Disclaimer: Don't own it.
Chapter 38 Loose Ends
Cassia didn't dare to move once she was sure that both father and child were peacefully at rest. Tristan was far too light a sleeper, even in illness, for her to make an exit. Cassia's eyes brightened with tears of content as she watched both Tristan and Rosheen cling to each other as though they feared being separated once again. Cassia nearly laughed at how ignorant the fearsome scout was when it came to children; however, what he didn't have in knowledge he certainly made up for by the sheer love Cassia could feel emanating from him when Rosheen was near.
As Cassia watched the newly reunited pair, she couldn't help but wonder if Tristan had originally planned on bringing the girl back with him, or if he had even planned on returning for her. Cassia knew that something had changed in Tristan, and she couldn't help but shudder at the thought that if it hadn't, both she and Rosheen might have faced drearier ends. Cassia was shocked by her own reaction to the past days events, but when she thought about it she had her reasons. She knew that when she had been left in the clearing, she had been at peace with her choices and mistakes. The fact that she was still alive meant little to her. What meant the most was that Tristan had come back for her, and that she had the chance to see each of the knights once again. As she had realized back in the clearing, her most cherished moments were spent in the company of those who she had once called enemy.
With those thoughts swirling in Cassia's mind, dawn came very swiftly. The sun had barely risen over the lush island when Cassia noticed Rosheen begin to wake. Cassia had half a mind to remove Rosheen from the bed, so as not to disturb Tristan, but she thought better of it when she saw the change in the scout's breathing. No sooner did the small bundle of energy wake, than she was bouncing on the cot to wake her father. "Daddy, the sun is up. Do we get to go home now," the girl asked excitedly. Cassia heard Tristan groan and decided to intervene.
"Come here, honey," Cassia called softly to the small girl. "Tristan is still ill, and needs a bit more rest. Why don't we go find some breakfast before we disturb him further," she said lightly as Rosheen rushed over to her. Cassia lifted an energetic Rosheen into her lap as she tried to comb her fingers through the child's wild hair. Cassia could not get over the fact that Rosheen was so friendly and joyful, which was in complete contrast to Tristan's solitary and dour countenance.
"I am fine," they both heard from the bed. Tristan slowly sat up as they watched him. "I will take her," he said referring to retrieving food. Cassia nodded to Tristan's request knowing that she was still under his command. She knew that Tristan would never verbally or physically abuse her again, but she also didn't feel the need to disobey the scout even if consequences would be minimal. Cassia noticed Tristan struggling to stand although he still hid his pain better than any other man she had ever met.
Quickly Cassia stood placing Rosheen on her feet and aided the scout to stand as well. She frowned when she had to steady him more than once before he was able to stand on his own. Rosheen made to bolt into her father's arms, but Cassia intercepted and lifted the girl herself. Cassia retrieved a clean tunic for the scout with Rosheen still squirming in her arms. Careful of his wounds, Tristan pulled on the thick tunic. A few weeks ago, he would have been angered by the fact that Cassia had retrieved his heaviest tunic as a way of saying 'you're sick whether you admit it or not,' but after what they had been through he accepted it as her way of showing she still cared. He knew that they would probably never speak of what they went through ever again and most likely dance around each other, but he felt that there was no longer any tension between them. It was a good feeling.
Slowly the three made their way down to the tavern, which was attached to the inn. The other knights already sat eating, knowing that they would be leaving shortly. When the three arrived, everyone smiled and offered to retrieve their meals for them. Breakfast was pleasant as everyone simply enjoyed the fact that they were still all alive and together.
As they made their way back to their quarters to finish packing Tristan pulled Cassia aside. "I have one final thing that I must attend to. I shall return before we leave," and with that said he disappeared into the crowds. Cassia knew better than to question his actions, so she accepted it and followed Rosheen who was getting a piggyback ride from a grumbling Galahad. Cassia couldn't help but smile at the way Rosheen had already wrapped the knights, as well as her father, around her little finger. The young girl had taken a special liking to the youngest knight, who seemed to be just as fascinated with her as she was with him. Cassia had a feeling that she, and possibly Arthur, would be the ones getting the bad rap for keeping her disciplined.
Cassia packed her meager belongings with what she had retrieved for Rosheen, then she packed the scout's belongings as well. It was when she noticed not one dagger in his possessions that she realized what Tristan had gone to do. Cassia could not blame her master, but she sincerely hoped that he would come back unharmed, for Rosheen's sake if nothing else. The small redhead had been running circles around the other knights while they prepared. Rosheen seemed unfazed by the dangerous knights; however she tended to keep her distance from both Arthur and Lancelot. Cassia was unsure of the reason, but she had a feeling it was because of Arthur's roman armor and Lancelot's close friendship with him.
As Cassia was carrying two saddle bags out of her room, she saw a giggling Rosheen bounding toward her. Cassia sighed in relief when the small girl was lifted off the ground just before she could collide with Cassia. She hadn't noticed Gawain waiting outside until the rambunctious little girl was in his arms. "Thank you," Cassia said gratefully as she began to move into the hall.
"It's not a problem," Gawain said as he made faces at Rosheen, who made ones right back at him. "I actually came to see how you were doing," he explained as he set Rosheen back on the ground. Cassia was surprised at how easily Gawain handled Tristan's child, when the blonde knight obviously had issues with Tristan at the time.
"I'm doing fine. I am happy just to see another day," Cassia said with a calm smile as she shifted the bags over her shoulders.
"I'm happy that you can see another day too. When you disappeared, I thought Tristan had… well… Tristan had become unpredictable and we didn't know what really happened until he showed up at the fort," Gawain fumbled as he tried to explain.
"You thought he had killed me," she asked with a wry smile. Gawain's crystal eyes widened but conveyed the truth of her statement. Cassia laughed a little, before speaking. "Tristan is a practical being. He wouldn't have wasted four months of his time keeping me if he was just going to kill me in the end."
"I've seen Tristan do…" Gawain was cut off before he could condemn his friend yet again.
"Gawain, you may think that your hostility toward him is well hidden, but it is as plain as day in everything you do. I'm asking you to forgive Tristan," she said seriously as she finally placed the heavy bags upon the ground. Standing in the middle of the bustling hall, Cassia stood firmly with her hands planted on her hips in front of a bewildered Gawain.
"I don't think…" Gawain was once again cut off.
"Don't think, Gawain. He is your brother in a way possibly thicker than blood. For all your condemnation, it was Tristan who came after me when I was captured. It was Tristan who stopped the sword from entering my chest. He has done many wrongs, and I don't know if he will ever even forgive himself, but he has tried to redeem himself. I will not be the one to condemn a man in search of redemption for the mistakes he made along the way, and I hope that you shall not either," she spoke softly but her words were no less powerful than if she had screamed it at him. Gawain averted his gaze only to see Rosheen standing several feet away watching them with wide eyes.
"Why do you hate daddy," the small girl asked as tears began to run down her cheeks. Gawain went to move toward her but noticed that her posture said she was going to bolt. Cassia, however, paid no attention to anything but the girl's tears as she lifted the sobbing child into her arms.
"Gawain does hate anyone, precious. They were just angry for a while, but everything is going to work out," Cassia assured the upset girl as she gently stroked her shaking back. Gawain saw the lingering sadness in the girl's bright green eyes as she peered over Cassia's shoulder at him. Before he realized it, he was standing beside Cassia lifting Rosheen into his arms. 'How did Tristan get blessed with this tiny goddess as his child,' he thought as he held her at arms length suspended in the air.
"There is no reason to cry, Rosheen. Your father and I simply have our arguments like any friends or siblings do. It's nothing to be upset over," he said before throwing her up in the air lightly and catching her in a tight embrace. "Everything is going to be alright, so let's see that beautiful smile of yours," he said as he looked into the bright eyes again.
"You aren't mad at Daddy anymore," she asked slowly as she grasped one of Gawain's dreadlocks and tugging gently. He shook his head, and she graced him with a smile as she continued to tug at his long hair.
XxXxXxX
Tristan was beginning to forget what it was like to feel clean. He hadn't bathed since before being captured and the mud and dirty had found its way into every pore and crevice of his weary form. At least when he had woken his morning, his face had been clean from the cloths Rosheen had wiped it with. Now however, splatters of blood and grime covered it once again as well as the rest of his body. Darius had not been the fearsome opponent that Tristan had expected, and the battle hadn't lasted very long. A few well thrown daggers, and Darius was barely a threat. Disposing the body was easy enough, seeing as many of the hidden dungeons around the fort were rarely visited or completely forgotten.
Now Tristan felt exhausted once again as he desperately tried to wipe his face before finding Rosheen again. He thought that he had gotten it all as he trudged silently into the inn. As he made his way down the long corridor, he heard Cassia's light laughter accompanied by Gawain's own feral version. Tristan inwardly groaned at the idea of having to face his brother knight after all that had happened recently, but he continued anyway.
As Tristan rounded the corner to the wing containing his and Cassia's room he was quickly assaulted by two small fists that pleaded to be lifted up. Tristan sighed as he knelt instead of lifting her, barely having the energy even to do that much. He heard a tiny gasp and immediately felt his daughter's small hands roving over his neck and face. Tristan knew instantly that he hadn't succeeded in getting rid of the blood; however Rosheen's reaction was not what he had anticipated. "Are you okay, Daddy," she asked concernedly. Tristan gave her a small smile as he stilled her hands with his own.
"I am fine, Rosheen," he assured her as he noticed Gawain and Cassia approaching slowly. "Are you ready to leave," he asked her as he moved some bright red hair out of her cherubic face. He received an enthusiastic nod, and found himself smiling once again. Tristan could see Cassia's concerned frown out of the corner of his eye, and realized that he should probably bath before they left. It would be nice to feel clean if only for an hour or two. "Cassia, take Rosheen to meet the horses," Tristan said in a whisper, but it was still commanding. Cassia nodded once again, knowing that it was Tristan's way of assuring her that he would take care of himself.
"Horses? Can I feed them, Daddy," Rosheen asked Tristan excitedly as she bounced up and down in front of him. Tristan nearly rolled his eyes at his daughter's enthusiasm. 'Just like her mother,' he thought as he watched the glow of her eyes become even more intense.
"Yes, just don't spoil them," he said in the sternest voice he could bear to use on her. Rosheen didn't seem to notice his tone as she quickly kissed his cheek before running off ahead of Cassia, who followed close behind with her dark skirts waving in her wake.
Tristan watched Gawain from where he still knelt on the floor, but he no longer saw the obvious hate burning behind the blonde knight's crystal eyes. "Want some help," Gawain offered casually as he approached his comrade. Tristan stoically continued to watch his friend as he was offered an arm to help him stand. Tristan couldn't help but feel a bit wary of Gawain's sudden friendliness after all that had transpired between them. "I'm not going to try anything, so you can stop glaring at me," Gawain laughed as he pulled Tristan up and put a bracing arm around his waist.
"What happened," Tristan asked calmly although his voice was once again gravelly with fatigue.
"I figure that you can't be all that bad if you spawned something as adorable as Rosheen," Gawain joked lightly as the made their way into Tristan's room, leaving the saddlebags in the middle of the hall. "But really, Cassia made me understand a few things," he admitted bashfully. Tristan couldn't help but feel a pang of remorse at the fact that he truly couldn't claim Rosheen as his true daughter. He did love the girl as much as if she were of his blood, but he would not lie to himself and pretend that he had any part in making her. Perhaps she was even more precious to him since she wasn't his, because he realized that the gods had blessed him with such a lovely being even though he did not deserve her.
"She isn't truly mine," Tristan admitted somberly. He felt Gawain's shock more than saw it as they immediately came to a halt.
"What do you mean, she isn't yours. Why the hell are you pretending to be her father if you had no part in making her," Gawain asked more shocked than angry, as he tried to come up with a plausible explanation.
"She was the daughter of my betrothed. I promised that I would love and raise her as I would my own. She was the result of a rape, and I was the one who ended up picking up all the pieces," Tristan admitted as he sat on his cot. He wasn't sure why he had told Gawain what he did, but he knew that he could trust Gawain to keep it secret.
"Wow… You don't despise her for being someone else's," Gawain asked curiously. He couldn't believe what Tristan was telling him.
"Could you despise her," Tristan asked bluntly as he began to remove his dirtied clothes.
"Good point," Gawain said before being interrupted by several maids entering the room with water for a bath. Four young women, resembling each other enough for Tristan to think them sisters, filled the tub that had bathed Rosheen the night before. All four girls had long blonde hair that was tied into a thick plait down their backs. Once they were finished, they each bowed before leaving the room. The final girl turned just before disappearing and winked to Gawain before hurrying down the hall.
Gawain chuckled lightly as he recalled the first night's events before returning to the conversation. "Anyway, what I was going to say was that even if it isn't in blood, you are her father. The fact that you are willing to raise her even though she is not yours speaks of the love you feel for her, and I may not be an expert on children like Bors, but I think that love is all that really matters," Gawain assured him as he aided Tristan to stand once again and move beside the tub. "After all, at least you were betrothed to the woman. Bors cannot even boast that."
"Thanks," was all that Tristan could think to say. He hadn't thought Gawain was that sentimental or deep, but he was surprised. "I'm sorry for all of the things that I've done, but I didn't expect you to forgive me," Tristan admitted with a hiss as his weary body met the steaming water.
"I'm not proud of all the things that I've done either. I can't really condemn you for making some mistakes now can I," he said as he began to head toward the door. "If you need anything, I'll be hanging around making sure that everything is ready to go. I'll take those bags out for you too," he called over his dreadlock covered shoulder as he slipped out of the room, leaving Tristan to bathe in peace.
XxXxXxX
Cassia watched amusedly as Rosheen skipped around the stable petting every horse that would let her. A couple of the meaner beasts nipped at her, but Rosheen had rather quick reflexes resulting in little injury. Cassia couldn't have kept up with the energetic girl even if she had wanted to. Rosheen seemed to float on air as she rushed from stall to stall introducing herself to each animal with great enthusiasm. Cassia still did not feel comfortable around the large beasts unless one of the knights was with her, but she thoroughly enjoyed watching the fearless child.
Cassia hadn't noticed Kay enter the barn with Bors and Lancelot until she was playfully lifted off her feet from behind. "Your letting her get our mounts riled up so they're impossible to control, aren't you," he growled, except it wasn't as menacing as he had hoped since she could hear the mirth in his voice.
"I thought that the great Sarmatian knights never lost control of the steeds," Cassia returned haughtily, as she turned in his arms and hugged him tightly.
"You are always right, aren't you milady," he sighed contentedly as he returned the embrace.
"You are just full of love lately," Lancelot commented as he watched her hold his best friend. "Perhaps we should let you get captured by rebels more often, and you might even share my bed with me," Lancelot quipped as he waggled his eyebrows suggestively. Cassia laughed lightly as she slapped his arm before giving him a hug as well.
"Is it bad if I just want you to know that I care," she asked him as she buried her head in his armored chest.
Lancelot smiled as he replied, "I shall never complain about your affections, but I just think it odd that we receive all this love and poor Tristan doesn't even get a smile. After all he was the one who searched through Hades to find you." Lancelot knew that Cassia cared for the scout and couldn't help but bring it up. After all the woman went through, she had better have feelings for the scout or else she was simply out of her mind. The more Lancelot thought about it, she was out of her mind either way, but he wasn't going to complain.
"I don't go around hugging Tristan because I prefer to keep all of my limbs," Cassia replied as she stepped away form him and turned to Bors. All of them laughed at her remark, but quieted quickly at her next words. "Do you think she'll fit in at the fort Bors," Cassia asked concernedly as she watched Rosheen continue to play completely oblivious to the new company.
"She's a fine little lass, but you've heard the whispers as much as the rest of us. She's Tristan's daughter, and that's quite a burden all on its own," Bors replied honestly before lightening a little. "But I know my bastards will like her all the same. You can't deny, she's got character," he said as he watched Rosheen slip into the stall containing Tristan's mount.
"How come she can approach that beast without injury, but anytime I go near it the thing goes crazy," Lancelot grumbled as he rubbed a bruise on his hip from when he had tried to lead Tristan's mount when the scout went missing.
"She happens to be much cuter than you," Cassia replied as she went to see what Rosheen was up to. She could feel Lancelot boring holes into her back as she walked away from him. The others laughed, but then began to ready their own steeds.
Tristan sighed contentedly as he slipped on a clean tunic and breeches. He finally recalled what it was to feel human again, not because he had finally washed away the layers of dirt and blood covering his body, but because Tristan finally felt something other than cold emptiness in his chest when he thought about anything other than war. As Tristan slipped on his armor and various weapons, he couldn't stop himself from thinking of Rosheen. The small girl had accepted him without question simply because he had claimed to be her father. Even in her short five years, Tristan knew that she had seen enough not to be considered naïve. However, she had seen his weapons, his fury, and the blood of others that he wore and still she did not question his absence or his love.
No matter how hard Tristan tried to separate the two, the young girl was her mother in every way. He had thought that it would be painful or even unbearable to gaze upon her sweet smile, but Tristan found that when she was near, he couldn't stop from watching her. Whether he was afraid she would disappear from his life if he looked away, or because it warmed his lonely heart even further just to gaze at her; all Tristan knew was that he felt no pain in her presence.
As Tristan strapped on his last weapons, he thought of the journey back to the fort. He had yet to speak with Arthur, but he doubted he wished to hear what his commander had to say. He knew he had disappointed Arthur with his actions over the past months, but he would not apologize to Arthur for it. The only person who needed to hear his apology was Cassia, and she would have it before they reached the strong gates of Hadrian's Wall. Tristan knew that he could not put off the inevitable for much longer; he owed her his life and in return she would have hers. With his reflection completed, Tristan lifted his scimitar from the cot and proceeded to make his way toward the stables. His body was still weak and he could feel his limp setting in from his ankle, but he was no less menacing as he marched toward where his bothers waited for him.
XxXxX
That didn't take too long, now did it? It seems every time I write another chapter, I get farther and farther from the end. However, the next chapter shall be the last, unless I decide to be very verbose and drag it out for another. Thank you to everyone who follows this story as well as those of you who take the time to review. Please continue to let me know what you think, and I promise I shall have the last chapter up very shortly.