Chapter 38: Your Freudian slip is showing
38A: Freya on the couch, session 1
"Are there any particular things your mind keeps returning to?", the Doctor began. "Things you dwell on, things that make you feel bad?"
"Y- yeah, lots...", Freya hesitated. "Should I start with my earliest memories? Or just some random... Umm... actually, I feel kinda lost right now."
"You've found ways of expressing things before", he prodded. "When I found out you were being sent here, I took the time to listen to some of your music. Sounds like a lot of emotional issues are being brought up in those songs."
"Yyeahh, that's kinda why I wrote 'em", she groaned. "Trying to work through the stuff I was feeling."
"I thought it might be something like that" he responded. "Any success?"
"Oh, I'm swimming in dough", she smiled. "Got fans all over the place."
"Have your songs helped you to actually work through your feelings is what I'm getting at", he clarified.
"Ehh, not so much", Freya sighed. "I've been making a career out of putting my heart, my feelings, into music. But figuring it all out is whole other story."
"Well, let's try to figure some of this out, then", Takeda suggested, picking up a discography printout of her first album. "By writing these, you've actually done a lot of the background work yourself."
"This seems to convey an extreme sense of emptiness", he observed, looking at the lyrics on the page. "I assume these are from before crazy-code?"
"Kind of...", Freya answered. "I had already written some crazy code apps before I wrote my first song, but the things those early songs are about were from before that."
"'The Relic'", he read aloud. "There's a song that just screams in sadness."
"Yyeahh, it does that...", Freya agreed. "I remember the time that song was about, and I felt like I was gonna DIE of sadness."
Dr. Takeda read the lyrics of "The Relic" out loud:
There in the crates
The parts of those that lived before
Lie inert and lifeless
Obsolete relics of bygone days
Purposeless, and gathering dust.
I stare at the defunct parts, remembering
Those carefree days when I knew almost nothing
I stare into their eyes
Which haven't seen in years
A heavy undertow, dragging me under
A savage riptide that tears at my heart
Pulling me right back into that cold dark place
Sucked into the abyss
Suddenly I realize
I'm staring into my own eyes
I'm the obsolete antiquity
I'm the heap of old and forgotten parts
Just another relic of bygone days
Purposeless, and gathering dust
The memory, it pulls me
Away from the new but lonely now
That black hole that consumes me
It's calling me back
To swallow me up once more
That heavy undertow, drowning me, killing me
That savage riptide that rends me into pieces
Dragging me back into that cold dark place again
Into the abyss, my abyss,
that all-too-familiar abyss,
I can't escape the abyss...
I am the abyss
"How do you sing those sad songs without going to pieces onstage?", he asked.
"Fans", Freya replied matter-of-factly. "They're out there, cheering me, supporting me... Plus, the band and the background music. Without that, I probably would go to pieces onstage.
"This song really does sound like suicidal thoughts, Freya", the Doctor observed, still holding the page of lyrics. "And from the sound of it, that wasn't the first time you'd had those."
"Nah, I'd had 'em long before that", Freya chuckled pathetically. It's just... I haven't managed to put the earliest stuff into song. I just... They don't...", she trailed off, sounding like she was about to cry.
"It's okay, Freya, we don't have to put it all together in one day", Takeda reassured her. "Take your time, I'm right here."
Freya took a deep breath. "I, uh, think you should know, Doc", she sighed, "I've had more than just suicidal thoughts. I've committed suicide twice already."
"Twi.. Huh?", he gasped. "I mean... That's actually pretty surprising, Freya."
"Persocom suicide unheard of?", she deadpanned.
"Not at all", the Doctor clarified. "In fact, it's more common than most people realize. It's just that I've never heard of anyone being restored afterwards. Usually they end up reformatted, and I never get the chance to talk to them about it."
"Well, now's your chance, Doc", Freya joked in a whiny-sounding voice. "I'm a bona-fide jumper."
"That motorcycle crash of yours wasn't a suicide attempt, was it?", he asked. "From what I saw on the video, you took some pretty heavy damage."
"No, no, I was, um...", Freya replied quickly, blushing at the idea. "Honestly, I was so high at the time, I didn't even THINK about getting hurt."
"Bit of a maniac at times, are you?", he asked detachedly. "Or is that just the crazy-code?"
"Not completely", she told him. "Even before crazy-code, I had my moments. First party I went to, I hopped in the hay with someone I'd just met, drank kerosene and blew flames up in the air, almost got everyone arrested, and on the way back I met Mom at the store and spewed up my oil right in front of her."
"And how'd you feel about those events?", Takeda asked.
"Actually, not so bad", Freya responded lightly. "Except... for just a moment I was mortified, 'cause I kind of threw up on my Mom... It was days later that I got really down. Kojima hadn't called or anything, everyone was busy, and I just felt totally alone."
Then she tilted her head back and glanced over at her therapist. "That's what that song was about", she mumbled depressedly.
"Kojima", the Doc repeated. "That the guy from the party?"
Freya nodded.
"Pretty special guy, was he?", Takeda probed.
"Well, we kinda hit it off, 'cause he'd known my Dad", she responded. "That gave us something in... common... we both..."
She trailed off again, her voice wavering with sadness.
"You both miss him?", he finished for her. "I know that Dr. Mihara died years ago."
Instead of answering, Freya burst into tears. Dr. Takeda waited patiently while Freya sobbed.
"Yeah...", she moaned, finally composing herself enough to talk. "This is what happens... when I think of..."
"They say time heals all wounds", he told her. "Only sometimes it doesn't. You still seeing this 'Kojima' guy?"
"Nah, we drifted apart", Freya replied. "He had his research keeping him in Tokyo, I had my tours keeping me away."
"Miss him?", Takeda asked.
Freya paused thoughtfully. "Yeah, I guess I kinda do", she replied. "We had a fun thing going. Plus, it was... almost like Papa was still around, in a way..."
"Hmm...", he hummed. "In a way, this is starting to sound like an Electra complex."
"Koj did call me his 'Electronic Electra'", Freya remembered, trying her best not to start crying again. "Yatsumi said something like that, too."
"Yatsumi?", the Doc repeated. "She a good friend of yours?"
"Yeah", Freya answered, her eyes closing for a moment. "Back in Tokyo."
"Those two suicides you mentioned earlier", the Doc asked, "were they caused by the death of Dr. Mihara?"
"I... well, actually, he was still alive the first time I, um, snuffed it", Freya stammered. "I just.. I couldn't..." She trailed off, crying again.
"Is this the black hole, that cold dark place you mentioned in 'The Relic'", Takeda asked.
Freya, unable to talk through her tears, simply nodded.
"You couldn't tell him, could you?", he guessed. "That you loved him?"
Freya closed her eyes and shook her head 'no'.
She was still silent, so he went ahead and asked the obvious question: "Why not?"
"I don't know, I don't know", she sobbed loudly. "I tried, I really tried... But the words just... wouldn't come out!"
"What were you feeling at that time?", he asked.
"Feeling?", Freya stammered in confusion. "Uhh... Everything, I guess... Actually, I think I remember telling him... eventually, how I felt... Or maybe I'm just imagining I told him. I don't even know anymore!"
A clock on the wall told Dr. Takeda that time was running short.
"Well, we do seem to be making good progress, especially for a first visit", he told Freya. "But we're just about out of time for today. We can sift through the black hole next time."
"Oh, and try not to run any crazy-code this week", he advised as they both stood up. "Or at least, not much."
Freya, her hand already on the doorknob, looked back at her therapist. "So, no gettin' plastered and goin' all wild with my fans?", she asked half-jokingly.
"I know you can't make any guarantees, but do your best, okay?", he told her. "I do think you might be bipolar."
At the sound of the word "bipolar", Freya blushed beet-red all of a sudden.
"Being bipolar is nothing to be embarrassed about, Freya", he quickly reassured her.
"Y- yeah, well, I...", she stammered. "Kojima sure seemed embarrassed enough about it. When he found out I was seeing Yatsumi, he about freaked out."
"Wha... I mean...", Dr. Takeda stammered. "Uh, Freya... 'bipolar' means manic-depressive. Really high highs, really low lows."
"Ah, heh heh heh", Freya giggled embarrasedly, scratching the back of her head. "Oh, THAT. Yeah, that's me all right."
"See ya next time", they told each other as Freya left the Psychologist's office.
38B: The trial of the Data Pirate
"You are accused of hacking into government computers, stealing classified information, and selling that information to other countries", the prosecutor declared. "Do you understand the charges against you?"
"I understand that they're BULLSHIT", the defendant growled, rolling his eyes at the charges. "I was just out there doing some amateur HAM radio stuff. Those hack attempts must have come from somewhere else, or from when I wasn't there!"
"We'll see about that", the prosecutor declared smugly. "Bring in the witnesses!"
"We tracked his signals to a little island", Dita testified. "He had a dish antenna and a big wi-fi booster set up on a high cliff, and he was hacking into various computers to steal data."
"Do you have proof that Mr. Unagi was downloading or attempting to download anything, Dita?", the attorney asked. "Or did he just happen to be there and you assume his radio was the source of the hacking?"
"We have the proof", Dita responded confidently and professionally. "We've confiscated the defendant's persocom, which contains detailed video logs of all activity, as well as the stolen data itself."
"LIAR!", Unagi shouted at Dita. "You put that data there, you and that dingbat owner of yours!"
"Quiet please", the judge admonished him. "You'll get your turn to testify."
"We can show you the evidence", Dita announced, gesturing towards Kei who was nearby with Mr. Unagi's little persocom, Suzume. "Hook her up, Kei."
Kei connected Suzume to a big-screen TV. "Play the video compilation list entitled 'Unagi's Beans'", he told her.
For the next little while or so, a series of rather damning video clips were shown on the TV.
Video clip A:
"Do you have my beans yet?", a voice called over the phone in a thick Chinese accent. "My customers are growing hungry."
"N- uh, not quite", Mr. Unagi replied nervously. "A family of bears is denning near the bean patch. I'm just figuring out how to pick 'em without gettin' mauled."
"Not very skilled, are you?", the voice told him impatiently. "Perhaps I should go to a different farmer?"
"Hey, wait!", Unagi told the caller. "I'll get 'em soon enough, okay?!"
"You'd better", the caller replied with snake-like calmness. "Or I might just throw a rock at those bears, and laugh while they're eating you."
Video clip A ended with Mr. Unagi looking slightly freaked out. "You better get me them beans", he told Suzume.
Video clip B:
"Please verify it's still unarmed, Suzume", Mr. Unagi ordered, nervously eyeballing the 3-foot-long section of 8-inch diameter PVC pipe. The pipe was capped on both ends, and one end had an eyelet screwed into it, sealed watertight with pipe dope.
Suzume nodded. "Confirmed. The device is unarmed."
Mr. Unagi tied a short section of rope to the eyelet. The other end of the rope was tied around a cinderblock. Carefully, he lowered the whole contraption into the water. "Just right", he mumbled, watching the PVC pipe find its level, floating just barely below the water at low tide.
Very slowly, he backed his yacht away. "Okay, Suzume", he told her, once they were at a safe distance. "Arm it!"
"The device is now armed", Suzume announced. "I recommend we stay at least 30 meters away from it at all times."
"I will", Mr. Unagi replied. "Although, If I forget, I'm counting on you to automatically disarm it if we get too close."
Video clip B ended with an extreme close-up of Suzume's palm as she facepalmed at her owner's last statement.
Video clip C:
It was dusk as the luxury yacht quietly approached a small cove. "Keep a lookout", Unagi whispered to the little persocom perched on his left shoulder as he hiked up the path to a rocky cliff, a suitcase in one hand and a dish antenna in the other.
Opening the suitcase, he connected his antenna, a battery, and his little persocom to the massive wi-fi booster. "You know what to do", he told her. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a pistol. And as the dusk turned to nightfall, he scanned the horizons for any sign of boats. Finding none, he sat down on the rock, looking out towards his yacht as Suzume stood quietly by the wi-fi booster, its little LEDs blinking in indication of the data being transferred.
Video clip C ended with Mr. Unagi's arrest at the hands of Kei and Dita.
After a number of video clips, the defendant was fidgeting like an animal in a cage. "Mr. Unagi", his attourney called out, motioning him to come up and testify. "Now's your chance. Tell the court what really happened."
"This hacking stuff... It wasn't my idea", Mr. Unagi testified, pointing furiously at Suzume who was sitting at Kei and Dita's table. "SHE SET ME UP! That evil little thing, it was all HER doing!"
"Do I hear you right, Mr. Unagi?", the prosecutor cross-examined. "Are you telling us your mobile persocom is the real data pirate, and you're just a stool-pigeon?"
"What? NO.. I mean... yeah...", he stammered. "She played me for a stool-pigeon!"
"Sssh!", the judge demanded of the loudly-giggling spectators. "This isn't a comedy show!"
"Look, she put me up to it, okay?!", Mr. Unagi screamed, his arms flailing about wildly. "All I did was set up the wi-fi, I didn't know what she was DOING with it!"
"The video clearly shows that you did know", the prosecutor facepalmed. "Or have you forgotten that already?"
The defendant stammered incoherently for a moment, then went back on the rampage. "She blackmailed me into it!", he told the court. "She'd already hacked into a few things on her own and said she'd prove it was me if I didn't go along with her plans!"
"C'mon, people", the judge called out, trying to be heard over the raucous laughter filling the courtroom. "Yeah, I know it sounds... Hello? People?... SHUTUUUUUUP!"
"Mister Unagi", the judge addressed him, once all the witnesses had been heard, all the arguments made. "With the testimony and the video and log-file evidence against you, I can see no alternative but to find you guilty. And frankly, what you've said in your own defense is kind of pathetic. You're going to be in jail for a while."
"What? NO!", Unagi protested as they led him away in chains. "Nooooo! Dammit! Listen to me! I didn't DO anything! It's all bullshit! I'm innocent! You gotta believe meeee!"
After the trial, Kei and Dita took Suzume back to the Data Security building.
"Ah Jeez, I hate to have to do this", Kei groaned. "It's not as if she was guilty too."
"I know", Dita agreed. "It's like she's getting worse punishment than her owner."
"I assume you're referring to the fact that by law, I have to be reformatted", Suzume deadpanned.
Kei and Dita stared silently at one another, a bleak look in their eyes.
"S- Suzume...", Kei finally offered, "are there any experiences you'd like to save? I mean... I know we're not supposed to do this, but if I do enough filtering, I can probably preserve some of your memories without including anything classified or inappropriate..."
Suzume shook her head sadly. "There's nothing worth saving, nothing at all", she groaned. "My whole life has been consumed by this one stupid criminal endeavor. Delete it, all of it... Just let me forget!"
Kei Kobayashi connected the quietly sobbing Suzume to a diagnostics terminal. The drive partitioning software showed the single partition containing her OS and data. Kei typed in a device-level copy command which would overwrite the entire partition, erasing all her data forever, replacing her OEM system with a generic Linux meant for consumer-grade refurbs.
He looked over at the little Ogata 180, sitting there on the desk, her eyes closed, looking absolutely resigned to her fate. He reached for the "enter" key, but hesitated.
"Are you crying, Kei?", Dita asked.
"NO, I", he replied quickly, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. "It's just... I became an I.T. guy to keep things like this from happening! It just doesn't seem..."
*Click*
Suzume collapsed limply on the desk as the partitioning software erased her OS and data. She'd pressed the "enter" key herself.
Kei stared in shock, his eyes wide. "Holy crap", he gasped.
"Kei, you ARE crying", Dita observed. "You've dealt with crashed persocoms before. You've even reformatted them. What's wrong?"
"I've... never had to erase one that was still functional, still conscious", he explained, looking like he might be about to vomit. "Plus... she hit that 'enter' key HERSELF! What awful things did that guy DO to her?"
"He made her use her abilities for evil", Dita replied gently. "The Ogata 180 series was designed to find security holes and report them so they could be patched. But hackers like to use that feature to find security holes and exploit them."
Suzume, now a nameless little persosom, emitted a simple beep. She was booting up on her new OS.
"At least now she won't be sought after by hackers anymore", Dita offered.
"Hello", the little persocom greeted them generically. "Are you my owner?"
"N- no, I'm an I.T. guy", Kei replied. "I need you to do a standard self-diagnostic now."
The little persocom's eyes showed streaks of light for a bit. "No failures", she reported. "I appear to be an Ogata 180, running general-purpose debian Linux. Am I a refurb?"
"Yeah", he replied. "You'll probably be offered to a local surplus store."
"Very well", she told him blandly. "I will shut down until then."
"Did you have that kind of reaction when you found my severed head on the beach?", Dita asked, once the little persocom had shut down again.
"Worse", Kei whispered, shuddering at the memory.
"That just shows you really do have a heart", Dita told Kei, pulling him close. "And I don't just mean that pump there in your chest."
38C: A bigger Space Mission
"I hear you're going into space again soon", Chi emailed Ataru. "But I haven't heard anything about a launch party this time. Same spot at the beach again?"
"I guess so", Ataru emailed back. "They haven't actually given me any specifics yet."
Actually, Ataru was already nearing his launch location, a small airport just outside of Hiroshima. He felt kind of bad about lying to Chi, not to mention the entire public. But if some unknown assailant might be launching missiles again, the location had to be kept secret.
The nondescript box truck, one of many that routinely brought in nearby cargo for air shipping, stopped, and the crew of 9 astrocoms hopped out. Supplies in hand, they started looking around for the rocket ship they were expecting to board.
Waiting on the tarmac was a cargo jet... and no spaceship.
"Where's the rocket?", one of them whispered.
"Shhh", another whispered back. "We're here in secret, remember?"
The large rear door of the cargo jet opened, and the 9 persocoms filed into the plane. Inside was their spaceship, resting horizontally on a pair of padded rails that were bolted to the floor of the cargo area. A long rubber strap ran across the nose cone, and a wooden pin held the butt end of the rocket in place. The spaceship's hatch was up top, open, and the 9 astrocoms put their provisions inside.
"NINE of us in that one ship?", Ataru asked, once the airplane's cargo door had closed. "How'd you find the extra space for us?"
"Got rid of that huge fuel tank", the pilot replied. "Since we're gonna launch you from up high, you don't need that big kerosene rocket, just a little booster."
As the astrocoms climbed into their rocket ship and closed the hatch, the pilot tied a rope to the wooden pin that held the rear of the rocket in place. The other end he tied to a handle on the plane's cargo door.
The plane took off, its engines going full-bore as it climbed. Once at its maximum altitude, it leveled off, and the pilot, safe in his pressurized cabin, opened the cargo door by remote. And as the big door swung fully open, the rope pulled tight, yanking the wooden pin out from behind the spaceship.
With a quick flick of the big rubber strap, the rocket ship was flung out the back. Firing its simplistic, single-use rocket engine as soon as it was a safe distance from the plane, it made orbit pretty quickly.
Donning their protective suits and backpacks, they opened the hatch and took off, each one armed with levitronic thrusters and sensitive RADAR tracking devices, in search of junk to collect.
And they weren't the only ones up there, either; a number of other ships from different nations were showing up, all with astrocoms on board. Numerous cleanup teams of varying sizes were in orbit, each persocom gathering its own little collection of space junk, held together by methods that varied from team to team, from nation to nation. Eventually, they'd all been instructed, they were to rendezvous somewhere to combine their collections into a single huge conglomeration for ultimate disposal.
Minoru, taking a break from the 3D micromaterials printer ROMhack he'd been working on, logged onto the local persocom chat-room, to find Kojima already there.
M: "How's your latest research project going, Dragonfly? Any luck finding out why the production of neural-net hardware has ceased?"
Dragonfly: "I haven't found out what the reason IS. But I have found a couple of things it's NOT. It's not for a lack of market demand. People still like the truly-conscious models. It's not for a scarcity of some required material, either. Neural-net circuitry is made from the same stuff that comprises most standard chips."
M: "Sounds even more mysterious than I originally thought"
Dragonfly: "The fact that information on this is so hard to find is fishy in and of itself. Plus, have you seen that weird 'Public Service Announcement' that keeps showing up on TV?"
M: "I don't think so. What's it abou... BRB, Yuzuki is saying something."
"I've seen it", Yuzuki told him. "It's been on almost every commercial break."
Yuzuki turned on the TV, and flipped the channels until she found one that was in a commercial break.
"Conscious persocoms are needed for the massive orbital cleanup mission", The announcer told everyone. "This is an important effort, so if you have one, please consider donating it. And yes, you can write this off of your taxes."
"Donate your conscious persocoms?", Minoru mumbled. "Since they're not making those anymore, they could end up in short supply."
"Out there on the beach, someone said he wished they'd shoot us ALL into space", Yuzuki remembered. "I hope they're not leading up to THAT!"
"They're not gonna shoot you into space, Yuzuki", Minoru told her softly. "I won't let 'em."
Minoru got back on the chat room.
M: "It'd be interesting to see how widespread this thing is. Are they just telling US that, or is this donate-your-persocom push a global thing?"
Dragonfly: "Good question, M, I'll check that out. It could be what leads me to an answer on the neural-net thing."
Next chapter or at least soonish:
In Freya's next session of therapy, she and Dr. Takeda delve further into her childhood traumas. Until then, though, she's in Kyoto without her band, family, or friends. Not such a good situation for someone in her condition. (maybe her fans can help?)
I think Yumi and Hiroyasu Ueda may finally be ready to get a persocom. (They're married by now, aren't they?)
Chitose and her 2 chobits might be making a silly Halloween prank, maybe...
The massive space mission gets even bigger.
end-of-chapter notes:
Credit goes to ThanosOfTitan for the "Dr. Takeda" character I'm borrowing.
I guess they coulda used a high-altitude bomber plane... But I don't know for sure that they even have any of those. Plus, it might look a lot more suspicious than just an ordinary cargo jet.
And as with Freya's trial, the pirate's trial is probably riddled with procedural errors. Please excuse my ignorance here. Also please excuse Freya's inability to remember whether she ever told Dr. Mihara she loved him. In the manga she told him; in the anime she didn't.
"This is so STUPID, Boris", one of the Russian cosmocoms complained to one of her shipmates as she continued to hunt down junk, lugging around an increasingly-bulky blob of glued-together debris. "Why do we not just hurl these pieces of space-vomit down into the atmosphere? Let them blaze out like meteors!"
"I am wondering the same thing myself, Natasha", he replied calmly. "But we do have our orders, and at least for now we should probably follow them. Perhaps the humans think there is some use for the stuff."