Lovefool by The Cardigans

"You're getting really good," Ymir smiled, coming up from the side and watching me repeat the move she had shown me—the rolling of hips, jutting my torso forward and mimicking a wave with my entire body.

It was sensual.

Just like I saw her make it.

I smiled at her compliment and staring, but it didn't quite feel the same. Not with what was on my mind.

It felt hollow almost—as if it was echoing back to be filled and fuller.

With what? I didn't know.

I just kept thinking of Hitch and how sad she appeared when she left.

She even let me borrow her coat for the night as she left with her chauffer.

The words she said last night kept running through my mind—I'm moving.

I looked up at Ymir to see her wiping her brow with the hem of her tank top—her stomach muscles taut and defined.

How many sit-ups did she do a day to achieve that?

My own stomach was… soft and without muscle.

"Hey, what's up?" Ymir always knew when my mind wandered.

"Oh, um," I glanced at the walls but they were covered in mirrors—reflecting our every action, leaving no escape for hiding our mistakes and faults.

And secrets.

"I just… feel kind of off."

"Yeah?" Ymir frowned, intently watching my moves.

"Yeah."

It was quiet for a moment.

Ymir wasn't acting upset and I believed it was because Hitch never told her what was truly happening.

But you could tell her.

I could.

I could tell her Hitch is moving. I could tell her so many other things—that I stared maybe too long at her or that sometimes she interrupts my thoughts when my hand is up my skirt.

I could tell her many things but that didn't mean I should.

Hitch had her reasons for keeping quiet of small details like I did.

What would I do if Hitch told Ymir one of my secrets?

I would be upset and hurt.

And I didn't want Ymir to feel I was taking her kindness and friendship too much to heart.

To think of Ymir distancing herself from me not because of a fault in time and our separation…but because I was seeing her slowly in a different light?

To think of losing Ymir because I was being spoiled and greedy and wanting her closer?

I didn't want to think of that. I didn't want to picture a world where Ymir would leave me because she thought me—Krista and Historia and all of my heart—was too disgusting to tolerate.

"Wait."

I felt my throat thicken as I looked at her, easing a smile, trying to seem like I wasn't thinking of bad thoughts near Ymir.

Remember.

Historia Reiss is a good girl—good girls are quiet, gentle, loving, and understanding. They get along with everyone and exceed expectations.

If you like Ymir…then you aren't good anymore… There's something wrong. Father and everyone expects you to do great in school, get married, and have children.

It's what a happy ending is—even Sleeping Beauty had it.

"Did Reiner try to do something? Huh?" Ymir crossed her arms, scrutinizing me.

"I will throw that stupid gorilla back into the damn zoo if he's forcing you into anything," she bristled.

She was the Ymir I knew—protective and fighting for me through elementary bullies and time.

How could I lie to her about something that might hurt her?

Hitch's secret would hurt her if she didn't know right away.

I had to tell.

She was my best friend and this was a secret I could withhold—

"No, um, it's—"

"No! Really! I will beat him up!" Ymir flexed her arms.

Oh.

They really were nice arms.

I shook my head, trying to speak again.

"Ymir, I'm just… It's—Hitch is…"

"Oh no," Ymir huffed, dropping her dukes and tilting her head back, "don't tell me she talked to you after I left?"

"E-Eh?"

Did she already know?

"Yeah, I offered Hitch a ride home but she said she had something to do and was being all pissy and glaring at you. Did she say something stupid? I will straighten her up if she did," Ymir was back to growling and grumping as she went to the stereo, switching it off.

"Um…we did talk…"

"Did she give you a hard time, Krista? You can tell me." Ymir's eyes were bright, searching, and her hands kept playing with the hem of her tank top.

When I met her gaze she pulled it away, staring at everything but me.

It felt like she was avoiding something with me—did she not want to talk to Hitch about it?

"She…she was…Hitch was…"

"Hitch was Hitch, right?" She snorted, cracking her knuckles, and scuffing her shoes on the floorboards.

"Um…yeah…"

"Look," Ymir grimaced—what was she thinking?—, "I don't know what she said to you…so…"

She stopped, biting her bottom lip and looking at me throw downcast eyes.

"She… she said…some awful things…but she was really nice afterwards."

"Awful things? Krista, c'mon, tell me it. Stop avoiding it." Ymir grew impatient, stepping a few steps back to lean against the wall. Her arms were tight around her body as her knee bounced up and down.

"She…well, she said mean things about me. Kind of…laughed at how you, um, 'chewed' me out."

Why was I covering for Hitch?

Ymir was more important to me but my mouth kept hiding what I really wanted to say.

If I told Ymir…she would be hurt. I would be hurting her.

If I didn't tell Ymir…Hitch would be able to tell her and deal with the confrontation.

Ymir clicked her tongue in response, running a hand through her short hair.

Oh.

It looked so nice slicked back…

"Typical," she huffed but gave out a bitter laugh, "typical."

The repeat was breathy and almost grateful.

But I didn't want to think Ymir would approve of her bad behavior.

"Yeah, alright—I will talk to her. Let's just get back to practice, yeah?" She went to the stereo and flicking through her iPod.

She looked back at me, smiling.

This was my chance.

I could speak up now.

Tell her about Hitch moving just in case she didn't know.

Be honest.

"Yeah."

I never had the courage—never did I ever not want to realize how much Hitch might've meant to Ymir.

A/N:

Depressingly short chapter but for a good reason! This ends Krista's P.O.V for awhile and we will now venture further into Ymir's. What is our freckled friend getting into these days anyways? Probably up to no good.