Chapter 38: Sea of Blood

Hazel Matterhorn

"Where are you, bastard?!" I shouted. A laugh echoed around me as I stood up.

"My you have a temper." The voice said, it was low pitched. "Why are you upset? I gave you what you wanted."

"No." I responded. Though they were right, that want was not my focus here. "That was just a fantasy. I did not earn anything there."

"You are troublesome." The voice uttered. "But, I'm surprised you killed yourself before killing them. You are different from the last human I encountered." The voice paused, with the tone, I guessed it was male but wasn't sure.

"You must want to be a target. Take their pain before they are hurt." The voice inquired.

"What is your name?" I asked, I needed to control the conversation.

"I have a few. But you may call me Angra Mainyu." The name sounded familiar. I began to speak the summary from what I recalled as a child.

"The Persian God of Death?" I questioned. "My father would tell me the story. A normal man made enemy by his own people. Forced to bare all their evils, so they could feel cleansed."

It wasn't the most pleasant tale, but I would ask my father about artifacts that we had. It was a piece of bone from my grandfather's findings. I never met him, but my father said he was quite wise. I was curious if this was grandfather's warning. Maybe he helped in this, whatever this entity was. But I remembered nonetheless.

"A hero can be many things, but in the end something always betrays them." Angra Mainyu said. If he had corrupted the grail, that would explain how the anti-heroes were summoned.

"So that's how Caster and Rider got through." I said in realization. "You must be the corruption inside the Holy Grail."

"I have not corrupted it." The voice snapped back at me. "I want to awaken a world that I can possess. Through the Holy Grail, I can unleash what has held this world back." A laugh crackled. "It will be cleansed, and there will be a world where no good or evil can exist."

"Is that what you attempted ten years ago?" I asked. "Engulf the world in flames, destroy life on this planet?"

"Shall we look? You were there too." The darkness turned to flames and I covered my eyes. When I opened them I saw the carnage again. The city on fire and the smell of death. Collapsed buildings with no one crying out. They had all perished.

"Rikki!" I heard a voice. It was mine, ten years ago. I was curled up in a ball crying, just as I had done the night I killed my sister. We got into an argument, I didn't want to abandon the mission in Fuyuki City though Rikki insisted after seeing what happened on the bridge. I knew now that the man in gold was Gilgamesh and the giant was Iskandar, but I didn't believe her at the time. I was focused on trying to evacuate people, but if a fifteen year old bangs on your door screaming bloody murder, you likely won't answer. My sister already ran away from the area, but I was convinced she had perished when I saw the flames.

"No. Don't leave me. I'm sorry. Damn I was wrong. Rikki, I'm sorry. Don't leave me alone! I can't be alone." I was focusing, looking at myself in that moment, how I felt I had nothing left. But I heard gravel rustle in the distance. I turned and watched as a young Shirou stumbled. I already knew my past, and seeing that little boy, I wanted to know his. I followed him and began to hear a man screaming, his voice booming through the ash. I knew they couldn't see me since this was an illusion. I watched as Shirou fell and shortly after the man came and dug through the gravel, franticly looking for a living soul. I remembered that night I had put up a shield to protect a young boy, he just turned out to be Shirou Emiya.

"Why did you help him?" Angra Mainyu asked. "His future self almost killed you." I thought about that. How this was where Archer began. Maybe this was the Hell he saw in his mind. But watching Kiritsugu reach for him, it was like he had found something lost. As though even if he only met Shirou in that moment, he was his most valuable treasure in his life. If only I had known him by face instead of by bullet. But maybe this was a way of repayment after he had spared my sister and me. It reminded me of how I felt before, wanting to protect my family. Losing everything, I had not found peace, I still searched because the promises I made as a child in the McRemitz' garden had been destroyed.

"Back then I felt saving someone was important. Clearly he had a purpose. He helped his father." I replied.

"What do you see?" The voice asked, and I laughed lightly.

"A changed man." That was an easy answer. "One who found that after all his years of killing any life saved was a blessing." I turned away from the scene. "Even if I didn't do much for Shirou, at least he was able to be someone's light."

"You know you were supposed to die that night at the compound." The image shifted quickly. I still only heard his voice, Angra Mainyu had not taken a physical form. I turned again to see myself and Gilgamesh. I was an observer in the distance, and I remembered the emotion. The building on fire behind me, the disgust with myself, but something changed. I turned around to face him where I refused to five years ago. I watched as my former self fell, impaled by three phantasms, dead. I wasn't surprised, that night I told him he could kill me. Seeing this made me think that I just happened to fall on the right path. That now I was in a time where I had survived, and maybe that's why I pressed on.

"Somehow you slipped through the cracks of time." Angra Mainyu spoke, reiterating my thought.

"So. This must be a timeline where I live." I replied, he paused.

"Or this is your moment of death." He spat out. "You have seen a man with salvation and one with a black heart."

"The priest you mean?" I assumed he meant Kirei.

"Yes." He affirmed. "Now tell me, where you side?"

I took a moment but I felt it was clear, if I were to compare or favor Kiritsugu and Kirei. I walked over to my dead body, thinking about what I would have missed if I had not gone forward. I would have never continued to talk to Waver. Seen that not all mages were hungry for power. Importantly, without this war I would have never met Lancer. I would have missed so much if I had remained in that hatred, and now I was beginning to see the people who cared, and I felt sorry that Angra Mainyu never got the chance.

"Neither." I began. "In your time you saw a barrier that divided good and evil. But for me it is a balance. If I am entirely reliant on myself to save the world, I'll crumble. But, a black heart can never know kindness, so it will rot. Good and evil must exist within everyone, without that there is nothing human to them." I smiled, but the scene went black. I had pissed him off.

"What has this world taken from you? What have you taken from yourself? Your family, your friend." His voice paused. "Innocents."

I turned to see my younger self stabbing a woman. Another illusion. A rogue mage took her as a hostage but she had seen us cast spells and had to be eliminated. Rikki would always refuse to kill them and so I would bare the sin again and again. It was the only form of protection I could provide, and I was following orders.

"No witnesses. That was the code." I responded as I watched the woman fall lifeless to the ground. To see Rikki cry was hard. She was a sweet girl, kind and shy. I think she had just turned nine.

"Why must we kill?" My sister asked in her wary voice.

"It's our order, Rikki. We must follow it." I said cold. I was only fourteen. To think I already had the mind frame of a killer that was disheartening. It hurt me to say those words to her, but the cycle wasn't going to end because we didn't have a home or relatives to escape to. Even when I thought about finding the McRemitz family, I knew they'd want to avoid the Mages Association. If we found them, Augustus would find us, and then no one would have won.

But Waver told me that just because someone does terrible things doesn't mean they have to continuing doing them. I believed that now, and I wasn't going to become the vessel when I was just going to make more innocent lives suffer.

"Enough." I said. "I refuse to die now just to screw over the rest of the world."

"You don't have a choice." Angra Mainyu said. "Maybe you need a taste of my pain." The setting changed again in a flash. I should have expected this. It was the sparing dome at the compound. This was like a second home, where my sister and I would train.

The buzzer went off, which signaled the battles would begin but I was alone. There was no opponent but myself. It was a split second, but I felt like someone had pierced my right wrist. The blood ran down and the pain felt real, but I was breathing.

"No." I was frozen standing. The blood now running from my right leg and other wrist too. I spun and felt a burst through my chest. I screamed and fell to the ground. It was like my heart had just exploded, But I was still breathing even when I could see the blood from the wounds on the floor, but no marks on my body. My chest exploded again and I screamed again. I then felt a stab through my wrist, then one through each thigh. I had a bad feeling.

"What the hell is this?" I asked but then felt my insides churn as though they were ripped apart. I knew this death. It was how I killed Augustus, I cut him in half. I was screaming in pain. Though my body was still in one piece I rolled on the ground trying to calm the tension. But I had little reprieve, the injuries continued.

"How do their wounds feel?" Angra Mainyu asked. "All of the people you killed, you were quite the tactful murderess." I was feeling the pain of all the deaths, from Souichirou to my first kill. I was reliving that night at the compound, every mage I had stabbed through the throat and chest. The blood would rain down, each worse than the last and began to seep onto the floor. The guilt that I had tried to conceal was being released. These were lives I soiled, families I separated.

I forgot how when I used electricity with my magic, I had used the florescent lights to impale a hallway full of them. Continuous pain came in through my shoulder and out my side and felt endless. I managed to stand, my legs dragging through the pool of blood. I tried to focus and look for an exit, but it was no use, the pain was over powering and screaming was the only way to ease it. It's as though Angra Mainyu was waiting to see if I would embrace the pain or keep denying it.

"All of the blood you spilt. Imagine a world where no one will be here. You can help me to lead a new age of life. Birthed from blood." The voice echoed. I saw the blood began to flood the dome as I tried to go towards an exit. I was swimming in this now sea of blood. A pool I had made with my past actions. But it was an illusion. I had to remember Waver was somewhere on the other side waiting, and though it would haunt my sleep I tried to forget. But this was part of my past I was facing it now. I truly understood how they felt, that I was accountable for all their deaths.

I was a killer, but that was because I was trained to be. To see people as targets instead of a life. If you are taught as a child that this is the norm, that you must kill all of the bad mages or you will be punished, then you will obey. At least that is what Augustus would tell us. We were his experiments, and this reminded me of how I was treated by him. Our suffering was his pleasure, if we misbehaved, refused to complete a mission to the full, he would simply detach and reattach a magic circuit. Remind us that without our magic we had no identity. We would just be two orphaned little girls with nothing.

As the blood rose to my neck, I became scared. I was going to sink in the crimson sea of my victims. The only thing I could think about was how even with all my transgressions, I had men who saw and understood. Waver saw my smarts, and that I was more than a mage who killed. He was patient and gave me time to recover. But Lancer understood the pain of taking a life of a loved one more than once. Together, they both showed me that heroes are not just from legend. And knowing Waver was here, somewhere in this darkness meant I would find him. And I was sure Lancer followed behind him. They weren't going to give up, so I needed to be strong for them now.

"No." I whispered. "I'm getting out of here."

I began to swim through the blood and as I approached the only door to the arena. But as I grew closer, I began to hear their screams. They grew louder and a force began to pull me back, it felt like multiple hands were grabbing onto me. I kept pushing forward, I had to ignore it.

"You may be strong in body, Hazel. But the regrets you have in your mind, the ones you've pushed aside to make room for kindness. That is your weakness." Angra Mainyu voiced.

I thought for a moment. All of these visions, it was as though he was waiting, trying to convince me. If he had infected the grail, why not kill me himself? I thought that these illusions were endless, but maybe it was because no one had died. That both Saber and Lancer were alive so the Holy Grail could not form. I had a chance to escape and I would take it.

"You… have no control… over me." I said, struggling to get to the handle. "You're stalling. That means… they are alive. No one… has won the grail." I grabbed the handle

"What, mage?" He asked.

"You…are weak." I said as I pulled on the handle. The door was stuck.

"Oh, am I?" The tone was disturbing, like he had a gruesome idea. "Then I have one more game for you."

"Is that so?" I questioned. I was confident I could escape now, the door was beginning to budge. I began to open it.

"Oh yes, that witch made this easy. And I have a catalyst right here."

"Catalyst?" I asked and realized I was awake, in reality. The mud surrounded us, but the circle was exposed. We were in a dome though my shield was not up. I saw Waver lying next to me as though he was asleep. His arm was reaching out to me with the cape piece in his hand. I grabbed it. It looked like he had been through his own hell.

"Waver, wake up. Please!" I said and after a moment he began to twitch his eyes. He opened them as he tried to get up on his own. I helped him the rest of the way and when I saw him look at me his smile had changed. Instead of one of affection it was content.

"Hey, Velvet." I spoke. I thought he would kiss me, but instead he latched onto me, and I hugged him back. At least I found him through all that mess.

"Hazel." He uttered, squeezing me tight. I was glad we were both okay but we needed to leave before anything else happened.

"We need to get out." I ordered. We had to take the chance for freedom. I grabbed his hand but he stopped.

"Wait." Waver replied.

I turned to him. "Waver. There's no time…"

"Why do I have these?" He asked showing me his hand. They were seals, but not the ones I had given him.

"I gave your seals to Rin so Lancer would have the mana to fight." He explained. I guess he had done this after I went off with Gilgamesh. But somehow Waver had been granted seals. The circle began to glow and I realized the locket was now in the center. This was a summoning circle. But how could this be? I paused thinking, if Caster summoned a Servant on her own that would mean…dammit.

"No!" I lunged for the locket but a force pushed me back. Waver held me as we watched to see what was on the other side.

I saw the Assassin Class Servant, and I knew who it was. The bastard knew this would get to me.

"Baz." I said. Waver saw me freeze. I didn't want to kill her now. Without hesitation, Waver threw himself in front of me, pressing me against the edge of the dome.

"Bazett, I command you to kill yourse…." Before Waver finished the command, he was punched in his back and thrown. I heard a snap but was unsure where on his body.

"Waver!" I screamed, trying to get to him and was stopped. Before I could reach him, Bazett charged me and punched my stomach. I landed against the edge of the dome. To see her again shocked me. I couldn't think straight, she looked as I expected, but her eyes were red with anger. She was furious like that night.

Waver couldn't move from the floor, he was cringing in pain, his screams were unnatural. I understood he was unaware of my situation, and I wasn't able to help. He did not know that I had just felt everyone die. I didn't care about killing anymore, I just wanted truth. I knew he would want me to fight but that was something that I couldn't do now. She was back and I needed to know her pain.

"No." I said to Baz. "This isn't you." I stood up and crossed my arms in front of my face to guard myself. I wasn't going to hit her, or even use magic. I didn't want to. She was stronger and I was weak after having my memories picked apart. Though I felt mana flowing through my body, I was sick of throwing punches. I wanted to talk like that one night.

She saw what I was doing and began to punch me on the sides so I'd let down my defense. She landed three good head shots. I could feel the blood running from my nose as one after another she hit my face. This was real, I could taste the salt in my blood. Even after I had just felt everyone beat me up with how they died, this was worse to face someone again. Especially her being it was personal. I fell to the ground landing in the center of the circle. The locket laid beside me and I held the chain between my fingers, just as Waver did with the cape piece.

"Then you have forgotten me." Baz said. "I waited, but you never came back. My only true friend murdered other mages, just like she murdered me!" Did she not know? Did she not understand what I had planned to do with my wish?

"This whole time, I've vowed to grant your wish." I replied, clinging to the chain tightly.

"Liar!" She screamed. I was coughing blood now. Though this wasn't the worst beating I received, it defiantly held the most heartbreak. Even when I fought my sister, my mindset was different. I was convinced I was alone. That when I killed someone they were gone. But this was worse. I had not seen what she had lived through, but she needed to know that this war was not easy for me.

"Lancer and I have fought to the verge of death to win the grail." I said. She was on top of me now, straddling my chest. I was pinned to the ground as she continued beating my face.

"I don't care." She said. I knew that was false. If this kept up I would be unconscious again. Angra Mainyu would come back. I needed to stop her somehow.

"I wondered about bringing you back, but if this is the only Bazett that can survive, then you're not really her." She stopped but the fury in her eyes remained.

"I am Bazett Fraga McRemitz, Master to Lancer in the Fifth Holy Grail War. Murdered by Hazel Matterhorn." I couldn't hold out like this for much longer. All of these wounds made me think about how I was who the Mages Association claimed me to be. I was a murderess, a vagabond, a beast. I deserved this pain and unfortunately the world would experience it as well. I had been lucky so far to survive, maybe it was time to realize my defeat was approaching. My only request now before accepting my fate here was to know how she lived her last fifteen years.

"Show me what happened." I whispered.

"You ruined everything." She said in a venomous tone.

"Then show me Baz!" I demanded, staring into her eyes. "I want to know how it came to this." She waited a moment then threw another punch that landed into the floor next to my head. I looked at Waver, he wasn't moving his body. He was trying to hold back his screams but it was no use. He'd go down with me, unfortunately.

"Fine. See it for yourself." She placed her hand on my chest then traced a design with her finger over the center where the locket would dangle. She drew a Rune on my skin. It burned as I closed my eyes again, preparing to see how my childhood friend became my enemy.