Chapter Thirty-Five

Adam leaned back against the headboard of the bed, the covers pulled up to his waist. He appeared to be reading a book, but after he'd read the same paragraph for the fourth time, he stopped trying. A smile slowly consumed his face as he thought about Shiloh's private side. She certainly didn't hide her thoughts in her day-to-day life, but here in private with him, she was even more open with her feelings in that she let him see her completely naked, certainly outside, but more importantly inside. She didn't hide anything from him here, and hadn't since their last night in Santa Cruz on their honeymoon.

Shiloh had changed Abel's diaper and fed him his last meal of the day before she excused herself to the washroom. Now when she came out, she wore a light silk robe tied loosely at her waist. She'd entered the room so quietly, he didn't hear her, giving her the chance to consider this man with whom she shared her bed. When they had first been married, she hadn't considered his rugged good looks. After all, she'd known him all her life, and he was...Adam...the same familiar Adam. Then she learned how he could make her feel, and in the beginning that was enough. Now he was there in the bed, his upper half bare, and his bottom half covered only by a blanket. She felt her knees weaken as she considered him, his thick black curls always on the verge of escaping the efforts of his grooming, the smooth tanned skin of his face and neck, encroached only by dark stubble thwarted each day by his razor, his striking hazel eyes, eyes that could see right through her protected by eyelashes she envied, the exquisite curve of his lips from which eloquence flowed and instruments of ecstasy when used otherwise, muscled shoulders and equally strong arms that not only aroused her, but equally made her feel safe. Then there was his broad chest covered with soft, black hair, and his long, graceful fingers, extensions of elegant hands that could hold her so forcefully, yet float over her skin so tenderly. She'd never seen another man's bare legs, but his were strong and well-proportioned, along with his back...side.

She looked away with a blushing smile.

He was a beautiful man in the truest sense of the word. He certainly attracted roving female eyes. She'd seen it more than once. But they would never really know the beauty within. He was unquestionably not perfect. He had his temper. He wasn't completely infallible. But he was a good man with a genuinely good heart, and he made her feel...cherished.

A tear escaped her eye as her hand rose and softly covered her mouth at the acknowledgement of what she'd come to know. He owned her heart...her soul.

Still, there were times when she felt he considered her a lesser being. In the beginning he had promised they would be partners in every way. Yet he hadn't trusted her with his plans for the bullion.

Adam noticed her at the same time she looked away and continued to watch as her demeanor changed. Laying his book on his lap, he looked closer. "Are you crying?" he asked softly.

"Of course not," she almost whispered, quickly gathering her wits about her. Laying his book on the bed table, he moved the blanket back. "Come to bed."

He followed her with his eyes as she approached the bed while letting her robe silently fall to the floor. Even though she had given him a child, he appreciated her loveliness. She was still a desirable young woman who had only blossomed more with motherhood.

As she lay down on the bed next to him, he moved the blanket over her, staying over her and moving his arms around her. Reaching toward the lamp on the night table, he lowered the wick, changing the light in the room from a dim yellow glow to soft gray as the fog rolling in outside the window scattered the moonlight.

With a delicate tickle of his tongue on her lips, he coaxed her mouth open, then settled in for a succession of light kisses that eventually would send her hands slowly gliding over the skin of his arms and shoulders. But this time there were no soft moans, no whispers of his name, no fingers sinking into his hair. He moved to his side, laid his head on the pillow, and pulled her to her side facing him. When he drew her close, she didn't look into his eyes as she normally would when they were nose to nose in the bed.

"Is it the house?"

She responded by closing her eyes.

"The bullion?"

When her eyes popped open and looked into his, he knew the answer. "Just say what's on your mind," he coaxed.

"You didn't feel you could share your plans to move the bullion with me. You don't trust me." Her voice held hurt, certainly disappointment as her eyes moved away from his.

Moving his hand to the side of her neck with his thumb under her chin, he gently lifted her face so that her eyes where level with his. "It had nothing to do with trust. The robberies that had been reported before we left were all on stagecoaches. It was safe to assume they were only after the bullion moving between Virginia City and San Francisco, so I wasn't about to trust the stage line with our bullion. I had intended to avoid the stagecoaches, but the late start from Strawberry put us right behind them."

"I understand that. What I don't understand is why you didn't tell me I was sitting on it. With Abel."

"Because what you don't know usually can't hurt you where robberies are concerned."

She looked away. In the past they had had conversations about protection, her argument being that she didn't need it or want it while his was simply that it was what men...husbands do. And sometime after that discussion she had lain on a bed in Dr. Martin's surgery and begged her husband to keep Will Stewart away from her. After that, there had been the trouble with the wolves when she had cowered in his arms while he was protecting her...them.

"Sweetheart, besides the fact you were caring for Abel, you are not at your best in the confines of a coach. I didn't want to add to your..." he lightly shrugged, "...anxiety." Raising his head to see her eyes, he added, "As it was, there was no harm. They didn't find it."

"Even if they had, I don't believe they'd have done us any harm. The man on the horse seemed to be a gentleman," she said while curling his chest hair around her finger.

Nodding, Adam said, "In that respect, we were lucky. Most men who rob stagecoaches would just as soon take whatever they find of value and leave no witnesses." He carefully took her hand and flattened it on his chest. "It's not completely unheard of for them to take infants."

Furrowing her brow, she asked, "Whatever for?"

He moved his hand to stroke her hair. "To sell. There are people who can't have children of their own. A baby isn't going to remember where he came from."

Dismay took over her face, and she rolled away from him, but he settled in against her back, moving his arms around her and resting his head next to hers so that his mouth was at her ear. "Protecting you and Abel was Keith's responsibility. That's why he disappeared when we were stopped. He had a rifle ready to shoot anyone who dared to touch you." He felt her exhale. "What else?" Met with silence, he asked, "The house?"

Entwining her fingers with his, she replied, "The house is fine. And I appreciate you thinking of my comfort. I just prefer to see what's coming at me before it smacks me in the face."

"Then I would never be able to surprise you," he said with a grin, gently pushing her shoulder down so that she lay on her back again. He picked up where he left off at her lips. It took longer than usual as she was still mildly perturbed, but eventually all the familiar signs, her tender caresses, her lips lightly touching his skin, and her quiet moans and sudden quiet breaths when he touched her just so were present, telling him she wanted him as much as he wanted her.

Once their mutual desires were sated, a restful sleep overcame the two exhausted lovers, but both were awake before Abel made his morning proclamations.

Shiloh lay sleepily on her back, wearing a smile as she let Adam go wherever he wanted without any objection from her. She giggled when his head popped up over hers.

"Good morning," he whispered with a smile. Before she could answer, his lips were on hers.

"Mm." Laughing again, she followed with another, "Mm. Adam. Adam."

Diving into her neck, he responded, "Mm hm."

"I want to have another baby."

Adam stopped where he was, staying silent for a moment before he slowly raised his head to look into her eyes. "Considering the trouble you had with Abel, isn't it too soon? He isn't even six months old yet."

"He's close enough, but that's beside the point. As soon as I'm able, I want to have another one."

With a slight grimace, Adam rose up on his arms and moved to the side of the bed. He continued to the wardrobe and opened it. "I have to meet with Hiram today about the court case, and then I'm meeting Robert about the Jackson Square project and some houses he has contracts for."

Shiloh slowly sat up against the headboard suddenly feeling exposed, though mostly internally. Adam's reaction troubled her. Grabbing the blanket, she covered herself.

Adam already had his trousers on, though unbuttoned, and reached into the wardrobe for a shirt.

"Why don't you want to talk about this?" she asked quietly.

Letting his head fall back as he took a deep breath and released it, he turned to face her with a red shirt in hand. "There's really no point in discussing it until it's a possibility, is there?" he asked with raised brows as he shrugged on his shirt and began to button it.

"Adam, you've always talked about our children, as in more than one. Have you changed your mind?"

Seeing the look of desperation on her face, he smiled lovingly. "Of course not."

"Then why can't we talk about it?" When he didn't immediately answer, she thought back to something he'd said before about waiting to discuss it until there was a possibility. And they'd been making love for months now with no worry on his part. "How did you know it's probably not going to happen now? I didn't even know until Annie told me." She gave him a sidelong look as he sat on the side of the bed to pull on his socks and boots. "Did Paul tell you?"

He tensed at the question. He wouldn't lie to her. "No," he answered quietly without looking back at her.

"Annie?"

From her tone of her voice, he could imagine the spark in her eyes, but still he couldn't lie to her. This time, he only nodded.

"Did you ask her or did she just happen to mention it?"

The spark in her eyes ignited, and he knew he had to do something to put it out. "Does it matter? I know. Isn't that enough?"

He knew in an instant it wasn't enough when she bowed her head and clenched her teeth. In almost the same moment, she threw off the blanket and bolted out of the bed, heading toward the washroom.

"Shiloh," he called as he followed her.

She tried to close and lock the door, but he pushed through. "What exactly are you angry about?"

With her back to him she answered, "Why did you ask her? And why didn't she tell me you asked?" Turning to face him, she continued, "Why wasn't I involved in a conversation about me?"

His brow curved in concern. "She probably didn't think she needed to tell you since she'd already had the same conversation with you."

She calmed down a bit. "What about you? You intended to go behind my back, didn't you. Did she know you weren't going to tell me you'd spoken to her?"

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he remained silent. He understood why she thought they had both betrayed her. Worse yet, she had no idea why he'd asked the question in the first place. He reached for her, but she backed away, wrapping her arms around herself.

Bowing her head and covering her mouth with her hand, she was afraid to ask her original question. But she did. "Why did you ask her?"

"Sweetheart, you could've died. I won't lose you like that. And it would be unfair to Abel...unfair to another child if he survived and you didn't." By this time, he was in front of her with his hands on her arms.

"But you said you wanted children," she whispered.

"I do. All I'm saying is that we need to think about what might happen before we decide."

It was as if her breath, her mental faculties had been knocked out off her. "Before we decide? Don't you want me to have your children?" she choked out as she tried to push away from him.

He grimaced at his poor choice of words and answered calmly, his voice soothing. "Of course I want you to have my children. But at the same time, I don't want to lose you. When the time comes, we'll talk to Paul..."

"Paul is not my doctor! Have you forgotten what he wanted to do?"

"And Annie," he added quickly. There's nothing wrong with two opinions about whether there's any danger of the same thing happening." Pulling her into his arms, he moved her head against his chest and cradled it in one hand. "We have time, Sweetheart," he said quietly. "There's no point in getting upset about this now. You'll torment yourself for the next six months."

She sniffled. "I don't know how you think I'll be able to forget about it."

"Oh, I think there's someone who'll keep your mind off of it," he said, and right on cue, Abel announced he had awakened and required attention.

She started toward the door, but Adam held her. When she looked up at him, he gazed warmly into her eyes before he kissed her lightly, lingering at her lips for a moment before he released her.

Walking through the bedroom to the nursery, her only thought was how she could possibly forget when it was Abel who inspired her to want another baby. She'd missed so much of all the changes when she was carrying him. She hadn't appreciated him as much as she should have...or could have if she hadn't been so helpless those first few months.