She trundled through the street, bundled up in a winter coat and cashmere scarf she did not believe she needed. She was already carrying her own little furnace for Pete's sake but Jace would not let her leave the house without it. The sun was setting and she stopped to take in the winter horizon, the fuzed orange pink purple hues of the sky surrounding the dipping sun. It was a dazzling view and had her momentarily lost in wonder.

She sighed. It was getting harder every day to haul herself into school. The snide looks from some students were bad enough but now she was hearing it from the teachers … the counselors … the principal and assistant principals. Why did she keep coming into school? She must be tired. Wouldn't she be more comfortable with a home study program? She had to know she was becoming a distraction for the other students. Their initial concern had transformed into a general exasperation. They could not force her to stay out of school until she reached her eighth month. She had no doubt they would insist when the time came.

In the meantime she would carry on as if nothing had changed, as if she was still on the cusp of young adulthood. She knew she was stubbornly and quite likely, idiotically, holding onto something. But what was it? Perhaps it was the last vestiges of her childhood. Soon she would have her own child to care for and she would have to scrub away at all of the impetuous, blind, selfish, stupidity of teenage youth. She was afraid of where her mind would go, shut in at home, without the noise and exuberant life from the crowds at school. She usually had less than half an hour to herself, what with almost eight hours at school and then another hour or two with Izzy and/or Simon before Jace returned to her. But Jace would be later today. He was finally meeting his grandmother and she didn't expect him to return for at least another hour, plenty of time to get her going, to have her wondering what was she doing and what was she doing to him?

She had no doubts they were meant for each other. Even though she'd only ever been with Jace, she knew it couldn't get any better than what they had. It was more than their physical connection although that in itself was more than enough to want to spend every moment together. They didn't have to speak to know each other. She remembered how it was in the beginning, when their eyes could delve into the other's soul and say so much.

It was still there … except now she could feel a swirling confusion, a growing anxiety within him. This new disturbing vibe wasn't always there. There were enough moments when it felt as if they were safely cocooned in a blanket of love and harmony that she knew they belonged together, that this wasn't something she was forcing on him. But now even when they were alone sometimes she could feel waves of panic rolling off him and when she searched into his luminous golden eyes, she could see them dull, that he was walling off a part of himself from her. She knew he wanted to protect her. He said as much when he ludicrously suggested that he should return to high school for her Senior Year but she also knew it was not getting any easier for him to accept his memory loss and this new life thrust upon him.

He had accompanied her to most of the check-ups with her OB and she couldn't help but notice that while she tended to get all wide eyed and drippy over the sound of their baby's heartbeat, the sonogram and amazing ultrasound pics, Jace appeared both uncomfortable and astounded. He wouldn't look at the images long when she persuaded him to look and seemed oblivious when she suggested baby names. She had no intention of bringing up marriage. She refused to push him into it as her Aunt Hodge urged her to do, not until he was ready but she couldn't help wondering why he hadn't brought it up. After all, he had proposed to her before the accident, before there was the added weight of a child to consider. She struggled with herself. Should she tell him about the ring he had already given her? Should she tell him what happened the last time she saw him before his accident? She wanted to but then she was afraid of how he would take it. She wanted to explain everything but then she worried it would trigger the anger that led him to storm off in the first place and ended with such disastrous results. She still didn't fully understand why he got so mad since she told him how much she loved him and that she just didn't feel they were ready for marriage yet.

She felt a familiar constriction in her chest. Oh God, why? Why was this still happening? These thoughts of marriage, engagements, inevitably brought Sebastian to mind. She had seen him once, after she and Jace returned from their Westerley escape from reality. That's what it seemed like now that some time had passed and there was some distance from those two blissful weeks. It had been a dream, one she longed to return to, when everything felt so right with Jace. But it was the image of Sebastian that brought a squeezing pain to her heart.

She was back at school and had been called to the main office. None of the general populace were aware of her pregnancy at that time. She could still cover it up with oversized sweaters and sweatshirts but it was obvious to her and she self consciously picked at her hem, worrying there would be some interrogation by school administrators. Instead she found Sebastian waiting for her.

The way he looked at her! Like he was starving and she was his only sustenance. God, she was so melodramatic but that was truly what it felt like. And then he grabbed her and hugged her so hard, like he was never letting go.

The school secretary eyed them curiously and he whispered in her ear, "Please, come outside, talk to me."

She nodded automatically. She didn't know how else to answer him … and she realized … she missed him. She also realized her own arms had found their way around his waist and she was on the verge of tears. She was happy to see him, happy he hadn't abandoned her and then it struck her … what this meant and what she had to do.

He clutched her hand and led her out a side exit. He turned to face her then, never letting go of her hand.

"Are you okay?" he asked her.

She looked closely at him. He had changed. There was no trace of the arrogant confidence that had once been all she could see when she looked at his obnoxiously handsome face. Over the past few months, when she believed Jace rejected her and Sebastian was her lifeline, the one who kept her from falling apart, his visage had been dominated by a burning desire and an intense affection but now what she saw broke her heart because he was broken. She could not pretend she didn't see it. He was hurting and she was the cause. But still … still his first concern was for her.

"You should have told me," she said softly.

There was no anger, no accusation, just a knowledge that if she had known they wouldn't be here now, both of them hurting for the other, him because she could not be his and her because she loved him, but not enough. Not like Jace, no one could be what Jace was to her but … she loved him. He had mended her when she was just broken pieces and gave her so much of himself. His love propped her up and gave her strength to carry on so that she could envision a life without Jace.

"I couldn't," he answered, pain etched on his face. "He didn't remember you. He was already … dating … someone else," Sebastian clasped her hand in both of his, "and I knew I could make you happy. I would cherish you. You'd never have to question how I feel about you because I would tell you every day, with my words, my actions, every fiber of my being, that I love you, that I'll love you forever."

She squeezed her eyes shut. It hurt to hear this now. Only a little while ago it would have consoled her, maybe even thrilled her.

"Stop, Sebastian," her voice tremored. "You know this can't happen. You should have told me. I'm back with Jace now."

He squeezed her hand. "He'll let you down. That what he does. You must know that. Why can't you see I'm right for you? Why can't you see he'll never make you happy? Not the way I can."

She opened her eyes and peered up at him. "Why, Sebastian? Why are you saying these things? Why do you love me? I'm not right for you. I'm having Jace's baby. I love him. You know this. Why are you still holding on?" She raised her hand to his cheek and caressed it softly. "We have to say goodbye."

Sebastian gave her an agonizing look but turned his face to kiss her hand. "I can't. I can't let you go. I want to but you haunt me. You're always there when I close my eyes, when I see something … hear something … beautiful. I don't know why. I just know I can't stop."

Tears sprung to her eyes. She shook her hand. "I'm sorry. I can't see you anymore. It will only hurt you." She dropped her hand from his face and tried to pull away but he kept her other hand firmly locked between his own two hands. She looked up at him pleadingly.

The way he looked down at her made her weak. She couldn't move. She couldn't breathe.

"I'll wait for you," he whispered. "I'll always wait for you."

She blinked up at him. "Please don't say that. I don't want that. You can't mean that."

He released her hand then and she scurried back, away from him.

Sebastian watched her, his black eyes glittering earnestly. "Don't be afraid of me, Clary," he said slowly. "I," he emphasized, "would never hurt you. I'd rather die than hurt you."

She backed further away and had her hand on the heavy steel door back into the school.

"Goodbye, Sebastian," she gulped. "We won't meet again."

He moved so quickly he was a blur. He was at her side and had his hands on her shoulders.

"If this is really goodbye, can I at least have one last kiss?" he beseeched.

She hesitated, a 'no' was already on her lips when he bent down and placed his lips against hers. His mouth moved over hers so tenderly, so entreatingly, and there was so much … behind it, a history of kisses that started so slow and soft and had gradually grown passionate and sensual with promises. She pushed him away. This was wrong. She couldn't meet his eyes. Her own were rapidly filling with tears and she almost fell running back to class.

She shook from the memory and her eyes adjusted back to the present moment, on Main Street, now facing a darkened sky, the sun had retreated and the street lamp cast a stark illumination on the paved walkway. Why had she come here? To escape her anxious thoughts, but of course, they followed wherever she went. She hadn't seen him again. That was almost two months ago and she still questioned how she could have made it better. He deserved better and she was sorry. He was wrong. He should have told her about Jace but he had been good to her … and she still missed him. The shops were open and there were more people out and about than only a short while ago. It must be around six now, she thought, the after work crowd. She kept her head down when a gust of wind blew across her face. Someone jostled into her, someone big and burly. She looked up, surprised. She was pretty hard to miss now a days. She was still short but had expanded considerably belly wise.

"Ow!" she cried out at a sharp prick at the back of her thigh.

What the hell was that? She moved her hand to rub the spot on her leg and she got a swift glance at the man who managed to cough out, "Excuse me," before he steamrolled past her. Odd. She hadn't gotten a good look at him but he was middle aged with short tufts of graying hair below the cap he wore low over his head. She turned back to get another look at him but he had already disappeared. She shrugged. She was making a big deal out of nothing. She took a few steps forward when her head suddenly felt heavy and the ground below her seemed to be quaking. A few more staggered steps had her beside a lamp post, her hands out and clutching it while her body leaned against it. What was happening?

And then a terrifying shooting pain coursed through her body. Her baby started kicking frantically inside her. He was an active little scamp and she often marveled at his impressive strength. She could tell he would be a force to be reckoned with, just like his father, but this was different. Something was terribly wrong. Another stabbing pain had her on her knees but she was so dizzy she couldn't even get her phone out or call out for help. God, please help me! Jace! Our baby! She was losing her grip on the post. She fell back and felt herself miraculously held up by strong familiar arms. Her eyes fluttered open.

"My … baby," she rasped out and a fleeting image of frightened black eyes was the last thing she saw before everything turned dark and life seemed to drain away.

He was seated in the waiting room and completely insensible. He was vaguely aware Clary's Aunt Hodge was seated somewhere to his left. She was as quiet and sat as immovable as himself but every now and then he could hear her exhale a long rattling sigh. He tried to clear his mind. He didn't want to think. He just wanted, he needed, to know she would be okay. He couldn't leave before he heard those words from a doctor and … maybe he could see her, just take a peek at her sleeping peacefully, and to know she wasn't in pain.

He had been watching her, following her surreptitiously for a month, around the time he realized he was hopelessly fucked. He had come to see her at the high school a few weeks after Jace came back. At first, when he had been unceremoniously tossed out of her home on Thanksgiving day, he had resolved to stay away. She would come back to him. She had to. But, he wasn't going to wallow around, beg her to see what was as clear as day, that he, Sebastian, was the only man who could truly take care of her, who wouldn't desert her, that he was her only hope for happiness. She would have to wake up and see Jace couldn't be the man she needed. Jace let her down over and over again and he didn't know his ass from his elbow. One good look at him was all it took for Sebastian to see that Jace was messed up. He was as confused as shit. Of course he wanted her. Sebastian understood that yearning all too well but the last thing Clary needed was this wild eyed, bewildered Jace.

Still, he was more than a little offended that she hadn't come to his side immediately after all Jace put her through and even though Jace was obviously an unstable wreck she was plainly transfixed by him. She had even dropped the engagement ring he had just put on her finger and turned away from him. He had never known such a searing pain before that moment and then he was livid. Fine, then. She'd learn the hard way and when she finally came crawling back to him he might not be around to take her back. He was done being her doormat, he told himself.

He was a man on a mission and determined to stay as far away from her as he could, start a new life without her. He went out, picked up a girl, a tall blonde who looked nothing like her, slept with her and felt absolutely nothing. It wasn't remotely satisfying and in the end he had to pretend he'd finished to get out of the dismal situation. He tried to tell himself it was just that he'd been out of the game too long. Somehow Clary had unmanned him and he tried to convince himself it was good he was through with her. He found another girl a few nights later. He went to a club and this time he selected one that looked like her, short, with long curly hair and green eyes. So what? It didn't mean anything. And this time he couldn't even get it up. He would look into her eyes, a pale replica of the shining emeralds that he longed to see, and he felt ill. He couldn't do it and then he knew. He knew he would never get over her. He knew he had to get her back.

So he went to see her at the school and … it hadn't gone as he hoped. But even as she pulled away from him and declared that it would be the last time they met, he knew he could not allow that. He knew he would wait for her. He knew he would follow her and watch and wait and he would be there when she needed him and then they would be together again. And he knew he was royally fucked over. It hurt every time he saw her but it hurt in a way that told him he was alive. It was better than lying to himself, pretending he could want another girl. That had made him feel like an empty, soulless husk, like he might as well be dead since he was only clinging to some illusion of life when all he wanted, the only real life he could ever have was with this small, flame haired girl, with recklessly bold green eyes that tore away at him in his nightly dreams. It was excruciating to see her but not allow her to see him, not be able to talk with her, not to feel the warm recognition in her eyes. He knew he loved her, of course, but he had not known how much he had grown to need her, how much he craved being close to her, basking in her proximity.

"What are you doing here?" Jace's voice was low but he could hear and feel the fury resonating off him.

Sebastian looked up and managed to shake off his clouded reflections with Jace standing only a few feet from him, tense, almost vibrating, fists clenched.

He felt his own anger rise up and he was about to get to his feet when Aunt Hodge rushed between them and rested her hands on Jace's chest. "Don't you dare start anything here," she said sternly. "And don't you blame this fellow. You should be thanking him. If he hadn't been there," she stopped, her eyes brimming with tears, "well, I don't want to think about where Clary would be now," she finished.

Jace's eyes widened and the rage transformed to fear with a blink. "What is it? What happened to her? Where is she?" he gasped.

Aunt Hodge moved her hands to his shoulders in a comforting gesture. "We still don't know yet, Jace, but it was bad. She … she was hemorrhaging. The doctors are with her now." Aunt Hodge suddenly brought her hands to her own chest as if to hold herself up.

An older man, a doctor, approached them. He was wearing surgical scrubs and observed them wearily.

Jace whirled around, seeing Aunt Hodge's eyes shift behind them and hearing the footsteps moving toward them.

"Are you -?" the doctor began.

"This is the baby's father," Aunt Hodge interjected, nodding at Jace, but her eyes stayed intent on the doctor. "Tell us, Doctor, please, how is she? And … the baby?"

"Clary," Jace heaved out as he stepped closer to the doctor.

"I'm Doctor Garroway," he said grimly, "We had to deliver the baby. He's strong but … only 30 weeks. There may be complications but we'll do everything we can. He's in NICU. Your-," the Doctor looked questioningly at Jace but proceeded when Jace only blanched, "the mother is not doing so well. We're having some difficulty diagnosing her malady. She's very weak. We don't know what happened to her and she is not … recovering."

Jace stumbled backwards.

"What do you mean?" Sebastian managed. "She'll be okay, won't she? Where is she? Can we see her?"

"She wants to see you, talk to you … while she still has the strength," Doctor Garroway looked directly at Jace. "She's been asking for the baby's father, Jace?"

"No!" Jace spit out almost violently, his face crumpling. He straightened, whirled around and rushed to the Exit. They could hear him running loudly down the stairs.

The three of them watched Jace bolt out. The doctor turned to Aunt Hodge and Sebastian, his expression aghast. "She's asking for him," he frowned at them.

"I'll go see her," Aunt Hodge said, levelling her shoulders. "Please take me to her."

"And me," Sebastian said hoarsely. "Please, I need to see her."

Doctor Garroway considered Sebastian. "Are you family?" he asked.

"Yes," Aunt Hodge answered and took Sebastian's arm.

Sebastian could feel her leaning heavily on him. He didn't know where he found the strength to hold her up much less himself. He wanted to crumble but he had to see her and he had to be there for her. They walked stiffly down the corridor, following the doctor's lead.