Deary me this took a while! Sorry! Lovely big thanks to Hollie, Aileen, Jo, Em and LittleBit100 for sticking with this for so long!
Dear Callum,
I am guessing that you've already checked who this letter is from, and I want to beg you not to rip it up or throw it away, as I assume you would do. Last week, when I came to the station to meet you, I had played out our first meeting over and over in my head. In my head, when I tell you that I'm your older sister, you're shocked, but you're happy, because you're in the same position as me, you have no family. And then we would go to a small cafe and spend hours talking, catching up on each other's lives. You would accept me as one of your kin. But, as we both know, it ended up badly. To start with, I found out you were married. I hadn't even considered the possibility that you could be a husband. I realised then that our meeting would not go as I had hoped, because you had someone when I had no-one. I will pause here to apologise for the way I treated Jess. She is a kind hearted woman, and I wish I hadn't reacted the way I did to her. She is very deserving of you.
Another thing I hadn't expected was that you wouldn't actually want a sister. I just thought that you would feel like you had a part of our dad back in me, I thought that it would be a comfort to you, like it was to me. Again, I was wrong. You were stubborn and untrusting, which is completely understandable. Our dad was one of the most stubborn men you could meet, according to my mum. I know you may not like it, but you do have to accept that I am your biological sister. When I found out about you, my first thought was anger and hurt. I didn't want to think that my dad had left me and my mum to go find himself some younger, prettier woman who would bear him the son he wanted. I was jealous of you for having him all those years when I didn't. Dad didn't have any brothers of sisters, and my mum was an only child too. So I literally only had my mum, obviously dad was with his other family, with you.
When he died, I felt nothing. That's terrible, and I felt so bad about it. But I didn't know the man who died, all I knew was that I had his genes, but I didn't know him. Mum told me he had died a few days after it happened. She found out in the papers, isn't that awful? The man she had loved and had a child with was dead, and she had to find out in such an impersonal, cold way. We found out in the papers when his funeral was, so we bought some flowers and put on our smart black clothes. When we got the Church, your mum was standing outside the door with your grandfather. You didn't see me. Your mum saw us. She came over to us, and she was so angry. She told us we had no right being here, that Jake was her husband and she wanted to mourn him without his ex being there. My mum was so distraught, she just wanted to say goodbye to her one love. She walked off in tears, seemingly forgetting about me. Your mum looked at me and gently touched my face. She told me that I looked so much like Jake and Callum. She told me she was sorry, but I couldn't come in. Then I left.
I got home and asked mum who Callum was. Mum just cried harder, telling me that she didn't want me to know yet. I told her what your mum had said, and she swore. But she sat me down and told me all about you, my brother. She told me why dad had left us. It hurt me so much. I hated my mum, I hated my dad, and I hated you most of all. I went AWOL for a few days, I just couldn't bear to be in the same house as her. I ended up at the cemetery, at dad's grave. I read your message to him. I took it, I still have it now.
Over the years, every so often I would find out where you were, what you were doing, how your life was going. I was so proud when I saw you had become a police officer. I wanted to meet you, but mum said it wasn't a good idea. Not so long ago, she developed bowel cancer. It was discovered too late, and she died a few months after her diagnosis. As she was dying, she told me that she didn't want me to be alone anymore. She told me to find you. She had an address and the police station where you worked. So I found you.
I thought that I would tell you all this, because I want to make amends with you. I want to get to know you, I want to develop a bond with you, a sibling bond. I'm sorry for how our first meeting went. Maybe you would give me the opportunity to meet again, and we can start over? If you have got this far without ripping it up or burning it, then there must be something that's keeping you from doing it. I hope it curiosity and a belief that you could get to know your sister.
All my love,
Claire Stone