper and pen from one of its two narrow drawers.

My dearest Isabella, I begin before pausing to swallow back the sudden tide of emotion rising in my throat. After taking a stiff determined breath, I continue.

I'm so very sorry that I couldn't tell you in person, but by the time you read this, I will be gone. I will be gone, and I won't be coming back.

I have been recalled back to Heaven.

This is not something I chose, my love, nor was it something I was aware of until my final week with you. If it was up to me, I would stay with you until the end of time, but unfortunately it's not. From the very beginning, it was a path I had to follow to its conclusion, and now that I've reached the end, my time with you also has come to an end.

With everything I am, I wanted to keep you. I tried to keep you, and in doing so, I defied the entire universe, even my own nature, but I wronged you again. I allowed you to get too close to me, but you bewitched me body and soul - just as you did during your very first life. As much as I want to hold onto you forever, I have to let you go. We were never destined to be together, Bella. You were created for so much more than me, and I'm not, nor have I ever been, worthy of you.

I was created to be your guardian, and I failed. I failed so terribly I put your very soul in the path of danger for thousands of years. I never told you this, but my actions against you had me expelled from Heaven. My punishment was to be born a human, repeatedly, until I found you and restored what I wrongly stole from you. Your life. It took me four thousand years, but I have completed that mission. Now that I have restored your soul and had you appointed another guardian, you are finally free to live without any more fear of the darkness my actions infected you with.

You don't know how happy it's made me to know I succeeded, Bella. To know you get to live the life that was always ordained for you. You deserve all the happiness in this world, and that's all I have ever desired for you. To see you smile.

Please don't cry for me, and don't shut yourself in the shadows away from the world. You are worth every year I spent on Earth searching for you, and it will break my heart to know you're unhappy because of me. I have been the cause of that unhappiness for too many centuries, and you are too precious to me for that to be your fate.

Your life is spread out before you. Your story is yet to be written, so please make it as amazing as I know you are. Climb mountains for me, Bella. Swim in oceans, visit far off cities, fall in love, have babies, grow old, and above all else, laugh. Always laugh, because you have the most amazing laugh. And when you laugh, I'll hear it, and I want to hear it. More than anything you can imagine.

It was you who taught me how to laugh, Bella, but more than that, you taught me how to love, wholly and selflessly, even at the risk of losing everything. You taught me what it means to be human when every part of my soul railed against it. While I stole you away from your humanity, you brought me into my own. But, I was created to watch over you, to protect you, and guide you; not to live alongside you, and I finally realized that. I finally realized the danger my presence had over your life, and how detrimental to you I would be if I were allowed to stay.

I want you to know what an honor it was for me to have you as my wife. Always remember that. I will be forever grateful that I was given a glimpse into what it means to be human with you, and the three days we spent together were the happiest of all my thousands of years of being. I will always cherish those moments with you, and I will hold them close to my heart forever. I will hold you close to my heart forever.

Lastly, don't ever doubt what I feel for you. What I will always feel for you. I love you, Bella. There has never been a time in my life when I haven't loved you, but I love you the way a sunflower worships the sun. You are the source of my life, of my very existence, but you are something so completely unobtainable and out of my reach.

So, always remember that while I was once your guardian, and your husband, I have now returned to being an angel of Heaven who will love you for eternity.

Edward.

A/N: Can someone pass me a box of Kleenex? A freakin' case, please? I'm a blubbering, snotty mess after reading that letter. ~Kimmie45