Chapter 38 Stop it now!

…She could hear it crying…

It was a child. It was her child and it would never see the light. It would never be born.

Rory cried and looked around for it. It was her baby and she loved it, but she had lost it. She had lost it forever and she would never see him running around her. The cry was so shrill that she wanted to cover her ears with something. She could not, because she wanted to hear it. That was the last thing left her from her child. Its cry that made her wanted to find it. Therefore, Rory kept going through the darkness. The child's cry mixed with her own and she finally fell on the ground.

'I'm sorry!' She cried out. 'I'm so sorry!' Her cry turned into sobs.

'Rory!' She heard someone called her name and looked around. There was not anyone. 'Rory!' It was the same voice again and this time she recognized it.

'Jess.' She whispered and started crying again.

'Rory!' Jess shook her shoulders and she finally opened her eyes to look at him. 'Rory wake up!'

'Jess.' She uttered.

'Okay this continues far too long!' he hissed and released her from his grip.

'I'm sorry!' She sniffed and sat on the bed. Her hands covered her face and she tried to calm after that nightmare.

'You're simply refusing to get through this!' Jess hissed and went into the bathroom. He came back, holding a glass with water. 'Do I have to be sick or something?'

'What?' Rory looked up at him and took the glass from his hand. 'What are you talking about?'

'When I was bad you was fine with it!' Jess sat close to her. 'When I got better, you felt the pain again. I'm just asking!'

'You are insane!' Rory shook her head and too a sip from her water.

'If that'll help you…' Jess frowned and lagged his words.

'Shut up and stop calling the devil!' Rory glared at him. 'You just got better and I just stopped worrying about you.'

'When you're doing that you aren't thinking about the other thing.'

'Don't call it 'a thing'!' Rory snapped. 'It was a child! Our child!'

'It wasn't, Rory!' Jess hissed and got off the bed abruptly. 'You keep saying that, but it was just a fetus.'

'No!' She snapped and her breath hitched from anger. Jess could not understand her. 'It was not just a fetus, Jess! It was a child! It was a human being! And it was my fault that I lost it! My fault!'

'It's not anybody's fault, Rory!' Jess sighed. 'As soon as you understand that it'll be better for you.'

'I won't get better, don't you understand that?' She increased her voice and got off the bed. 'You don't know how I feel about it.' She placed her hand on her stomach. 'I feel so empty that you can't imagine. The guilt is keep haunting me and I just can't live like this anymore.' Rory gasped. 'How can it be so hard for you to understand me?'

'Maybe this is just was not meant to be, Ror.' Jess frowned. 'Try to think in that way.'

'Shut up!' She hissed. 'How could you be so cold about this?'

'Because I love you and I hate to see you like this!' Jess grabbed her arms. 'You've been in this condition far too long! It is time to wake up, Rory!'

'Don't you think that I don't want that?' She cried. 'It feels like hell and I want to run away, but I can't!'

'You don't want to, Rory. This is the difference.'

'You simply can't understand me.' She shook her head.

'I'm trying, but it keeps getting harder!'

'It's simple really.' She whispered. 'I'm guilty.'

'No, you are not, damn it!' He shook her hard. 'Do you hear me? You are not guilty for anything!'

'I am and I know it.' Her voice lowered. 'I just have to live with that.'

'You aren't trying to live.' Jess shook his head. 'You're just giving in desperation. When our kids asked me how you are, I have to lie to them. I don't want to do it Rory!'

'Then don't!'

'You have to help me with this.' Jess released her and rubbed his forehead. 'I can't do this alone.'

'I can't lie to them too.' Rory felt her lower lip trembled.

'Then get better.'

'I can't that quickly!'

'Jeez!' Jess frowned and grabbed his head, buried his fingers into his hair. 'You have to try, because I'm tired already! If you are not doing this for you, then do this for them. Do this for your children.'

'Jess…'

'I don't want to hear any excuses! I'm done with it!' He put up his hand and hid in the bathroom.

Rory stayed there for a little while. She just stared at the empty space. It was hard. How could be so cold about it? How he could be so hard to understand? Rory sighed tiredly and got back into bed.

Jess walked out of the bathroom and saw her lying on the bed. His anger rose up again. This was not Rory. This was not his Rory. He cursed under his lips and grasped her blanket, throwing it onto the floor.

'What the hell are you doing?' Rory glared at him. 'I want to sleep!'

'No! You can't sleep now!' Jess snapped. 'You have children to take care about.'

'I'm here.' Rory frowned. 'I just don't feel better.'

'You are alright!' He crossed arms before his chest. 'Get up!'

'No!'

'Now Rory!'

'I said, I don't want to!'

'You are going to do it, or I am going to make it for you.' Jess tilted his head. 'Choose!'

'Fine!' Rory got off the bed again. 'Now what?'

'Now let me help you and stop pushing me away.' His voice lowered and Rory looked at him carefully.

'I'm not pushing you away, Jess.'

'Yes, you do.' Jess closed his eyes for a moment. He released a tired sigh and then he looked back at her. 'I told you that you can speak with me. You can tell me everything that it hurts you, but you don't do it.'

'Jess…'

'If not me, then let your children around you.' Jess released his hands and touched her arm. 'They miss you, Rory. I know that you are sensitive now, but you cannot push your children away. You just can't.'

'I'm not pushing them away, Jess.' Rory tilted her head. 'I just do not want them see me in this way.'

'Then you have to try and forget.' He rubbed his temple this time and Rory frowned.

'Are you okay?'

'Yeah. I am okay, but you have to try.' His lips curled in a light smile. 'Go take a shower now. It's almost time for breakfast.'

Rory tried to smile too.

'Okay.' She nodded and walked into the bathroom. She took off her clothes and stepped under the flowing water. Her eyes closed and she let herself on the nice feeling. It was good and she had to admit that Jess had right for some questions.

'Rory!' He called her just as she reached out for her robe.

'I'm coming!' Rory called back and looked at the mirror. She smiled at her reflection and just then, her look fell over the top shelf above the sink. Her blood ran cold – Codeine.