Summer Adventures
Chapter 38
A Date Forgotten
XXX
I was following Steve and Soda, Soda not having much to say to me since our little spat in the parking lot. He'd been about as pissed as I'd ever seen him, as I outweighed him by a good twenty pounds in nothing but muscle, yet he managed to pick me up and slam me to the ground as if I were a pillow. If I weren't so devastated with what I'd said to Pony and so worried about the ramifications of what it would do with our fragile relationship, I'd have told Soda how impressed I was.
I knew he was keeping a positive outlook up only for Pony's sake. I knew he wanted Pony to come home with us, even if we'd totally lost the house and had nothing more than a tent pitched in the lot to call home. I, however, wanted Pony to have all the things he could have out of life. I shouldn't be the bad guy to want that for him. Hell, I'd want it for Soda too, but he'd already given up any chance of a good future when he gave up on school. However, if the same opportunities existed for Soda, I'd make the same decision.
Even if it hurt worse than the hell I was in right now.
So, I was riding alone, following behind Steve's car, as we wound our way back to Hollis.
XXX
"You're gonna have to make up with him sooner or later, Soda."
"That would probably be later." I lit up another smoke and rolled down the window. A barely perceptible groan was heard from his side of the car.
"You know the kid only gets stressed out worse when you two fight. It ain't natural. Like the laws of nature have turned or something. Hell, watching you two go at it is turning my own stomach into knots."
"Well now that makes no sense for your system to get screwed up, Steve. This ain't about you."
"It might not be about me, but it concerns me just the same. You guys are my fuckin family, Soda. My Dad ain't got one tenth of the bond for me like what you and Darry and Pony have for each other, even when y'all do argue. So when you guys get like this and don't settle it, well hell, it screws us all up."
"Us?" I looked at him.
"Yeah, us. Two-Bit too. Although as much booze as he drinks, his system's messed up enough."
"I haven't seen him with a beer in ages." I leaned my head back and thought about it. "Not since Pony left."
"He had one last time we were out here."
"He did?" I was surprised and looked up. I didn't know this.
Steve looked over at me, looking uncomfortable in his seat.
"Yeah, we stopped on our way back to get gas. He got a beer and a pack of smokes." He looked back out at the road ahead, but not really seeing it. "Seeing the …. seeing Ponyboy all tore up when we left screwed with him. Hell, I wasn't so hot about it either. Point number one is the kid wants to come home, and point number two is what happens with you and your brothers affects us all."
"I know he wants to come home! This wasn't my idea. Darry sank the ship on this one."
"Well, buddy, you'd better get a raft or something, cause if amends don't get made, we're all going down."
I finished my smoke and tossed the butt out the window just as we passed the "Entering Hollis" sign. I had been quiet for a few more miles, but I had another question. One I couldn't hold back any longer.
"How did he look when you guys got here?"
"Aww Soda, we went over this already. He looked … good. Fit, tanned, was riding that horse. He was happy to see us."
"But then when you left?"
He scowled at me. "He didn't want us to leave. He doesn't have a good poker face, he's easier to read than any of those books of his. He wears his damned heart on his sleeve."
"But how did he look?" I pressed. I already knew Pony was sentimental. It was one of his trademark qualities.
He flat out scowled at me. "The kid was seconds away from bawling his eyes out. Happy now? Christ, Soda, I know you're already miserable, why do you wanna make it worse for yourself?"
"I don't. I just want to make sure that whatever decision Darry makes, it's the right one."
"Shit. I know that look." Steve looked closer at me. My poker face was far better than Pony's, but Steve could see through it just the same. "What are you planning?"
I shook my head, trying to stay evasive. "Nothing." I lay my head back down, closing my eyes. I was dog tired and needed sleep.
"We're here." Steve said, just as I was about to fade out. I felt the car pull into the auto parts store and the engine cut off. Darry pulled up in the space next to us so we could jump the truck again, just in case the store didn't have the right battery.
"Alright, let's go." I got out, nodded at Darry as he joined us, and the three of us went inside.
XXX
"There, that should do it." Soda said, bolting in the new battery. Steve closed the tool box and put it back in his trunk. I paid for it using some of Pony's money, hating myself for it. Just another thing to silently add to the list of things I felt guilty for. Finally we were ready to go. Now the big question... go where? And would Soda go with me?
"I'm gonna run this box by Mrs. Nixon's. Give her back her platter and bowls." I said half heartedly.
Steve and Soda exchanged glances, Soda finally nodding at some message between them that I wasn't privy to.
"I'll come with you, if you want."
An olive branch. Finally. "That'll be great." I looked at the roads in front of the auto store, trying to get my bearings. Big, complicated city like Tulsa - no problem. Dusty country town with only a few roads leading in and out - lost as could be. Soda could tell I was lost. He was better with directions than I was. He laughed.
"Move over, I'll drive."
I gave him a one sided grin, acknowledging my penchant for being directionally challenged, and dropped the keys in his outstretched hand. "You owe me," he said, grinning back as the truck roared to life.
"I always do." I agreed.
"See y'all back at the hospital." Steve said, a coy grin on his face.
"We might be a few hours. Make sure Ponyboy knows we are coming back." I called over Soda through the open window.
"Not a problem, Dar. You two... behave."
That wasn't just a request. It was a command. In other words - no fighting. We headed one way, Steve disappeared behind us going back in the other direction.
"So, what do you hope to achieve by going to Mrs. Nixon's?" Soda asked, looking out ahead.
"Hand her back the bowls and stuff."
"Okay, that takes about thirty seconds. You told Steve we'd be out for a few hours. What's the deal?"
He was perceptive. "I thought I'd take a look around her place, if she'll let me. See for myself what digs he's got here. Talk with her, too, about all this."
Soda said nothing, just tapped his fingers on the upper lip of the window ledge. He was holding back something. I could feel the tension.
"Fine. I jumped the gun. Screwed the pooch. I'm sorry, Soda. I can't tell you enough how sorry I am. I just didn't want to get his hopes all up about coming home if he really wanted to stay here and this proved to be better for him. Why else would he request it, if he didn't want it? And I didn't tell you any of this, because I knew this is how you'd react. For what it's worth, I want him home with us too."
"He thinks you don't want him." His flat voice was cold. Blunt.
Soda slowed at an intersection, then turned to look at me.
"He thinks you want to leave him here. You know he'd never go where he didn't think he was welcome." Soda pulled out, making a left. There were no street signs, but he didn't even seem to notice the road. "Even if it made him miserable in the long term, he would sacrifice himself just so he wouldn't be a burden to you. Hell, he's probably thinking that if he does stay with her, you'll finally have that college dream you've always had."
"Soda, please don't hold that over my head. College is something I've always wanted to do, but it isn't as important as either of you. I've always made it clear, you guys came first."
"I know. I'm just thinking of all the possible things Pony could have going through his head, to convince himself staying here would be better for everyone else - not necessarily for himself. And I do want him to have everything he can get, Darry. I do want the world to be his oyster. I just think he can still have it through us. Money isn't everything. Family is more important. Money you can replace. Family you can't. We've already lost our parents. Don't make me lose my brother. Don't take him from me."
The farm house was ahead. Soda'd found it as if he'd been here a dozen times, when this was only our second trip here. On different roads, no less. He has his own gifts. Both my brothers were unique.
"I'm not taking him from anything or anyone, Soda. I'm letting him choose what he wants. That's all." I explained calmly and quietly.
Soda pulled in the front drive and cut the engine. He didn't turn to look at me, but was very steady in his voice, controlling it. "Then you need to know something. If he chooses to stay here, I'm going with him. I'll be eighteen in three months. I can't live without making sure my kid brother has one of us nearby, if not both of us. I'd rather it be both, but I won't let him be alone. I love you, Darry. But Pony still needs his family."
His eyes were set, his jaw tight. I nodded. "I understand."
We went to the porch together and knocked on the door.
"Mommy!" we heard from inside.
The lock clicked and the door swung open. Mrs. Nixon was standing there, and as soon as she saw us she smiled.
"Darrel, Sodapop, come in!"
"Thank you, Mrs. Nixon. I hope we aren't disturbing you. I wanted to come in person to thank you for your generous lunch, and to return your dishes." I said. Her smile was infectious. The house was just as splendid as before.
"Are you Ponyboy's brothers?" said a little girl, smiling with just the beginnings of top teeth cutting her gums.
I looked at her. "You have to be Alex." Pony had mentioned Alex a few times. She was rather precocious.
"Yep! Hi!" She held out her hand for me to shake it. I did, but I had to bend down some.
"Wow, you're tall!"
Soda chuckled, hiding it some.
"Alexandra Annette Nixon! Do not be rude!" Her mother chastised, swinging the kitchen towel at the girl.
"She's fine. No rudeness heard. I, um. I hoped I could see some of Pony's life from the last month. Like his room, his stuff. If that's okay?"
She looked at me, hesitating. "Alex, go play in the playroom. Mommy needs to talk to Ponyboy's brothers alone for a bit."
"Awe Mommy!" she protested.
"No argument, young lady." Her tone was definitely no nonsense. She got up and left the room.
"Come with me. I'll take you to his room. I guess you've already been here, right, Sodapop? You had his wallet at the hospital."
"Yes ma'am. The other lady let us in that night. It was a bad night, that night."
I followed her up the stairs, turning right at the end of the stairwell to the only door at the end of the hall. She opened it and moved aside; I walked in followed by Soda. Mrs. Nixon leaned against the door frame, watching in silence.
There was a twin sized bed pushed against the wall on the right, with a red plaid blanket covering it and two pillows with blue cases overlapping each other neatly laying on top. Across from the bed was a dresser, with six drawers in it, three pairs, side by side stacked. On top was an assortment of things. Pony's copy of Gone With The Wind that I'd sent him with the hidden message in it, his toiletry kit, some kid drawings, a football, and a stencil pad.
I opened it, looking at the drawings Pony had done. Remembering the art pads I'd found in his desk back home, I was taken aback to find this one was more complete. Whereas the one at home had me with Soda or Pony with Soda, or the three of us alone; this one had the three of us together. On every page! One that caught my attention had none of our faces shown, but was still easy to tell it was us. My hand held Pony's forearm, Pony's hand held Soda's forearm, and Soda's hand held my forearm. The forearm muscles, the minute scars, the creases on our wrists - even the shape of the hands were all eerily perfect in the drawing, picture perfect!
"Wow," was all I could say as I closed it and sat it back down.
"He's very talented," Mrs. Nixon softly agreed.
There was a closet to the left of the dresser. I opened it and saw his wardrobe hanging there. Some jeans, some shirts. Most of them were new. On the floor were a pair of riding boots and another pair of tennis shoes. His bag, the bag I recognized from home, lay discarded on the floor in the recesses of the closet. I closed the closet door. The only other thing in the room was an empty white laundry hamper, against the wall to the left of the bedroom entrance.
Only about eighteen inches separated the bed from the dresser, and at the end of that aisle was a solitary window that when he lay in bed, he could see the moon up in the sky. Other than that, the room was too small for anything else. Not even a desk.
As I came out of my reverie, I realized Soda was sitting at the foot of Pony's bed, staring blankly and looking exhausted. He'd already been in here once before, but this was new to me. It was a small room, but knowing Pony, he'd never complain.
"The bathroom's over here, if you want to see it." Mrs. Nixon stepped back, waiting to see if we'd follow. I took a step in her direction, but Soda stayed put.
"That's okay. Thanks. I'll wait here until you're done."
As I followed her to the bathroom, I noticed Soda'd laid down, his nose in the pillow. I knew he was trying to find Pony's scent left in the linens, if it was there.
"He'd usually wait until after we'd finished in the barn before taking a shower. Alex would be away to camp, except on the weekends. Then she's stay downstairs with me. He'd come down when he was done. He's very polite like that. When I had her in the tub, he'd stay downstairs. I never had to worry that either would walk in on the other." She had a wistful look on her face, remembering his habits.
"I think Sodapop's asleep." She murmured. I turned, and sure enough, he was. He had his arm slung over the pillow as if it were Pony's back, and was out.
"Sorry about that. I'll go wake him." I started in that direction, but she hooked my arm before I took even one step.
"Please, let him sleep," she pleaded softly. "He's got to be dead tired, you too, by the look on your face."
I was. But I could sleep later.
"Fine, he can sleep for a bit. I really think we need to talk - about Ponyboy. About where he's going to live after all this."
"Good. I was going to bring it up, but I'm glad I don't have to now. Lets go to the kitchen. Where are your's and Sodapop's clothes? I can have them washed and dried in no time."
"That's not necessary." I didn't want to put her out, even if I was still in the same clothes I had been in since yesterday.
"You men are all alike. I had to twist Steve's arm when he was here, too. Now go get them and let me wash them before I have to stoop to levels I hate going to." She had a serious look on her face, but a smile in her eyes. I conceded.
"Fine, just a moment, they're in my truck." I got them, including Pony's wet jeans from days ago. While I loaded her washer, she made coffee. I came back to the kitchen to find her waiting at her table.
"Now, what's going on?" She asked bluntly, but gently. With the way she was sitting, her tone, and the fierce look she gave me, I suddenly felt like I was in front of my parents again, that night after our team won the conference title and I stayed out a little too late... not with the team - but with my girlfriend at the time, Debbie. Like they knew what I had done, but was waiting for me to confess to it.
Parents. They always knew.
"Mrs. O' Donovan told me that night after I found Pony that he'd requested to stay in your custody if he wasn't returned to mine. I have to admit, that hurt. But if Ponyboy finds you a more fit and capable guardian for him, I have to consider his needs."
"I knew I should have waited to tell Mrs. O' Donovan anything. That woman has a bigger mouth than the Hoover Dam." She muttered, pushing her hair out of her face a moment. "Darrel, he wants to go home with you. With you!"
"He seems to have done better here than he's ever done with me. He's more fit, in better health..."
"Yeah, right, better health," she said cynically, with a pained look on her face. "That boy is laying in a hospital bed right now because of an accident on my ranch."
"He's been in the hospital before while in my incapable hands. The last time was because of a fight that I allowed him to participate in, even led him to." The guilt from that would never leave me. Ever. "At least here, it was an accident, not some group of overly well-to-do kids out looking for revenge. He seems happier here."
She looked at me, then stirred her coffee in endless circles with a spoon, never taking a sip.
"This back and forth could go on forever," she finally said. "What did you tell him? Please tell me you didn't tell him any of this."
I looked at her a moment longer than I should have. She read it in my face and dropped the spoon. It clanged loudly against the side of her cup.
"Oh Darrel! You told him you were leaving him here?" Her voice and her look were incredulous.
"No, I told him he could choose. I've made all the decisions for him for over a year now. I've not always made the right decisions or the best decisions either, but I've tried. This time, I didn't want to decide his fate for him. He's old enough to know what he wants, what he needs. He's lived under both our roofs now, only he can know which one he'd rather stay at. If it's yours, I'll give up custody, provided Soda and I and our close friends can visit anytime we want - or that he wants us to. I insist on staying in his life. I just want his life to be a good as it can be."
"Like any true parent would, Darrel. Every parent worries that they aren't doing the best for their child. Every parent wants their child to take advantage of every opportunity at a better life. I myself worry that I'll fail as far as Alex is concerned. She's already lost her father.... No one could replace him in her life."
Her eyes burned into mine now. "Who is going to replace you in Ponyboy's?"
For a moment, I was struck silent. My throat was dry, and I had to swallow to find my voice again.
"That's why I insist on being able to see him whenever we can. Whenever he needs us. Whenever he wants us. It's the only thing I ask. Otherwise, I can't give him up."
"Sounds like you already have." She muttered.
"Not yet. But I'd give him up so he can have a better life." I shot back defensively. "That's all. Not because I don't want him. I'll always want him. I'll always love him."
She was quiet a moment, then sighed. "Fine. I'll do this, but only because you've already given him that choice, and I've already told him I'd take him if the court decided against you. When is this big decision supposed to happen?"
"The hospital is releasing him tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?" She repeated louder, her eyes wider. She got up and went to her calender hanging on a peg on the wall. "The twenty-second?" She said, looking at me with a questioning look on her face. Then it sank in. Tomorrow. July twenty-second.
His birthday.
"Oh Christ! What have I done?" I sunk my face into my hands. Shame coursed through me. I should burn in hell for what I've put everyone through.
XXX
Calla Lily Rose