I want you all to know that this chapter was really hard for me to write- and i would really appreciate that you read it while/after listening to the song, 'The light behind your eyes,' by My Chemical Romance. it was what literally gave me the inspiration for this last chapter.
and by the way, I don't own 'Skylines and Turnstiles', 'Famous last words', or 'The light behind your eyes' by My Chemical Romance- and neither do I own The Hunger Games, by Suzanne Collins.
I hope you guys enjoy.
Thirty-four Days. Nine hours. Forty-five seconds. That's how long it's been. How do I know? I've been counting. Seconds, converted to minutes, changed into hours, and then to days. I do it to keep my mind of things- but now it's became kind of a habit, to keep me off thinking about it too much. When I first came back here from the torture chamber, the effects of the drugs completely worn off by then, I was completely debased- and once the doors closed, I had a mental breakdown.
I hadn't talked ever since, nor shown any kinds of emotion, whatsoever. The girls have tried to get me to talk-with no success. Not even the drugs they give me daily make me do such kind of action. Dan looks more than pissed by that- which makes my lips twitch to for the smallest of smiles. But it is not humorous in any way or form. It's more of a… psychotic one. I had heard the screams for mercy from my friends- I had heard the screams for mercy of strangers who were probably here because of me. But the worst of them all, is the one that makes me squirm, the one that makes me want to hide in the shadows and never come out.
My husband's.
These are the worst- they bring back unwanted memories, like the ones from the hunger games or our marriage night. They hurt- both, mentally and physically, and I am becoming less sane day by day. I don't feel anything but the pain that memory lane brings; the memories that blanket me with friends I know like fallout vapors, Steel corpses stretch out towards an ending sun, scorched and black- as It reaches in and tears my flesh apart, As ice cold hands rip into my heart. Well, that's if I've still got one that's left inside that cave I call a chest.
Most of my time while I have flashbacks I sit and stare at the murky, dirty brown walls. The problem aren't the memories- it is the feeling of depression they bring. Every single time one comes, I feel a warm feeling overcome me; but when it's done, it all comes plummeting down, as water on a rainy day only to leave me sad and teary eyed, with the memories I once made and thought that would last forever.
I also wonder why my life is like this. Always a rollercoaster, bringing me high as cocaine can, and then making me have a complete free fall. My father always said that, 'Life is like a rollercoaster. You should enjoy every second of it.' And, as I was the curious kid I was, I always responded, 'if life is a rollercoaster, shouldn't we enjoy the ups and falls, the loops and had down's?'
I had always been like that- philosophical, always saying things that will make you want to contemplate your way of living. I almost always try and put others before myself, but I still am selfish. Everyone is selfish; it is something we can't ignore. It is a part of human nature, something that, even though we lie to ourselves and say that we are not so at all, we still have some selfishness in our souls, tainting them black, inking in them with an eternal mark that will restrain us for being completely pure.
That's the reason why, on the moment I heard the pleas being screamed, mercy shouts pleading to be heard I do what I knew I has to do. Because, as I heard Peeta through the bars of what had been my cell for the past twenty-seven days, I act without thinking- but not rejecting any word that came out of my mouth. My voice was hoarse at first- because of the lack of use and the finger marks on my neck I got a few days ago, due to Dan strangling me because of my lack of speech, but everyone falls silent as I stand there, wobbling on my feet and gripping the bars on a death grip.
"Don't." is all that comes out. Dan looks at me, a maniac smile plastered on his face, but Peeta looks terrified. "Don't" I repeat, my voice stronger. "Oh, well well well, our little bird had finally decided to sing, hm? What is what had brought our precious victor to speak?" he asks, getting closer to me, to the point when our noses are almost touching. I answer his question, my mind a messy, black ocean pleading for calmness. "Don't kill him." I say quietly, my heart and mind racing.
He laughs. "How about no?" he asks, and simply walks away, while with a shake of his hand the guards restraining Peeta- or what's left of him- walking over to a wide-opened door, where the faint screams of a crowd is heard. "No!" my voice comes out frenetic with a hint of insanity seeped through the words. "Take me." I say, and a gasp is heard all throughout the chamber."Okay." Dan says with a triumphant smile clear as the day on his lips. Peeta starts screaming and struggling like a madman on the moment the word leaves the man's lips- such a simple, four-lettered word that defines the line between my life and whatever will be next.
He first makes the guards drop the still struggling Peeta on his designed chamber, and then unlocks my own and the guards take both my arms firmly- even though I am not planning on doing any kind of escape. They cuff my hands behind my back, and then usher me forward, nearer to the sunlight.
"Wait!" a voice I know way to well says, and I turn around, catching Cato's icy blue's. "katniss." He says, and the simple way he says it makes me go weak on the knees. "No, please. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, it hurts. Please, don't go- don't kill yourself. Don't be afraid to try and get everything back on track- even if it is eternally on this prison." He says, his voice tired and sad. I chuckle, a soft smile playing on my lips as I get closer to him, crouching down so we are eye-level; the guards, surprisingly let me do so.
"I… I am not afraid to keep on living, and I am not afraid to walk this world alone. Honey, I know that if I stay I'll be forgiven… but nothing you can say can stop me going home." I say. He nods, tears running down his murky, bloodied cheeks. I shake my head, my eyes tearing up as I lean down for one last kiss.
When my lips touch his, I feel everything I've been feeling these past days haunting me coming back and releasing themselves off my chest. What feels like hours later, but were really only a few seconds, I feel the salty liquid running down his eyes, into my lips. I kiss him one more time, feeling his mouth pressed against mine in a passionate, sad and desperate kiss. When we part away again, I hold his chin on my hand, feeling his hot breath brushing against my face.
"The hardest part of this is leaving you." I say, tears now running down my face, too. A sob escapes his lips, and he leans his forehead against mine, applying a comforting pressure to it. "I love you," he chokes out, the sobs flowing freely from his throat now.
"I love you too." I say, the tears and sobs making my voice rough. I stand up finally, looking at Cato once more, gazing into the icy blue that had me in cloud nine when I first saw them. "Never let them take the light behind your eyes." I say as a Farwell, and let the guards guide me freely through the long corridor. As Dan looks at me, silent for once, I swear I saw a lone tear escaping his left eye.
When the sunlight hits me at first it hurts my eyes, causing me to close them, but never backing away. There is a camera and a huge screen where I can see myself, my skin pale and scars all over my body. The crowd roars when they see me, and when the guards make me sink to my knees I know that it's the end- and this time there is no-one to save me. I smile a watery smile, keeping my head hung low with what's left of my brown hair covering my face.
"so long to all my friends,
Everyone of them met tragic ends.
With every passing day,
I'd be lying if I didn't say,
That I miss them all tonight…" I sing quietly, my voice coming out on a mess of beautiful notes and depressing lyrics. One of the guards pushes me so I am on my hands and knees, my tears staining the wooden floor of what is the stage. I hear a faint drum roll playing, as I hear the clicking of a pistol being prepared. I feel the cold surface of what will be my end in a few seconds- but before the trigger is pulled, a faint "I'm sorry" is heard. I nod faintly, and then a shot ripples through the silence that had blanketed the place, as if everyone had held their breath.
I feel my body collapse, hitting the ground and faint sobs coming from behind me. There's a light, and a brief moment when I see my life passing through my eyes. and one particular moment catches my attention- when Cato and I are reading quotes from famous artists, Gerard Way's words stick through my mind, making me sigh internally. 'One day, your whole life will pass through your eyes; make sure it's worth watching.'
And in that moment, I let myself realize something- everything that I've been through, everything that life had thrown at me I managed to avoid it- and this is my price. In that millisecond when the ocean in my mind becomes clrearer, I realize, with satisfaction one thing:
It sure was.
And then… nothing.
FIN.
it's... done. i can't believe I've done it. i can't believe that, after 8 months, 236 days, 14,160 minutes and 55,798 words later I'm now that it's done, i, Unnamed Joker, Declare this story as complete. i would like to thank you all my amazing fans, most importantly You-Can't-Bandage-The-Damage for being my first reviewer, and all of you, too- as well as my Fanfiction friends, Catniss1 and DedicatedWallflower, as well as our deceased dear sweetheart, SweetxDecadence. thank you all for making this story possible, and believe me- your reviews have helped me through really rough times, as well as all your love and support with this story.
this is Unnamed Joker signing off, see you next time.
so long and goodnight,
xo, -C