Once Jake and I got home I collapsed on the bed, exhausted and shaking. Jake picked me up undressed me and held me. I didn't know what to do.
"I can't have her alone Jake, but I need you." I sobbed.
"I know, we'll get though. Bella will get though because she has you."
When I finished shaking. I asked Jake to tell me the actual course of events. He didn't know everything either but filled in a few of the blanks. He pulled away from me as he told me about Edward's call and how he could have avoided all that followed. I didn't let him take the blame.
"Everyone blames themselves: you, Rosalie, Bella, Edward. Carlisle and Esme and Alice and Jasper – all left. No one said 'This is idiotic!' I'm glad you were there for mom helping her through everything – I just have to remember I wasn't born yet. I'll be with her next few days, but it's not me she'll need. We'd all be better off taking Emmett's approach to life – let bygones be bygones. Let's get to work early, Jake. We're not calling Edward tomorrow even if there's a three alarm fire – mom will need him."
We cuddled together and slept waking at six. We decided to combine our morning run and commute to save time, so packed clothes and took the run around the lake to the garage. We showered and dressed onsite, ready for the day before seven. Today there were six sets of keys in the safe. I pulled all the work orders. Two oil changes and four … things for Jake. I was learning a lot of new automotive terminology but it's a steep learning curve.
I finished the oil changes and called the customers right away. Both were thrilled as they'd thought they'd be without their vehicles the whole day.
The phone started ringing at eight and didn't stop. We had all of next week booked and a few slots into the following week and even scheduled a few more appointments for today since our early arrival made us so efficient. I accepted all the walk-ins for oil changes.
"Jake, can I get a headset? I can work and answer the phone." I finally figured out a solution as I was racing between the cars and phone for the fifteenth time that morning.
"Yeah. Put it under miscellaneous," he called. Now that we had other disasters on the horizon it was nice to see how our work life had settled into this comfortable routine.
I ran out at lunch for the headset and more fast food for Jake and I. This was getting to be a bad habit.
By eight that night we were done. Customers had come by to use the key slot and were surprised we were still open. We didn't want conventional fast food again but did hunt on the way home – the food was definitely fast.
As soon as we got home and showered, I relaxed. We got through. Just like the next however many days. Edward's leaving early tomorrow, Alice and Esme, would be there. I took a deep breath. Good thing too. Jake was trembling.
"We'll make it Jake. I'll still see you every day." I pulled him to my lips and his response was instantaneous. It was a desperate physical plea for closeness, not careful, just raw desire. He carried me to bed and we tore off each other's clothes. His hands were everywhere my nipples, my folds and deep, it didn't take long for me to shudder and cry out. I responded in kind taking him in my mouth until he trembled and called my name. We groped and kneaded every inch of the other, frantic with need. I sheathed and rode him until he pulled me down crying with desire even amidst his release. He entered me again where we continue to fondle and press into one another, our unbridled passion culminating in dual orgasms. Frantic energies expended in the name of carnal needs seeking fulfillment, not knowing when we would be able to touch like this again. We eventually slowed to caress and kiss one another calming our raged breathing and racing hearts. I wanted to cuddle into Jake's body but as I turned, I heard Jake utter a word I'd never heard him say with me in his bed.
"FUCK!" followed by a whisper "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Ness."
I looked down. No condom. I understood Jake's initial reaction. I echoed it. Fuck. But it takes two.
"Jake. It's not your fault." We held each other in shock for at least an hour. I checked my cycle. Day 10. I couldn't remember – do sperm live two days? I thought so. It shouldn't. I told Jake. He remembered the old joke at the same time I did about what you call people who practice the rhythm method of birth control – parents. We laughed half-heartedly.
I now felt sticky and the bed was wet. "Jake. Sleep. I'm going to shower and find a towel for the bed. "
He, of course, doesn't listen. He helps me into the shower as though I am expecting. And then goes to strip the bed. By the time I'm washed, Jake brings me a towel and helps me into the freshly made bed.
I don't know how long we lay holding each other silently awake. But the alarm went off at six. We both woke up and had to look at each other to know it wasn't a dream.
"Let's go Jake."
"Shouldn't we call Carlisle?"
"NO! Everyone is already distraught. Because of me. I will deal with this."
Jake corrected me "We will deal with this, together."
"Together." I agreed.
We ran to work again though Jake initially balked at the idea. I had to remind him I wouldn't break.
Same routine. We didn't have time to talk further about our incident. The garage was waiting. Busy. Exhausted by six-thirty we called it quits. I had to get to the house.
"Jake, come over? You can sleep in my bed. I was thinking initially you could sleep under Bella's window as a wolf but not now. If Edward finds out about our problem through the pack, that would be horrible. I know it's killing him to be away as it is."
I'll be ok, Ness. I worry about you. I've sleep alone a lot of years, just not recently. Meet you here at six-thirty tomorrow?"
"I love you, Jake" I kissed him good-bye, heartbreak evident. Pregnant? I didn't know.
"I love you, Ness" he returned the kiss, until we had to go our separate ways.
"Mom?" I ran into the house. Carlisle was pacing.
"Carlisle? What's wrong?" However much I wanted to talk with him about my problem he was barely holding it together and right now there were other things that were far more important.
"I think this is hard on everyone, Ness. Just go see your mom."
I found her with Esme and Alice at a loss as mom was curled in a ball. I all but kicked them out of the room. "Come back when I fall asleep. And I need to leave at six to meet Jake at work." They left reluctantly.
"Mom?" I curled up around her, not caring her skin was like ice. "I'm here. I love you. I miss him too." I held her for what seemed like hours, no change. Then, I had an idea. "Mom, watch" I played every image I could bring to mind of mom and dad together. She focused, still curled but infinitesimally more relaxed. It was a tiny ray of hope. Too bad we didn't make any family movies other than the ones in my head. By midnight I was exhausted. I played Bella's lullaby for the third time and then I whispered for Alice and Esme.
They came immediately and I asked them for Dad's music. They brought the computer up and set up a playlist. Perfect.
"If she talks wake me please…" Alice and Esme agreed. They also asked to play my dreams. I shook my head. When I told them "I dream of Jake" there was instant understanding. Good. I didn't want to explain.
Alice woke me at six. She just shook her head. "How's dad?"
"He's talked to Seth. They'll do this today. Edward's on the earliest flight out tomorrow. He'll be back at noon. He tried to talk to her on the phone – nothing." she nodded to mom's curled form.
"I have to go, Alice. Jake can't manage the garage alone. I'll be back as soon as I can but we're busy. We can't let Emmett or Rose down either."
"Esme will be back soon. I've got her Ness. Try not to worry. "
I ran to work and greeted Jake with passion. It sounded like he spent the whole evening reading up on symptoms of early pregnancy. "Nausea? bloating? cramps? fever? Bleeding?" His voice rose an octave like it usually does with almost any association with blood.
"Jake I'm f.." that was like a curse word in my family; way worse the one Jake used last night. Fine.
"I don't feel any differently than yesterday or the day before" I clarified. "We need to work so I can get back." I didn't want him to know how bad Bella was or he would send me back there. The problem is they both need me.
It was a frenzied pace. Phones, oil changes, signing for deliveries and walk in customers. As the office worker I was really the face of the company and shouldn't be up to my ears in oil. I ran –a little too fast – between the hand wash station and the desk on numerous occasions. Good thing Rosalie and Emmett had put in one-way glass.
By six I had to interrupt Jake.
We were so far gone. We stared into each other's' eyes for a long-time before we touched. It actually reminded me of Alice and Jasper. We clasped hands and slowly drew towards one another before our lips met. We curled around each other, fraught with anxiety; not wanting to part. We were still clinging to each other at six-thirty when Jake reminded me, "Bella." I held onto him and backed slowly away until just the tips of our fingers were touching. Then I ran for the house right to mom.
She had changed. No longer breathing. Just stone. My eyes welled but I had to stay strong. "Mom I'm here. I love you. I miss him too" I repeated. Then, the movie. She took a breath. She hadn't spoken for two days. When she spoke I was ecstatic until I processed what she said.
"Jake? Please, Jake."
My eyes spilt over. My Jake. What would dad think? What would Jake think? Could I ask her?
"Mom?" My voice trembling in fear. I knew everyone in the house was listening. "Do you want me to call Jake?" I broke. Alice knew. She rushed to my side trying to comfort me trying to get me to go home. But most of all, to hear the answer to my question that she knew she could never hide from Edward. I was dying inside but I had to repeat my question.
"Save...Jake."
"Mom!" I was angry. But she was...nothing. Again stone. I shook her. I hadn't showered, I smelled of oil and grease and fast food." Mom, do you want me to call Jake?" My happiness in exchange for my mother's. That was the price. I showed her Jacob and me. But she didn't breathe. Dad. A breath. Then
"Smell ….Jacob…umm."
His name. My heartbreak. And Dad's. I tried again. No change except
"Smells of Jacob….Nessie."
"Yes mom. It's me. Nessie. I love you. I miss him too." Same words. Altered. Him was no longer dad. He was my Jacob. My fiancé. My lover. My whole life. And maybe, just maybe, a part of a new life inside of me. Everyone was there. Alice broke for her brother. Esme and Carlisle for their son. Wait, where's Jasper? He's gone – too much pain.
Third time will put the bullet in my heart. "Mom, I'm going to call Jake." Tears streaming down my face. My arm across her cheek I showed her the family and Jake. Nothing. Dad whispering in her ear and her smile. A breath.
"Jacob loves Nessie…forever. I love you Edward."
I exhaled …but still I didn't fully understand.
Carlisle figured it out before I did. He pulled me off of mom as easily as if I were an infant even though I was clinging to her with everything I had.
"Ness. I think …no I KNOW … she is only worried about you, thinking about you. Forever. Your mom wants Jake to protect you. Always. She will be herself again when your Dad gets back. We have her. Go shower. You do smell like Jake." I clung to him in tears until he passed me to Alice.
Alice helped me in the shower and washed my hair and my back. She gave me a cloth to wash down below. Alice didn't say anything but even I could tell that's where I still smelled of Jake.
I grabbed some PJs and made my way to mom's room again. It looked like everyone had recovered. I went to their hamper and pulled out the shirt dad wore in the rain a few days ago. I put it under moms head. As soon as I showed her dad, she took a breath and sighed.
"Nessie's safe. I love you Edward."
I played her lullaby until I fell asleep, trusting Alice to move my palm to another location once I drifted off. They woke me at six as I requested. I got up and stumbled.
"We need to call Jake."
"NO!" I roared. "I just need some coffee. I'm in this. I need to talk with Jake."
I got up and dressed. Alice made me coffee and I jogged to work. I knew I had to tell him what had happened but I didn't know how.
As soon I saw him I ran. I cried and caressed every bit of him I could reach.
"Ness, are you ok? Where are you hurt?" he touched my belly gently.
"Nothing like that."
"Is it Bella?"
"A little. She's now breathing again." He let out a sigh. Now he knew how bad it really was…almost. "But there was …a misunderstanding."
"About what?"
"Mom…she was saying something I didn't understand. I lost it, Jake. In my mind I lost you." I was shaking.
"Never, Ness. I love you." Jake knew how to get information from me. He put my hand to his cheek.
"Jake you have to know the ending. Just like in her rant she was protecting me 'till the end. OK?"
He nodded. I played the scene. As I relived my worst nightmare, Jake fell to his knees with me. Jake kept the connection, stroking the back of my hand. Tears streaming down both our cheeks until Bella spoke the words "I love you, Edward."
"Oh, Ness" he pulled me in kissing away my tears. "I should have been there. Your mom and I we both know there's no one in this world more important than you. I would have told you that a hundred times, a thousand times." He understood, just like Carlisle. He picked me up and stood. "We need to call Emmett. We can do this later."
"Not a chance, Jacob. We're in this together." I grabbed his key, opened the door and pulled him inside. The familiar scent of the garage, of Jake. Jacob worked on month end. I tidied and cleaned. I printed everything for Monday, started a new supply list and called Alice. With everything last night I hadn't found out about dad.
"Alice. How's mom?"
"Holding the shirt. Repeating Edward's name. Better than yesterday thanks to you, Ness. "
"And Dad?"
"Seth called to say he got on the plane but that Edward couldn't talk. I don't know what it means. I don't know what he saw since he's been with Seth. He's not coming here when he lands Ness. He disappears – so he's going to you. Bring him home, please?"
"Oh, NO!" I yelled before I could stop myself. "He cannot come here Alice. Can you hold him off at the airport?
"No. Thought of that - he evades me. He needs to get to you."
"He needs to see mom. Then I can talk to him. I don't matter."
"You don't see Ness. Same as your mom. Your Dad is putting you above his own happiness and Bella's. Listen to what he thinks is so much more important than that. Then bring him home. "
I have no choice. "I have another problem Alice. Can anyone else hear me?" I could hear wind.
"Not anymore. And I'm assuming Edward doesn't know."
"Perceptive. I wanted to talk to him on the phone. But I guess I'm all-in. Jake and I ...well…we forgot protection on Tuesday."
"Aaah.." she sighed. Then worried. "You're feeling ok?"
"Oh, Alice. You sound like Jake. No different."
"Have you talked to Carlisle."
"No. There's been too much going on."
"Should I get him?"
"I'll talk to Dad first."
"He needs to know about yesterday, too."
"I know. We'll be there as soon as we can."
It was already 1130. Jake had finished his report. June was the highest grossing month ever. And July looked ready to beat it, I was certain. We were being responsible, in one way at least. I told Jake about my talk with Alice, he worried just like I did both about what Edward found out in Forks and about what we have to tell him.
We locked up and headed home with another fast food stop. This time Jake gave me half his sandwich as I finished my own.
"I skipped breakfast." I said, but we both worried.
We were too nervous. If Edward ran he'd be here at one, driving his manic speed maybe 1230. If the plane was on time.
At 1217 I heard the car squeal and do a 180 before skidding to a stop inches from Jake's Rabbit. Dad didn't look; he just leapt to our second floor balcony, turned the security lock to dust and walked in.
"Ness!" he pulled me into his arms. His look, haunted. I don't know what he found out in Forks but it was much worse than I feared.
"Mike is vile! He deserves to die. I should have ripped out his throat! These are thoughts, I've never heard. MY DAUGHTER!"
He was on the brink. "Dad?" I coaxed softly. "Can you start from the beginning?" I wish he had a gift like mine.
"No you don't, Ness. You never want to see…this." He was terrified. At least he was breathing. Unlike mom. At that dad's breath caught. "We'll get there soon, I promise. You need to know this. I've never seen a human with this focus. If he was ever bitten he would be lethal to everyone but you. He is more than obsessed. But it is violent. I can't even describe…the acts of gratification he believes he deserves to have with you. Bella too, though he thinks of her as an unrequited conquest that he should remedy then toss her aside. I'd really, really like to see him try – she'd break him into a million pieces." Even though mom is now virtually indestructible he still tends to be overprotective. Dad talking so matter-of-factly about mom's ability to protect herself this way had me more worried than anything else he'd said so far.
"But you are his mark, his prize. His property. No love. Only defilement. You can never be in his sights again. He recognizes some similarities between you and Bella, but hasn't developed any rational. It is not his focus. We are safe from the Volturi. But you will never be safe from Mike. He would imprison, torture, rape but keep you alive for his own gruesome pleasure…" He couldn't go on.
"I'm here, dad" Trying to help him refocus. "I have Jake. You. Mom. Everyone will make sure I'm safe."
"Jake. You are the opposite of what this…thing…represents. Love, compassion, respect, passion. And even when things don't go as planned you're by her side." Dad pulled me off of him and put my arms around Jake. He knew and that was it. Best get all the secrets out now, the sooner the better then Dad can get home.
"Ness. I saw. You and mom. You were …." He couldn't find the words. Dead, broken, nothing. I remembered. Dad nodded though my thoughts but then said "Brave. Throughout that pain you worried about me. About mom. About Jake. You stayed strong for everyone else. If you need, when you need help, be sure you let someone be there for you." then is less than a whisper. "You are never going to the Volturi."
I didn't know that thought had passed through my head last night, but now I know it did. Jake couldn't breathe for fear. "I wasn't really considering…only thinking. I'm sorry, Jake."
I turned his mouth to mine deeply to awake a breath and repeated my 'I love you's' until he responded in kind.
Dad shouldn't have witnessed that. Dad came over to kiss me on the top of my head and squeezed Jake's shoulder. "Come over tonight – seven. I need to go home." And he exited as he entered and peeled away.
Ness needs protection...all kinds.