Cam POV

The rest of the night was a blur. Liz had finally calmed down and we all had a pleasant evening.

The fire crackled on, the orange flames dancing in the faint wind, a beautiful image against the ink sky. Zach was skipping stones at the water's edge.

'Hey' I wrapped a blanket around me and trotted to the edge. The water was surprisingly warm even though the sun had gone. Zach stopped skipping stones and wound his arms around my waist

'Hey' He kissed my nose

'Do you think Liz is right...should we be worried about the silence?' I asked. Zach looked off into the horizon.

'I don't know Cam. It's weird, so yes we should be worried. However, my dad and Joe know how to reach us if there was something to be worried about. So we shouldn't worry' I nodded, Zach looked back at me 'But something's worrying you, isn't there?' I bit my lip and looked away from Zach. 'Please tell me Cam' He begged. I sighed

'There are still some things you haven't told me...and I think to avoid repeating the past, we need to lay all our cards out on the table' I looked back at Zach. He was studying me carefully. He lowered his forehead till we were touching. I closed my eyes already feeling my heart hammering.

'I don't know how you're going to take it Gallagher Girl' He whispered. I ran my hands up his chest, up his neck resting them at the base of his head.

'We've been through worse' I tried to keep my voice light.

'No Cam' Zach's hands found my face, forcing it up to look at him, I opened my eyes to see how vulnerable he was. 'I don't know how you'll trust me again'

'What are you going on about?' I withdrew from him. Zach didn't say another word. He just grabbed my hand and began to pull me towards the house, past the others sitting round the fireplace, through the corridor and up the stairs all the way to our room. Zach shut the door behind me.

'Zach, you're scaring me' I whispered

'You know I went looking for you over the summer?'

'Yeah...you were with Bex for some of it and other times you were on your own...and you went crazy'

'Well when I was on my own I did some really bad things Gallagher Girl...I...I killed someone' It was barely a whisper yet the words hit me like a truck.

'Zach-'

'Don't' He shook his head 'Please just don't' He ran his hands through his hair 'I didn't know the person, he was one of the grease monkeys that the Circle used. He probably knew that his days were numbered and I just shortened it. I. Killed. Him. I don't even know his name but I held the gun and I saw his life flash before his eyes. The colour drain and disappear completely' The tears were rolling down my cheeks, I just didn't know how to react.

'Zach, it's okay'

'No it's not!' He snapped. His eyes were misted with emotions 'I killed him Cam. I turned into my mother just to try and find you and I just kept seeing red trying to get to you!'

'We're okay' I soothed 'Zach I know how much this burden would hurt you, but what I don't understand, is how did Camilla know about this?'

'I thought I could trust her. She entrusted me with her secrets and I got drunk and she clearly used it to her advantage…'

'Is that...is that all?' I choked out. Zach shook his head and my heart dropped slightly.

'Do you want to know about these?' Zach took the pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. I nodded.

'There's 10 in a pack. I had my first one when I was 14. I'd just come back from spending time with my mom. It wasn't really thanksgiving nor was it a christmas, I was just there and in her way. We got into an argument about my combat grades not being good enough and I just needed to relax. My next one was after a conversation with Joe; he wanted to make sure I was okay and that I wasn't alone. My next one was after Boston; it scared the shit out of me that my mom was so close to getting you and that in the process both Macey and you were hurt. Then I had 2 over the course of the summer. It was just something that calmed my nerves. Especially after I...I killed that man. My nerves were everywhere. Then I had one the night I was going to propose to you, I was so nervous' He chuckled 'The next one was when we broke up, actually I had two, I don't remember...It was either the cigar or a bottle of something… then as you know, I had one the other night'

'So you've had 9' I counted. Zach rattled the box

'Only one left'

'Are you...are you going to smoke it?' I asked. Zach chuckled ever so slightly

'Well that depends on how you still feel about me' He stepped forward and held my hand.

'Is this all of the bad news, or is there more?'

'More' He answered begrudgingly. I closed my eyes

'Just get it all out, please' I rubbed my head and sat down on the edge of the bed. Zach paced around the room. I waited, allowing him to work it out in his own time. I tried to predict what he was going to say.

'We need to adopt a baby' He blurted. For a moment Zach just stared at me, his arms out wide waiting for me to reply. I burst out laughing. Then I stopped, realising that Zach was serious.

'You..you want us to adopt?'

'We can make a big difference in a kid's life' Zach's eyes were full of excitement now. He kneeled in front of me 'What do you say?'

'I say-' Then a thought struck me 'This wouldn't be Camilla's baby you're referring to...is it?'

'Well…'

'No' I stood up and created distance between us 'No, no, no, no, no'

'Cam-'

'I am not taking care of that bitch's kid!' I shouted

'I made a promise to her-'

'AND SHE BETRAYED YOU! I am not under any circumstances looking after that kid'

'We've ruined his life, it's the least we could do'

'Do you think I don't know that? Zach I know how much this kid's life is going to be affected. His mom is a murderer and his dad's a crook. But I will not be able to raise that kid in good conscious'

'You're being selfish'

'Yes I am. And I don't care. I don't want to raise Camilla's baby! I want to raise ours'

'Are you-'

'No' I shook my head 'But I want to be. I want you Zach. And I am so sorry for what's going to happen to Camilla's baby but I can't because of Will and Tom. I can't do that to either of them'

We stayed in silence. I knew that if we continued arguing or thrashing everything out tonight then we'd end up saying things we may regret in the morning. I moved over to Zach slowly my hands grabbed his face and soothed his cheeks. He wasn't looking at me in the eye. His jaw was tense.

'I'm so sorry if this is an ultimatum for you' I whispered 'But I just can't Zach' I bit back more tears 'I love you' my voice cracked. Zach still wouldn't look at me. 'And I hope...I hope than we can fix this' I reached up and kissed his lips. He didn't react to my touch. He just stood there, stiff. I pulled away and quickly left the room. I went into the bathroom and sat on the floor. My hand over my mouth stopping my sobs from escaping. Had I...Had I just lost Zach again?

Author's note: I told you that there would be drama in the Zammie department...Did you expect any of this to come out of Zach's mouth? The revelation that he killed someone and then he wanted to adopt? I bet Cam was going to agree to the adoption but then she remembered about the baby. Was she being selfish? What will happen next? I told you that these chapters will be full of emotion and drama...the next one shows Cam in a way I always hate her to be...broken. Chapter 39 will be out SATURDAY! Also, as promised I have an announcement to make; I was going to tell you in the new year, BUT I COULDN'T WAIT! So my NEW STORY 'Twisted Fate' IS OUT TODAY! Ahhhh so excited that I've been working on this for about 2/3 months on and off trying to make the story as amazing as possible (I still haven't finished writing it lol.) So please go and check that out! Hope everyone is having a good festive season! xxx

MaddieMorganGoode007: Thank you so much! I literally couldn't believe that I've had 20,000 views and my story isn't even over yet. With my first story I managed to get 10,000 views when I uploaded the last chapter so this is a whole new experience for me. Lots and lots of drama will be unfolding soon! Ahhhhhh I really really want to share with you what's to come! xxx

Smiles180: I thought that this Zammie fluff was a bit risky but I'm glad that that you enjoyed it. Did you expect these secrets? xxx

Chameleondancer: Thank you so much! I'm glad that the 'fluff' was to your standard. Hope you've had a good Christmas as well xxx

4EverAGallagherGirl: THANK YOU! I've known people who have taken advantage of relationship situations and to me it's just unacceptable. Like I know sometimes there are signs that show acceptance yet I still feel like you need to ask just to clarify. Aww thank you very much xxx

BritishBombshell007: Aww thank you. I've never written about them on holiday and after the stress of the mission, I wanted these last few chapters to mean so much to me and to everyone. I think Liz was just over-analysing the situation and ended up panicking about it. Do not worry...yet...hope you had a good christmas as well xxx

Miss. L 2002: I know! I'm so sad that this story is ending soon as well. But I've got a new story out now so yay! If you do check it out (and please do) make sure that you have read Twisted Time and Twisted Reality to understand what is going on. There is forever drama in my stories and the Zammie fluff will be here soon...I hope... I'm glad that you enjoyed that part! Bex is one of my favourite characters and I think that because we are both British (and share the same name) that I understand her more/the british sense of sarcasm. I'm glad that she's become a better friend to Cam as well. Happy Holidays xxx

Guest: Aww thank you very much. I never knew that about the FBI or the CIA so thank you for clearing that up for me! Happy Holidays xxx