I can't believe summer is already over. Ashley and I talked hardly at all since my slip up. I don't even know where it came from. It just came out, like it was natural or something. Almost like it was a ritual. I don't know but I'm standing in front of my closet thinking of what I should wear on what felt like my first day ever at King High school. I was nervous, scared, but I mean it wasn't all that bad. I knew people right. I had people whether I remembered them or not. Sighing I just threw on a pair of jeans, some converse, and an old band t-shirt, and headed towards the kitchen.
"Hey hun," my dad said. I could already smell the pancakes.
"Hey dad." I said, taking a seat. The sun hit my face warming me. I felt like I was freezing, but I knew I wasn't. It was the fear that made me cold inside. Fear of what people will say to me, fear of how today will go, fear of if my friends would still talk to me even though I couldn't reemmber them. Plainly just fear of life.
"Spence, you ok?"
"Yeah, fine." I replied knowing it wasn't true. I had to act like I was ok, I didn't want him asking questions about anything pertaining to Ashley, or school. He placed a plate of food in front of me and I suddenly felt full. I felt like I was being melodramatic, which I probably was.
"I'm not so hungry." I murmured.
"You sure?" My dad asked a worried expression on his face. Nodding I stood up and walked outside to wait for my brothers by the car. How was today going to go? Was Ashley going to speak to me? Did I ruin everything? How could I make it up? Great, I wasn't even sure if I did anything wrong and I was ready to apologize. I couldn't take reality, I couldn't face it, but I knew I had to. I searched my bag for my I-pod quickly running away from the world through my music. An odd habit I found I had suddenly.
"If you knew, What I know, Would you try?"
Did Ashley feel the same about me?
"Before your time, Has run out, And worn you down."
She can't I mean, why would she barely even look at me all summer.
"Would you know, What you desire, In your heart?"
Or maybe she just couldn't bare to look at me because she liked me so much.
"Is there time, Is there time, To follow just one desire?"
Yeah right.
"Is there time, Is there time, To follow your heart?"
Ashley would never be in love with someone like me.
"Dress your wounds, Test your strength, Face the night."
But what if she did?
"Crave the touch, Feel the pain, Know the signs."
What if Ashley did like me, what would I do then?
"Is there truth, In your pain, You decide."
Would we get together?
"If you knew, What I know, Would you try?"
Stop it Spencer your getting your hopes up.
"Is there time, Is there time, To follow just one desire?"
She doesn't love you.
"Is there time, Is there time, To follow your heart."
But what if she did?
"As we lie, In the shade, Of poison trees."
It doesn't matter whether she does or not.
"Are we safe, As we let, Ourselves believe?"
All that matters is that I know I love Ashley Davies, and there is nothing anyone in this world can do to change it, Not even myself. I wouldn't even want to change even if I could. Sure, what I felt was a sin, but, at the moment. I didn't care, because what I'm feeling know, the amount of love I am feeling, is definitely overpowering the disgust and fear I have for myself. My thoughts were broken when I felt her touch on my skin. Her smooth fingers lazily sliding down my arms. I saw her deep eyes staring at me. I heard her angelic voice speak to me.
"Hey, I'm kidnapping you," I saw her beautiful smile spread across her face. Saw her amazing white teeth shine.
"Come on before we're late for school, not that I really care." And I felt my heart get taken away. Ashley Davies, I need you to be mine.