The Foxtaballoon stayed outside to smoke a cigarette as the Foxtable led me through the doors of the Dishwasher Store, whence we were greeted by a gleaming store interior - the kind of gleam that can barely contain itself, resplendent with gilt edges and iridescent rainbow light, almost blinding to behold. A series of fashionable dishwashers formed a long aisle through which we walked, strutting to the groove of the ambient future funk that blasted through retro subwoofers positioned in strategic points around the store. After what seemed like an hour of walking between the rows of dishwashers, we finally arrived at what appeared to be the cashier's desk, which was manned by a young lady cashier (early 20s, I'd guess) of indeterminate ethnicity [AN: not that it matters!] with short white hair and owl-glasses and a low-key smile of recognition at the Foxtable as it leapt up on the counter and let itself be stroked and scratched around the ears by the cashier.

"Foxtable!" she said, her voice subdued and slightly monotone but with a subtle warmth to it.

"It is good to see you, old friend," the Foxtable responded, before turning to yours truly and introducing us. "Melanie, this is Lexi. Lexi, Melanie."

I waved at the lass.

"'Tis a pleasure to make your acquaintance, ma'am!" I said to the cashier, in the way my dad-king had taught me one time in an unreleased bonus chapter that is only available to the supporters of this story. "I am Melanie T'Starlight von Goldensdawn, human-cyborg relations!"

"I'm Lexi," said the cashier. "Lexi Con. Oh yeah..."

She cleared her throat.

"And welcome to the Dishwasher Store," Lexi said in a mechanical, rehearsed tone. "The Only Place In Existence. Can I help y'all with anything?"

I didn't know exactly what I wanted her to help me with here, but I nevertheless nodded instinctively, and then reached deep into my bountiful cleavage, where I produced a certain Monsters Duel card that I had been keeping there.

The one that Kyubey had given me...

"Cure to the Affliction..."

Even though I could barely stand to part with it, I slid the card across the register desk bench counter thing and whispered into her ear loud enough that the Foxtable could still hear (we seemed to be the only three people in the entire store, but my ex always said that I have a flair for the dramatic! lol):

"Got any specs on this fine number here?"

Lexi Con held the card up to her face, scrutinising its every minute detail. A wry smile came across her...face.

"As a dishwasher salesperson who is employed to sell dishwashers at the Dishwasher Store, my area of expertise tends to lie predominately in the realm of dishwashers," she explained, to which I nodded understandingly. "But I used to be something of a duelist in my teens... And I do believe I might have a couple of words to say regarding this here rare trading card..."

My ears perked up.

So did the Foxtable's, in a far more natural and less excrutiating way.

A dishwasher churned away in the distance.

"Okie doke," Lexi said finally, before wincing at the fact that she had just ironically said 'okie doke' like come on how eighteen eighty late can you get?

"Okie dokey? You oughta tell me the up-and-up regarding this here M.D. piece right now, ya hear me, dame?" I gumshoed noirly.

I didn't mean to snap; I guess I was just feeling withdrawal symptoms re: the card that Kyubey had given me, mainly because 3 Kyubey 3 had given it to me!

"Alright alright," Lexi finally getting to the point.

She flashed the card in my face and pointed at the place where it said "Labyrinth Card".

"Do you see the place where it says 'Labyrinth Card'?" she asked.

I nodded.

"That means that it's a Labyrinth Card!" she clarified.

I nodded again.

"And what the friff does that mean?" I asked after a couple of seconds, when I realised that I didn't have the foggiest notion about what a Labyrinth Card even was.

"Aren't you supposed to be a Monsters Duel champion, Lady Melanie?" the Foxtable quizzed me quizzically, from atop the counter-till where it sat.

They both gazed at me intently. I felt my face going red, as red as Bernie Sanders' economic policy (my dad said I could use that joke for the fanfiction if I wanted).

"Yeah...so...what?" I ettoed.

"Then you should probably know what a Labyrinth Card is!" Lexi chimed in, agreeing with the Foxtable's gist. "But I'll explain it to you anyway, so buckle up!"

I buckled up. The store-music changed to a Diana Ross remix with Sonic Youth guitars over the top. Cool!

Lexi leaned in close to me. I was about to back the friff away because I wasn't into the yuri stuff except for that slash fic I wrote about me and Kyubey. But to my chagrin I noticed that Lexi wasn't making out with me - she was actually just explaining something to me!

"So here's the sitch," she said in that weird southern twang of hers, "Labyrinth Cards are a very rare and powerful kind of Monsters Duel card. The catch is that they can only be activated at the epicenter of a labyrinth -"

"Oh, you mean like a maze?" I suggested.

The Foxtable rolled its eyes at me.

"No," Lexi deadpanned, "like a labyrinth."

"Oh," I replied.

But where would I possibly find a labyrinth in Domino City?

"But where will I possibly find a labyrinth in Domino City?" I asked her.

Lexi's mouth curled into a knowing grin.

"Lucky for you," she said, "Domino City is a labyrinth."

Oh my god...

Did she just do a say of...

H'waaaaah?

What a revelation!

"Domino City is... is a... is this some new-age bullfriff?" I queried.

"No, I mean... literally. It's a labyrinth. This city is a labyrinth. The universe is a labyrinth, too, but there are labyrinths within labyrinths within labyrinths. And this city is one such labyrinth," Lexi expositionalized. "Have you not ever sensed that yourself? In the stale 3 a.m. winds that cling to city streets? Or in the maw of a black thundercloud that swallows the haze of industry, that blackens the silhouettes of industrial towers and even their glewing lights?"

"N-no..."

"Even your heart is a labyrinth of its own," Lexi went on. "Even your soul, deep down..."

"I thought of a labyrinth of labyrinths," quoth the Foxtable, "of one sinuous spreading labyrinth that would encompass the past and the future and in some way involve the stars..."

"Borges..." Lexi murmured dreamily.

"I love Star Trek!" I interjected.

Lexi and the Foxtable both glowered at me then. Lexi slid the Cure-to-the-Affliction card back across the whatever thing with annoyance.

"OK so..." I tried to get things back on track. "So I need to find the epicenter of the labyrinth that is also the city we're in. Or like, the epicenter of my heart and/or my soul, since you said those are labyrinths too. Then I activate this card and, um... an affliction is cured? What affliction?"

But a part of me knew the answer already.

"I think a part of you knows the answer already, Miss Melanie," Lexi said redundantly.

Suddenly she reached across the c*unter and held out a trembling hand to M. She spoke with an effort, it was an effort to understand her, but what she said

Well actually we never found out what she said, because just then we saw that she had been shot through with a poison dart! The Foxtable and I freaked the friff out, and we noticed that the lights in the Dishwasher Store had changed to become more sinister and shadowy, though we could both feel spotlights beaming down on us from above. We also noticed that the Diana Ross feat. Thurston Moore ditty that was playing in the store had changed to a battle fanfare like in Final Fantasy 7! Just then a group of seven or eight space goblin ninjas sauntered into the room like it weren't no thang. Their leader was carrying nanchucku - nuncuck - nunchucks! and spinning them around his body in a douchy manner. The others were armed too, I guess!

"Fear us!" he screamed. "For we are goblin space ninjas!"

TBH I was a little scared, not that I peed myself or anything. But luckily I had my trusty blade, H*ckrender, which I unsheathed in a dramatic fashion!

But the Foxtable didn't seem to fear them one whit (lol what's a whit?)

"Forgive me, fellows, but you don't seem to be very good goblin space ninjas, do you?" he observed, leaping down from the - and prowling towards them.

"W-what do you mean?" asked the showoffy leader with the nunchucku. "We literally reign supreme!"

"Well, first of all, riddle me this: what kind of spaceman doesn't have a spacesuit?"

I could see that they were becoming visibly shaken by the Foxtable's observation, just like that meme, only there were no bald eagles and nobody got hernias just yet.

"And furthermore," the Foxtable continued, "how could any self-respecting ninjas just waltz in through the front door of the Dishwasher Store? I'm afraid, m'lordshipses, that you appear to be amateurs at best, at least as far as the whole 'space ninja' thing goes."

"Pah!" deflected the lead goblin leader. "We will earn our stripes. With your pelt, Foxta-BABBLE!"

One of the goblins snickered in a Muttley-ish way.

"Now hold on just a microwave minute!" I interfered, still brandishing my blade. "Can't we diplomacize about this for a second? What do you guys want here, exactly?"

"Roll for it," said the DM, and I rolled a twenty-sided die.

But I only got a one! :(

The leader sneered cruelly at my mishap.

"Well, we were going to tell you to hand over the Labyrinth Card that was stolen from us, but it seems your crit fail has forced our hand! Fellow goblin space ninjas, attack these fools!"

"I don't see what attacking yourselves would accomplish!" I taunted, and me and the Foxtable did a high five over the sick burn like in movies.

But now it was time... to defend ourselves... and the heart... of the...