Well it's finally spring break which means hopefully I'll be posting more often! So happy Once day and here's the next chapter. Things start picking up soon. Hope you enjoy!
"There are a lot of people here." Emma glanced around at everyone crammed in her and Mary Margaret's flat for the welcome home party.
"That's a good thing." Ava nudged her friend. "They're all here to support Mary Margaret and you, to welcome you home. They're here because they care about you."
"It didn't feel like that yesterday." Emma said dryly.
"Well the only thing that matters," Ava looked at her friend, eyes shining with happiness. "Is that you're here, with us. I've never been more relieved in my life. I honestly don't think I could have survived my messed up life without you."
"You're life is not messed up." Emma shook her head, smiling.
"Are you kidding me?" Ava laughed. "I'm living illegally part-time with my real father who I barely know and spending the rest of my time with my foster parents who care about me but don't want to adopt me. Its weird and screwed up and my friends are the only stable thing I have right now."
"We're a lot alike." Emma glanced around.
"You have Mary Margaret." Ava pointed out.
"And we've all seen how stable that is in the past few days." Emma crossed her arms.
"She would do anything for you." Ava said surely.
"So would your father." Emma shrugged. "But he's actually related to you. You'll always have that tie. You'll always be family."
"Blood doesn't make you family." Ava shook her head. "There's a lot more to it than that. Family is about you love, who you would go to the ends of the earth for. They don't always share a common ancestry."
"Yea well family…" Emma trailed off.
"Scares you." Ava finished.
"What?" Emma looked surprised.
"It terrifies you Emma." Ava elaborated. "And I get it. It terrifies me too. You spend so much of your life accepting that it will never happen for you. Sure you might find nice people who treat you right, but a family? You never believe you'll get that lucky. And when it does happen, you're scared to believe in it in case it falls apart. Because it's scary to believe in something, to open yourself up to being hurt."
"I'm not scared." Emma said defiantly
"Yes you are." Ava insisted. "I saw you these past few days. You shut down because what was happening was just too painful for you. And I get it Ems. I'm not telling you to change who you are. That would be pretty hypocritical. I'm just telling you to recognize it. Because that's what can prevent you from being happy."
Emma sighed. "Why do you have to be so smart?"
"I just understand what you're feeling." Ava smiled at her friend. "Because I'm going through it too. That's why I love having you for friend. You understand me. I'd do anything for you."
"I'd do anything for you too." Emma pulled her friend into a hug.
"Hey no fair." Kate, Isabelle and Julia walked up. "No hugging without us."
"Come on." Emma broke her hug with Ava and beckoned her other friends in.
"I'm so glad we didn't lose this." Isabelle said.
"I told you guys positivity was worth it." Julia chimed in causing everyone to laugh.
"Jules you may be swaying me to that side." Ava smiled. "Believing, hoping, it doesn't seem so silly anymore. Things finally seem to be going good, for once.
"So where's Connor?" Julia asked. "Shouldn't he be here? I mean he's like, in love with you. He was so torn up about you leaving, you would think he would want to be here to celebrate you staying."
"I don't really know." Emma admitted. "I haven't seen him. He told me Regina wouldn't let him come."
"Because he's let Regina dictate his life before?" Kate rolled her eyes.
"It's a little weird." Emma admitted. "But we're going to dinner tomorrow night so we'll see each other then."
"So it's ok to see you tomorrow?" Julia clarified. "Just not today?"
"I think it more has to do with the fact that Mary Margaret is here." Emma explained. "This is a party for her and … well…"
"We all know how Regina feels about her." Ava finished. "It's still strange though.
"Why is Gold here?" Isabelle cut in, staring at the man.
"Eh, he was Mary Margaret's lawyer." Emma shrugged. "I guess he has some right to be here. Mary Margaret invited him. Speaking of, I should probably go be cordial."
"Why?" Isabelle scoffed.
"Because unlike you, Emma actually has manners." Kate glanced at Isabelle.
"Ooh, Burn." Isabelle crossed her arms.
"Don't kill each other before I get back." Emma warned as she walked over to Gold. "So… I guess congratulations are in order? I mean you did technically win the case… sort of."
"Did I not tell you everything would work out?" Gold raised an eyebrow.
"You didn't really tell me anything that wasn't encrypted." Emma pointed out.
"I believed you were smart enough to figure it out." Gold shrugged.
"Thank you?" Emma wasn't sure how to take the compliment.
"I was never worried about the outcome." Gold admitted.
"Never once?" Emma asked. "You always knew this was going to happen."
"I had… a feeling." Gold said slowly.
"And would this feeling come from having prior information?" Emma asked. "From being involved perhaps? I mean we're both well aware of how close of a relationship you have with our dear madam mayor."
"Did I not agree to help you?" Gold didn't even blink. "Did I not agree Regina was the likely culprit and agree to work against her?"
"Yes but nothing is exactly as it seems with you." Emma's eyes narrowed. "You have a way of swinging which ever way the wind is blowing in your direction, even if only you understand how its helping you."
"Are you proposing I'm working with Regina? Or against her?" Gold asked.
"I don't know," Emma threw up her hands in frustration. "Maybe diagonally?
"Well you keep working on that one." Gold gave a small laugh. "It's a winning theory with quite the solid foundation."
"Don't patronize me." Emma glared.
"I would never." Gold feigned offense.
Emma rolled her eyes in contempt. "You disgust me."
"Ever the enchanting young lady." Gold replied sarcastically.
"Why thank you." Emma shot back.
Gold just laughed, unphased by Emma's anger. He noticed August watching the two of them closely with what seemed like worry. "He sure seems to keep a close eye on you."
"He doesn't trust you." Emma explained. "He doesn't feel like you should be here."
"I have every reason to be here." Gold pointed out. "I was Mary Margaret's lawyer. I supported her throughout this mess."
"Supportive is not an adjective I would use to describe you." Emma laughed. "Besides he has a reason to be here too."
"And what is that?" Gold asked.
"He's a friend." Emma elaborated.
"So you trust him?" Gold asked.
"A lot more than I trust you." Emma nodded.
"You should be careful who you trust Miss Swan." Gold warned. "You never know who might be motivated by their own selfish desires."
"That's rich coming from you." Emma raised an eyebrow. "Do you seriously not see that irony?"
"Emma I don't see why you still do not trust me." Gold sighed. "Did I not get Mary Margaret out?"
"I got Mary Margaret out." Emma corrected.
"But not without help." Gold held his finger up.
Emma's eyes widened in surprise, losing her calm demeanor. She quickly regained her composure. "How did you… you?"
"I have no clue what you're talking about." Gold simply shrugged. "Emma you need to learn to let go of your anger and learn to appreciate what you have. Tell me Emma, did you not get everything you wanted?"
"Everything I wanted?" Emma laughed bitterly. "Not exactly."
"What if you could?" Gold asked. "Have everything you wanted."
"That's not really possible." Emma shook her head.
"And why is that?" Gold asked.
"Because it would require me never being born into this life." Emma closed her eyes. "So unless you have a some magic spell that can do that… look thank you, for offering to help us, however you did. I've… I can't really be in here anymore." Emma walked away.
For once, Gold was left confused. He usually had such a good handle on things, but Emma, she confused him. He never thought she would be easy to manipulate. She was her parent's daughter after all, strong like her father, stubborn like her mother. But he always believed he could give her what she wanted more than anything to get her on his side. Sure she already owed him a favor, but he needed her to be willing to do whatever was necessary to help him. That was imperative. He was starting to worry now he couldn't give her what she wanted. Maybe this curse had truly made her strong enough to survive without her parents, to resent them to the point where getting them back would push her away. So far away from them that she would not be able to do what he needed her to do. He had to hope that somewhere deep inside that strong and hardened young woman was a little girl that so desperately wanted her parents to love her. Without that, they would all be lost.
"Kelly." Mary Margaret smiled as the social worker walked up to her. "I guess I should say its good to see you, rather than you and Emma already being on your way back to Augusta."
"Yea." Kelly looked sheepish. "I'm so sorry about that. I was just…"
"You were just doing your job." Mary Margaret finished. "I understand. Emma may be angry but…"
"That one can hold a grudge." Kelly nodded. "I've known her for a long time. When she wants to, she can hold them longer than most. Speaking of Emma, have you seen her?"
"She's not here?" Mary Margaret glanced around.
"Her friends haven't seen her in a while." Kelly explained.
"Really?" Mary Margaret paused for a moment, looking thoughtful. "I know where she is. Check the fire escape outside her room. She likes to go up there to think."
"Thanks." Kelly smiled before setting off in search of Emma.
Mary Margaret's hunch turned out to be right. She found Emma hiding out on the fire escape, staring off into the night. "Hay babe." She let her hand run over Emma's hair as she sat down next to the girl.
"Hey." Emma didn't look at Kelly. "Thought you would have been long gone by now."
"I still have some things here to sort out." Kelly explained. "You sure to manage to keep me busy."
"I bet the agency is super confused as to what is going on here." Emma said flatly.
"They do have a lot of questions." Kelly agreed. "But I've got a handle on it. I should have everything straightened out and be on my way back by tomorrow morning."
"Back to your life." Emma muttered. "You won't have to bother yourself with me anymore."
"Emma." Kelly sighed.
"It's fine." Emma shrugged off Kelly's attempt at an apology.
"Clearly you're not fine." Kelly said firmly.
"Clearly I don't wan to talk about it." Emma snapped, eyes blazing. When she realized what had just happened she glanced down. "I'm sorry."
"No." Kelly shook her head. "This is good, you expressing some form of emotion Emma. You can't keep everything bottled up inside. It will eat away at you until you break under all the stress."
"I'm pretty sure we've passed that point." Emma laughed darkly. "Right now the only thing I have that is stable is the knowledge that I have complete control over my emotions…. Well almost complete control."
"Em…" Kelly said sadly.
"I need something stable Kelly. I need something I can count on." Emma looked off into the distance. "This experience just proved to me that I'm the only one I can rely on. I know I can be strong, I know I can handle this on my own. This place, it made me complacent, it made me vulnerable, it made me weak. I wasn't paying attention and I lost control. I can't let people or temporary relationships distract me. I need to be strong."
Kelly opened her mouth to respond but before she could get a word out edgewise Mary Margaret popped her head out of the window. "Emma, your friends are leaving. They asked me to come get you."
"That's my cue." Emma pushed herself up, not meeting Kelly's eyes.
"Emma." Kelly caught Emma's arm, causing the girl to look back at her. "We're not done with this conversation."
Emma stared at Kelly for a moment before quietly, but firmly responding. "Yes we are."
Kelly dropped the girl's hand and watched her disappear through the window. Mary Margaret glanced between the two of them curiously. She climbed out onto the escape and took a seat next to Kelly. "So… How is she doing?" Mary Margaret asked tentatively.
"Honestly?" Kelly sighed. "Not well. While you were otherwise… occupied, she was in free fall. Her life was spiraling out of control. You don't see it with Emma like you do others. With her, its as if the more her foundation crumbles, the more in control of herself she becomes. She withdraws, she focuses on what she has power over, which is herself, her emotions. She finds the only solid ground she sees and holds on to it as tight as she can. With most people that solid ground is our family, but Emma doesn't have that. She is the only solid ground she has. It's as if she's on a cliff and she's staying away form all of the parts that are unstable, that might fall out from under her. To Emma, that's everyone else; because no one in her life has been constant."
Kelly shook her head. "She won't tell me anything. She's angry at me for trying to take her away. She's angry at a lot of people for this situation. But most of all she's angry at herself, for allowing herself to get attached. She spent her whole life making sure she didn't get attached because she was scared it would hurt when people left. She let herself believe this time would be different. She let her defense system slip and then all of a sudden she was losing it, losing everything she let herself care about. I fear this situation has done serious psychological damage that we can't really understand."
Kelly glanced at Mary Margaret. "You coming back? That doesn't fix it. Emma will see this as conformation that she's always been right. That she shouldn't' get attached because it can so easily slip away. She's not going to be the same girl you've seen these past few months. She's withdrawing already Mary Margaret, she won't admit it, but she's scared. She's not going to let herself get any more involved because she believes it's just going to disappear."
"Well then what do we do?" Mary Margaret looked concerned. "How do we help her? How do we keep her from retreating?"
"To start with?" Kelly explained. "Give her some permanence. Show her that there is such a thing as stability. That there will be someone who can be her rock."
"And how do we do that?" Mary Margaret asked.
"Not we Mary Margaret." Kelly looked to Mary Margaret. "You."
"Me?" Mary Margaret looked surprised.
"I've never seen Emma respond to anyone the way she has to you. She may not be ready to admit it, but she loves you Mary Margaret. I can see it. When she was leaving, she was heartbroken. Her whole life is here. This is home to her; you are home to her. You need to show her that this isn't a transient stage of her life. If you want to, I think it would be a good idea for Emma to stay with you, permanently."
"Permanently?" Mary Margaret's eyes shone with happiness but also some reservation.
"You're the best placement she's ever had. No one has ever treated her the way you have. You care about her in a way no one else has. It's ok if you don't want to…"
"No." Mary Margaret shook her head. "I would love to. But how would we do that?"
"Well we you can become her legal guardian through a somewhat extensive paperwork process. You could formally become her mother, but that's something the two of you would have to work out." Kelly explained. "If you want to I can get the paperwork started when I go back. We can get Emma out of the system for good."
"Yes." Mary Margaret's voice was soft. She seemed awed by what was happening. It was overwhelming. I mean sure she had never had any intention of sending Emma back. She loved the girl. But there was something so different about making it official. She was scared, but it was a good type of fear. She had always felt like something was missing in her life and when Emma had come to live with her, part of that hole had been filled. It was like Emma was a part of her life that was always supposed to be. "I'll have to talk to Emma of course."
"I have a feeling she'll say yes." Kelly smiled. "But there might be some reservation on her end, or some aloofness. Don't be discouraged by it. She's scared by what happened, and she's withdrawing. She might not react to this like you would want her to, but trust me. She wants this."
"How can you be sure?" Mary Margaret asked.
Kelly took a deep breath. "Sometimes we put up walls, not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down. This applies to Emma more than most. She builds up extensive walls and she plays it off as if she wants to keep people out. But deep down inside, she's a lost and scared little girl who just wants someone to love her. If you really want it to, that someone could be you."